LJK

My roommates and I just discussed this. We decided that you don't say anything. You give them a hug, a pint of Ben & Jerry's, and complete control of the remote for the day/night.

I concur with a lot of the advice that has been given, so I won't repeat it. Something that hasn't been directly discussed is learning the difference between undergrad and grad school. It is monumental. I didn't go through the whole application process to get into my master's program so you all are probably further ahead than I was straight out of undergrad. I had a vague understanding that graduate school was about research but I didn't really truly get it until I was in my current program for 3/4s of a year. I have been told many times: if there comes a time when you have to choose between anything and research, choose research. While there are of course non-academic exceptions such as family, friends, etc., the main idea here is that graduate school is 98% about research and becoming a competent researcher. If you have a class assignment, a somewhat flexible TA responsibility, a guest lecture, whatever, to do but you really need that time to do something critical to your research, do the research. If making steady progress on your research means doing B work in your courses, do B work. This does not usually jive with the way you are supposed to approach school as an undergrad and it takes time to really figure that out - I heard it many times before I really 'got it.'


Also, read. Read, Read, Read. You are embarking on a career where you trade in ideas and you need to know what ideas are out there. Find ways to connect your seemingly unrelated coursework to your research interests. Choose paper topics that help with understanding your own research better. In researching profs to apply to, you probably already started to build a web of how researchers are networked together - who worked with whom, which researchers collaborate, what the 'camps' are relative to your interests. Keep building that understanding. Know who is at which school. Occasionally take the time to go look at the latest research coming out of labs of researchers you think are cool. Or you think are kind of crazy. Get a feel for the sub-field politics as you are getting a feel for the department politics as IRdreams suggests. Research is about facts and ideas but as with all human pursuits it is heavily influenced by the human relationships of the people doing the research. You quickly want to learn to index ideas to people citation style.

Finally, try to make friends with other graduate students who aren't in your department. Your department peers can be great as colleagues and friends. You will definitely want to pursue that angle, but non-department grad friends can give you something different. They know what grad school is like, they have that understanding, but they are outside your department's politics. You can speak freely with them about the people in your department because they don't have any vested interest in whatever is going on. It can be a huge relief

I concur with a lot of the advice that has been given, so I won't repeat it. Something that hasn't been directly discussed is learning the difference between undergrad and grad school. It is monumental. I didn't go through the whole application process to get into my master's program so you all are probably further ahead than I was straight out of undergrad. I had a vague understanding that graduate school was about research but I didn't really truly get it until I was in my current program for 3/4s of a year. I have been told many times: if there comes a time when you have to choose between anything and research, choose research. While there are of course non-academic exceptions such as family, friends, etc., the main idea here is that graduate school is 98% about research and becoming a competent researcher. If you have a class assignment, a somewhat flexible TA responsibility, a guest lecture, whatever, to do but you really need that time to do something critical to your research, do the research. If making steady progress on your research means doing B work in your courses, do B work. This does not usually jive with the way you are supposed to approach school as an undergrad and it takes time to really figure that out - I heard it many times before I really 'got it.'


Also, read. Read, Read, Read. You are embarking on a career where you trade in ideas and you need to know what ideas are out there. Find ways to connect your seemingly unrelated coursework to your research interests. Choose paper topics that help with understanding your own research better. In researching profs to apply to, you probably already started to build a web of how researchers are networked together - who worked with whom, which researchers collaborate, what the 'camps' are relative to your interests. Keep building that understanding. Know who is at which school. Occasionally take the time to go look at the latest research coming out of labs of researchers you think are cool. Or you think are kind of crazy. Get a feel for the sub-field politics as you are getting a feel for the department politics as IRdreams suggests. Research is about facts and ideas but as with all human pursuits it is heavily influenced by the human relationships of the people doing the research. You quickly want to learn to index ideas to people citation style.

Finally, try to make friends with other graduate students who aren't in your department. Your department peers can be great as colleagues and friends. You will definitely want to pursue that angle, but non-department grad friends can give you something different. They know what grad school is like, they have that understanding, but they are outside your department's politics. You can speak freely with them about the people in your department because they don't have any vested interest in whatever is going on. It can be a huge relief

I concur with a lot of the advice that has been given, so I won't repeat it. Something that hasn't been directly discussed is learning the difference between undergrad and grad school. It is monumental. I didn't go through the whole application process to get into my master's program so you all are probably further ahead than I was straight out of undergrad. I had a vague understanding that graduate school was about research but I didn't really truly get it until I was in my current program for 3/4s of a year. I have been told many times: if there comes a time when you have to choose between anything and research, choose research. While there are of course non-academic exceptions such as family, friends, etc., the main idea here is that graduate school is 98% about research and becoming a competent researcher. If you have a class assignment, a somewhat flexible TA responsibility, a guest lecture, whatever, to do but you really need that time to do something critical to your research, do the research. If making steady progress on your research means doing B work in your courses, do B work. This does not usually jive with the way you are supposed to approach school as an undergrad and it takes time to really figure that out - I heard it many times before I really 'got it.'


Also, read. Read, Read, Read. You are embarking on a career where you trade in ideas and you need to know what ideas are out there. Find ways to connect your seemingly unrelated coursework to your research interests. Choose paper topics that help with understanding your own research better. In researching profs to apply to, you probably already started to build a web of how researchers are networked together - who worked with whom, which researchers collaborate, what the 'camps' are relative to your interests. Keep building that understanding. Know who is at which school. Occasionally take the time to go look at the latest research coming out of labs of researchers you think are cool. Or you think are kind of crazy. Get a feel for the sub-field politics as you are getting a feel for the department politics as IRdreams suggests. Research is about facts and ideas but as with all human pursuits it is heavily influenced by the human relationships of the people doing the research. You quickly want to learn to index ideas to people citation style.

Finally, try to make friends with other graduate students who aren't in your department. Your department peers can be great as colleagues and friends. You will definitely want to pursue that angle, but non-department grad friends can give you something different. They know what grad school is like, they have that understanding, but they are outside your department's politics. You can speak freely with them about the people in your department because they don't have any vested interest in whatever is going on. It can be a huge relief

I concur with a lot of the advice that has been given, so I won't repeat it. Something that hasn't been directly discussed is learning the difference between undergrad and grad school. It is monumental. I didn't go through the whole application process to get into my master's program so you all are probably further ahead than I was straight out of undergrad. I had a vague understanding that graduate school was about research but I didn't really truly get it until I was in my current program for 3/4s of a year. I have been told many times: if there comes a time when you have to choose between anything and research, choose research. While there are of course non-academic exceptions such as family, friends, etc., the main idea here is that graduate school is 98% about research and becoming a competent researcher. If you have a class assignment, a somewhat flexible TA responsibility, a guest lecture, whatever, to do but you really need that time to do something critical to your research, do the research. If making steady progress on your research means doing B work in your courses, do B work. This does not usually jive with the way you are supposed to approach school as an undergrad and it takes time to really figure that out - I heard it many times before I really 'got it.'


Also, read. Read, Read, Read. You are embarking on a career where you trade in ideas and you need to know what ideas are out there. Find ways to connect your seemingly unrelated coursework to your research interests. Choose paper topics that help with understanding your own research better. In researching profs to apply to, you probably already started to build a web of how researchers are networked together - who worked with whom, which researchers collaborate, what the 'camps' are relative to your interests. Keep building that understanding. Know who is at which school. Occasionally take the time to go look at the latest research coming out of labs of researchers you think are cool. Or you think are kind of crazy. Get a feel for the sub-field politics as you are getting a feel for the department politics as IRdreams suggests. Research is about facts and ideas but as with all human pursuits it is heavily influenced by the human relationships of the people doing the research. You quickly want to learn to index ideas to people citation style.

Finally, try to make friends with other graduate students who aren't in your department. Your department peers can be great as colleagues and friends. You will definitely want to pursue that angle, but non-department grad friends can give you something different. They know what grad school is like, they have that understanding, but they are outside your department's politics. You can speak freely with them about the people in your department because they don't have any vested interest in whatever is going on. It can be a huge relief

I concur with a lot of the advice that has been given, so I won't repeat it. Something that hasn't been directly discussed is learning the difference between undergrad and grad school. It is monumental. I didn't go through the whole application process to get into my master's program so you all are probably further ahead than I was straight out of undergrad. I had a vague understanding that graduate school was about research but I didn't really truly get it until I was in my current program for 3/4s of a year. I have been told many times: if there comes a time when you have to choose between anything and research, choose research. While there are of course non-academic exceptions such as family, friends, etc., the main idea here is that graduate school is 98% about research and becoming a competent researcher. If you have a class assignment, a somewhat flexible TA responsibility, a guest lecture, whatever, to do but you really need that time to do something critical to your research, do the research. If making steady progress on your research means doing B work in your courses, do B work. This does not usually jive with the way you are supposed to approach school as an undergrad and it takes time to really figure that out - I heard it many times before I really 'got it.'


Also, read. Read, Read, Read. You are embarking on a career where you trade in ideas and you need to know what ideas are out there. Find ways to connect your seemingly unrelated coursework to your research interests. Choose paper topics that help with understanding your own research better. In researching profs to apply to, you probably already started to build a web of how researchers are networked together - who worked with whom, which researchers collaborate, what the 'camps' are relative to your interests. Keep building that understanding. Know who is at which school. Occasionally take the time to go look at the latest research coming out of labs of researchers you think are cool. Or you think are kind of crazy. Get a feel for the sub-field politics as you are getting a feel for the department politics as IRdreams suggests. Research is about facts and ideas but as with all human pursuits it is heavily influenced by the human relationships of the people doing the research. You quickly want to learn to index ideas to people citation style.

Finally, try to make friends with other graduate students who aren't in your department. Your department peers can be great as colleagues and friends. You will definitely want to pursue that angle, but non-department grad friends can give you something different. They know what grad school is like, they have that understanding, but they are outside your department's politics. You can speak freely with them about the people in your department because they don't have any vested interest in whatever is going on. It can be a huge relief

I posted this on another moving thread I think: I got quoted over $4000 for a PODs move from PA to CA, but got quoted considerably less than $2000 for a full service move with movers and a couple months of storage (one month comes in the base price). I would have thought it would be the opposite, but I really don't mind having someone else do the heavy lifting and not having to lure friends over to get my mahogany furniture down from the 3rd floor You all may at least want to look into 'real' movers in addition to the do-it-yourself options.

My roommates and I just discussed this. We decided that you don't say anything. You give them a hug, a pint of Ben & Jerry's, and complete control of the remote for the day/night.

My roommates and I just discussed this. We decided that you don't say anything. You give them a hug, a pint of Ben & Jerry's, and complete control of the remote for the day/night.

My roommates and I just discussed this. We decided that you don't say anything. You give them a hug, a pint of Ben & Jerry's, and complete control of the remote for the day/night.

My roommates and I just discussed this. We decided that you don't say anything. You give them a hug, a pint of Ben & Jerry's, and complete control of the remote for the day/night.

My roommates and I just discussed this. We decided that you don't say anything. You give them a hug, a pint of Ben & Jerry's, and complete control of the remote for the day/night.

My roommates and I just discussed this. We decided that you don't say anything. You give them a hug, a pint of Ben & Jerry's, and complete control of the remote for the day/night.

My roommates and I just discussed this. We decided that you don't say anything. You give them a hug, a pint of Ben & Jerry's, and complete control of the remote for the day/night.

I would suggest telling your advisor that you would like to follow her, that you would like to have enough money to live off of in that city and that you would prefer to get your degree from the original school. Let her figure out what the logistics of that is - where the money will come from, etc. If it sounds like she won't be able to swing that, then ask about doing the visiting RA thing. I don't think going in with detailed plans of money coming from this source, these other faculty needing to be involved and on board, etc will be helpful.

Decide what your wish list is. I think you have already started, but formalize it to organize your own thoughts. What is the absolutely most important thing to you? Continuing to work with your advisor? Continuing to work with your advisor in close proximity? Keeping your committee? Make a ranked list so you know what you want most and what you are most willing to compromise on.

And regardless of what happens, it sounds like you will be in a good situation! You either are in a comfortable, familiar place with access to your advisor and opportunity to strike up new collaborations with other profs, or are going to be in a completely different place/country/system where everything but the research and advisor is brand new. Since your advisor seems to care and is taking your needs into account, I don't think you can really lose here.

My roommates and I just discussed this. We decided that you don't say anything. You give them a hug, a pint of Ben & Jerry's, and complete control of the remote for the day/night.

Contact your university's counseling center by phone or email - explain that you can't be there during normal office hours but you really need help - they will find a way to help you! There are likely community hot lines and resources out there that will help you get the help you need - perhaps even give you a ride to meet with someone. Its great that you are reaching out to us here on the GradCafe, but due to the nature of the forum, none of us are able to give you the kind of help you really need. Please get that help! Life is worth living! When you suggest that you are not strong enough to do harm to yourself, that indicates what a bad place you are truly in - strong people live, deal with the crap life throws their way, and find a way to make their lives better! Have the strength to ask for help from people around you, that is the first step out of what sounds like a horrible situation.

Contact your university's counseling center by phone or email - explain that you can't be there during normal office hours but you really need help - they will find a way to help you! There are likely community hot lines and resources out there that will help you get the help you need - perhaps even give you a ride to meet with someone. Its great that you are reaching out to us here on the GradCafe, but due to the nature of the forum, none of us are able to give you the kind of help you really need. Please get that help! Life is worth living! When you suggest that you are not strong enough to do harm to yourself, that indicates what a bad place you are truly in - strong people live, deal with the crap life throws their way, and find a way to make their lives better! Have the strength to ask for help from people around you, that is the first step out of what sounds like a horrible situation.

First of all, while I wouldn't be that blunt, I think it is more than acceptable for you to be clear about your career goals. If you have a good advisor or even good relationships with other professors in the department, when teaching related opportunities come up that can build your CV for schools that are looking for teaching focused faculty, they can send them your way. You also won't get anyone good intentionally giving you non-teaching roles in your funding jobs (presuming you have funding) thinking they are giving you a better role.

But, given your teaching focus, I would say the way to learn to love/like/tolerate research is to acknowledge how it can make you a better teacher. Research is how the knowledge you will be passing on to your students is created. Knowledge seems to just be fact early in education - by the time students are in college, they should be learning that knowledge is constructed - and is only as good as the assumptions it is built on. Maybe that won't make some of the more arduous and/or tedious tasks better, but if you return to thinking big picture on occasion about how your own understanding of knowledge and of your chosen field is growing and developing, and how that can help you to become a better teacher, maybe that will help you get through. Even for those of us who are research focused, I think that it is the big picture - contributing to a field, creating new knowledge - that drives us, not innate pleasure in every research related task. Personally, I am most excited about the research; teaching is this mildly scary thing that could very well become a major part of my life that I have no real idea whether I will enjoy!

First of all, while I wouldn't be that blunt, I think it is more than acceptable for you to be clear about your career goals. If you have a good advisor or even good relationships with other professors in the department, when teaching related opportunities come up that can build your CV for schools that are looking for teaching focused faculty, they can send them your way. You also won't get anyone good intentionally giving you non-teaching roles in your funding jobs (presuming you have funding) thinking they are giving you a better role.

But, given your teaching focus, I would say the way to learn to love/like/tolerate research is to acknowledge how it can make you a better teacher. Research is how the knowledge you will be passing on to your students is created. Knowledge seems to just be fact early in education - by the time students are in college, they should be learning that knowledge is constructed - and is only as good as the assumptions it is built on. Maybe that won't make some of the more arduous and/or tedious tasks better, but if you return to thinking big picture on occasion about how your own understanding of knowledge and of your chosen field is growing and developing, and how that can help you to become a better teacher, maybe that will help you get through. Even for those of us who are research focused, I think that it is the big picture - contributing to a field, creating new knowledge - that drives us, not innate pleasure in every research related task. Personally, I am most excited about the research; teaching is this mildly scary thing that could very well become a major part of my life that I have no real idea whether I will enjoy!

Hi ekans,
I think that this quoted paragraph reveals some misconceptions/generalizations you have in your head that don't necessarily reflect reality.
First of all, not all undergraduates are drinking/clubbing/partying machines. I didn't drink until I was 21 and only regularly when I was 22 - I was older than most of my friends and wasn't going to drink alone. Instead, we were the kind of people who showed up to and even ran university events. There are plenty of undergraduates out there who had a similar mindset to you in undergrad and I know I wouldn't have a problem with being friends with them now even a few years into grad school. I won't rule all undergraduates out based on not particularly liking the loudest and rowdiest.
Second, why in the world are you, a 19 year old almost grad student, convinced that you aren't as smart as the undergrads at your grad institution?!? That is a truly bizarre lack of confidence from my point of view. If you think an ivy education would be important to these people, I'm guessing that means you are attending an ivy for grad school? So you will be getting your phd from an ivy but you don't think that you can be on par with people getting BAs from the same institution? I think this lack of confidence is what you need to work on. I'm sure that you are fantastic in many ways, have your insecurities like everyone, and probably have your share of social awkwardness like the rest of us. You need to own who you are and not put too much value in something like where your undergrad happened. I think this was the only part of your post that screamed immature at me - most of my 'owning' of myself and who I am has happened 21+. I don't mean that cruelly at all - social and personal development progress somewhat independently of academic development and it can be seen in the way you are approaching this issue. It is fine that you aren't as mature as a 22+ graduate, but I think that could be a social limitation for you with more mature graduate students who are past these issues, at least at this level of concern.
For you, I think having a mix of grad and undergrad friends may actually be best. Socially and academically you are at different places of development and there isn't likely to be many people in a similar circumstance. Having a range of friends who relate with different parts of your life could be a really good thing for you. Join clubs that interest you regardless of whether they are undergrad or grad. I know it will feel awkward for you to not quite fit age-wise with the grads and to not quite fit academic-standing wise with the undergrads but that also means that you are uniquely in the position of having a claim on both groups. Don't shut out potential friends just because they didn't skip a few years of school! Maybe look particularly for a club or two that already has a mixture of grads and undergrads in it - you wouldn't be an outlier but a bridge crosser in that situation!

Anyway, hope that helps and good luck!

I would suggest telling your advisor that you would like to follow her, that you would like to have enough money to live off of in that city and that you would prefer to get your degree from the original school. Let her figure out what the logistics of that is - where the money will come from, etc. If it sounds like she won't be able to swing that, then ask about doing the visiting RA thing. I don't think going in with detailed plans of money coming from this source, these other faculty needing to be involved and on board, etc will be helpful.

Decide what your wish list is. I think you have already started, but formalize it to organize your own thoughts. What is the absolutely most important thing to you? Continuing to work with your advisor? Continuing to work with your advisor in close proximity? Keeping your committee? Make a ranked list so you know what you want most and what you are most willing to compromise on.

And regardless of what happens, it sounds like you will be in a good situation! You either are in a comfortable, familiar place with access to your advisor and opportunity to strike up new collaborations with other profs, or are going to be in a completely different place/country/system where everything but the research and advisor is brand new. Since your advisor seems to care and is taking your needs into account, I don't think you can really lose here.

I would suggest telling your advisor that you would like to follow her, that you would like to have enough money to live off of in that city and that you would prefer to get your degree from the original school. Let her figure out what the logistics of that is - where the money will come from, etc. If it sounds like she won't be able to swing that, then ask about doing the visiting RA thing. I don't think going in with detailed plans of money coming from this source, these other faculty needing to be involved and on board, etc will be helpful.

Decide what your wish list is. I think you have already started, but formalize it to organize your own thoughts. What is the absolutely most important thing to you? Continuing to work with your advisor? Continuing to work with your advisor in close proximity? Keeping your committee? Make a ranked list so you know what you want most and what you are most willing to compromise on.

And regardless of what happens, it sounds like you will be in a good situation! You either are in a comfortable, familiar place with access to your advisor and opportunity to strike up new collaborations with other profs, or are going to be in a completely different place/country/system where everything but the research and advisor is brand new. Since your advisor seems to care and is taking your needs into account, I don't think you can really lose here.

Hi ekans,
I think that this quoted paragraph reveals some misconceptions/generalizations you have in your head that don't necessarily reflect reality.
First of all, not all undergraduates are drinking/clubbing/partying machines. I didn't drink until I was 21 and only regularly when I was 22 - I was older than most of my friends and wasn't going to drink alone. Instead, we were the kind of people who showed up to and even ran university events. There are plenty of undergraduates out there who had a similar mindset to you in undergrad and I know I wouldn't have a problem with being friends with them now even a few years into grad school. I won't rule all undergraduates out based on not particularly liking the loudest and rowdiest.
Second, why in the world are you, a 19 year old almost grad student, convinced that you aren't as smart as the undergrads at your grad institution?!? That is a truly bizarre lack of confidence from my point of view. If you think an ivy education would be important to these people, I'm guessing that means you are attending an ivy for grad school? So you will be getting your phd from an ivy but you don't think that you can be on par with people getting BAs from the same institution? I think this lack of confidence is what you need to work on. I'm sure that you are fantastic in many ways, have your insecurities like everyone, and probably have your share of social awkwardness like the rest of us. You need to own who you are and not put too much value in something like where your undergrad happened. I think this was the only part of your post that screamed immature at me - most of my 'owning' of myself and who I am has happened 21+. I don't mean that cruelly at all - social and personal development progress somewhat independently of academic development and it can be seen in the way you are approaching this issue. It is fine that you aren't as mature as a 22+ graduate, but I think that could be a social limitation for you with more mature graduate students who are past these issues, at least at this level of concern.
For you, I think having a mix of grad and undergrad friends may actually be best. Socially and academically you are at different places of development and there isn't likely to be many people in a similar circumstance. Having a range of friends who relate with different parts of your life could be a really good thing for you. Join clubs that interest you regardless of whether they are undergrad or grad. I know it will feel awkward for you to not quite fit age-wise with the grads and to not quite fit academic-standing wise with the undergrads but that also means that you are uniquely in the position of having a claim on both groups. Don't shut out potential friends just because they didn't skip a few years of school! Maybe look particularly for a club or two that already has a mixture of grads and undergrads in it - you wouldn't be an outlier but a bridge crosser in that situation!

Anyway, hope that helps and good luck!

Hi ekans,
I think that this quoted paragraph reveals some misconceptions/generalizations you have in your head that don't necessarily reflect reality.
First of all, not all undergraduates are drinking/clubbing/partying machines. I didn't drink until I was 21 and only regularly when I was 22 - I was older than most of my friends and wasn't going to drink alone. Instead, we were the kind of people who showed up to and even ran university events. There are plenty of undergraduates out there who had a similar mindset to you in undergrad and I know I wouldn't have a problem with being friends with them now even a few years into grad school. I won't rule all undergraduates out based on not particularly liking the loudest and rowdiest.
Second, why in the world are you, a 19 year old almost grad student, convinced that you aren't as smart as the undergrads at your grad institution?!? That is a truly bizarre lack of confidence from my point of view. If you think an ivy education would be important to these people, I'm guessing that means you are attending an ivy for grad school? So you will be getting your phd from an ivy but you don't think that you can be on par with people getting BAs from the same institution? I think this lack of confidence is what you need to work on. I'm sure that you are fantastic in many ways, have your insecurities like everyone, and probably have your share of social awkwardness like the rest of us. You need to own who you are and not put too much value in something like where your undergrad happened. I think this was the only part of your post that screamed immature at me - most of my 'owning' of myself and who I am has happened 21+. I don't mean that cruelly at all - social and personal development progress somewhat independently of academic development and it can be seen in the way you are approaching this issue. It is fine that you aren't as mature as a 22+ graduate, but I think that could be a social limitation for you with more mature graduate students who are past these issues, at least at this level of concern.
For you, I think having a mix of grad and undergrad friends may actually be best. Socially and academically you are at different places of development and there isn't likely to be many people in a similar circumstance. Having a range of friends who relate with different parts of your life could be a really good thing for you. Join clubs that interest you regardless of whether they are undergrad or grad. I know it will feel awkward for you to not quite fit age-wise with the grads and to not quite fit academic-standing wise with the undergrads but that also means that you are uniquely in the position of having a claim on both groups. Don't shut out potential friends just because they didn't skip a few years of school! Maybe look particularly for a club or two that already has a mixture of grads and undergrads in it - you wouldn't be an outlier but a bridge crosser in that situation!

Anyway, hope that helps and good luck!