Should I tell my advisor I’m depressed

[FirstYearHistory17]

Not sure if this is the best place to ask this question but I really need some advice. I’m a first year history PhD student. I’m an older student, 37, and have a long and complicated history with anxiety and depression. I did a very stupid thing a few months ago. After moving to a new state and being unable to find a new psychiatrist, when I ran out of refills of an antidepressant I simply stopped taking them. Having been on medication for several years and having been through major depression episodes, I should have known better. Over the last couple of months my depression and anxiety have come back full force and though I’m keeping up with schoolwork, my personal research project has fallen behind somewhat. I am back in medication and am realizing that I have to take better care of myself (I’ve been running full speed, head first into a brick wall the way I’ve been managing work, and it’s nothjng short of destructive). My problem is I know it will take several weeks to feel like myself again, to get my motivation back, to be at my top level of performance. I want to keep h personal life out of my professional life, but do you think it makes sense to have a candid discussion with my advisor about my situation so I can have a bit more time to get my research project together? 

A note: please, do not comment if you are going to be negative. I have posted on this forum before under a fairly recognizable screen name and have been hit with some pretty negative comments. Please do not post if you think I’m just trying to make excuses for being lazy, or that I can’t cut it in grad school, or that I shouldn’t whine to my advisor about my problems. Depression and anxiety are real and all too often not openly addressed among graduate students. I’m trying to get advise from my peers about managing my condition, so if you don’t have something constructive to say please move along.

[iwearflowers]

Definitely go talk to your advisor! I dealt with something similar in my Masters program (quit therapy and meds because I thought I was fine - which I was at the time because of the therapy and meds), and I feel like I damaged a lot of my faculty relationships by not being more up front about what was going on. It's something I've worked on being more open about while I've been out in the working world. I don't think you have to tell them the whole story. You can just say something like, "I know I'm a bit behind on my personal project. I have a history of anxiety and depression, and I've been struggling a bit with my mental health over the last couple of months. I'm working with my doctor to make some adjustments to my medication and generally trying to take better care of myself, but it usually takes me a few weeks to start feeling like myself again after one of these episodes. Can we talk about making some adjustments to the timeline for this project so I can really do my best work?" You could also consider asking for extra support during this period. I find that more frequent check-ins are helpful when I'm trying to get back on track, though obviously YMMV.

It's so easy to just stop taking your meds when you're feeling well - or when you're not feeling well and getting them filled seems too stressful. I've done it, and most of my friends with these types of struggles have done it. I hope your medical team is giving you the support you need, and I encourage you to start seeing a therapist again if it's not something you're currently doing. I've found it really helpful to have an established relationship with a therapist even during periods when I don't "feel" like I need one - partially because it keeps me working through deeper issues and partially because she helps me stay mindful about my overall condition. It's easier to see a relapse coming when you're checking in with someone regularly.

Best of luck with this. It's frustrating to feel like your brain is actively trying to sabotage your success.

[FirstYearHistory17]

Omg you have no idea how helpful your response was. I think for graduate students, there is a tendency to want to both be a superhero and look like a superhero, and when you’re struggling mentally it’s hard to see where the stress of school stops and the clinical issue begins. You’re right about not wanting to ruin faculty relationships. My husband told said to me that if I had any other medical Issue I would talk to my advisor, so why not this. 

Yeah, I definitely fell into the I don’t need meds anymore because I’m fine trap. I’m usually a lot better about that... but I kept dismissing my symptoms as just the stress of grad school and beating myself up for not being able to just handle it. But I’ve been really really bad the last few weeks and realized that my feelings felt a little too familiar, and a little too similar to previous episodes I’ve had. I do have a new psychiatrist now and he’s very supportive, but because of my own particular issues he can’t prescribe me anything that’s faster acting than a regular SSRI (Xanax is out because it’s counterindicaged fir an unrelated medication I’m on). So it’s a waiting game until feel back to my old self.

Its very helpful to know I’m not the only person who has dealt with this. 

[TakeruK]

It's okay to tell your advisor this if you feel comfortable doing so. It's hard for me to say what would be the best thing to do since I don't know you and I don't know your advisor. Some advisors are very understanding of this and know exactly what to do/say because they might have had students go through this before, have friends going through it or maybe they have gone through it themselves. Other advisors can be very terrible with this, either because they will think less of you for no justifiable reason, or because they simply do not know what to do.

I am glad you are taking more care of yourself now. Did you find a new psychiatrist? Sometimes the school's counseling or mental health centre can be a great resource because they might have more experience with students talking to professors about their needs. So even if you are seeing someone off campus, checking in with the campus resource could be helpful.

As for telling your advisor, again, this is something that is okay to do. You should not have to feel that you are whining or being lazy or overburdening your advisor. That's not true. If you have a good rapport with them and think they will be supportive, then tell them. But if you are not sure, then you can decide how far you want to go. For example, you might not choose to share all the details and instead you can say that you have been dealing with some personal problems in the past few months but you have resolved most of them now. You've fallen behind but will be able to catch up in X weeks. 

Whether you tell them all the info, most of the info, or just a little bit of information, decide ahead of time exactly what you want from your advisor. How can your advisor best support you? Then ask for that. Serving on grad student health committees during my PhD, this topic has come up a few times and I found that most faculty want to help their students but they generally ask, "what should I do? how can I help my student?". So think about what would help you best (perhaps in consultation with your doctor), whether it's an extension of a deadline or just saying "let me suspend this project for X weeks while I catch up on classes" etc.  I am not sure what the consequences of being behind on your research project is. If there is an exam/milestone associated with it, it might be worth asking to move it back by 1 semester. But if it's just a project you will be working on during the entire PhD without any upcoming deadlines, then it shouldn't be a big deal to slow down a bit on it in order to focus on other aspects of your schooling.

[FirstYearHistory17]

The main project is a 50 page piece of original research. I have a pretty clear focus and have done a lot of work on it thus far, but in the state I am in at the moment the idea of distilling it into anything cohesive is insurmountable. It won’t be in several weeks when my antidepressants are up to therapeutic levels, but I need to be serious about my limitations at the moment. I have not been up to now and it has resulted I near panic attacks every time I go into my office and look at the stack of books I have piled up. I think that is how I realized that this wasn’t just regular graduate school stress, it was a relapse and I needed meds now. The good news is the deadline is not entirely fixed. The bad news is that I played the role of superstar prettybwell last semester and I think my lack of productivity will be shocking to my advisor. He’s a great guy... I like him a lot. He’s very supportive in general. I’m just afraid of being labeled as someone with a condition. Especially in my first year. Which is stupid because among my friends I’m a huge advocate for speaking out about mental illness. I just can’t follow my own advice.

university health center was a disaster. I went there as a last resort and was told they couldn’t even think of prescribing me more meds unless I had three months of talk therapy. I told them I had been diagnosed already and I knew what I needed. They said it’s just regulation. Fun thing was that it’s also apparently part of the regulation to give a 37 year old married woman a sexual risk assessment and I spent 10 minutes of my 20 minute appointment refusing to answer invasive questions about the status of my relationship and my sexual history. I left feeling demoralized, even more overwhelmed than before, and with no prescription.

Luckily I have a new psychiatrist now. But it’s going to take a little time to unravel this mess.

[TakeruK]

I'm sorry about the terrible experience at your university health center  It sounds like the opposite of everything we designed our campus' health center to be! I am glad you have a new psychiatrist now. Hopefully you are able to find the right balance of what information to reveal to your advisor. One note: although you may be worried that your advisor will be shocked about the change in productivity, another perspective may be that your advisor has seen you at the height of productivity and may not be that worried that you need some time off since they know you can get back there? Just thinking positive.

[maengret]

 

@FirstYearHistory17 I am sorry you're experiencing this and for how awful the university health clinic experience was, too.

@TakeruK has excellent, excellent commentary.

[FirstYearHistory17]

1 hour ago, maengret said:

 

@FirstYearHistory17 I am sorry you're experiencing this and for how awful the university health clinic experience was, too.

@TakeruK has excellent, excellent commentary.

Thank you - seriously, these responses have really helped me get out of my own head today.  I took the day off to just kind of relax and assess my situation. I think I’m definitely going to have the conversation with my advisor. I think he will be open to it and avoiding him or telling him I’m behind at the last minute will be worse in the end. 

[lemma]

Are you registered with the disabilities office? If so, they might be able to help you have the conversation, either by also talking to your supervisor or by helping you figure out how to broach the subject. It also creates a paper trail should anything go wrong. 

Depression and anxiety are really common, so you are almost certainly not the first student your advisor has supervised or taught with these issues who has needed some kind of accommodation or flexibility. I would also keep in mind that there is a low probability that your supervisor won't know how to react. I had this when I disclosed a mental health diagnosis to my undergraduate thesis advisor. I don't regret it though, because it was completely disruptive to my life and my work at the time, and something needed to be said. Just keep in mind that sometimes people don't know what to do if they can't directly empathize. My other friends who disclosed mental health conditions had no issues though, so the odds are that disclosure will be as smooth as can be. 

[Hope.for.the.best]

4 hours ago, FirstYearHistory17 said:

Thank you - seriously, these responses have really helped me get out of my own head today.  I took the day off to just kind of relax and assess my situation. I think I’m definitely going to have the conversation with my advisor. I think he will be open to it and avoiding him or telling him I’m behind at the last minute will be worse in the end. 

Everyone has give you good advice here. I definitely agree with telling your advisor that you are struggling, and that you need to slow down a bit for the next few weeks. I second @lemma's advice that you should register with the disability office, so they can be your advocate for any accommodations needed. However, as @TakeruK said, depending on how well your advisor may handle the disclosure, you may choose to selectively disclose rather than telling him everything. If your advisor is not that empathetic with issues in your personal life, then "personal problems/issues" may not be the best term here. I told one of my advisors that my grandpa passed away and I needed more time off work; she did not feel sorry for me at all but blamed me for taking a long break. I am still angry with her saying that "You only need a few days for your dead grandpa". She is a grandma herself, and I wonder how she would react if her grandchildren were blamed for taking time off work because her husband passed away. Anyway, if your advisor happens to be like mine, I would say "health issues" instead of "anxiety and depression". He only needs to know that you need time off the next few weeks for health reasons. You don't have to tell him what issues you have exactly. 

Get well soon. 

[abcd128]

Earlier, this year, one of my classmates (I'm an undergrad, my friend was a grad student) committed suicide, and our department was rocked by what happened. Our department's graduate studies advisor actually stopped class and told us this message. 

According to our university health center, approx. 2/3 of graduate students will experience depression, anxiety, or suicidal thoughts while completing their degree. It is important to seek help and also be open with those around you. He said that many grad students may not be comfortable speaking to their research advisor, but that the graduate advisors can be a neutral resource in hard times. He said that many students would go to him since he could provide guidance in navigating academia (and speak to your research advisor on your behalf if necessary) while dealing with a mental health issue. 

Really sorry to hear that you are going through this. Am cheering you on! 

[emjayco]

I agree wholeheartedly with all of these posts. Assess your advisor's openness then do what is best for you! I have only had one bad experience asking for help and it was in an employment situation. In my MS, my professors were beyond helpful and understanding and supervisors at work have been supportive as well. If you work with the office of disability services you can request a reasonable accommodation and/or ideally they can help you with the self-advocacy skills to communicate what you need from your advisor. I wish you the best. I just know, if I had not asked for support, I would not have finished my program nor could I even fathom the idea of returning to school now 6 years later.

[kpietromica]

It makes me intensely happy to see this thread <3

This is something I have been pondering as I struggle with the same issues. I will be in grad school in the fall and it is so reassuring to know that there are others who have dealt with it and are dealing with it and have been successful. 

I wish you the best @FirstYearHistory17 !