Feeling Bullied

[RNadine21]

About a year ago I wrote on this blog about an especially difficult committee member. This person is notorious for being a pain and causing trouble and stress. Everyone knows this - students, faculty, and staff. This person is basically on my committee because he was on the grant that my project is based on, and my advisor even warned me that he would be the most difficult person I would be working with.

 

I'm defending my thesis next week and am done with everyone's thesis comments but his. Basically, I've spent this semester feeling bullied. my graduation was pushed back a semester due to his corrections on my thesis, which has been a huge financial blow to me as this came to light too late for me to keep my assistantship. I just started a part-time job, but I've been unemployed and depressed until now. His comments are unproductive (not specific or constructive, just vague notes and an unnecessary amount of "ugh" written all over my paper). He is extremely picky, taking apart my wording of sentences, which at this point has become more an issue of personal style than my actually making poor statements. He sends me multiple emails a day with papers to cite when my thesis is well-supported - he just doesn't like the sources I use (like, I have enough for two more theses at this point). He ignores the comments of my advisor and other committee members and continues to push his point when we've either explained an issue or outright offered him the opportunity to dicuss an issue. We're at the point where the rest of my committee is openly frustrated with him.

 

Today is my last straw. I sent out my defense PowerPoint and again, vague comments about disliking my graphs. He then sent me personally (not sent to my committee) an email saying that his comments are not trivial (which I didn't even say, a committee member did, and it was in reference to one specific comment) and that I need to change my presentation. I am emotionally exhausted and I haven't felt like this since I was literally bullied in middle school.

 

I'm going to express to to my advisor because I haven't in the past; I've been acting strong for her but I actually cry all the time over this and the experience has ruined my desire to continue research. While I will finally discuss this with someone, I wanted to see if others have any advice or calming words, because I've honestly been dangerously close to dropping out for the sake of my sanity.

[fuzzylogician]

RNadine, I'm so sorry to hear that this ordeal with the difficult committee member hasn't yet resolved itself! I remember your previous post and the distress it caused you then, it's terrible that the situation is still ongoing.

 

I think it's important to bring someone in, and as you say - start with your advisor. You should be very honest with your advisor about the financial as well as emotional difficulties that this person has been creating for you. Since assigning blame isn't going to be useful here, I think you want to come in with a goal in mind that you will graduate by a certain date, and therefore will defend and file your thesis by a certain date. This is precisely where your advisor and other committee members should be championing your cause and defending you against this person. I think it's a perfectly legitimate request to have an agreed upon set of things you need to do and also at the same time a date for a defense and graduation! If you can have a written document specifying tasks you need to accomplish and these dates, and if everyone but this person agree to this plan, that's an important step for dealing with this person. If this person is notorious for being difficult, then people also have experience in dealing with this problem. Maybe you can get these people with more experience to lead the effort to solve the problem? Also, if there is no way (or will) to try and force his hand from within the department, then there are ways to do so without -- there must be an ombudsperson at your university who has had experience dealing with such situations. If you can't agree on a defense date and an end to the changes (when everybody else agrees they're unnecessary), then maybe it's time to get this external help. But before you do anything, if you've been putting up a brave front, I think it's time to be very clear about all the ways in which this is hurting you and trying to work with your advisor to end this situation.

[Andean Pat]

I am so sorry you are undergoing such a frustration and stress! I am not even in grad school yet but can understand what you mean! I agree with Fuzzy's suggestions and really hope that you ace your presentation tomorrow. Do not let this person shadow your work!!!! all the best!!!! 

[ANDS!]

Letting this dickbag ruin your appreciation and desire to go into research is like a future Anthony Bourdain (or however his name is spelled) being sullied by their experience working at McD's.  Or maybe not.  You have one cantankerous voice among the multitudes.  If you can truly say that his or her comments are not needed to make the thesis work, then you should do what it appears you are going to do and attempt to negotiate your way out from under their tyranny.  

 

The only way I wouldn't have tried to kneecap this guy (figuratively. . .of course - ) was if they held some final word on whether you can move forward or not.  If there is a head to go over, jump that SOB.

[MikKar]

Dear me, this is a scary situation. If this guy is just being a prick for the sake of being one, then try to get the rest of your committee, your advisor included, to push this guy out and defend you. Because at the end of the day, you are the victim here and you haven't put 5+ years of your life just to have some random bully prevent you from getting your doctoral degree.

 

I can't imagine how difficult this is for you, but stay strong : do NOT let this prick ruin your work and endeavour. Use all the help you can, your professors and advisor are the best placed people to help you and unlock your situation. If it's any use : try getting the higher-ups of your university to look into your case, who knows he might just play the bully against that prick.

[Eigen]

Generally, this should in large part be your advisor's burden to bear. 

 

Your committee chair (your advisor) has the responsibility of resolving issues with out of line, trivial comments and delays. Just like they have to resolve differences if one committee member wants one change, and another wants the opposite. 

 

If they aren't, it speaks to (a) the person involved is above them in the food chain, and they can't really help you, or ( they're not willing to go on record as putting their foot down with these comments as being trivial, and your work being fine as is. 

 

So to ask, is this committee member senior in the department relative to your advisor? Is your advisor tenured?

 

I'd strongly suggest sitting down and working out a plan for how to deal with this with your advisor. 

[1Q84]

Further to fuzzy's suggestion of seeking the ombudsperson, make sure you keep lots of documentation and a paper trail of everything that you can. It'll expedite the process and make the whole situation much more clear for those who have to make a decision about it.

 

It's good that you're putting up a strong front but from the outside, it might appear as if you're just fine and dandy letting this guy walk all over your thesis for no good reason. Make sure you have evidence that something is wrong!

[RNadine21]

Thank you everyone for your supportive words.

 

1. Long story short, I successfully defended and am graduating in two weeks!

 

2. Difficult person was somewhat annoying but oddly cooperative in person. We sat down together and discussed his thesis comments and I realized that had he been clearer I would've realized that most of his comments were "take it or leave it" and that there were only a couple of bigger issues that we settled right then.

 

3. My entire committee is done with him. My advisor will definitely never work with him again, and one person has one as far as vowing to vote no if/when this person reapplys for his faculty position here.

 

4. You all were right about not letting this experience ruin research for me. I had an interview for a job (which at this point I'm guessing I didn't get, but moving on) and my excitement made me realize that I'm not done with research yet, there's still plenty of passion within me.

 

Now to just sit back and relax....before turning my thesis into a manuscript of course.

[RNadine21]

And to add/answer some questions:

 

1. Everyone else on the committee was set on me passing my defense, graduating this semester, etc. There were just a lot of instances where this person kept on going off about something instead of just saying "Yes", resolving an issue, and then fine, continue with your rant. Example: it took over a week to schedule my defense because he suddenly became insistent on being physically present (he works in another state) and instead on saying "Yes, this date works" and ending the situation, it dragged on for days because he'd talk about the thesis or just say "I really wanted to be there." But again, it's all done.

 

2. My advisor has been amazing and has tried so hard to keep the peace, especially when I started throwing out words like "stressed" and "scared". She does try to rein everyone back in but he's been difficult to control. He literally will ignore efforts to come to an agreement and keep going.

 

3. Oh, I'm sooo keeping the emails. Multiple people have told me to. I'll definitely keep my drafts as well with his comments. Everyone who has seen them has been floored.

[St Andrews Lynx]

1. Long story short, I successfully defended and am graduating in two weeks!

Congratulations! I'm glad that jerk didn't ruin it for you. 

[fuzzylogician]

That is awesome news! I am so happy for you, congratulations!!

[i.am.me]

I am late to the game...and I don't know you...but I AM JUST SO HAPPY AND RELIEVED FOR YOU!

 

CONGRATULATIONS!

[nnnnnnn]

I never wrote before because I had no advice to give. But I'd like to say that I am happy for you. Congrats!

[nehs]

Thank you everyone for your supportive words.

 

1. Long story short, I successfully defended and am graduating in two weeks!

 

2. Difficult person was somewhat annoying but oddly cooperative in person. We sat down together and discussed his thesis comments and I realized that had he been clearer I would've realized that most of his comments were "take it or leave it" and that there were only a couple of bigger issues that we settled right then.

 

3. My entire committee is done with him. My advisor will definitely never work with him again, and one person has one as far as vowing to vote no if/when this person reapplys for his faculty position here.

 

4. You all were right about not letting this experience ruin research for me. I had an interview for a job (which at this point I'm guessing I didn't get, but moving on) and my excitement made me realize that I'm not done with research yet, there's still plenty of passion within me.

 

Now to just sit back and relax....before turning my thesis into a manuscript of course.

you must be happy, congragulations!

 

i read through the whole chain of posts because i am in a simialr situaiton - revising my master's thesis based on committee comments. my committee member is not particualarly nasty but i'm hoping that i'm done this time. one thing i learnt from your posts is that -- it helps to sit down with them and see if the comments are "leave it" or "take it" types..... if all goes well, I graduate in 2 weeks too!!!

 

Congragulations again, most importantly thanks for coming back with updates.