Tybalt Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 Fair warning--This is not a "chin up, I got rejected by 5 programs before getting a funded offer" story. We are officially halfway through February. There are those of us (like myself) who have received rejections but no admits. There are those of us who have heard nothing from any program at all. It's easy to stress out. It's easy to picture across the board rejection. We start to picture spending a year waiting tables. In horror, we see ourselves getting forced out of academia and onto the bottom rung of the economic world of "real life." We start to question our intelligence, our worth and our futures. I know. I've been doing it. Today I stop. Today, I recognize that going to work for a year is not a bad thing. Today, I realize that even if I never get a funded offer for a PhD, my life will have meaning because I will have a life. Before I started my MA degree, I spent four years as a high school teacher. I received an e-mail this afternoon, letting me know that two of my former students were in a car accident last night. Both of them graduated last year. Both are 19. One, Mark, is a United States Marine, and he is currently fighting for his life in a shock-trauma center. The other, Ashley, is dead. At 19 years of age. After receiving this news, my perspective on this whole process was forcibly altered. I still hope for a funded offer to continue my work on Shakespeare. I will still get a little goofy every time I hear the beep of a new e-mail arriving in my inbox. I will still check Gradcafe often enough to qualify as an addiction. I will no longer dread the notion of going 0-11. I will no longer get all dramatic at the concept of a year outside of PhD work. Whatever I do over the next 12 months, whether it's starting a PhD program, applying again, working a job I love or working a job I hate, I will be alive to experience the highs and lows of that year. Whatever happens, I will remember that. Our "worst-case scenarios" would look very enticing to Mark and Ashley right now. I intend to remember that over the coming weeks and months. I apologize for the depressing tone of the post. It doesn't make any sense to me when kids die. It makes even less sense when they're my kids. kairos, cyriac, fall-11 and 8 others 9 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Awin Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 I'm so sorry to hear about your students, Tybalt. And you're right - sometimes we all need to put things in perspective. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alexdelarge Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 Very sad. However, thanks for this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fall-11 Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 I'm really sorry about Mark and Ashley. Yes, our worst case scenarios would seem wonderful to them. Thank you for putting things in perspective for us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theboyfriend Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 Give those two my best. It's easy to forget that even to get this far, we are still better off than 98% of others in the world. We've had access to a great education, and have the opportunity to pursue academics as a career. It may not work out this time, but we should still feel proud of what we've done so far. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cquin Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 So sorry to hear about this. But thanks for your perspective, it's a helpful dose of reality. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RestorationJunkie Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 I am so sorry for your loss and will be keeping you, Mark, and their families in my thoughts. Thank you for the much-needed perspective. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheOtherJake Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 You're absolutely right. I'm sorry to hear about your students. I'm in my second year teaching, and I know what it's like to lose students: although the one death at my school this year (from a shooting) was not in my class, the loss was felt across the school, and I've lost a few students in my class to arrests and parental neglect. It does indeed put things in perspective, and it makes me grateful that I still can worry about things like whether I will get accepted to a graduate school, while others around me have never had the privilege of such a worry, and worry instead about things like affording food or not being hurt by gang violence. Anyway, I'm not sure what my point was except to say that you're right on the money: having good health and opportunities is what really matters, no matter what happens this season. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Medievalmaniac Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for your loss and thanks for sharing with us. I am also very sorry for your loss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tybalt Posted February 16, 2011 Author Share Posted February 16, 2011 I am also very sorry for your loss. Thanks. I never get used to it. Thanks also to everyone for providing a venue to get it out. I felt like a very small human being for getting as "gloom and doom" about results as I have been. On a positive note, I heard from Mark's brother--he's still at shock/trauma, but it looks like he's going to pull through. He's a tough kid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
valisee Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 I hope all the best for you and your students. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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