recording advisor meetings

[Anthony2016]

hi everyone, I noticed that the recording button was on during my meeting. Is that a sign that the advisor is recording the meeting? Is that something I should be concerned about?

[Sigaba]

39 minutes ago, Jania said:

hi everyone, I noticed that the recording button was on during my meeting. Is that a sign that the advisor is recording the meeting? Is that something I should be concerned about?

Based upon your previous posts, my guess is that you're having a hard time communicating with members of your department generally and your advisor is seeking to avoid any misunderstanding.

I would double check your school's policy and the state's laws on single party consent for recording conversations. If the recordings are above board, I would think about how to phrase your questions and concerns about being recorded. I would also consider taking very good notes or recording the conversations as well.

 

 

[Anthony2016]

15 minutes ago, Sigaba said:

Based upon your previous posts, my guess is that you're having a hard time communicating with members of your department generally and your advisor is seeking to avoid any misunderstanding.

I would double check your school's policy and the state's laws on single party consent for recording conversations. If the recordings are above board, I would think about how to phrase your questions and concerns about being recorded. I would also consider taking very good notes or recording the conversations as well.

 

 

How did you get that I can't communicate with my department? I have always been talking to my advisor to the point that he knows that I feel isolated and depressed. I shared everything with them. I am not sure how honest I can be

[Anthony2016]

I am not saying that there is something inherently wrong with it but when we had in person meetings, neither of us was recording. There's been no need to record. But I think something has happened that the advisor feels I am not someone to trust? What could I have done to give that impression?

[Sigaba]

8 hours ago, Jania said:

How did you get that I can't communicate with my department? I have always been talking to my advisor to the point that he knows that I feel isolated and depressed. I shared everything with them. I am not sure how honest I can be

 

8 hours ago, Jania said:

I am not saying that there is something inherently wrong with it but when we had in person meetings, neither of us was recording. There's been no need to record. But I think something has happened that the advisor feels I am not someone to trust? What could I have done to give that impression?

You're saying what I'm trying to nudge you to think about.

[Anthony2016]

12 minutes ago, Sigaba said:

 

You're saying what I'm trying to nudge you to think about.

thanks for giving honest feedback but that is disappointing because I am usually really careful

[Sigaba]

23 minutes ago, Jania said:

thanks for giving honest feedback but that is disappointing because I am usually really careful

My recommendation is that you continue with your self care plan and that you consider the benefits of "right sizing" what you share with your professors.

Generally, a professor is not going to provide clear guidance on expectations how graduate students should behave. IME, erring on the side of caution almost always works better than being too transparent with one's private life.

[Anthony2016]

27 minutes ago, Sigaba said:

My recommendation is that you continue with your self care plan and that you consider the benefits of "right sizing" what you share with your professors.

Generally, a professor is not going to provide clear guidance on expectations how graduate students should behave. IME, erring on the side of caution almost always works better than being too transparent with one's private life.

it's almost like you have a perfect reading of my situation (maybe even know someone like me? )thanks anyway and I agree i should not have overshared. It has cost me in my relationship. Usually when a professor says they care about mental health,, it is easy to over-share

[Anthony2016]

Is it okay to slip in my emails that if he would tell me if I have not communicated something clearly? 

Edited April 21, 2020 by Jania

[Sigaba]

I think that you should find a way to pull back from the habit of burst communications. Before sending several messages/emails , take the time to figure out how to send one.

This skill takes effort to develop. (At my job, we often pass around drafts to make sure we're getting one sentence right so as not to bother clients unduly.)

Another potential resource for you might be a journal (physical and digital) specifically for jotting down thoughts/feelings that might be categorized as "nervous energy."

Insofar as right sizing disclosures about one's state of mind/mental health, it is going to be trial and error.

[Anthony2016]

14 minutes ago, Sigaba said:

I think that you should find a way to pull back from the habit of burst communications. Before sending several messages/emails , take the time to figure out how to send one.

This skill takes effort to develop. (At my job, we often pass around drafts to make sure we're getting one sentence right so as not to bother clients unduly.)

Another potential resource for you might be a journal (physical and digital) specifically for jotting down thoughts/feelings that might be categorized as "nervous energy."

Insofar as right sizing disclosures about one's state of mind/mental health, it is going to be trial and error.

Interesting, it seems like you know me! How do you know I send several messages/emails, lol! Thanks anyway! And I wish I could also get my emails cross checked like that. 

[Sigaba]

21 minutes ago, Jania said:

Interesting, it seems like you know me! How do you know I send several messages/emails, lol! Thanks anyway! And I wish I could also get my emails cross checked like that. 

I typically, but not always, do background reading before I respond to a member's posts. 

The time/date stamps on your posts suggest the pattern I mentioned.

[Modulus]

It sounds like when your situation is uncertain, you have some urgency to achieve understanding or resolution. I second @Sigaba's advice to practice "right-sizing" of disclosure and to reduce communication to less frequent, but more dense and comprehensive e-mails.

I notice that throughout this thread you seem to be looking for direction or reassurance--perhaps because you are not receiving it (or not receiving it as quickly as you might like) from your mentor. You may find these thoughts and feelings easier to navigate and tolerate using the principles of acceptance and commitment therapy. This is a short but great book that takes you through these strategies with various self-reflective exercises. This could work very well with the journaling strategy previously suggested.

[Anthony2016]

5 hours ago, Modulus said:

It sounds like when your situation is uncertain, you have some urgency to achieve understanding or resolution. I second @Sigaba's advice to practice "right-sizing" of disclosure and to reduce communication to less frequent, but more dense and comprehensive e-mails.

I notice that throughout this thread you seem to be looking for direction or reassurance--perhaps because you are not receiving it (or not receiving it as quickly as you might like) from your mentor. You may find these thoughts and feelings easier to navigate and tolerate using the principles of acceptance and commitment therapy. This is a short but great book that takes you through these strategies with various self-reflective exercises. This could work very well with the journaling strategy previously suggested.

I appreciate all your intelligent and insightful answers! You can read the situation perfectly. Thanks for this link! Will check it out!