not being able to tell people

[aquellita]

just need to get it out of my system and maybe find people here who i can relate to

the worst part of this whole waiting out is not being able to tell people at work

here in corporate is very different, things like this need to be hush hush

for obvious reasons, i still need to keep my job and even if i get accepted i still need to stay here for at least another 6 months

i broke my silence and told some guys in one of my project teams, i asked them to be very discreet about this

they kept asking where I went last week when I was off for a couple of days on an interview

i mean, i cant hide it, every time someone asks i get this huge smile on my face

people started to think that i was either getting married or pregnant hahaha

anyone is similar situation?

[Katie Brady]

Wow, that is probably kind of tough and awkward.

I currently am not a fan of my job, so I'm not telling people in case I don't get in and then they decide to rub my face in it. Of course, if I don't get in, I'm peacing the hell out and working elsewhere, but that's beside the point. So, I kinda know what you mean.

[Golden Monkey]

I'm in the opposite situation. Everyone at work knows I got my first rejection last week. It was completely impossible to keep the applications a secret, as I work for the same program I got my master's in and needed to ask coworkers for letters of recommendation.

[jergensultrahealing]

Another "benefit" of being unemployed: no need to be concerned with leaking information that may potentially compromise reputation, relationships, and employment status.

[Kathiza]

I'm in the same situation. I can't tell people at work and my parents say I should not tell them too early, but only one month before I leave (which is the minimum time for quitting a job in my country). I hope I don't get my first notification (doesn't matter if it's a rejection or an acceptance, I will be weird and unable to concentrate after any) while I'm at work. But I keep checking my mail at work and I even checked grad café every once in a while. I hope nobody at work is watching my internet activity and finds out this way

[aquellita]

I'm in the opposite situation. Everyone at work knows I got my first rejection last week. It was completely impossible to keep the applications a secret, as I work for the same program I got my master's in and needed to ask coworkers for letters of recommendation.

actually during the interview one of the professors did ask why i didnt ask my current boss to write a letter, she thought it was something fishy

but i told her that in corporate one usually does not ask the current boss for recommendation bc it's pretty much like saying 'hey i might be leaving' so from the perspective of the company they might be wasting time and resources on me when they can hire someone else right now and train them

but I've been here for 5 years so I know the processes and the people very well

so until i have an assurance that I am accepted I cant really say or ask for any letter of recommendation, plus my productivity is a bit down since i started this whole application process

the professor understood my situation

[A_Murphy]

Yep, I have this problem as well. I have to keep this job at least until July, so I've only told a few of my coworker friends that I trust. It's been difficult a few times, but I'm sure the time will fly by soon enough. I did see Kathiza's concern about when to let them know. Several people have told me just to wait until two weeks before (considered the minimum for good ettiquette), but that seems a little shady to me. Anyone have advice on that? I can't tell them too early because I can't risk them pushing me out early, and I don't want to look like a jerk for telling them too late.

[DrPepper-olic]

I am in a similar situation, even though I work in academia. I was hired in the fall so it didn't make sense to ask for recommendations (still doesn't) when I have very little work experience. (And my former professors were very happy to oblige.) I like my job, and if I'm not accepted, I'd like to keep working here. Another problem arises from my not applying to this school, or to my alma mater, so letting people know I was applying to schools far away might also hurt their feelings. (People around here are pretty loyal to the region. Which is exactly why I need to move.) Still I wasn't overly stealthy about the fact that I had taken the GRE.

My husband is uber afraid that people in his office will be offended if (when!) he leaves. I think he's going to use me as his excuse when he steps down. And, to tell the truth, I will probably use him as an excuse for why I step down. (After all, he can't get a job in his actual field here.)

It stinks not having someone to talk to about the application process, in person, during the day. My husband listens enough, but I'd like to have other supporters, so he doesn't get sick of it. I think that this site is pretty helpful, and no one on Grad Cafe can look at me funny if I talk about how badly I want to move to a city. (And boy do I!)

[planetparker]

Yes, this is my nightmare every day. I probably won't get in this time around and will have to reapply next year (not being pessimistic, just realistic as I am a non-traditional applicant and only applied to 2 schools this year). So I have to stay in my job, which I don't mind but obviously would give up in an instant if I got accepted. My boss will take it very personally when I tell her I am leaving, just her personality, so I cannot tell anyone. Even if I got accepted tomorrow I would have to keep quiet until June when I would give notice to leave at end of July - it would be torture! I can't talk to anyone about the waiting game, even though I check my email and gradcafe every 5 mins at work (no-one can see). I just wish the rejections would come through soon so that I can relax and just plan for next year!

[Bonkers]

I was recently hired. During the job interview I said that I wanted to make a career for myself at the private school (only because the interviewer directly stated that they wanted someone to commit, and desperate for a job, I played the part), which was a lie since I had 12 graduate school applications floating around. Immediately upon accepting the job, I received my first acceptance. So now, knowing that I will be going to graduate school, it has been tough keeping a zipped lip especially since I am starting to like my co-workers and one is in the process of applying into graduate school. And then on bad days... I just have this urge to stand up on a desk and scream down at my student, "I am going to be out of here in a few months, you little jerks!" Oh geez... I think I will give my one month notice in July, but holy crap do I feel guilty for lying.

[jmacnomad]

Yes! It is hard not telling people I work with. I'm in charge of a center at a college and I will have to make plans in order to depart and not leave them high and dry. However, I can't do this till everything is official.(Ugh! I need at least one admit!) I'm planning on telling them in May so that we have time to prepare for the transition. It's tough though. We've already started talking about fall and I have to be careful about what I commit to. I feel a bit dishonest!

[nightjars]

Yes! I have different challenges than some of my friends applying to grad schools who are still in undergraduate, already in master's programs, or working random pay-the-bills jobs, like waiting tables or serving coffee. I work as a jack-of-all-trades administrator at a consulting group (being intentionally vague because I'm paranoid), and only a select few of my younger co-workers know I'm applying to grad schools. I definitely don't want any of the senior associates or the principals finding out I am applying to grad schools, especially when I indicated during my interview I was looking for a company I could stay with long-term. I've only been here 9 months now. Although I will likely leave this job if I don't get into any programs or don't receive adequate funding, I definitely can't afford to be fired at this point.

It's so difficult not being able to explain why my productivity has plummeted at work or why I've become addicted to coffee after pulling late hours polishing personal statements and scholarship essays. My poor boyfriend bears the brunt of most of my frustrations with this process, but he can only deal with so much - he's in his 1st year of a master's program. And he only applied to his dream school (and obviously was accepted).

I am usually very adept at keeping my stress levels low, but this process may actually kill me! I feel ulcers forming.

Edited February 23, 2011 by nightjars

[Katie Brady]

Yep, I have this problem as well. I have to keep this job at least until July, so I've only told a few of my coworker friends that I trust. It's been difficult a few times, but I'm sure the time will fly by soon enough. I did see Kathiza's concern about when to let them know. Several people have told me just to wait until two weeks before (considered the minimum for good ettiquette), but that seems a little shady to me. Anyone have advice on that? I can't tell them too early because I can't risk them pushing me out early, and I don't want to look like a jerk for telling them too late.

Technically, you are only required a certain number of days (usually two weeks, but sometimes it's a month) to let people know.

That said, I would take whatever your minimum is and add a couple weeks to it. You can't be seen as a jerk for giving the minimum notice, that's just company policy, and two weeks more than that wouldn't be enough time for them to push you out or replace you. So, say you have to give a two week notice, letting them know a month in advance is more than acceptable. You have to think of yourself in that situation, and it's not selfish to do so.

[Maankamaanka]

equally here, I have to keep it under wraps but I have told one or two people, at least there is three months notification before leaving which is okay. but then I have to decide whether to renew my contract in a few weeks time!

[LongFang]

Yeah, I find myself in a similarly terrible situation. Like some posters, I am not satisfied with mycurrent job. The employer is fair and I feel comfortable here, but the job isn’twhat I want to do long term. It isn’t challenging and the work isn’tinteresting.

Knowing I am applying and was leaving I quit last November. Iused my wife’s unemployment as an excuse to quit. “There just weren’t any opportunitiesin the area for her.” (I didn’t want to burn any bridges by voicing my dissatisfaction.)My boss and managing director were so disappointed they offered to find my wifea job. So after thinking it over we took their offer – I could be rejected byall 6 of the schools I applied to. My wife is now employed at another firm and earninga respectable wage.

I haven’t heard anything from the schools I applied to yet,but will have to quit if I get accepted. I feel terrible about it, but believeI made the best decision for us. Ugh, I am not looking forward to my bossesface once I quit – again.

[jmacnomad]

It's so difficult not being able to explain why my productivity has plummeted at work or why I've become addicted to coffee after pulling late hours polishing personal statements and scholarship essays. My poor boyfriend bears the brunt of most of my frustrations with this process, but he can only deal with so much - he's in his 1st year of a master's program. And he only applied to his dream school (and obviously was accepted).

I am usually very adept at keeping my stress levels low, but this process may actually kill me! I feel ulcers forming.

I feel your pain! My productivity has majorly gone downhill and I feel guilty about it. Productivity is low and stress is high! I'm just trying to fly under the radar as much as possible until this horrible waiting game is over!

[FutureSLP]

I was recently hired. During the job interview I said that I wanted to make a career for myself at the private school (only because the interviewer directly stated that they wanted someone to commit, and desperate for a job, I played the part), which was a lie since I had 12 graduate school applications floating around. Immediately upon accepting the job, I received my first acceptance. So now, knowing that I will be going to graduate school, it has been tough keeping a zipped lip especially since I am starting to like my co-workers and one is in the process of applying into graduate school. And then on bad days... I just have this urge to stand up on a desk and scream down at my student, "I am going to be out of here in a few months, you little jerks!" Oh geez... I think I will give my one month notice in July, but holy crap do I feel guilty for lying.

I'm in a similar situation! I was hired in January, and they knew that I was a current student doing prereq courses when I was interviewing with them. They directly asked why they should hire me if I was finishing this prereq program in a different field and might be looking for those jobs as soon as I was done in April. I told them a master's degree was necessary to get a job in this field (it is) and that it would take me a few years to earn that, so they should have no concerns about me leaving them for an alternate job. I left out the fact that I have 9 graduate applications floating out there and will (hopefully) be leaving for school come August.

I felt guilty about it, but I needed the job. And technically I didn't lie! It's all that more nerve-wracking now that I'm waiting for admissions letters. If I have to leave I plan on giving them plenty of notice--and have started planning/booking the summer calendar (I'm an activities director) so I don't leave them high-and-dry--and hopefully they will understand.

Edited February 23, 2011 by FutureSLP

[Katiana]

I asked my supervisors to write my LoRs, so they know I'm set to leave. My first acceptance is already in the bag, so it's pretty much a done deal. They're actually talking to the "higher-ups" to see if I can still work for them remotely while I'm at school, which would help me TREMENDOUSLY with funding. I work in the web department, and given the nature of my work, it's totally doable. Sadly, I have a feeling HR isn't going to approve.

[Purled]

I'm basically at the point where I show up, stare at the Results page for 7 hours, and then leave. Thankfully, we're extremely slow right now, so nothing is actually suffering.

To be honest, after coming in exhausted and twitchy for the past year - first studying for the GREs, then completing the apps, now waiting for results - I assume that they suspect I've developed a drug addiction and/or a personality disorder, and will be relieved when I finally quit.

[Kathiza]

I didn't have to lie at my interview (I was recently hired), but the person who had the job before me had a SO far away and quit because of this. And my CV and background are VERY similar to my predecessor's. So they asked me "You don't have a SO far away, do you?" I said no. It wasn't a lie. But I had five applications on their way. But what should I've done? I can't tell them in advance that there is a chance (!!! - it's not even sure yet) that I might have to leave. I would have never gotten the job. I didn't lie. But I still feel bad, since we are already planning summer and autumn and I'll have to fill in for colleagues who are out of the country etc. I still have heard nothing from any of my schools. So if I don't get accepted at all, I'll stay of course. But once I get admitted (hopefully, knock on wood), should I act like nothing has changed and make plans for autumn to replace colleagues who are away for a couple of weeks? I'd feel terrible doing this and then quitting in summer....

[planetparker]

Glad it's not just me..... I spend all day alternating between the Results page, this Forum and finishing off assignments for my courses that I am studying for part-time when I should be focusing on my day job.....I still manage to get everything done for work (which just proves I am not fully utilising all my skills in this job) but it's exhausting.

I'm basically at the point where I show up, stare at the Results page for 7 hours, and then leave. Thankfully, we're extremely slow right now, so nothing is actually suffering.

To be honest, after coming in exhausted and twitchy for the past year - first studying for the GREs, then completing the apps, now waiting for results - I assume that they suspect I've developed a drug addiction and/or a personality disorder, and will be relieved when I finally quit.

[finalcountdown]

I am so glad I am not alone. I work in a newspaper where getting leave is extremely difficult and frowned upon. So, after a crazy year of GRE, TOEFL, SOP and writing sample one after another, along with work, I'm just about ready to flip out. It's so easy for other students to post updates on FB, gmail or talk to people at work and vent frustration. I fear even checking grad cafe at work, cos the IT department might be snooping.

Anyways, finally, I do have one admit and another waitlist and the temptation to just walk out for a loooooooong vacation is immense. But, the sensible part of me says the extra money will be of help.

Don't get me wrong. I like my work, but I am just tired. Anyone facing this dilemma? It's so nerve-wracking...

[jmacnomad]

Glad it's not just me..... I spend all day alternating between the Results page, this Forum and finishing off assignments for my courses that I am studying for part-time when I should be focusing on my day job.....I still manage to get everything done for work (which just proves I am not fully utilising all my skills in this job) but it's exhausting.

Agreed! I spend so much time checking personal email and this site but I'm somehow managing to keep the ship running at work. Imagine if I was at full capacity?

[matilda]

I didn't have to lie at my interview (I was recently hired), but the person who had the job before me had a SO far away and quit because of this. And my CV and background are VERY similar to my predecessor's. So they asked me "You don't have a SO far away, do you?" I said no. It wasn't a lie. But I had five applications on their way. But what should I've done? I can't tell them in advance that there is a chance (!!! - it's not even sure yet) that I might have to leave. I would have never gotten the job. I didn't lie. But I still feel bad, since we are already planning summer and autumn and I'll have to fill in for colleagues who are out of the country etc. I still have heard nothing from any of my schools. So if I don't get accepted at all, I'll stay of course. But once I get admitted (hopefully, knock on wood), should I act like nothing has changed and make plans for autumn to replace colleagues who are away for a couple of weeks? I'd feel terrible doing this and then quitting in summer....

Same here. My boss knows that my SO is leaving for a PhD and he already asked me am I going to leave with him (PhD's -long distance and a long-time away relationship usually don't survive). I said NO. And I was not lying. I said that YES, I would prefer to move within my company to a country that is near his placement of studies, but WITHIN the company I emphasized.

What I did not say is that while he is doing his PhD, I might do my Fulbright. In USA. Which is not even close to his PhD faculty. So, it was a white lie?

I love my job. I really can see myself there in another 20 years, off-course, with a progressing role, but, I am waiting too long for things to happen for me in my company. And sometimes, I felt so close to get the position I dreamed of, and then - I kinda hoped not to get the Fulbright, because I could not chose?! But, that mindset fluffs away in two days, when I realize that the dream position is not coming any time soon.

So, yeah. I lie. And shut up, suck things up and perform like there is no Fulbright.

[2011fall]

actually during the interview one of the professors did ask why i didnt ask my current boss to write a letter, she thought it was something fishy

but i told her that in corporate one usually does not ask the current boss for recommendation bc it's pretty much like saying 'hey i might be leaving' so from the perspective of the company they might be wasting time and resources on me when they can hire someone else right now and train them

but I've been here for 5 years so I know the processes and the people very well

so until i have an assurance that I am accepted I cant really say or ask for any letter of recommendation, plus my productivity is a bit down since i started this whole application process

the professor understood my situation

i was just so surprised that this professor even asked this question....