Being shy about talking about your accomplishments

[Adelaide9216]

Hello,

I wonder if you girls ever feel shy when it comes to talking about your accomplishments on social media? My professional life is going pretty well right now, I've come a long way, and I share what I do online. However, I often feel shy about sharing those things out of fear that people may think that I'm 'bragging'. Once, a woman that I have never met told me that she is deleting me off Facebook for her mental health because she says that I 'shine too much'. (I never responded to her message.)

Also, I have a lot of young black teens who are following me on social media and i feel like I have to share the things I do mostly for them. I'm well aware that as a visible minority, people won't come to look for me, that I have to put myself out there but I find it difficult because I don't like talking about the things that I accomplish.

Anyone else feeling this way?

[jocorac]

I rarely talk about my accomplishments. I waited almost 2 months before announcing that I was accepted into my Ph.D. program and I only announced it after my department placed it on social media( I had intended to wait till August when I officially started my program). Even at my part-time job, my coworkers boast in the fact that I'm going to school in the fall but honestly, I try not to talk about it as much because I don't want to come off as arrogant.  One thing I've learned and still learning is that there will always someone who will not understand what you are doing and why you are doing it. If my talking about my achievements hurts others, then I apologize but diming my light with respect to someone's else feelings is something I now refuse to worry about. I still keep what I do in my life to a minimum only because I want privacy. But if it is a big achievement, I feel that I have every right to share my good news. If a person doesn't like me, they can unfriend me. 

If you feel that posting on social media may cause more issues, create a blog to do it. A lot of it is just jealousy, especially within the black community. I've been told to be careful about sharing the good things in my life because it may deter others. But I shouldn't have to be quiet on my accomplishments in order to please everyone else and make them happy. It is not my responsibility and it should not be your responsibility either. If they don't like it, let them scroll down like everyone else. 

[lemma]

I think it also depends on what type of social media you use. On LinkedIn it is definitely acceptable to talk about all of your accomplishments, and as another poster said blogs are a great place for that too. I think Facebook can feel a little different - it's more personal than other mediums, and some people might feel like you're intruding into their personal space. That said, I know plenty of people who post everything on Facebook and while it doesn't bother me at all, I can see how it could rub some people the wrong way.

[ZeChocMoose]

I am not the biggest fan about talking about my accomplishments either.  I don't necessary view it as bragging - I am just more interested in discussing other topics and hearing about what other people are up to.  However, I have realized that if you want to stay in academia, you have to figure out how to promote yourself (for a lack of a better term), make people aware of what you are up to, and ensure that people think of you when they think about scholars with your research interests. (I also realize while I don't like talking about my accomplishments, it is part of my job and I need to do it even though I think it is kinda boring and silly.)  

For social media, I have seen academics using Twitter to talk about their professional interests/accomplishments and using Facebook to talk more about their personal lives. This is how I tend to use these platforms too.  I rarely use LinkedIn - just to keep my CV up to date, but that is about it.

In terms of what other people think when you post items - I feel fairly confident to say that you won't be able to please everyone so you need to figure out what you are comfortable with. The way that I have seen accomplished academics do this well is they post about their big accomplishments and perhaps offer some insights into the accomplishment, but they also mix it up by posting about their colleagues' accomplishments, post articles to lead to thoughtful discussions, etc.  So I guess what I am saying is their social media presence is not just a highlight reel of themselves which may feel too much like they are a very pushy salesman for themselves (!), but they mix it up and talk about other cool work going on in the field which is nice and refreshing.

[Cheshire_Cat]

If I'm going to brag, it's going to be in person.   Really, it depends on how much you post about them. If you post a lot, and post about other things in your life, then post about your accomplishments as well.  If the only time you post anything is to brag... well, that gets a little old.

I only post pictures of my pets and major life updates on my page, but that is just me. Some of those are accomplishment related, such as going into the Ph.D program and passing comps, but not every little thing.

[Adelaide9216]

I post a lot of stuff like newspaper articles, songs that I enjoy and memes. I truly don't post everything. But even I post some things, I still feel shy. That's why I don't completely understand why this lady said that I was 'shining too much', she literally said she was tired of hearing people talking about me positively. 

[Sigaba]

1 hour ago, Adelaide9216 said:

I post a lot of stuff like newspaper articles, songs that I enjoy and memes. I truly don't post everything. But even I post some things, I still feel shy. That's why I don't completely understand why this lady said that I was 'shining too much', she literally said she was tired of hearing people talking about me positively. 

You've been struggling with that comment for some time now. IME, when a comment hits a nerve it's sometimes helpful to work towards a balance of being comfortable with the behavior in question and understanding why the criticism stings so badly. 

Here's the thing. You're going to need some shine and some swagger to reach the personal and professional goals you've mentioned on this BB. Just stay in touch with people whom you trust to call you on your own b.s.if your head gets too swollen. At which time you'll do some reflection and then get back to doing what you were doing.

You mentioned Instagram. If you've not done so already, please consider taking a look at Ava DuVernay, Tarana J. Burke, and Lena Waithe. If not also Jameela Jamil and Kristen Bell. (The latter two make a conscious effort to share their struggle.)

[Adelaide9216]

Hum, Im confused about your post. Could you clarify?

[AnUglyBoringNerd]

I also share information related to my advocacy work and academic interests, etc, on social media, but never really "accomplishments". I think sometimes the response of one's audience could depend on one's approach to "sharing". e.g. a person  was invited to speak about their advocacy/academic work at an awesome international summit, then one way to share it is to introduce to those who couldn't attend what happened, what were the implications, and what could be the useful takeaways and reflections, etc, so others could benefit from that info. This kind of sharing is professional and not about this particular person but about the advocacy/academic work itself. I see lots of fellow activists do this, which seems quite common and actually would provide a precious opportunity for people to exchange notes, which potentially helps with future collaboration at work. 

On the other hand, I personally share (and do so shamelessly）info in a  "my accomplishments!" way only with very few ...mhm special people, and in a bilateral and private way, e.g. sending a message with pics to my significant other that reads like "Ahhhh it's Me! At this awesome international summit presenting!!" sometimes in a "little girl at Disneyland" style. And here "special ones" don't even include my parents bc if I do so they'd reply with explicit or implicit lectures on how one shall always stay humble.... (i come from and am educated in East Asian countries, so this might make a difference) 

So, in my experience, once you find the balance between personal sharing and professional sharing, you'd feel comfortable with sharing in general. I second Sigaba's advice, everyone has their own (and probably) different approach to sharing things on social media, you just need to find the balance to make you feel comfortable.  

 

[Cheshire_Cat]

11 hours ago, Adelaide9216 said:

I post a lot of stuff like newspaper articles, songs that I enjoy and memes. I truly don't post everything. But even I post some things, I still feel shy. That's why I don't completely understand why this lady said that I was 'shining too much', she literally said she was tired of hearing people talking about me positively. 

TBH, I feel that it is weird that someone would message you and tell you this. If someone is a braggart on social media, just mute them or roll your eyes when they post, but telling them you are personally hurt by them talking about their accomplishments just seems manipulative and cruel to me.  I obviously don't know this lady or your relationship to her, but if you care about someone, you should be happy to see them succeed.  To me this sounds like either a plea for help, or someone who is jealous of you. Either way, I don't think her comments should be taken seriously.

Edited May 22, 2018 by Cheshire_Cat

[Sigaba]

5 hours ago, Adelaide9216 said:

Hum, Im confused about your post. Could you clarify?

I recommend that you pay less attention from the critical remarks from people who don't know you well. I suggest that you find ways to be comfortable talking about your achievements. A number of activists and established professionals in the entertainment industry have Instagram accounts. Their posts and stories may provide examples of how to shine.

[Assotto]

I faced a similar issue when I was awarded a short-term fellowship during my first year in my doctoral program. My gut reaction was to not post anything to my social media because I know how it feels to constantly read other people's achievements and feel like I've done nothing.

I got conflicting advice. A fellow student in my program told me not to post anything. A professor/mentor practically scolded me for not sharing my achievements with my professional network online. Your post could actually go far beyond just celebrating your achievements. (It could prompt colleagues to apply for that fellowship during the next cycle, consider submitting an essay for that paper prize next year, etc.)

I echo the earlier comments in that you should figure out a system that works best for you. I do think as women/people of color/queers we should be tastefully promoting ourselves and our accomplishments. If you don't celebrate yourself and your achievements from time to time, who will?

[Elephas]

In my position as someone who has a general idea of where I'd like my career to go coming out of undergrad I sometimes feel guilty posting all of my accomplishments. So I typically only post about a sampling of them now and again and with delays in between. I.e. I got two awards but only posted about one until many months later posting about the other(as a part of my graduation accomplishments). I also feel like sometimes it may seem like I am trying to outshine everyone else which is why I pick and choose what to share. I typically share with close peers/family and my institution these types of things and they end up posting about it before I do on occasion. 

I am thinking about starting up a personal website this summer so that I can keep things like this on the professional side but still have some place to put it and be proud (not a blog but an "about me" "my research interests"... type site)

[itsjoya]

I guess you are just humble, and there's nothing wrong with it. You can brag about your accomplishment if you are looking for a job and is undergoing series of interviews.