DorindaAfterThyrsis

Zing! *feels shame and Cup envy* *goes to begin planning new riot for this June*

Ugh. I'm going to go tie my brain into knots writing about Milton, and pretend that I don't care about this.

Wow. Reading through a thread full of people talking about how shitty and evil the atmosphere and environment at both my accepted programs is can really make a gal feel swell. Can't wait for September, when I can get started on the six years of abject misery and intellectual brutality that seem to be my fate. Thanks for the honesty, dudes. Sleeping and/or eating were not things I really needed to be doing for the next 6 months anyway. Fretting about having my throat cut seems like a much better way to spend my time. On a more serious note, I'm trying REALLY hard not to let the opinions and experiences (either positive or negative) expressed on this board influence my perception of the schools/programs too much before I have a chance to visit and do some sleuthing among the current students. I want to go in with an open mind, and really be proactive about ensuring that I have enough information (both factual and experiential) to make a good decision. But fuck me. This thread has caused my anxiety to absolutely skyrocket. Quick! Somebody post something about all the cute puppies that roam free on the Chicago campus, or how I can get dirt cheap tickets to the Hurricanes if I live in North Carolina! (On second thought, the idea of actually sitting through a Carolina Hurricanes game is even more depressing than this thread.... )

Thanks for your thoughts, lyonessrampant My hunch was that gifts would be weird, but I tend to generally be out of touch with most standards of etiquette (spending most of your life in the cocoon of the dance world will do that to ya! ), so I always like to canvass for opinions among the more socially aware. Prevents me from making some pretty awkward blunders ("personal boundaries" an "professional distance" are not really terms that exist in the world I'm coming from). As for "questioning" my programs, I've just been hearing/infering some strange and contradictory things here on these boards, and I no longer know what to think. I just need someone I trust and respect and actually know to give my head a shake and get me back in touch with the real world. I'm honestly going a little bonkers. Too much stress, too little food and sleep.

I'm using the Force. Jedi mind tricks work exceptionally well on stuffy academics.

I used Sidereel. Many of the links they list are duds, but I was able to find at least one quality HD link for each episode.

Just popping in to revive this happy and non-admissions-decision-related thread, and to report that my goal of finding and watching the second series of Sherlock has been a resounding and immediate success. Watched them all in the last two nights. Excellent. Even better than the first series. Benedict Cumberbatch might actually be giving Jeremy Brett a run for his money in the Holmes department. Unfathomable. Never thought I would say that.... Now, back to your regularly scheduled fretting and hand-wringing.....

This is really all you need to know about Canada. Go Nucks Go!

I have a feeling I'll be whingeing in here a lot. Today's issue: I just found out that I was awarded an extra fellowship on top of the usual tuition/stipend package from Duke, which elevates their financial offer over Chicago's (especially with cost of living factored in, which I assume is much lower in Durham). I have yet to visit either school (going this weekend and next), but from what I know so far I feel like Chicago will be a better fit for me.....but I just don't fucking know and I don't know how to decide. I need to seriously start considering these things, but I'm so wrapped up in the self-immolating cycle of getting my hopes up and then talking myself down and then getting my hopes up again then getting rejected, that I don't have brain space for making life-altering decisions. I also have a shit-stack of work to do for school. Maybe I'm self-sabotaging my B.A. so that I won't have to make any hard choices? So: thoughts on going with a moderately (but not earth-shatteringly) better funding package? Or a perceived better "fit"? And how the fuck do I determine where I "fit" anyway? It's one thing to write about it in an SoP, it's quite another to acctually act upon your perception..... Also, it's 4am. What the hell am I doing here? In conclusion, I think having a fully fledged case of impostor syndrome before the application process is even complete bodes really fucking terribly for my future. A final note: I ramble when I'm stressed. Clearly.

Yay, Trip! Your positivity is paying off big time! I pat you on the back with my left hand, and shoot myself in the face with my right.

Dudes, this week/end is kind of breaking me. The prospect of receiving 2 or 3 more rejections (in addition to the three in as many days I've just received) from my hold-it-close-to-your-heart-and-don't-admit-that-you-want-it-because-not-getting-in-would-hurt-too-much schools this week is just a little too much to process right now. I'm angry with myself for feeling this pathetic, because I am very lucky to have some options for the Fall....but every single rejection makes me feel more and more like those two acceptances were a giant mistake, and I clearly don't deserve them, and the minute I set foot in any school I'm going to be found out and instantly exposed as an intellectual fraud. I'm terrified. How will I ever survive school if I can't even survive this process? My confidence, which was sky high a few weeks ago, has utterly deserted me. I hate this month. I hate this week. I hate today.

Congratulations, Columbia-ites! I'm very, very happy for you, and very, very jealous. (I do mean both parts of that honestly...it's quite amazing the split personalities I've developed for celebrating the happiness of others, while bemoaning my own failure. ) I wanted Columbia quite badly. Wish they would send rejections at the same time as acceptances...I'm ill from all the implicit rejects I'm getting this week.

I completely understand and echo what many have been saying re: the need for rigour and seriousness in the way we approach our field, and the important role that language plays in constructing/creating the space in which intellectual activity can happen. However, I'm a bit less convinced of arguments that Grad School is entirely vocational (with no room for exploration/learning as an end in itself), or the sentiment that seems to be lurking under many of these responses that one needs to, essentially, be an expert already before setting foot into a graduate program. Yes, one needs to be focused in order to pursue this path; yes, one needs to be committed and driven; yes, one needs to be passionate and filled with the conviction of their ideas (and ideals)....but one also needs to be open, ready, and willing to receive new information, and possibly paradigm-shifting/world-altering information. Otherwise, what's the point? If I already knew everything I needed to know about my interests (and all the tangentially related things that are bound to come up in my research), than I wouldn't need to be in a program. I'm not entering grad school as a formality designed to reinforce my own convictions and provide me with a pretty framed certificate at the end. I'm entering grad school because I want to have my world rocked, and the foundations of my beliefs and ideas questioned, and examined, and (quite possibly) blown apart. I believe in my research, I believe in my ability to do it, but I also believe that I have only scratched the surface of what I want/need to know in order to progress as a scholar. Grad school will (hopefully) provide me with those tools, and introduce me to those earth-shattering questions. If I emerge on the other end of this process with my interests and ideas essentially intact, I will consider my grad school career a failure. I'm not going to Grad School to reinforce what I already know, I'm going to LEARN what I don't. I don't think that makes me less of a candidate. EDIT: on re-read, this sounded a little more strident/grumpy than I intended....therefore I added this smiley face to make all the grumpiness disappear...... *poof*

Sad trombones for me, too. At least they have the decency to actually GIVE a decision unlike some programs I know.... *cogh*NYU&Rutgers*cough* Congrats to those who got in! Any Early Modernists among you?

You're my new hero.

Ha! (Laughing with, not at) I asked an almost identical question over on metafilter the other day. Got some EXCELLENT advice. HERE is the link, Definitely worth a read. Hope it's helpful for you! Edit to add: Most of the responses I got focused on interaction with fellow prospective students, which won't be an issue for you since you're going alone, but I think the general gist of the advice is still really good/PRACTICAL/implementable.

I'm still kicking myself for not looking into/applying to schools in he Pacific Northwest. What a d-bag I am. I grew up on Vancouver Island (just on the other side of the border), but have been living in central Canada for the past 8 years and miss the West Coast terribly. Reallyreally terribly. Congrats on your acceptances! Hug a tree and kiss the ocean for me once you get out there...

Even more than usual...and that's saying a lot, in my case. Even my cat is finding me needy and telling me to get a fucking life and stop moping in front of my computer. ....at least that's what I assume he is telling me. Sometimes he mumbles when he's angry.

It does get a little more over with every posting, though. Looks like GC members cleaned up in the Rutgers department! I think that's in the running for the school with the highest number of acceptances posted here, no? Again, congrats everyone! My growing bitterness in no way diminishes my happiness for you all. Honest. EDIT: I may need to point out that I appear to be having an extremely negative weekend. Pay no attention to me. Just let me get through a little bit of self-pity and wallowing, and then I'll act like an adult again, I promise.

It's Reading Week/Spring Break at my current school this week, which is extra shitty as I now have to add those hours that I am normally in class with my brain otherwise occupied to the hours that I spend here and/or obsessively checking my inbox/staring at my phone. Chances that I will actually do any "reading" or writing during this break? Slim to none. Ugh.

There's a second series?!?!?!? Fuckitty. There goes any chance of me accomplishing anything during Reading Week other than hunting down an watching these online. Sorry, Milton paper. You're just going to have to take a backseat until this noble goal is accomplished. Also, so glad to see so many fellow (unofficial) Baker Street Irregulars on here! I thought I was the only one, and was very closeted about my Holmesian affections. Well, no more! I shall go forth into the world proclaiming my love for the world's greatest cocaine-addled misanthrope! *marches nobly out of the thread*

I dunno....I wield a mean piece of chalk.

^^ That is incredibly sound advice.

For me, the hardest part of living a great distance from my family (they are in BC, I'm in Toronto) isn't so much not being there for emergencies (like others have said, they are rare and generally not something you could necessarily "help" with), but not being there for the happy/important moments. I have three young nieces and a nephew with whom I am very close, and not being around for them is incredibly hard. Every single birthday party that I miss is truly brutal for me. BUT: Skype is amazing. The kiddies get a kick out of setting up Skype dates with me (which mostly consist of a parade of showing me their latest toys and drawings, and me not being able to get a word in edgewise ), and I get to feel like I still have a presence in their lives. It helps a little, and I make sure I save up so that I can go home at least once a year. It's not perfect, but it's a compromise I have to make if I want to achieve the things I have set out for myself. Long story short: living far away from your family is hard, and will always be hard, especially when "big" moments (whether happy or sad) occur in your family's life. However, if you make an effort to stay connected, and don't allow yourself to feel guilty for things you can't control, it's a manageable hurt. Don't willfully limit your future just to assuage a guilty conscience. Your family wants the best for you. Go for it at the highest level that you can. Just my $0.02.

I am so clearly not smart enough for grad school. Holy shit. *goes back to the corner reserved for remedial English majors*