crazygirl2012

It seems that #8 has been an issue for many of us - this sits in the background of the whole application process for me. I love the image that the wording of this sentence calls up: I picture myself walking up to my past, shaking hands, and walking off into the sunset together! OK, that's a little strange, but February is becoming the month of being strange...

1. I am more terrified of rejection than I thought, but I've found ways to pre-emptively deal with it. Working out my plan B, reading rejection posts and articles, and considering each school rejecting me before they have the chance. I'm sure I'll still be disappointed, but a lot of the things that I hadn't considered have now been considered an dealt with. Note: I say this as I unsubscribe from all mailing lists and check my spam mail.

2. Amazingly, despite all of my issues and shortcomings, I am graduating in 3 months. I was losing that accomplishment in the midst of all these applications. It took me 8 years, with 3 years of medical and psych issues causing me to withdraw, two universities, and about 10 doctors to get it sorted out. But I did it, that's a real accomplishment, I need to stop selling myself short because of what may or may not happen in the future.

3. People are amazingly ignorant when it comes to education.

4. Support from strangers is far more encouraging than I expected.

Not sure what's funny about people not knowing what the GRE or the Fulbright is.

From the perspective of a graduate student answering a prospective's questions:

1. Ask almost anything. We were all there at one point, we understand that there are a lot of questions. I've been asked everything from how well living in the city works on what we're paid to what the dirt is in our department.

2. My PI asks me my opinion of prospective graduate students, so they're definitely playing a roll in it. Mostly, you don't want to come off as someone they wouldn't want to work with.

3. Yes. I'm very candid about this, partially because I've been there, and partially because if you come, I'll be working with you for the next 3-4 years. And if you don't like our PIs style, you will not be enjoyable to work with.

4. More informal than a prof, but you wan't to be careful not to be too informal- treat them as a colleague. Personally, I'd start out more formally, and feel out that particular grad student as the back-and-forth progresses.

The prospectives that have given bad impressions have predominately either not seemed at all interested in the work or grad school, or have seemed like they're trying to get by with as little work as possible. I doubt you will come across as either of those, from your post.

When a prospective student asks if they can come in (lab science) at 10, leave at 4, and take 3 day weekends- that's a bad impression. If you're asking whether or not you'll be expected to work 80 hour weeks, that isn't.

Most grad students have a vested interest in bringing in and welcoming prospective grad students that will add to the lab and be fun and invigorating colleagues down the road. You'll be working more closely with other grad students than your prof, most of the time, so a good mesh of personalities is also beneficial.

i usually return emails within an hour, unless i'm asleep. if it's an email that calls for some thought (i.e. an advisor asking fundamental questions about my work) i take a couple hours to breathe and think before responding. if i get one of those earth-shattering emails on a weekend, i'll give myself a grace period until monday to reply. but anything that's simply procedural, i respond as soon as i see it otherwise i'll forget about it.

i've found that in the process of attempting to declutter my life, dealing with easy emails ("it's okay if we move our meeting to 10") as soon as you see them has lowered my stress levels and made my life a lot simpler. if i get an email that requires a lot of thought AND a quick reply, i reply right away that i'll think on it and get back to the person. people don't really like to be left hanging and if they're expecting an answer, i find it's helpful to let them know you're working on it.

i am chained to a laptop or smartphone at all times, though, and i don't actually think this is the best thing for productivity or getting regular human contact. i don't think people need to reply within the hour and constantly check their emails, but i do think replying to the easy stuff as soon as you see it is a good habit.

That might be my favorite.

I love everyone's insights! I struggle with confidence a lot too. I rely so much on external validation, and when I don't get it, I decide I'm worthless. I think it will be an ongoing struggle for many of us in grad school.

When I began the application process, I realized that second semester could easily spend me into a tailspin of self-loathing if things didn't turn out the way I wanted them to. (I'm happy to report that I'm getting interviews and things are actually great so far!) So I started a list of various lessons I had learned from the process of applying to grad school. I wanted reassurance that it hadn't been a waste of time, money, and energy.

Here's part of the list. Maybe you can relate.

4. When you do something wrong, just do the next thing right.

5. Ask for help, openly and sincerely. People like to know that they're needed.


8. You can't control your past, but it can't control you either, so you two might as well come to some sort of agreement.


10. Absurd, difficult, infuriating things happen. They are always going to happen. Whenever possible, laugh it off. Laughing it off is possible more often than you think it is.


12. When you get an email from your advisor entitled "we're all morons", just remember that "all" means you're not the only one.


14. For the first time in my life, I'm trying-- really, honestly, deeply trying-- to do something at which I might fail, and that scares the hell out of me.

15. If you're staring at your computer and crying in your lab in the middle of the night... just go home. No, really. That's just not okay. Go home.

16. Getting a paper with a ton of corrections everywhere is actually a really good sign. If your paper is horrible, your professor won't tell you what you did wrong because it's all wrong anyway.

17. "Enough" is a myth. You can never give it and you can never get it. Give the world all you've got, and don't hope it's enough. Know that it's not, accept that it never will be, and stop apologizing for not doing what you could not possibly have done.


23. If you work all the time, you will get nothing done.

24. Stay organized.

25. Things aren't easy for other people. They just bother to hide struggles that I don't.

To each their own, as jordanami said.
Some people just feel better when they wear makeup. For example, I have had skin issues for 10-15 years now (and I'm only in my mid-20s). I would NEVER have the courage to speak in front of a class or to even just ask a question without at least covering up some of my skin problems. So yes, to me makeup even helps at school, because it makes me more confident and I can concentrate on my schoolwork instead of feeling insecure because of my skin and feeling like everyone stares at me.
And about the time issue: It takes a couple of minutes. If you have time to drink a coffee, if you have time to smoke, if you have time for any other habit, you also have time to do your makeup. I am NOT saying everyone should wear makeup. I just say I chose to because it allows me to be more confident and after those 5-10 minutes in the morning it allows me to devote my attention to more important stuff.

That being said: If I had great skin, I probably wouldn't wear makeup at all. So all of you who have great skin: be happy! ;-)

I have to say for me sweatpants to class are wayyyyyy worse than socks with sandals ;-) (I don't wear both, just in case you are wondering)


And Eisenmann (who still didn't answer my question concerning his nationality): I think I understood you the way you meant it. I see grad school more as a job than school. And for a job everybody (no matter if you're a man or a woman) should dress appropriately. I don't care if women wear makeup or not - it's everybody's own choice. I do, because it makes me feel more secure and gives me more confidence in myself. And that's really the point I think. I believe nobody can be really confident and present himself in a good way in front of professors or a class in sweatpants.

I suggest a longer T-shirt:

Friends Don't Let Friends Develop Unreasonable Expectations About the Job Market, No Matter How Much Easier It Is to Pretend That You and Your Friend Are the Exceptions to the Rule and You'll Both Get Jobs Because You're Both Brilliant and The Unemployed People are Just People Who Aren't as Academically-Gifted As You Are. Instead Friends Acknowledge to Each Other the Exceptional Difficulty of Getting an Academic Job, Call Bullshit on Each Other When Appropriate, and Help Each Other to Professionalize Early and Often. Further, Friends Will Also Remind Each Other that While Getting a Funded PhD, You are Actually Getting Paid to Live Your Dream, If Only for a Short While, So While Academic Jobs May Be Few, It Was Still Worth It For the Opportunity You Did Get to Engage With Academic Discourse on a Daily Basis.That Said, Friends Certainly Don't Let Friends Get Unfunded PhD's. Nor Should Enemies For That Matter.

My favorite reaction was, "I'm so upset for you; I'm going to go punch a squirrel."

Normally I love squirrels, but at that moment, I was happy that a squirrel was going to be punched in my name.

I love everyone's insights! I struggle with confidence a lot too. I rely so much on external validation, and when I don't get it, I decide I'm worthless. I think it will be an ongoing struggle for many of us in grad school.

When I began the application process, I realized that second semester could easily spend me into a tailspin of self-loathing if things didn't turn out the way I wanted them to. (I'm happy to report that I'm getting interviews and things are actually great so far!) So I started a list of various lessons I had learned from the process of applying to grad school. I wanted reassurance that it hadn't been a waste of time, money, and energy.

Here's part of the list. Maybe you can relate.

4. When you do something wrong, just do the next thing right.

5. Ask for help, openly and sincerely. People like to know that they're needed.


8. You can't control your past, but it can't control you either, so you two might as well come to some sort of agreement.


10. Absurd, difficult, infuriating things happen. They are always going to happen. Whenever possible, laugh it off. Laughing it off is possible more often than you think it is.


12. When you get an email from your advisor entitled "we're all morons", just remember that "all" means you're not the only one.


14. For the first time in my life, I'm trying-- really, honestly, deeply trying-- to do something at which I might fail, and that scares the hell out of me.

15. If you're staring at your computer and crying in your lab in the middle of the night... just go home. No, really. That's just not okay. Go home.

16. Getting a paper with a ton of corrections everywhere is actually a really good sign. If your paper is horrible, your professor won't tell you what you did wrong because it's all wrong anyway.

17. "Enough" is a myth. You can never give it and you can never get it. Give the world all you've got, and don't hope it's enough. Know that it's not, accept that it never will be, and stop apologizing for not doing what you could not possibly have done.


23. If you work all the time, you will get nothing done.

24. Stay organized.

25. Things aren't easy for other people. They just bother to hide struggles that I don't.

When I began the application process, I realized that second semester could easily spend me into a tailspin of self-loathing if things didn't turn out the way I wanted them to. (I'm happy to report that I'm getting interviews and things are actually great so far!) So I started a list of various lessons I had learned from the process of applying to grad school. I wanted reassurance that it hadn't been a waste of time, money, and energy.

Here's part of the list. Maybe you can relate.

4. When you do something wrong, just do the next thing right.

5. Ask for help, openly and sincerely. People like to know that they're needed.


8. You can't control your past, but it can't control you either, so you two might as well come to some sort of agreement.


10. Absurd, difficult, infuriating things happen. They are always going to happen. Whenever possible, laugh it off. Laughing it off is possible more often than you think it is.


12. When you get an email from your advisor entitled "we're all morons", just remember that "all" means you're not the only one.


14. For the first time in my life, I'm trying-- really, honestly, deeply trying-- to do something at which I might fail, and that scares the hell out of me.

15. If you're staring at your computer and crying in your lab in the middle of the night... just go home. No, really. That's just not okay. Go home.

16. Getting a paper with a ton of corrections everywhere is actually a really good sign. If your paper is horrible, your professor won't tell you what you did wrong because it's all wrong anyway.

17. "Enough" is a myth. You can never give it and you can never get it. Give the world all you've got, and don't hope it's enough. Know that it's not, accept that it never will be, and stop apologizing for not doing what you could not possibly have done.


23. If you work all the time, you will get nothing done.

24. Stay organized.

25. Things aren't easy for other people. They just bother to hide struggles that I don't.

My MA advisor and I are friends on Facebook, so I do keep in touch with him there. Not ideal for everyone, I'm sure, but it works for this particular relationship. I also send him syllabi from courses I'm taking that have content that's relevant to his interests. He asked me to do this before I left, and it's worked well as a way to touch base every semester or so. We also met up for a beer at the most recent AAA meetings.

Incidentally, it's a good idea to maintain contact with one's former fellow students as well. Several of my MA buddies are now in PhD programs in various fields at different schools, and we keep up by Facebook, reading each other's blogs, occasional e-mails, meet-ups at conferences, etc. Never too early to begin cultivating one's academic network!

This is a great thread. With that said, I will probably do none of the things suggested, and just keep checking non-changing statuses.

1. Don't stress out about the GRE. It doesn't hold very much weight when compared with the rest of the application, and many people actually consider it to be a poor measure of graduate school success.

2. Don't stress out about the interview visit. The programs are trying to recruit you just as much as you are trying to impress them, so take it easy and focus on getting to know what they have to offer.

3. Apply early. Your name will more likely stick out from the crowd if your application is one of the first to arrive for the application season.

4. Only apply to schools you would actually attend. To reiterate what others have said..."there is no such thing as a safety school". Imagine each school you apply to as your only acceptance, that should help you narrow down a solid, concise list of prospective programs.

5. Have clear (as possible) research interests. Faculty seem to think very highly of students who already know what they want to study.

1) I definitely have to agree with there being no such thing as a safety school -- apply at schools matching your interests, safety or not, otherwise you probably won't get in. The two schools I was accepted at are, quite frankly, way out of my league of my undergrad university. I am convinced the primary reason I got in was because of my research match.

2) Don't put off industry experience in good companies, internships are a must if you can get them.

3) Get involved in research as soon as possible. If you don't go to a research university, start working on your own. Ask your professors for help and advice during the process as they will probably be behind you all the way and it is a good way to get recommendation letters. If your school doesn't have professors with a background in your area, look at other schools and ask professors there. This can be a great way to network. Also, along the lines of #1, do work in your area of interest if at all possible. If you tell a school that you want to work in area X and you already have some undergrad work in that direction, this will help you application a great deal by showing that you are interested enough to actually do work instead of just "it sounds cool".

4) I was lucky to not need this one, but get to know your professors and use their office hours. Doing well in class isn't enough.

5) Start writing your statement of purpose as early as possible. This will help you clarify your intent in your own mind and will probably make the process of choosing schools easier.

I had a dream last night that a school offered me a $1/day stipend. Got trolled. : (

Typical conversation with parents...

"Don't tell me they'll accept me! You don't know what you're talking about!"

2 minutes later...

"What do you mean, I'll have other options if they don't accept me? You don't believe in me?"

Typical conversation with parents...

"Don't tell me they'll accept me! You don't know what you're talking about!"

2 minutes later...

"What do you mean, I'll have other options if they don't accept me? You don't believe in me?"

Typical conversation with parents...

"Don't tell me they'll accept me! You don't know what you're talking about!"

2 minutes later...

"What do you mean, I'll have other options if they don't accept me? You don't believe in me?"

I had a POI say something similar and I didn't have that many questions for them either. I did go ahead and ask a few questions that I normally would have "saved" for the interview...things like how their lab is structured, specifics about the program structure, milestones in the program. I got great feed back from them and it has made me feel more confident about the upcoming interview. I think now at the interview rather than asking basic questions we can focus on research. I think just keeping the lines of communication open is what is most important. If you have no questions at all for them you could consider asking them about the upcoming interview (how will it be structured, who will you meet, is a campus tour involved). Ask the current students about research of course, but also asking them about student like, housing, and their reasons for selecting that program can be great starts too.

Hope this helps, and Im sure other people will have tips too!

"It's not too late to apply to law school!"

Other least favorite: After I got into Berkeley, my parents were going on about how worried they were that I didn't have a back-up plan. It's like, guys, I just got into a great school, why are you still going on about back-up plans?