Confession of a Chaucerian

[OnceAndFutureGrad]

I thought you guys would benefit from a piece of wisdom I received from a professor in my department. I'm not a Chaucerian or even really a literature person, but even I appreciate C. David Benson and his extensive contribution to Middle English scholarship. He is in the long slow process of retiring and as the department librarian I've been accepting, valuing, and cataloging his book donations.

A few weeks ago, while going over his collection, I spoke to him about my anxiety concerning the application process. I said, "I applied to a lot of really great places but I'm still not sure if I'm at that caliber."

He replied, "Oh, but you have to have some faith in yourself."

"Oh, I know. Just sometimes I don't know if I'm good enough."

He laughed, and said, "I feel the same way! Some days I think I'm so accomplished and brilliant, and there are others when I'm absolutely sure that I've been fooling everyone and someone's finally going to notice what a dummy I am!"

So remember, when you're not sure whether to think you're smart or stupid in this wait for validation, even an accomplished Middle English scholar at the end of his career wonders too....

[Strangefox]

I thought you guys would benefit from a piece of wisdom I received from a professor in my department. I'm not a Chaucerian or even really a literature person, but even I appreciate C. David Benson and his extensive contribution to Middle English scholarship. He is in the long slow process of retiring and as the department librarian I've been accepting, valuing, and cataloging his book donations.

A few weeks ago, while going over his collection, I spoke to him about my anxiety concerning the application process. I said, "I applied to a lot of really great places but I'm still not sure if I'm at that caliber."

He replied, "Oh, but you have to have some faith in yourself."

"Oh, I know. Just sometimes I don't know if I'm good enough."

He laughed, and said, "I feel the same way! Some days I think I'm so accomplished and brilliant, and there are others when I'm absolutely sure that I've been fooling everyone and someone's finally going to notice what a dummy I am!"

So remember, when you're not sure whether to think you're smart or stupid in this wait for validation, even an accomplished Middle English scholar at the end of his career wonders too....

What a nice and clever guy! Many accomplished professors would be afraid to say something as honest about themselves

That is what I have always suspected: even people who achieved a lot can be unsure about their accomplishments. I know from my own experience that once you've done something great and difficullt it seems that it was oh-so-easy and that everybody can do that or that there is absolutely nothing special about this next step of the staircase (of your life) that has seemed so important and unattainable before

[sputnik]

RecycledViking, I love this post. Thanks.

[MoJingly]

That is what I have always suspected: even people who achieved a lot can be unsure about their accomplishments. I know from my own experience that once you've done something great and difficullt it seems that it was oh-so-easy and that everybody can do that or that there is absolutely nothing special about this next step of the staircase (of your life) that has seemed so important and unattainable before

I have my first interview tomorrow, and I keep thinking, "what if they find out that's I'm ACTUALLY stupid?"

Thanks for this.

[Strangefox]

I have my first interview tomorrow

Good luck! I am sure you will do great!

[MoJingly]

I have my first interview tomorrow, and I keep thinking, "what if they find out that's I'm ACTUALLY stupid?"

I just read this again, and didn't even realize I wrote "that's." I'm going to avoid editing it, though, because I think it's pretty much perfect.

Good luck! I am sure you will do great!

Thanks! Should be a fun time!

[whatshewrote]

THANK YOU for this post! It pretty much sums up how I feel all the time now - swinging constantly back and forth between thinking, "I AM a smartie! I CAN do this!"...followed shortly by, "I have no chance. What was I thinking? I am mediocre, at best."

And I especially appreciate it coming from a medievalist.

[space-cat]

Thanks for this, Viking! For all the time we spend imagining what ridiculously high expectations ad coms must have for us and our apps, it's nice to have a reminder that they probably spend just as much time questioning their own worth

[troy.princess]

I feel that way ever since I graduated my BA and started my possessional career.

No matter how good the feedbacks I get I'm always afraid that soon all of them will realize that I am a fake and have no talent in anything

Almost every day I feel "that's it, today I going to be exposed"

I teach, give speeches and talk in front of large audiences for the last 10 years (I'm 30) and every time I get on stage, for a brief moment I'm scared that someone will laugh or make fun of me.

I know it's irrational and stupid of me and I do laugh at myself sometimes....

I've talked about it with my friend who is about to finish PhD at top 5 university in our field and he said that everyone he met in academia feels the same way as I do, but not everyone will admit that.

So, I'll be in good company LOL

[Strangefox]

I've talked about it with my friend who is about to finish PhD at top 5 university in our field and he said that everyone he met in academia feels the same way as I do, but not everyone will admit that.

Thanks!

I will tell it to myself whenever I feel insecure

[Irishlibra]

Great post! We area all people of worth, and it's refreshing and inspiring to remember that we all have to start somewhere and that everyone has times when they are insecure. Thanks for sharing!