Acceptance (Not Accepted)

[Vitaminark]

I was so hung up on getting into a PhD program, that nothing else really mattered to me. I watched as my life was completely swept up in LoRs, SoPs, GREs, GPA and every other acronym known to the academic world. When people asked me how I was doing, the answer always revolved around my PhD process and never anything else. It was PhD or bust, never really sitting back to think about if that's what I REALLY wanted. I had this mindset of "I am capable to achieve it, therefore, I must achieve it." It kind of reminds me of that Jurassic Park statement that Jeff Goldblum makes about scientists recreating dinosaurs. He said something like, "Scientists spend so much time thinking about whether or not they could, that they don't stop and think about whether or not they SHOULD."

Now, one year after I had decided that PhD was the life for me, I am sitting on the very real possibility that I will not be getting in to any of the 11 programs to which I applied. Instead, I'll likely be falling back on my safety net of a Master's program at the institution where I am an undergrad.

And you know what? I am ECSTATIC about that, actually! I have always prided myself on living a balanced life, enjoying time with my significant other, my friends, relaxing online, all while maintaining a good academic profile. The thought of a PhD program CONSUMING my life for the next 5-7 years never really hit me while I was in the application process. It has now. Call it rationalization for me not getting in, but that's fine with me.

I am actually quite relieved knowing that I will be done with my graduate studies in two years and I can go on to teach at a community college and do my own research without so much pressure to publish. AND I'll have time for myself! Once I dropped the "PhD or Bust" attitude, reality has set in and I cannot believe that I thought of a Master's program as a "safety net" when most of America cannot even obtain an undergraduate degree.

I'm proud of my accomplishments, PhD or not. And all of you should be too.

Edited March 29, 2011 by Vitaminark

[jmacnomad]

Congratulations! It sounds like you've really done your soul searching and are moving in the right direction for you! I'm sure it was a hard decision to come to after putting so much energy into one path; however, I'm glad to hear you were able to come to the place you needed to be. I'm sure it's a great feeling of relief! Good luck with your MA!

[hopetoI/O]

Im with you on this. I had the mindset that I had to get a PhD. or nothing applied to more than I did masters. Got accepted to a very good masters program within a week through a phone call. Visited the campus and stuff and figured out that it is still going to be very strenuous and rewarding in the end. The professors in the program are very supportive and want students to succeed there is 6 full time PhD professors just for this MA program alone. I just got the feeling that some PhD programs (not all) are very pompous and arrogant. Im actually excited for this program because most of their students also applied to lots of other programs. They said they felt they are learning more in this MA than they could have in other programs because of the amount of applied experience and support from the professors.

[Poppet]

That's a really healthy attitude. I've only applied for masters degree programs because I was terrified of the idea of being, like you said, CONSUMED by a Phd program for years and feeling like I had to give up on so many little pleasures in life. But spending this year doing my applications and then coming on forums I've started to feel, "Oh god, why didn't I write the GRE? Why didn't I apply to PhD programs? Why didn't I reach higher? I feel like such a failure..." I have to keep reminding myself that a PhD is NOT the be-all-end-all, it's NOT what would make me happiest, and it's NOT what I actually want in life. Maybe it'll be worth it several years from now, but it is definitely not what I want for myself at the moment.

It's very easy to get caught up in the discussions on PhDs, to fall for the allure of prestigious schools and opportunities, or frankly, get caught up in the competitive nature of admissions itself. I have to keep reminding myself not to beat myself up for not applying for programs that I don't even WANT. You seem to have a really great perspective on things, and it was refreshing to be reminded of how important acceptance itself is in living a fulfilling life.

[psyentist4good]

It is so refreshing and even somewhat healing to read your post.

My mindset was very rigid throughout my journey to get into Ph.D programs. I was set on getting into a top school, and I let some of my friends convince me that if I didn't get into one of those, that it wasn't worth it to even try. This is ironic, because I have always been a person who follows my instincts, and seeks out my own path; one that resonates with me the most. So I kept my GPA as high as it could possibly be, I did heaping amounts of research (and loved every minute of it), and did everything else I could think of to be competitive for acceptance. I prepared myself and my daughters for what would promise to be a truly challenging and competitive graduate school experience. As an LGBT low-income single mom of color, I have learned to navigate through exceptional challenges every day of my life, and I thought I was mentally ready to study in a competitive environment. The night before I took my GRE's I stayed in the hospital with my father. They said his cancer was going to take him at any time. But when he made it through the night, I marched myself off to that testing center, determined not to let him down. Needless to say, my scores were lower than my practice tests, and I was very disappointed. My father died a couple of days later, but before he did, I promised him that I would make my life great, and be happy just like he always wanted for me. I applied to all my top schools, and started the waiting game. Over those months, however, I started to wonder if I really wanted that competitive grad school experience after all. Wasn't this supposed to be a fulfilling experience?

One day in January, I happened to meet a faculty member from one of the grad schools that I had wanted to apply to but foolishly didn't because my friends said it wasn't prestigious enough. During our conversation, there was a moment when I experienced something that I hadn't felt in a long time: resonance. I really wanted to go to this school, no matter what anyone else had to say about it. So I applied immediately, getting my application in just before the deadline.

That is the only school I got into. But I realize that it is the only one I need. They really wanted me, and I really wanted them. I learned an important lesson throughout this crazy process. In the end, it is your daily life that you have to consider when you are choosing where to go. I finally asked myself, "what will it feel like to go to this school every day?" When I realized that the faculty there values me, my parental status will be respected, and I will be able to study what really moves me, I decided to accept. Before I could even pick up the phone, they called me, and offered me an additional fellowship on top of the one they already had at the time of their offer!

Acceptance of myself and my worth has set me free from the madness, and finally brought me peace.

We all have a lot to be proud of for embarking on this journey to begin with.

Congratulations to all!

[Zouzax]

I love this topic!

I feel the exact same as everyone here. I applied to 6 Ph.D programs. As the rejections started rolling in, I slowly came to terms with the fact that it wasn't going to happen for me this year. I was really at a loss for a while, wondering what I was going to tell my family, my SO, my recommenders.... and I was also struggling with the question of what I was going to do with my life after I graduate.

Then, as if almost by fate, I discovered a Master's level research program in Europe that had everything I was looking for, in a city I loved, in a small department run by a professor whose research interests are the same as mine ... I wrote the professor an email, telling him my background, research interests, goals etc. At that point I was so down on myself I didn't think anything of it, just wrote the email & pressed 'send'. Lo and behold, he requested an interview over Skype a few days later. The interview went great, and he unofficially offered me a spot (I have to send him some documents in May before I get my 'official acceptance'). So, if everything goes well Ill be heading there in September!

And just like everyone here, I couldn't be more excited. I feel things happen for a reason & I found this opportunity because I was meant to take it. I, too, wasn't sure if I 100% wanted to start my Ph.D next year ... I know I want to do it eventually, but I feel like I have many more things to learn & discover beforehand. I want to do more research, take more classes, live in more places. As you all said, its a 7 year commitment. And I'm not ready to be tied down to one place for that long yet. Now Im off to the next city, and the next adventure!! I cant wait!

[Vitaminark]

It is so refreshing and even somewhat healing to read your post.

Hearing that makes me so very happy. I am so glad you've found the program that's right for you and makes you happy. I too believe that everything happens for a reason. With every rejection I received I thought to myself, "Well, I'm sure there was a good reason for that," instead of being so hard on myself. Not to say my ego hasn't been wounded, it has. And not to diminish the AWESOMENESS of people going into PhD programs (congratulations!!), I am a bit relieved to know that I won't be experiencing the same amount of stress. Everyone on this board has been exceptionally wonderful in helping me through this process; thank you to all and congratulations on your futures.

[directeur]

I'm loving this thread. I applied to 6 schools for an MFA program, have been rejected from 5, and will probably be rejected from the last one (they're only accepting 1 student this year). I've been feeling pretty down on myself, but recently found a job posting for a great job in my field, and I have a second interview on Friday. I've realized that although my plans for going to grad school in the fall probably won't be happening, I have a lot of things to look forward to, and this opens up the opportunity for me to get some great experience and become a more well-rounded person before applying again. It's all in how you look at it...

[ugly_duckling]

I had every intention of applying to PhD programs, but had some professors give my app an honest evaluation. They told me that I would not get into a program with the app I had. I was so crushed. I picked up and applied to Master's programs instead and have had tremendous success. A week ago, when I got acceptance from my top choice, I felt like a new person. I'm not angry anymore, I'm not frustrated anymore, I am happier now than I can remember being in a long time. I am taking 8 classes this semester and am really feeling the crunch as the semester nears its end. However, while I have an ungodly 8 weeks ahead of me, I feel super relaxed and can honestly say that I have grown as person from this horrifying experience. I am glad to see that a lot of people have been able to find peace in this freak show called "Applying to Grad School". For those applicants who haven't had things turn out as you wanted this fall, I urge you to keep trying if this is something you truly want, but don't be afraid to change directions. Sometimes it takes more than one round of apps. Had I not been accepted anywhere, I'd like to think that my time out of school would give me a chance to appreciate the things I considered secondary while being "consumed" by the app process.To torture a cliche, I can say whole-heartedly that this has been the best and absolute WORST experience of my life.

[theatrehippie]

I have been going insane waiting to hear from my last three programs, which are incidentally my top choices. In case I don't get in, I started to make arrangements for the Admitted Student Weekend for my top choice that I have heard from so far. And as I get ready to visit and look at opportunities in the area, I realize that no matter what happens, I'll be somewhere great starting this August. Things will be okay.

[ugly_duckling]

I have been going insane waiting to hear from my last three programs, which are incidentally my top choices. In case I don't get in, I started to make arrangements for the Admitted Student Weekend for my top choice that I have heard from so far. And as I get ready to visit and look at opportunities in the area, I realize that no matter what happens, I'll be somewhere great starting this August. Things will be okay.

I think that 99% of what makes your degree an achievement is the work you to do get it- not so much what university its from. You can always strive to distinguish yourself as an academic no matter where you end up.

[gradmau5]

Vitaminark,

Thank you for posting this. It was a refreshing read.

[farnsworth]

I graduated with a BA and was no where near close to get into a PhD. I got into a MS program and after that I applied to PhD. 0 acceptances. I did some adjunct instructor work this past year (which helped my cv). I got into a PhD program this time. So not getting into a PhD right out of bachelors is not the end of the world. Go through the masters and make sure it is what you want to do with your life. Then if you want to go through with the PhD, you will have grad school experience, more research experience, and (especially if you have to take another year off and do adjunct work like me) maybe some teaching experience.

Edited April 4, 2011 by farnsworth