MoJingly

Trust me. I live in New York. They tax the air you breathe. If they can tax you, they will.

this is true. Sometimes you can come off much differently than you feel. Communication is always good. You've come far. Keep plugging!

Actually, no. Pathology. I should probably change that on my profile.

I'm all alone! ha. It's ok. I already know a few people.

Anyone? Anyone? Future cohort? I will be there!

Going to bump this because I just downloaded Lux. It's awesome! Immediate relief.

I mean, you are! This is nothing short of a relationship. I just made an appointment for my first house showing tomorrow. What big life stuff! Aaaaaah

I agree. It's April. Time to know. EDIT: I mean, you know, almost April

I would say that if you really want to go to those schools you are still waiting on, then give them a little longer. But if you find that you are waiting just "for the heck of it" like I was, then just make the decision. I felt weird making a commitment before I heard back from that last school, but then I realized that I probably wouldn't have gone there anyway. The things in my resume that school B thought were downfalls were actually pointed out by school A as an advantage (most specifically, the fact that I got my undergrad degree in music). Kalapocska was right, mutual love is important! Hypothetically, if I would have been accepted and attended school B, I would have been starting off with harsh feelings anyway. Not a good way to do it. I woke up this morning and still felt good about my decision. I've actually been researching buying a home near my new school since the cost of living is so cheap. Such fun things to think about now!

OK! So. Today I accepted an offer at a school I'm very excited about. They seem to be excited about me, too, because they offered me a pretty prestigious fellowship. It was icing on the cake. This school let me know their decision FOUR DAYS after I interviewed. I thought, "whoa. These guys are on top of things." I only applied to two schools, and to tell you the truth, this one I accepted wasn't my first choice in the beginning. Then came the visit. The school that I THOUGHT was my first choice didn't turn out to be the well-oiled machine like the other. They kept lying to me, telling me I would hear my decision in a "few days" or "by the end of the week." It was always a different answer, and it was a two-month saga that exhausted me. This morning I emailed and asked one final time. Then I thought to myself (after consideration of much of the advice floating on GradCafe), if this school accepted me, would I go there? And when I realized that the true answer was NO, I just went ahead and accepted the offer to the school that wants me. I gave both schools a lot of thought, made pro/con lists, slept on it for months, and arrived at my decision. Hooray! Fast forward to tonight. I'm sitting here doodling online and celebrating life when my inbox flares. (of course, right? it always happens that way). The adcomm apologized for taking so long to get back to me, and then asked me a bunch of questions about their concerns with my application. "what are you going to do when things get tough?" "Are you sure you have the passion for this?" I mean, seriously? If these were the issues that prevented you from giving me a decision, why didn't you ask me sooner? Why keep lying and saying you are making a decision, and only respond to me after ignoring me for so long? It's... practically April. I predict they were waiting to hear back from other students before deciding if they should investigate me more, but I wish they would have been more upfront about it. I spent two months going through whiplash and not knowing what was going on. I guess the point is that it doesn't matter. I responded with a kind email saying that, while I certainly have the passion necessary for their program, I accepted another offer earlier today. It felt good. I finally have closure. Now I can move on with my life! I just needed to tell this story because, well, I needed to share with people I knew would understand! You guys on the GradCafe have been an invaluable resource for me. I so appreciate the laughs, support, and geeky cyber-friendships that we share. I wish all the best to ALL of you in this process. It's finally over for me!

This. It's true. I wasn't saying that you should make this decision with the idea that you will change your mind, but rather with the confidence that you are NOT selling your soul. You are in charge. If you are unhappy and want to change something, you always can. You will have to jump through hoops and do things you don't want to, but nothing owns you. Not your grad program, not your debt, and not even your ultimate degree.

Um, thanks for making me cringe.

Yeah, strange. I've never heard of that.

If the 1st and 3rd schools make you that upset, then forget them. Tell them you aren't going to attend. Shred the letters. Move on. It's FINE! There is absolutely NO reason to hang on to those options if you are unhappy. Even more important, there is absolutely NO REASON to have suicidal thoughts about ANYTHING in this process. This is a stressful time, sure, but keep yourself in check. If you feel overwhelmed and extremely unhappy, take a break! There is nothing set in stone. You don't have to prove anything to anybody. All that matters is that you feel balanced and that you can handle this. Why don't you give school #2 a call and explain your concerns? If you imagine that you will be happy there, then try to make it work. Maybe the school has some ideas about outside funding or something else you can do. Don't worry about you research advisor. Asking for a letter for this person is pretty far down the road. Don't make the decision based on a "hunch" that this person MIGHT not write one for you. Ask! If they decline, find another research position and get another advisor. One person can't hold you back. As far as getting into graduate school after your peers, so what? Big whoop. If you decide to take a year off, think of all the things you could experience and learn that will give you an advantage over those peers in the long run. IT'S GOOD. I did it, and it was the best decision I've ever made. Chances are, a lot of your incoming class will have done the same thing. I've felt a lot of the things you are expressing. I felt that if I didn't go to school THIS YEAR then I was behind. As it turns out, that was such a wrong way of thinking. It becomes very clear very soon. Take a deep breath. You've got this. If you decide to go to school #2 and it turns out you don't like it, it's FINE! If you decide to take a year off and decide you want to re-apply, it's FINE! Try to think about this in a positive light. This is not a "hellish" position at all. Take it one day at a time. One day at a time. Step #1: What do you WANT to do next year?

This is a decision that only you can make, obviously, but I will give the advice I've given on here a few times before. Right now, make a decision on what you are going to do. Decide, for example, that you are going to go to school B. Then go about the rest of your day wearing that decision. Go to bed knowing it. Wake up knowing it. In some time (at least a day, but maybe a few), look at how you feel. Are you happy? No? Then make the decision to re-apply and wear it. And always know that your friends on GradCafe are rooting for you.

YAYYYYYY!!!!! Congratulations!

So, you are asking whether or not to tell the result to the professors that recommended you? I think you definitely should. They took the time to write on you behalf, and I know professors like knowing what becomes of their students. Depending on your relationship with them, you might also want to tell them the reasons behind why (you think) you were rejected. Maybe they have some good advice or insight that will make you think differently about the situation.

I'm not sure if I will cry. I seem to lack the ability to cry. But I will probably immediately send an acceptance email to the school that wants me. Then, I will get drunk on wine and have an impromptu dance party in my living room, whether or not I am alone.

Go ahead and call. There are a bunch of posts on here about ways to make an inquiry without sounding impatient or needy. I made a call yesterday, "I'm just calling to check in."