The psychological joys of applying to grad school

[milara]

So, this process of applying to graduate school is awfully stressful. What symptoms of stress have you been experiencing? Tell us about it in this topic poll, or in the comments if you're having stress symptoms that weren't listed there. Weee!

[especially]

I've started having bad dreams (maybe nightmares?) where a school I'm not even applying to in real life is evaluating me, and I'm there for a visit and have to match little jars with test questions/answers on them, but the questions have nothing to do with my discipline.

[milara]

especially: wow, that sounds unpleasant! The question is, what's in the jars?

I've had more general nightmares than in years, but also a lot more of those school-related nightmares -- you know, the ones where you find out that you're enrolled in a class you haven't been attending all semester. Or the new one, where I'm trying to attend school full-time and I'm still working at my day job, and I can't be both a good student and a good employee because I can only be in one place at once.

[OnceAndFutureGrad]

Round 1 included great mood swings, Round 2 featured incredible bouts of self-loathing, so I'm attempting to keep Round 3 as numb as possible.

[isobel_a]

I thought break would finally give me a chance to relax... not much luck yet :\ Sleep? Yes. But the waking hours are filled with obsessive message boarding.

I wanted to start a new thread about this, but I don't know where to put it, so I'll ask here:

Do senior year grades matter? Because I really don't know how I'm supposed to maintain my GPA with all of this application stress, and 4-day interview weekends! I know my GPA is probably going to dip a little after this semester... will schools care?

[Chande]

It's really bad that I have to say all of the above to this poll, right?

I've also been feeling pretty nauseous most of the time, though I guess that's just part of increased anxiety. I'm so nervous that I just won't get in anywhere. I've applied to 9 schools and plan to apply to at least 1 more. I've been panicking all week feeling like that isn't enough and I should pick out some more but I'm afraid that it would seem excessive.

[contretemps]

I'm now glued to my computer to check my e-mails. I have little heart attacks whenever there's a new message, but then when I realize it's not grad school related I get back to obsessing again. Not good, I know.

[jilly11]

I am having mood swings something fierce - one moment 'yes i can do it!!!' next minute "are you kidding? you will never get in!" - its starting to take a toll on me to be honest. It sounds over the top I suppose but I just feel emotionally exhausted trying to keep myself buoyant and positive but also with a reality check that I might not get accepted anywhere. Yipes!

[potentpotables]

I had a dream last night that a school offered me a $1/day stipend. Got trolled. : (

[gellert]

Someone on SDN said they got an email from their POI for a phone pre-interview for FSU clinical psych Ph.D. Trying to figure out how I'll stop fretting long enough to sleep tonight.

[litjust]

I've become addicted to thegradcafe.com. Seriously, I obsessively check posts possibly to distract myself while maintaining my last bits of sanity. Also, I'm not living in the present. I can't stop thinking about the future, which means I'm missing out on things that are going on around me. It's not good

[HDPFDan]

I've also become quite the frequent reader of this site/forum.

I checked off most of the options, though I do have to say I became more and more positive as I neared the end. When my application was all said and done, I felt quite good about my experience/qualifications, and chances of admission. But then that voice creeps up that says "Dude you are setting yourself up for a MASSIVE letdown, and then what?!"

[DoggieMom]

Generally I am fine, but I just wish people would 1) stop asking me if I have heard yet and .... 2) warning me how hard it is to get in, and not to get my hopes up.

[Spriteling]

Fricking applications have given me insomnia. Not best pleased.

[gellert]

^ Yep. Roger that.

[Safferz]

Working on nine applications while trying to keep up with a full course load and what felt like a million other commitments was an awful experience, but I got through it. I'm too drained to feel stressed about results just yet, but I suspect I'll feel differently after the holidays when committees begin to meet and review applications. I've always heard the waiting is worse than putting together the application itself, but I'm not sure I'm convinced it's worse than studying for and writing the GRE, or hammering out the first draft of the SOP!

[Ameonna]

The intense worrying and self-doubt has been the absolute worst. My mind always strays toward how my applications could have been better, no matter how much effort went into them. Or, even worse, my mind strays toward how I could have been a better student... That's the worst. I know I've worked hard, but I always feel like I could have done even more than I have.

Most of all, I'm afraid of disappointing people. Everyone seems to think I have a fairly good shot of getting in somewhere, and I don't want to prove them wrong. I feel like that would be such a disappointment to the professors, family and friends who helped me so much with this process. Then again, the one who will likely be most disappointed is me!

[Mal83]

Working on nine applications while trying to keep up with a full course load and what felt like a million other commitments was an awful experience, but I got through it. I'm too drained to feel stressed about results just yet, but I suspect I'll feel differently after the holidays when committees begin to meet and review applications. I've always heard the waiting is worse than putting together the application itself, but I'm not sure I'm convinced it's worse than studying for and writing the GRE, or hammering out the first draft of the SOP!

9 applications at the same time sounds like its own full-time job. I only did 3 last year and that was hard enough, while like you said, studying for the nightmare that was the GRE, and working. That GRE was the worst part of the whole process, I had to take it a second time or I wasn't getting in anywhere. But anyway, Please do try to take comfort in the fact that you're done with that part of the process, it's an accomplishment in itself, being motivated and driven to engage in a very demanding process that might not pay off and also to do it in order to take on a few more years of very hard work says a lot about you and everyone who does this sort of thing. You guys definitely deserve a reprieve from the stress and anxiety brought on by the process, so try not to be too hard on yourselves, allow yourselves to relax a little, especially during this holiday time when things have slowed down on the schools' end anyway. Not going to sugar coat it though...the waiting part is really hard too. Especially for those of us who were/are in a situation they can't wait to get out of and see grad school as our ticket out. I hated my job and just felt like my life was on hold so I put a lot of emotional stock into grad school. So naturally it was one of those "if this doesn't work out what the hell am I gonna do?" moments.

If your school gives you a specific time frame for decisions, try to just relax about it until then, if there's no chance you'll hear before, just let it go since there will be nothing you can do about it. And yes, that is easier said than done..but sometimes this way of thinking provided a bit of relief. For the schools that aren't kind enough to do that..well, yeah that's tough, with these, try to see that every day you don't get a reject letter is another day that you're still in the game. I finally had to keep telling myself this kind of thing as the obsessively checking online and the mailbox really started to take its toll. That's what got really hard, was the racing home to check the mailbox or email and feeling completely and utterly let down when there was nothing in there. Like I came home for this? I think that was the "unhealthiest" part of the process for me. I didn't like that I allowed myself to be completely destroyed by not getting anything grad school related in the mailbox. But that's what happens after a while of waiting, it feels like it will never end and it gets to you. When you feel like that's happening to you just try to realize that you will get through it, you will get a decision, and it's not worth breaking down over. The support you'll find here is very helpful, you'll see a lot of people going through the very same psychological torture...but what's kind of cool about it is that it's indicative of how much graduate school means to us, this isn't something anyone really has to do or is required of us, we're doing it because we're driven to excel in our fields of choice. Higher education really is a privilege, it's difficult to get in, it's even more difficult to finish, but it's a great time of opportunity and growth that many people don't have access to or take advantage of for a variety of reasons. Trying to keep things in perspective is definitely a trial, I wish I was able to do it a little better, I was convinced during that time that the way I handled the process shaved a year off of my life...but I'll tell you something, when I got that acceptance email from my dream school...it was one of the best damn moments of my life that I will never forget. You will experience that soon enough too.

[Triple Tall Cappuccino]

Being a full-time high school teacher, ENC 1101 professor, and applying to 8 programs definitely caused intense anxiety attacks and severe irritability. LOL. However, I only have 2 more applications to go, and I am SO glad I got winter break to "relax" and finish my apps. This all better be worth it.

It's weird... I don't know if I'm the only one, but there are times that I feel completely confident that I will get in to my dream school (and have daydreams of how I'm going to celebrate, etc), then there are times I feel completely sure that I won't get into any school, so I start dreading how I will find out, then I have times where I hope I get into at least one. My husband is starting to wonder if going for my Ph.D. is the best thing for my health...

[Chande]

Had a dream last night that I woke up to an acceptance email from a school. Then I really woke up and did actually have an email from that school, but it was them letting me know they didn't have transcripts from me yet. Completely expected considering I wasn't able to send the transcripts until yesterday, but yeah. At least it was a happy dream...

[Starlajane]

Had a dream that I got an e-mail for an interview. Otherwise, just general depression and anxiety.

[gellert]

Right now the scariest thing about the whole waiting game for me is the fear that all I will hear is silence. No invites, no acceptances or rejections or waitlists. Just a never-ending silence.

[hyperjulie]

Right now the scariest thing about the whole waiting game for me is the fear that all I will hear is silence. No invites, no acceptances or rejections or waitlists. Just a never-ending silence.

Me too. I don't even know whether or not to expect invites for my programs.

[kgumps2012]

I did have a legitimate panic attack the other day as I checked my email for what could possibly have been the 1000th time. I have also been experiencing intense nausea that I can contribute to the waiting process and receiving emails from my chosen schools containing adverts.

[milara]

I had a dream the other night that my alma mater called me up and offered me a position as a masters student, which I accepted on the spot. I moved there and was homeless and looking for a place to live, and still had to give notice at my job (or maybe I was trying to do both at once), when I realized I'd never asked them if it was a funded offer. This led to much panicking before I woke up.

Of course, the dream in question is impossible for several reasons. I didn't apply to my alma mater even though I'd LOVE to go there again, because they don't accept applicants to my appropriate program without computer programming experience. Also, I'm applying to doctoral programs, and I don't know that I'd accept a masters offer, even from there. And, I've told myself that I will not accept an unfunded offer.

But it was still an unsettling dream.