I am tired (COVID-19 rant)

[Adelaide9216]

I am tired.

I know it won't change anything to the situation. I know it's hard for everyone. But I need to vent/rant.

I live on my own, two hours away from my hometown. I had moved for my first year of university and had always planned to move back to my hometown afterwards.

But because of COVID-19, I have not seen my family and friends in person since March.

I am quite an independant woman, and it was okay at the beginning (the first two months). But now, I am fed up to be honest. It impacts my motivation re: my comprehensive exam as well. I have low energy and feel like I'm stuck between my four walls. I can't even do the things I enjoy doing on my own (going to music concerts, watch independant movies at the local movie theater, going to music concerts, etc.). I can't study at the local library or café. I'm at home all day long. All my activities entails going to the grocery store, talking walks with music, and watching some webinars. And cleaning up my appartement. That's it. 

I speak with my friends and family through Zoom, phonecalls, Messenger, texts daily. But it is not the same thing has having a real human being in front of you or to get a hug.

Plus, to my surprise, I fell in love with a man that loves me back during the pandemic (we knew each other for multiple years). He made a love declaration to me and I've responded back positively to it. But he's in my hometown. We speak over the phone daily, but we cannot see or touch each other. Falling in love has impacted my level of concentration. It,s a bit better now, but I still feel like my head is up in the clouds. And I am notorious for how focused I am. But I just can't focus.

I think travelling is now allowed between Canadian provinces. I am going to take a shot at taking the train next week to go back to my hometown. Because I am going crazy and feel bored. 

 

 

Edited May 28, 2020 by Adelaide9216

[Adelaide9216]

Today, I disabled my FB account for the summer. I will be back in a few months. I need to succeed at my comprehensive exam. The pandemic (and the isolation that comes with it), the recent news event, and my love situation makes it soooo hard to focus on anything.

[Adelaide9216]

I re-began reading for comps today. And I found my motivation back. I also switched the calendar of my readings. I am starting with question 2, that has a lot more articles than books on the opposite of question 1. So it helps me with my motivation. What I am reading is actually very interesting on top of that so it helps. 

[Anna D.C.]

Hi, I just want to share. I had no problem with a romantic relationship when I read this before. My ex recently came back, and it felt like he is now ready for commitment. He even asked me if he could visit me in the province. It is too far, and I think that would be a great effort. I also feel like he wants to meet my parents.

But I refused. He talked to me, thinking that I already graduated, but I am still refining my thesis. 
He got into graduate school while working. I do not want to bother him, so I distanced myself. 
I am also worried that he was lying about committing because he lied to me several times in the past. He keeps on leaving me when he gets busy. We no longer talked after I asked him why he left me. It is painful that he does not want me to have closure until now. I am trying to give it to myself, but whenever I forget about him. He comes back.  
I have to deal with it while the pandemic is still happening. I am also hoping for him to come back, but I need to prepare for graduate school. I even told him to wait until I finish it.

To the people seeing this, may I ask your thoughts about this? Do you think he likes me? Should we still wait for each other?

Thank you. 

[PsyDuck90]

5 hours ago, Dann said:

Hi, I just want to share. I had no problem with a romantic relationship when I read this before. My ex recently came back, and it felt like he is now ready for commitment. He even asked me if he could visit me in the province. It is too far, and I think that would be a great effort. I also feel like he wants to meet my parents.

But I refused. He talked to me, thinking that I already graduated, but I am still refining my thesis. 
He got into graduate school while working. I do not want to bother him, so I distanced myself. 
I am also worried that he was lying about committing because he lied to me several times in the past. He keeps on leaving me when he gets busy. We no longer talked after I asked him why he left me. It is painful that he does not want me to have closure until now. I am trying to give it to myself, but whenever I forget about him. He comes back.  
I have to deal with it while the pandemic is still happening. I am also hoping for him to come back, but I need to prepare for graduate school. I even told him to wait until I finish it.

To the people seeing this, may I ask your thoughts about this? Do you think he likes me? Should we still wait for each other?

Thank you. 

Honestly, it sounds like he isn't worth your time. Someone who cares will support you and want to be with you regardless of where you're at in school. They may know to give you space when you are busy, but they do not fall off the face of the earth. When my husband and I started dating, we were in different states, about an hour drive (so not terrible) and I was in the middle of my master's degree and worked full time. Even when we didn't see each other in person, we would still text regularly. He understood I was busy and gave me that space to do my work, but still kept in contact. This guy sounds like he only cares when it is convenient for him and if it isn't, he ghosts you. 

[Anna D.C.]

44 minutes ago, PsyDuck90 said:

Honestly, it sounds like he isn't worth your time. Someone who cares will support you and want to be with you regardless of where you're at in school. They may know to give you space when you are busy, but they do not fall off the face of the earth. When my husband and I started dating, we were in different states, about an hour drive (so not terrible) and I was in the middle of my master's degree and worked full time. Even when we didn't see each other in person, we would still text regularly. He understood I was busy and gave me that space to do my work, but still kept in contact. This guy sounds like he only cares when it is convenient for him and if it isn't, he ghosts you. 

Yes, he only talks to me when it's convenient for him. But he keeps on coming back. I was alright and channeling all my effort to finish my research because I will present it in graduate school. But when he came back, I keep thinking about him, and the way I pushed him through what he called "cold words." He said, "there is no point for all of this if that is your mindset," after I said, "you will just leave me." He started explaining why he's busy and said, " I care for the family [of my bosses]." He also has his parents and brothers to support, and I don't think I'll ever be his priority. 
But he offered to fund my education. I declined the offer because I am worried about what he will ask in return. He is an executive now, and I do not know how he got into that position immediately. His family had a financial setback four years ago. He said his boss passed the company to him because the daughter of his boss does not want to manage it. He also said that his father was the business partner of his boss in Hong Kong. But he's father was working in Saudi Arabia when we met. He did not know that he told me about it. He has a short-term memory loss, and he cannot remember the things that he tells me, including the things that he texts after a few minutes.  
I was able to trace his work and boss, and I do not think he is an executive. But I am still not sure because he took an MBA, he said he needs that for his company. He also said that I was never impressed with him, and every time he comes back, he has a new milestone to share. He is planning to enter a real estate business after his MBA. I always talk about it before.  

How do I know when someone's lying about their position or achievements? How do I confront him about his lies without hurting him? I want to change him because I am worried that he would turn into a sociopath. He already had white lies when we were younger. I had a relationship with him when his brother died. He admired him and loved him more than his parents. Everything that he is doing right now is similar to the broken dreams of his brother, modified with the things that he knows about my family. I saw him change. His temper also got worse after that.
 
Thank you for answering me. I need direction in what I should do, and I know a number of graduate students here studying humanities and social science would help a lot. My field is quite different from this, and he is my first relationship. I am struggling to help him and not hurt myself in the process.  

[PsyDuck90]

2 minutes ago, Dann said:

Yes, he only talks to me when it's convenient for him. But he keeps on coming back. I was alright and channeling all my effort to finish my research because I will present it in graduate school. But when he came back, I keep thinking about him, and the way I pushed him through what he called "cold words." He said, "there is no point for all of this if that is your mindset," after I said, "you will just leave me." He started explaining why he's busy and said, " I care for the family [of my bosses]." He also has his parents and brothers to support, and I don't think I'll ever be his priority. 
But he offered to fund my education. I declined the offer because I am worried about what he will ask in return. He is an executive now, and I do not know how he got into that position immediately. His family had a financial setback four years ago. He said his boss passed the company to him because the daughter of his boss does not want to manage it. He also said that his father was the business partner of his boss in Hong Kong. But he's father was working in Saudi Arabia when we met. He did not know that he told me about it. He has a short-term memory loss, and he cannot remember the things that he tells me, including the things that he texts after a few minutes.  
I was able to trace his work and boss, and I do not think he is an executive. But I am still not sure because he took an MBA, he said he needs that for his company. He also said that I was never impressed with him, and every time he comes back, he has a new milestone to share. He is planning to enter a real estate business after his MBA. I always talk about it before.  

How do I know when someone's lying about their position or achievements? How do I confront him about his lies without hurting him? I want to change him because I am worried that he would turn into a sociopath. He already had white lies when we were younger. I had a relationship with him when his brother died. He admired him and loved him more than his parents. Everything that he is doing right now is similar to the broken dreams of his brother, modified with the things that he knows about my family. I saw him change. His temper also got worse after that.
 
Thank you for answering me. I need direction in what I should do, and I know a number of graduate students here studying humanities and social science would help a lot. My field is quite different from this, and he is my first relationship. I am struggling to help him and not hurt myself in the process.  

First of all, you can't change a person. Unless he wants to change and goes to therapy, he won't change. Literally nothing you can do will help him. He sounds like he's bad news. I would politely tell him you don't have time for this and ask him to not contact you again. Seriously, just cut your losses and move on. You will spend more energy, time, aggravation, etc on him with nothing positive in return. I am in the social sciences. I specifically study intimate partner violence. This guy sounds manipulative and, to be crass, like he's full of shit. You don't need this in your life. 

[Anna D.C.]

21 minutes ago, PsyDuck90 said:

First of all, you can't change a person. Unless he wants to change and goes to therapy, he won't change. Literally nothing you can do will help him. He sounds like he's bad news. I would politely tell him you don't have time for this and ask him to not contact you again. Seriously, just cut your losses and move on. You will spend more energy, time, aggravation, etc on him with nothing positive in return. I am in the social sciences. I specifically study intimate partner violence. This guy sounds manipulative and, to be crass, like he's full of shit. You don't need this in your life. 

I appreciate the straight-forward response, pushing him away pains me, but I need to move on. I will just focus on finishing my research. Thank you.