Starting Our Own (Inspired by Zoberg and Recycled Viking)

[MDLee]

It has been suggested that rather than waiting for any more rejection letters...us would-be academics should just start our own grad school.

So...I'm opening it to the forum. We're going to open GradCafe U, offering Masters and PhD's to the would-be academics of the world.

What are our admissions standards? Do we need the GRE? Writing samples? What kind of students are we looking for? Cost of the application?

Get creative--let's hear your ideas.

Happy posting

[Yellow#5]

Ha ha ha! I think no admission standards! People who strike up a chat and seem to be sympatico on the boards should work together.

[MDLee]

Ha ha ha! I think no admission standards! People who strike up a chat and seem to be sympatico on the boards should work together.

And all of our research should include fully funded leisure (er...research related) travel to the student's place of choice.

[zoberg]

MDLee:

JINX!

Also, no GRE required. Just a simple test composed by the university, comprised of questions such as:

What is the capital of YOUR MOM?

How many fingers do you have?

Would you like a cookie?

You only receive points if you come up with answers as genius as you obviously are!

[was1984]

Rather than requiring the GRE we should invent our own standardized test that requires more than 10th grade math skills, and tests our ability to comprehend information rather than our ability to cram thousands of useless words in our brains.

[MDLee]

Was1984--there should be a personality component. Bad attitude=instant rejection

[MDLee]

MDLee:

JINX!

Also, no GRE required. Just a simple test composed by the university, comprised of questions such as:

Ooh ooh! I could do this one!!

What is the capital of YOUR MOM? 1963

How many fingers do you have? All the ones that matter!

Would you like a cookie? yes please. I prefer Oreo...but I'd take a Little Debbie Oatmeal if you have one handy.

You only receive points if you come up with answers as genius as you obviously are!

[psychdork]

I love this!

Definitely no GRE!

In addition to the simple test questions already posted, we should have them rate puppies on a 1-5 "cuteness" scale.

[Rutabaga]

I would like a doodling aptitude test. Perhaps also a miming essay.

[zoberg]

Dear MDLee,

Upon enthusiastic review of your application, it is my pleasure to inform you of your acceptance into the University of TGC. Your tuition is fully covered and you will receive an unfortunately meager stipend of $180,000 a year.

The Committee.

[was1984]

Was1984--there should be a personality component. Bad attitude=instant rejection

Damn, and this was my safety!

[Dreams]

Can I be dean of students? My office would consist of plush bouncy pillows, stuffed animals, and a pastry chef.

When students come in for interviews, they should be required to dress up as their undergrad mascots.

[wilderbeast]

Ban the GRE!!

I claim the position of Physics Department Head! :-D

[MDLee]

FSIA and GRAVITYGIRL: Please accept our warm welcome to GradCafeU...Your salary will be decided by the number of students you admit (so you better get crackin'!) and will be paid in solid gold. Also, you'll get quarterly bonuses to be paid in cookies and cute puppies 8)

[Dreams]

FSIA and GRAVITYGIRL: Please accept our warm welcome to GradCafeU...Your salary will be decided by the number of students you admit (so you better get crackin'!) and will be paid in solid gold. Also, you'll get quarterly bonuses to be paid in cookies and cute puppies 8)

Hmm many thanks I will cash in the cookies towards my retirement since my chef will be hooking me up. I will need to craft labor internships for the students so they can build the Ducktales-esque vault that will hold my gold coins :twisted:

[MDLee]

Dear MDLee,

Upon enthusiastic review of your application, it is my pleasure to inform you of your acceptance into the University of TGC. Your tuition is fully covered and you will receive an unfortunately meager stipend of $180,000 a year.

The Committee.

Are you kidding? ONLY $180 G's? That's sad, man. I'm going to have to really consider this. Good thing I have until April 15.

Perhaps we can do a bit of creative negotiation. I'll take your acceptance (with tuition and stipend) and raise you an instant full-professor-ship upon graduation.

[wilderbeast]

FSIA and GRAVITYGIRL: Please accept our warm welcome to GradCafeU...Your salary will be decided by the number of students you admit (so you better get crackin'!) and will be paid in solid gold. Also, you'll get quarterly bonuses to be paid in cookies and cute puppies 8)

Sweet!! I'll get working. I hope the bonus puppies are border collies! And chocolate chip cookies are best, but I understand that's not always possible in these economic times, so I'll gladly accept shortbread as well

(huge border collie fan here)

All physics and math students perusing this forum are hereby admitted to GradCafeU. Welcome!

[ElusiveMuse]

I vote for no GRE, just a writing sample and an essay to a specific question...something ridiculous such as "What is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?"

[riss287]

I vote for no GRE, just a writing sample and an essay to a specific question...something ridiculous such as "What is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?"

Haha, I agree, but I want an essay something like you would get in your high school class, like, "What did you do over your summer vacation?" hahahah

[Dreams]

Haha, I agree, but I want an essay something like you would get in your high school class, like, "What did you do over your summer vacation?" hahahah

Or even a question like "describe the typical day of a salmon."

[was1984]

Sweet!! I'll get working. I hope the bonus puppies are border collies! And chocolate chip cookies are best, but I understand that's not always possible in these economic times, so I'll gladly accept shortbread as well

(huge border collie fan here)

All physics and math students perusing this forum are hereby admitted to GradCafeU. Welcome!

My border collie as a puppy:

Can I get in despite my bad attitude because of the cuteness of my puppy?

[sundv004]

Yes, burn the GRE and dance around the flames! (Isn't a critical mass being met, where adcoms must be getting as tired of the GRE as applicants?). And, though I think letters of rec are important, did anyone else find this to be the most frustrating part of the application process? I was in control of everything else, but getting my letter-writers to complete their letters and to do them on time was more than stressful :twisted: . One of my letter wrtiers--a very, very, very, very old man, indeed--did not even use proper letter-head or affix a digi-signature. But by the time this was brought to my attention--one of my dossier services was kind enough to give me a heads up--it was too late to find a new letter-writer. Ack!

[wilderbeast]

I vote for no GRE, just a writing sample and an essay to a specific question...something ridiculous such as "What is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?"

This is a simple physics problem, especially if the swallow is free-falling. Just incorporate a drag term and you're good to go.

My border collie as a puppy:

Can I get in despite my bad attitude because of the cuteness of my puppy?

I can't see the pic for some reason, but if it's a border collie, then you're in - BCs are hard work, not the average dog. Anyone capable of raising a well-behaved BC is in!

[was1984]

I can't see the pic for some reason, but if it's a border collie, then you're in - BCs are hard work, not the average dog. Anyone capable of raising a well-behaved BC is in!

Link to pic: http://lh3.ggpht.com/_fZgFZDdYrLg/R_6m6 ... edited.JPG

[MDLee]

I vote for no GRE, just a writing sample and an essay to a specific question...something ridiculous such as "What is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?"

African or European?