0% Confidence of Acceptance

[wintergirl]

I'm living in this thread today.

Now that I'm home for the holidays, all of my family and friends are asking about my plans and saying, "Oh, you're going to get in everywhere! Don't worry!" This, of course, only makes me feel less confident of getting in ANYWHERE--much less my top choices--and rethinking my refusal to apply to the U of my home state. (I had that school on my original list but had written in the "notes" column of my Excel spreadsheet: NO F-ING WAY.)

How many days 'til March??

Edited December 24, 2011 by bespeckled

[ecritdansleau]

I'm living in this thread today.

Now that I'm home for the holidays, all of my family and friends are asking about my plans and saying, "Oh, you're going to get in everywhere! Don't worry!" This, of course, only makes me feel less confident of getting in ANYWHERE--much less my top choices--and rethinking my refusal to apply to the U of my home state. (I had that school on my original list but had written in the "notes" column of my Excel spreadsheet: NO F-ING WAY.)

This. Both the holiday questions. And I feel you on the U of home state ambivalence. I opted not to apply there in my home state. Which is perhaps a mistake considering one of my letter writers is on the admissions committee for the program this year! I know it's not the right program for me though.

[user_name]

families are dumb, am i right?

[Grunty DaGnome]

families are dumb, am i right?

Yup. No matter how old you get, they seem to stay dumb.

[MrBrooklyn]

At a recent family dinner, my aunt asked, "So you mostly want to do these programs for fun?" I tried to explain that film studies was actually a pretty competitive, rigorous, and difficult field based in critical theory, and not just screenings of Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol and X-Men: First Class. Then I just sighed and said, "Yeah, for fun."

[user_name]

yeah, the books of those movies were better anyway...

[TripWillis]

yeah, the books of those movies were better anyway...

Oh man, I have to bite my tongue whenever anyone says this empty, cliché sentiment.

[user_name]

i've been trying to collect books based on movies. right now all i have is the book of Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome

[rawera]

i've been trying to collect books based on movies. right now all i have is the book of Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome

The ones that feature pictures from the film in the middle? love them. Had the Patriot after that came out.

I definitely understand the family frustration, though. My dad asked me yesterday if I've gotten any leads on jobs or if I've gotten any news on graduate school. I've been asked about the job since the semester of graduation began, he only figured out that graduate school is a thing I wanted to do as of graduation. "No dad, I actually applied like last week" "so maybe in a few weeks then?" face palm. I actually made a family announcement that went something like this: "I appreciate the interest, but I will not find out until late february, furthermore I am applying to some very competitive programs and there's a really good chance I won't get it anywhere, thanks."

[vertige]

I totally feel y'all on the constant Freddy Mercury inverted face palm in regards to family conversations. There's my mom, who has been with me through every round of applications from Undergrad through Master's and Ph.D., and she kind of rocks - she will call me up when my family is around (she's in the U.S. and I'm in Germany currently) and will just ask me about it in a loud voice like "oh, and WHICH SCHOOLS ARE YOU APPLYING TO?" because she's proud. But then when my aunt or someone is on the phone, there's a YEA BUT YOU'RE *NOT* 21 ANYMORE that randomly pops out of her mouth. Totally unsolicited. Like her image of me is of a total worthless sloth who just keeps faking his way through school and avoids the real world at all costs. Ok, so this is slightly true, but I sincerely do want to publish and be a professor - her father, my grandfather, was a professor and a Dean, so why can't she understand?

I wonder if one day I will get to a point of self-confidence where I'll be able to immediately overcome the awkwardness of the "why are you getting a Ph.D." face and tackle people's assumptions head on. But that day is not today. The best is when you go on a date with someone and they like chuckle under their breath at you while slowly trying to get their hand on your leg. Really though? I have a bachelor's and two master's, I speak 5 languages, and you think I'm so complacent as to believe that silly face you're making betrays actual interest in what I'm saying, that I'll just sleep with you if you play your cards right? I mean, ok, if you're cute but...

Anyway, this was clearly à propos of nothing, except that I too have been having a 0% confidence week, and have been tryna cope. This obviously involves going on random dates...though i have been also trying to jog away the anxiety. It kind of helps, in case anyone wondered.

Continue as you were.

Edited December 27, 2011 by vertige

[rawera]

i feel like random dates would only inculcate the sense of impending rejection

[Grunty DaGnome]

i've been trying to collect books based on movies. right now all i have is the book of Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome

Another fun hobby is collecting classics based only loosely on the novel. Demi Moore's Scarlet Letter is a great one.

[rawera]

Another fun hobby is collecting classics based only loosely on the novel. Demi Moore's Scarlet Letter is a great one.

that's the one in which Hester joins the army, right?

[Grunty DaGnome]

that's the one in which Hester joins the army, right?

Yes, after she's a showgirl for a while.

[LivePoetry123]

I'm lucky that my family is actually pretty understanding, except for my Dad occasionally airing his doubts that anyone would fund a PhD student by sort of subversively bringing up the subject of the economy. The worst has really been my co-workers, who just can't for the life of them understand doing anything for non-pragmatic reasons. They all assume I'm getting a PhD "for better job security". This one lady seems to get some sort of enjoyment out of asking me, every day, "SO, have you finished your applications yet?" "Nope, not yet" "OH! why not?" I told her like 50 times that my first deadlines weren't until Dec. 15th and that I'd be working on them until then. She just does everything she can to trivialize the process. Once she asked "so, what do you even need to DO for them, besides like sending transcripts?" and wouldn't listen to my explanation. She also keeps insisting that I'm going to study "poetry", even though I've told her that poetics is more like the theory of poetry... but the one time I tried to explain that she seemed to have an allergic reaction to the word "theory" and squawked "OH! doesn't that take the MAGIC out of it? why would you want to do THAT?" and then claimed to be late to class so she wouldn't have the listen to the rest of my explanation. (I teach ESL right now, by the way). Another time she suggested doing a Phd online so that I could keep teaching ESL at the same time. oh great idea! you can totally have a discussion about literature online!! :/ (and a phd is lit. is also so trivial that I should still prioritize working... at the same time). Thank god its vacation now and I don't have to see them.... but its going to be humiliating if I don't get in anywhere and have to explain that to her. Well I am not staying at this job in either case... so there.

[litjust]

I'm lucky that my family is actually pretty understanding, except for my Dad occasionally airing his doubts that anyone would fund a PhD student by sort of subversively bringing up the subject of the economy. The worst has really been my co-workers, who just can't for the life of them understand doing anything for non-pragmatic reasons. They all assume I'm getting a PhD "for better job security". This one lady seems to get some sort of enjoyment out of asking me, every day, "SO, have you finished your applications yet?" "Nope, not yet" "OH! why not?" I told her like 50 times that my first deadlines weren't until Dec. 15th and that I'd be working on them until then. She just does everything she can to trivialize the process. Once she asked "so, what do you even need to DO for them, besides like sending transcripts?" and wouldn't listen to my explanation. She also keeps insisting that I'm going to study "poetry", even though I've told her that poetics is more like the theory of poetry... but the one time I tried to explain that she seemed to have an allergic reaction to the word "theory" and squawked "OH! doesn't that take the MAGIC out of it? why would you want to do THAT?" and then claimed to be late to class so she wouldn't have the listen to the rest of my explanation. (I teach ESL right now, by the way). Another time she suggested doing a Phd online so that I could keep teaching ESL at the same time. oh great idea! you can totally have a discussion about literature online!! :/ (and a phd is lit. is also so trivial that I should still prioritize working... at the same time). Thank god its vacation now and I don't have to see them.... but its going to be humiliating if I don't get in anywhere and have to explain that to her. Well I am not staying at this job in either case... so there.

Whoa, that woman sounds like a serious pain in the ...! Ugh. I wish you had never told her anything. Maybe you can turn her questions around. Every time she starts to ask you a question, ask her one that is equally as intrusive...

[LivePoetry123]

yeah, the best thing would have been to never have told any of them I was applying. If (when?) I do this again, no one's gonna know except family and close friends... I think that will make the process much more sane for me!

[litjust]

yeah, the best thing would have been to never have told any of them I was applying. If (when?) I do this again, no one's gonna know except family and close friends... I think that will make the process much more sane for me!

Well, I hope you get accepted this time around.

[coffeeplease]

The worst has really been my co-workers, who just can't for the life of them understand doing anything for non-pragmatic reasons. They all assume I'm getting a PhD "for better job security". This one lady seems to get some sort of enjoyment out of asking me, every day, "SO, have you finished your applications yet?" "Nope, not yet" "OH! why not?" I told her like 50 times that my first deadlines weren't until Dec. 15th and that I'd be working on them until then. She just does everything she can to trivialize the process. Once she asked "so, what do you even need to DO for them, besides like sending transcripts?" and wouldn't listen to my explanation. She also keeps insisting that I'm going to study "poetry", even though I've told her that poetics is more like the theory of poetry... but the one time I tried to explain that she seemed to have an allergic reaction to the word "theory" and squawked "OH! doesn't that take the MAGIC out of it? why would you want to do THAT?" and then claimed to be late to class so she wouldn't have the listen to the rest of my explanation. (I teach ESL right now, by the way). Another time she suggested doing a Phd online so that I could keep teaching ESL at the same time. oh great idea! you can totally have a discussion about literature online!! :/ (and a phd is lit. is also so trivial that I should still prioritize working... at the same time).

I also teach ESL and I've been getting pretty similar comments. A friend also very kindly told me that I should consider vocational training instead of a PhD because I probably wouldn't be able to get a job with a PhD anyway. Thanks, friend!

[ecritdansleau]

It's really not funny at all. But for whatever reason, seeing the topic "0% Confidence of Acceptance" as the "HOT" thread made me laugh (I always laugh at inappropriate things, especially myself). It's so absurd though. A testament to how the process ravages our self-esteem.

[0000000000AAA]

To Contribute to this Thread's HOTNESS:

I just spent the last 15 minutes perusing last year's Results Survey for the schools I've applied to. With each result I've tried to imagine that it was my voice grumbling about late rejections or trying to tell myself (and others) that "really, I expected it." Some sort of attempt to emotionally prepare myself? I guess not...I'm sure everyone's sensation of rejection is special to them.

[lolopixie]

Last year, after my across the board rejections, I was in disbelief that it actually happened. Then in the first week of April, I checked my mail and there was a lonely letter from LSU in there. I got so excited for a minute thinking that I had been put on some sort of wait list and I was getting an acceptance letter. WRONG! Although the online application had been updated to advise me of my rejection, the grad school sent my rejection letter a few weeks later. It was brutal.

[indalomena]

today = very nervous day. Partly because I somehow forgot my morning coffee and have had this awful withdrawal headache all day. The worst!

I'm feeling worried about my academic profile (I applied to some insanely competitive programs). I have a pretty inconsistent undergraduate degree -- I came out with the highest classification you can get (in UK) but it's very patchy, I scraped it to be honest. I did an MA after that and got extremely high grades. But digging out those old transcripts and seeing EMBARRASSING first/second year marks (didn't count towards finals) has set me into a panic.

lolopixie, that's just the saddest thing ever Sorry last year didn't work out for you -- I can definitely see that happening to me this year. Hope you have better success this time round.

[marlowe]

Man, if I knew how I would feel during this process back then, I would have tried a hell of a lot harder in undergrad.

[especially]

I'm having regrets and worries already - I feel like I should have applied to a few more schools, but the deadlines are too close and my letter-writers are already organized/working on my current letters.