dimanche0829

You are obviously aware that the distance has the potential to wreak havoc on your relationship, and have already indicated in your post that you have no intention of breaking things off with him, so I'm not going to give you the usual "don't do it" bit.

First, you need to know and believe that it's totally possible to survive a long distance relationship; I did it myself for several years and am now engaged. It's obviously difficult and emotionally taxing, but if you go into a LDR with doubts, or constantly question whether or not you'll be together in the end, that negativity will slowly seep into the foundation of your relationship and it will fester. Don't even bother thinking about what may or may not be 5-6 years from now; you're not Miss Cleo and you'll only drive yourself crazy trying to predict the future. Keep focused on your relationship in the present--enjoy it for what it is now, and nurture it now to enjoy it later. It really is that simple.

You also need to communicate. A lot. No matter how much work I had on my plate, 11:00p.m-1:00a.m each night was reserved for my guy. The scheduled conversations not only gave me something to look forward to each day, but it also helped me keep focused on my studies because I knew that I needed to finish my daily tasks by a certain time. We obviously didn't restrict ourselves only to this time frame--things do come up every now and then--but we tried to stick with it as much as possible. Sometimes, we would plan to do the same activity, such as watch the same movie, or read the same book, so that we could keep our conversations fresh and interesting. This also helped to detract attention away from the fact that we couldn't be together.

Speaking of communication, be self-aware, flexible, and forgiving. Miscommunications are bound to happen when your only means of connecting is through e-mail, phone, skype, etc, and it is all the more easy to allow that miscommunication to turn into a lover's quarrel. Be aware of your words, and always keep in mind that the LDR is difficult on BOTH of you, not just you, so do what you can to also understand your partner's needs. Remember: we all want to be right, but the only way to have two winners is to compromise.

Visit often, and just enough. The first days of a visit are awesome. The last day sucks. The last day can suck a little bit less if you know when your next visit will be. Plan your visits so that you can see your partner regularly, but don't go broke or sacrifice your grades as a result. My partner was on the west coast while I attended school on the east coast, so tickets were several hundred dollars each visit. I tried to visit once a month, which worked out pretty well for us. There was one semester that I wasn't able to go home at all until the end of the term, though. That was a really, really, tough semester to get through.

Be committed. This is a no brainer, but you both need to be on the same page and committed to the relationship. Discuss, set, and mutually agree upon the rules and expectations for your relationship before you leave.

Lastly, be mentally prepared for the possibility that this may not work out. Every relationship has the potential to fail, but the added stress of LDRs inreases the likelihood. If you're going to go forward with an LDR, you need to understand and accept that your partner (or you) can walk away from the relationship at any time, for any reason. There is no way that you can prepare for this, and there is no way for you to know whether or not this will happen to you. But the sooner you accept the risk, the sooner you can get on with enjoying the relationship for what it currently is (this goes hand-in-hand with my first suggestion).

Hope this helps. If not, you're certainly free to ignore it

You are obviously aware that the distance has the potential to wreak havoc on your relationship, and have already indicated in your post that you have no intention of breaking things off with him, so I'm not going to give you the usual "don't do it" bit.

First, you need to know and believe that it's totally possible to survive a long distance relationship; I did it myself for several years and am now engaged. It's obviously difficult and emotionally taxing, but if you go into a LDR with doubts, or constantly question whether or not you'll be together in the end, that negativity will slowly seep into the foundation of your relationship and it will fester. Don't even bother thinking about what may or may not be 5-6 years from now; you're not Miss Cleo and you'll only drive yourself crazy trying to predict the future. Keep focused on your relationship in the present--enjoy it for what it is now, and nurture it now to enjoy it later. It really is that simple.

You also need to communicate. A lot. No matter how much work I had on my plate, 11:00p.m-1:00a.m each night was reserved for my guy. The scheduled conversations not only gave me something to look forward to each day, but it also helped me keep focused on my studies because I knew that I needed to finish my daily tasks by a certain time. We obviously didn't restrict ourselves only to this time frame--things do come up every now and then--but we tried to stick with it as much as possible. Sometimes, we would plan to do the same activity, such as watch the same movie, or read the same book, so that we could keep our conversations fresh and interesting. This also helped to detract attention away from the fact that we couldn't be together.

Speaking of communication, be self-aware, flexible, and forgiving. Miscommunications are bound to happen when your only means of connecting is through e-mail, phone, skype, etc, and it is all the more easy to allow that miscommunication to turn into a lover's quarrel. Be aware of your words, and always keep in mind that the LDR is difficult on BOTH of you, not just you, so do what you can to also understand your partner's needs. Remember: we all want to be right, but the only way to have two winners is to compromise.

Visit often, and just enough. The first days of a visit are awesome. The last day sucks. The last day can suck a little bit less if you know when your next visit will be. Plan your visits so that you can see your partner regularly, but don't go broke or sacrifice your grades as a result. My partner was on the west coast while I attended school on the east coast, so tickets were several hundred dollars each visit. I tried to visit once a month, which worked out pretty well for us. There was one semester that I wasn't able to go home at all until the end of the term, though. That was a really, really, tough semester to get through.

Be committed. This is a no brainer, but you both need to be on the same page and committed to the relationship. Discuss, set, and mutually agree upon the rules and expectations for your relationship before you leave.

Lastly, be mentally prepared for the possibility that this may not work out. Every relationship has the potential to fail, but the added stress of LDRs inreases the likelihood. If you're going to go forward with an LDR, you need to understand and accept that your partner (or you) can walk away from the relationship at any time, for any reason. There is no way that you can prepare for this, and there is no way for you to know whether or not this will happen to you. But the sooner you accept the risk, the sooner you can get on with enjoying the relationship for what it currently is (this goes hand-in-hand with my first suggestion).

Hope this helps. If not, you're certainly free to ignore it

I really disagree with this statement, if it's a department that's actually a good match. The personal statement and writing sample can really make all the difference and an application really may not have gotten much attention at all the first time around, so it might not even be recognized as a repeat. One calculation schools make is "how likely is this person to want to come here, given the other choices they are likely to have?" and the personal statement can make all the difference in that .Or, an institution may have a new faculty member, or someone coming back from leave, whose interests are more in tune with yours, so an application that was rejected in the first round one year will in the next be sent to that person. Etc. If you can, seek advice on your application from someone who is familiar with graduate admissions processes at top PhD-granting institutions (and I would say, agreeing with some of the above, top really means top 20 or so), even if in a different field or subfield.

I'll reiterate: even if you apply to the same schools, do not do so unless you are bringing something significantly new to the table. Just a new essay or writing sample won't hack it. You need additional experience, or significantly increased GRE scores, or far more glowing references--something like that. Preferably all of those. Otherwise, it's likely to be, "We had this same application last year and rejected him/her--why is s/he wasting our time again?" rather than, "Gosh, look how much this person has accomplished since s/he last applied--we could use someone with this dedication."

If you're going to wait and do something to add to your application between now and then, feel free to re-apply to the same schools. If you're just going to submit based on the same record, try different schools.

Andsowego is right; even if this guy was Machine Gun Preaching in Africa the last 7 years - there is still a minimum that graduate admissions MUST see on a persons transcripts that wont be reflected here (at least at a majority of campuses).

Like far_to_go, I had several professors who were very much against being recorded, and my school took this matter VERY seriously. I would never recommend that anyone try to hide or otherwise conceal recording devices from professors. You run the risk of getting caught and landing in some serious trouble, for one thing. But it's also just downright disrespectful to go against a professor's legal right to not be recorded.

Where have you seen this enumerated; I would be very curious.

And it has nothing to do with disrespect/respect so lets please not get into histrionics on this issue. There is ZERO credible reason an instructor has to not allowing his or her course to be recorded by a student for private/personal use and as a study aid.

They can take the matter as "seriously" as they want; at maximum we get to have a discussion about protected intellectual property and allowable reproductions of - garauntee the student comes out on the winning end of that conversation.

Like far_to_go, I had several professors who were very much against being recorded, and my school took this matter VERY seriously. I would never recommend that anyone try to hide or otherwise conceal recording devices from professors. You run the risk of getting caught and landing in some serious trouble, for one thing. But it's also just downright disrespectful to go against a professor's legal right to not be recorded.

Might I suggest you do the same for my response?

IDK, there's just something about:


that doesn't really hit my sarcasm radar. Then again, this is the internetz.

While I do agree that you should take a reflective step back to consider why you may not have been successful this round, I disagree with the advice that you shouldn't reapply to the same schools. There are so many factors that go into a rejection, and not all of them have to do entirely with the candidate. You may have been rejected from a school because your POI is going on hiatus, or your spot was already filled with the allowed number of students, or any number of other reasons beyond your control. DO take the next few months to improve your application as much as possible: re-visit your writing sample and personal statement; keep active in your field; expand your knowledge base; most importantly, make sure that the schools you are applying to will be a solid fit for what you want to study. Going to a top-notch school means nothing if it isn't a top-notch school for your field of study. And don't be afraid to throw in a few lesser-ranked but still-solid schools. Hope this helps.

A note on using voice recorders: MAKE SURE YOU ASK THE PROFESSOR'S PERMISSION BEFORE RECORDING, Even if you're only doing it for your own personal use, it's important to ask first. Apparently, recording without asking can be some kind of violation of intellectual property rights. One of the profs in my department got very upset when she found out that a grad student was doing this and threatened to have the student expelled (not kidding, wish I were!)

As for the notebook question: yes, I use a notebook. I only use one, with different sections, for all my courses and meetings; I find that it's much easier than carrying a bunch of different notebooks. Having my laptop open in class usually creates too much distraction for me, so I try to avoid it.

Like far_to_go, I had several professors who were very much against being recorded, and my school took this matter VERY seriously. I would never recommend that anyone try to hide or otherwise conceal recording devices from professors. You run the risk of getting caught and landing in some serious trouble, for one thing. But it's also just downright disrespectful to go against a professor's legal right to not be recorded.

Like far_to_go, I had several professors who were very much against being recorded, and my school took this matter VERY seriously. I would never recommend that anyone try to hide or otherwise conceal recording devices from professors. You run the risk of getting caught and landing in some serious trouble, for one thing. But it's also just downright disrespectful to go against a professor's legal right to not be recorded.

I have two points to make.

The first is that I am not necessarily recommending that, after graduating, we take adjunct positions over any and all other positions. I am merely suggesting that adjunct teaching might land you in a better spot than getting work outside academia, especially when you enter into competition with other job applicants who have not taken time off. I wish this weren't the case, but unfortunately, it probably is. Getting a job in academia isn't about being qualified; it's mostly luck, but beyond that it's fit with the department, publications, how interesting the work you are doing is, your past experience, etc. Pretty much everyone graduating from a PhD program will be "qualified" for academic work, in terms of research/work load and teaching experience, but not everyone will get a job. That's just reality of academia. Ask some of your current professors who've graduated in the past 10-15 years to tell you about all the students they went to grad school with who didn't get jobs and are now bitter about academia. And if you don't believe me, look at MLA's job postings; it will take you about 40 minutes to review every job in the entire country, and that includes those for which you would not be eligible (such as positions for an Americanist if you are an early modernist or post-colonialist). Again, I don't mean this to be harsh, I'm just trying to uncover some truth about our future professions.

My second point is that graduate students often unionize. There are graduate student unions at both the PhD programs to which I was accepted. Just food for thought

Hope this didn't hurt any feelings Again, that was never my intent. Like I said, the internet is a hard place to get across the tone in which you are speaking, and I assure you, my tone is colloquial and friendly

While I do agree that you should take a reflective step back to consider why you may not have been successful this round, I disagree with the advice that you shouldn't reapply to the same schools. There are so many factors that go into a rejection, and not all of them have to do entirely with the candidate. You may have been rejected from a school because your POI is going on hiatus, or your spot was already filled with the allowed number of students, or any number of other reasons beyond your control. DO take the next few months to improve your application as much as possible: re-visit your writing sample and personal statement; keep active in your field; expand your knowledge base; most importantly, make sure that the schools you are applying to will be a solid fit for what you want to study. Going to a top-notch school means nothing if it isn't a top-notch school for your field of study. And don't be afraid to throw in a few lesser-ranked but still-solid schools. Hope this helps.

Like far_to_go, I had several professors who were very much against being recorded, and my school took this matter VERY seriously. I would never recommend that anyone try to hide or otherwise conceal recording devices from professors. You run the risk of getting caught and landing in some serious trouble, for one thing. But it's also just downright disrespectful to go against a professor's legal right to not be recorded.

Like far_to_go, I had several professors who were very much against being recorded, and my school took this matter VERY seriously. I would never recommend that anyone try to hide or otherwise conceal recording devices from professors. You run the risk of getting caught and landing in some serious trouble, for one thing. But it's also just downright disrespectful to go against a professor's legal right to not be recorded.

That instructor is blowing smoke out of their ass and should be ashamed for having such a reaction. Theres no way they wouldn't get laughed out of the Presidents office if they even tried such a thing.

If the instructor says "no", just get a Livescribe pen, or find a spot where the instructor can not see.

While I do agree that you should take a reflective step back to consider why you may not have been successful this round, I disagree with the advice that you shouldn't reapply to the same schools. There are so many factors that go into a rejection, and not all of them have to do entirely with the candidate. You may have been rejected from a school because your POI is going on hiatus, or your spot was already filled with the allowed number of students, or any number of other reasons beyond your control. DO take the next few months to improve your application as much as possible: re-visit your writing sample and personal statement; keep active in your field; expand your knowledge base; most importantly, make sure that the schools you are applying to will be a solid fit for what you want to study. Going to a top-notch school means nothing if it isn't a top-notch school for your field of study. And don't be afraid to throw in a few lesser-ranked but still-solid schools. Hope this helps.

This legit made me laugh until I cried. <3 <3 <3. I showed it to 4 other people who didn't get it, but this seriously made my day.

I can't tell you what would be best for your applications. What I can tell you is that, with the job market the way it is, and the way that the university is changing, you better learn to teach, you better learn to love to teach, and you better be able to demonstrate that you can teach and that you love to do it.

Instead of copy+pasting the text:

http://www.reddit.com/r/GetMotivated/comments/iez1l/are_there_any_stories_of_how_you_changed_yourself/c23avdj

Yep. Even winning $7 had 1:306 odds, so I was pretty excited. I'm buying McDonald's breakfast to celebrate my windfall.

I would definitely still go! Heck, I'd even set aside $10-20,000,000 in to help other grad school hopefuls from this website. Nothing breaks my heart more than reading a post about someone who couldn't go to grad school because of money troubles.

NOTHING wrong with a side job. In fact, I think it is good for your wallet *and* your mind. I really want a part-time job (even though I am fully funded) to bring in some extra cash and help me manage my time. There is nothing wrong with a waitress, retail, library, coffee shop, whatever job as long as it doesn't take over your study time.