Maybe I am not a good philosopher, I know for a fact I am a dumb bitch for self-funding an MA. I spent the whole summer working on my application closely with my thesis advisors. Spending my evenings attending Champaign-Urbana's Aspire program just to reject me but accept someone from my program who applied on a whim. I do wish to die now.
I had made my peace a while back, what hurts is the sudden shift from scholastic work to retail labor. I understand the low chance of admittance. I am finished with my MA and I return to the workforce as something I did not wish for.
Same, even though I am on strong antidepressants I am starting to cry. I feel like a damned fool, wasted my time chasing dreams for noting to bear fruit.
I spent the whole fucking summer doing applicant seminars for different programs. My sample will be getting published in May and 2 of my LoR are top hume and sellars scholars.