K.Ash

This is a very comforting thread to have come across. I'll be relocating more than 6 hours away for my Masters in August, and after talking through the options my SO is going to stay here for now. I think this will really be a huge test for us... if we can do this, I know we're in it for the long haul. but I don't know if it will. He grew up in the city we currently live in, and pretty much his whole (very large) family lives here. He would be okay staying here forever. I don't have ties here, I actually will very soon no longer have family in the state, and can't have the career I desire here. Its a tough time, so for now we're just enjoying as much time together as we can

I contacted a PI at my new grad school and asked if there was any room in his lab for a funded summer research rotation. I'm moving there on Friday and start on Monday.

I'm going a little crazy trying to pass the time until September. So, I plan on using this time to build a time machine of sorts to send me forward to the fall. Even if I spend my entire summer building it, and it doesn't work, it will still do what it was intended for.

I am "regularizing" with a Red Bull and Monster Drink regimen to compensate for my general lack of sleep. This along with pencil pushing, mental gymnastics, math exercises and occasional recreational sex.

Throuout my master degrees and now onto my PhD I've continuted to be a gym rat.
I've limited it to 4 days a week and essentially have either gone in the early morning or at late night.

I've found that it has helped me stay focused on my studies actually because when worked into my schedule it helps me keep things regimented.
For example, if I I know I have to go workout tomorrow I am trying to get as much as possible done today in regards to school work.

Well, I did it. I had a meeting with my boss and put in my notice of resignation today. It felt just as good as I thought it would. In fact, it felt better than just good; it was one of the best ******* days I've had in a long time.

Can't wait until June 20th.

When I was on the interview trail, I asked current graduate students about this. All of them told me the same thing: Don't break up with your signifcant other solely because you're worried about the coursework. All that will do is make you depressed, burn out, and very resentful towards the program. "You've gotten in so you've got to have good time management skills. That's all that matters, really. You can have a social life if you're careful with your time." I'm not expecting to have the same sort of relationship I have now, and neither does he. Just talk it over with them and be honest.

Also, as my significant other told me, I've got to eat sometime, so it might as well be with him!

I don't really think there is any point to this pissing match, but if you are referring to the TRIP rankings (http://irtheoryandpractice.wm.edu/projects/trip/TRIP%202011%20RESULTS%20US%20RESPONDENTS.pdf) then AU is indeed #8 and GWU is #7. However GWU is pretty clearly in the "second tier" and very close with Columbia, Tufts, and Princeton. Georgetown, JHU, and Harvard make up the top tier. AU is a great school and in these rankings is far ahead of others like DU, Yale, etc, but the gap between 20% and 38% is notable.

No.. now you're referring to Syracuse, which yes has the #1 public affairs school in the country. Not the same as IP, different programs. Get over it. Harvard and Yale are not #1 in everything. Yes, Syracuse has the better program. Why is that such a big deal for you?

And they are on par.

And by this statement you demonstrate your lack of understanding of the subject. Maxwell has an excellent program not on par with HKS or WWS. Comparing the quality of students (test scores, work experience, and admission statistics) in these programs and the alumni jobs bears this out immediately. Nor is AU on par with GW. Neither of these facts mean that Maxwell nor AU's SIS are poor programs, they are just in different tiers compared to certain other schools.

I would say that based on reputation, rankings, and alumni GW Elliott is hands down superior to AU's SIS. The only people I've ever heard say they are on par are AU students / alumni.

Are you joking? Have you seen the rankings? GWU is 7th, AU is 8th. You actually have no idea what you're talking about (and I immediately knew this when you said Elliot is comparable to SAIS- SAIS is 2nd, better than Princeton and Harvard). Please move along and let people who actually have gone to these schools/had to choose between these schools to comment on this thread and offer their advice.

PS In addition, you've just single-handedly dissed all applicants who have gone/go to/are contemplating going to AU. Way to go, buddy. Feel better?

I can relate, my friend, I can relate indeed. I have the added cost of my daughter as well. I had to sit down and do a TON of calculations to even see if it's possible for me to pull this off.

Worst case, I'm looking at about 115k of debt after my Master's, and another 45k on top of that after a Ph.D (kids are expensive!!!).

Almost everyone thinks I'm crazy, I'm leaving a $50k/yr job to do this. The problem is, that $50k/yr is about the top of the income potential in my current field (secretarial). Calculations for $160k of debt scare the bejesus out of me, even divvied over 25 years and/or with income-based repayment, but the income potential of the field I'm going to is ~$150k at the top. It's gonna hurt, a LOT, but I'll get there. I have 7 years of education (2 Master's, 5 Ph.D) to get everything lined up job-wise to make this happen.

More importantly, though, I'll be doing something I love doing, and not 'settling' just because of challenging life circumstances. I couldn't live with myself if I just sat around and did nothing with my life.

Hello everyone,
I've received some really helpful responses to my previous postings and would so appreciate some feedback on the following situation:

I was admitted to a top university for a PhD in Communications (the university is top; the program is not one of the highest ranked nationally). They offer three years of funding. They won't allow me to defer the admission; I would need to re-apply.

I've been taking some courses in International Affairs at a school that I like where I have an 80% scholarship to do an Master of Science (it would take me another year to finish this degree). I also applied to some other PhD programs that I have yet to hear from (two abroad and one in the US). The first school I was accepted to has the usual April 15th deadline.

I'm trying to figure out a couple of things to start with:

- Whether to ask the place I was admitted for an extension on the decision so I can find out from the others I applied to
- Whether it makes sense to leave the MS program to do the PhD. I already have two Master's degrees, and the MS would be a career-changing degree.

Some basic info: the two schools (MS and PhD) are in a consortium, so theoretically I could take classes at the school I'm at now if in the PhD program. I'm 40 years old, with extensive professional experience in college-level teaching and journalism.

Thanks!

I wanted to write a quick but big thank you to everyone on here. I think I speak for most of us when I say that March was a month filled with anxiety and stress, some joy and some disappointment, but overall it was made so much better because of this invisible community of fellow applicants. I think I would have gone crazy without you guys, so many thanks for all your posts, advice, comments, and (most importantly) humour and good spirits. Best of luck to everyone wherever they end up!

I'll probably hold out till the last day. I want to get my funding finalized and double check that I'm not going to hate living where my top choice is!

I am 26 and I am the oldest grandchild. 9 months ago my cousin got married (i did not attend the ceremony because of the obvious reasons: cant stand my relatives asking curious questions like "So when are YOU getting married?", "oh poor girl, do you at least have a boyfriend?") and a week ago she gave birth to a little boy. At first, I was very jealous that she has it all: degrees (BS, MS), career and a family...
I am muslim, therefore my relatives find it very strange that I am not married at this age. They also find it awkward that I called off my wedding 5 years ago. I want to please them and be an exemplary girl, get married soon, have kids... but wait, it is my life we are talking about. I dont have to live my life just to make my grandfather happy. Of course I want to make them proud, but i certainly won't be making life-changing decisions based on my relatives' opinion.
Every person has his/her own happiness recipe. Yeah, my cousin is happy having: husband+kid+career. But I may not be very happy if I was in her shoes. First, I want to move to USA and start an academic carrer with a PhD, second, meet a nice guy and get married, have kids and be a respected professor in my field. So my happiness recipe is: PhD + successful academic career + living in USA + loving husband + healthy kids.
So, obviously, I set much higher goals than my cousin does. And I sincerely respect myself for that.

Determine your own recipe of happiness! What do YOU want? What will make YOU happy? Getting married? No, I dont think that an ambitios, self-sufficient person like you could be happy fully devoting herself to her family. From my experience, weaker people with low self-esteem get married early forming co-dependent families (and if your cousin is tend to be depressed, it is clearly a sign of lack of confidence). They think, it is easier to experience life supporting each other. Maybe they are right but I dont want to have a co-dependent family, I want to have a family based on mutual love and respect. I am sure the same applies to you.

We all eventually get what we wanted. Your cousin may have dreamed aboud wedding since she was 15 but you had another dream - getting into NYU. And you did it, congratulations! Now it is time for you to dream about the next thing and you will eventually get it! Concentrate on your own dreams and goals because only they can make you truely happy.

Would you really want to be in her shoes? She's young, confused, and probably rushing into a poor decision (it could go well, but the odds are against her). No need to be jealous of a situation you wouldn't want to be in yourself!

What's the funding like at B?

Actually sitting down with a spreadsheet and looking at expenses is pretty sobering. How the hell am I going to be able to afford to pay these back?? It will take 25 years to pay these off at a rate I could afford. By that point, I will pay double what I took out thanks to interest accruing. I don't know whether the sum is so large at any school that I might as well just go to the expensive one I want or if I should be running in the direction of the cheapest school, even though it's still way out of my price range. Dang.

Hey,

I am also terrified at the moment. I'm not even sure I'm going for my PhD at the moment because of relationships and money. Since you did not enjoy your MA institution, I would opt out of their PhD program and apply to just adjunct. is that a possibility? Then you can stay in the department, keep good connections, and apply to more PhD programs next year. I recommend not going into a PhD program without good funding. If it is a year by year basis, you will be stressed each year and you don't need that for a PhD, especially at a place that you are not truly happy at.

Another thing to consider is whether you really want the PhD or not. Is your fiance willing to relocate for you?

Good luck.

I am sort of in a similar position. I'm a few years younger then you (which I know changes the degree of 'pull' that the family dream has) and am in the most serious relationship I've ever had. I'm not positive that its headed that way but I'm pretty sure it could be. However, I'm moving to Washington, D.C. for my masters degree. That is where I want to be, at least for the next 5-10 years. He has known since we began dating that I didn't plan on staying in our current city (actually, at the time I was about to ship off to the Peace Corps... and DC is quite the compromise from Africa!) Sadly, he does not really like cities. We're going to try long-distance, but I'm pretty scared about what this could mean for us.

All that said, I've gotta do what I've gotta do. If I stayed (I, unlike you, am not happy where I am) and things didn't work out, then I've deferred my professional goals for nothing. I'd be terribly upset with myself. He doesn't love my plan but he is supportive. He has had a long distance relationship before and it did not end well. We're going to have a fun conversation tomorrow night since I just visited schools this weekend and am close to making a final decision. Now that reality is settling in, he may not feel the same way about trying a LDR. We'll see.

The fact that your BF says you should be happy with your MA.... that would be a red flag to me. He should want you to see your professional goals to fruition. Its great he can provide for you but personally I find that idea offensive. I'd like to provide for myself, thanks. Like others have said, if he doesn't stick around and support you... there are many other fish in the sea. I know it doesn't feel that way, but if my BF decided he couldn't do this then I would pick myself. Always.

This is definitely a highly personal decision, so I wish you luck and encourage you to do what feels right in your gut, even if it hurts in your mind or in your heart.

Go to Wagner (and this is coming from someone who went to Columbia for undergrad). Wagner and SIPA are probably on opposite ends of the spectrum as far as MPAs are concerned, both in terms of domestic vs international, as well as management vs policy analysis. You're right to say that there are options at both, but I think there is a right choice here, since nonprofit management is definitely NYU's strong suit, and especially since it's cheaper.

I really appreciate everyone's response to this so far. Reading other people's opinions really helps me put things into perspective.

My partner is somewhat supportive of me getting a PhD. According to him, he wouldn't break up with me BUT he would be pessimistic about the future. He would try to make it work but he knows that it would be incredibly difficult. He had a long distance relationship before and it went really bad and so he is putting his previous experience into this - I can't blame him and I am also not that optimistic about it working wonderfully. But at least we are being honest about this...

I'm still very torn. Some of my friends have said that if I am this torn about it, then I am probably secretly more into the PhD because if I was really set on getting married and staying here, then I wouldn't really be thinking twice about it. I think I might need to step away from this for a day or so...drive somewhere alone and really really think.

From the information you've provided, it seems that your guy values his sense of fulfillment more than he values your desire for a self-efficacious life. It also seems that your guy is willing to trade your opportunity for self efficacy for his vision of his future. If this dynamic works for you, it works for you. (However, were you my friend, I'd be asking "Does this dynamic really work for you?" until I was blue in the face.)

FWIW, I've done fields for two professors in two different fields of psychology. Both made the point that a person isn't fully formed until he/she reaches his/her late twenties/earlier thirties. That is, the person you are now is not who you'll be ten years from now. In ten years, there will still be plenty of men around who will think you're the bee's knees. But will there also be opportunities for you like the ones you have now?