Finding a roommate?

[LittleDarlings]

How do you know a random roommate on Craigslist will want to work out with you?

I don't. I do think I could find someone with similar interests 

[FestivusMiracle]

I was in this situation last year and I used Craigslist to find some prospective roommates. Looking for a room in a house that is already leased is the way to go. Usually this involves a three room house with one of the three roommates moving out and the other two wanting to stay and needing someone to pick up the other third of the rent. One way to be safe is to make sure you get the person to e-mail you using their campus (.edu) e-mail account. That way you know they are or were at least a student. This limits your options to students only, and even some students may be serial rapists, but it really lowers your risk. It worked for me (I was not raped).

[Guest Gnome Chomsky]

I don't. I do think I could find someone with similar interests

It's Craiglist. Be grateful with a similar species.

[Maziana]

About undergrads: At the time, I was an undergrad junior living with someone getting her masters... so that worked out for us. I tend to put in ads that I have a quiet lifestyle and would like to live with someone with the same. That way I don't end up with people who hold parties when I'm trying to sleep. And then I have long email/phone/in person conversations to be sure they seem trustworthy. It's worked for me so far.

 

When I eventually try to find a roommate, I'll probably say something like I prefer living with graduate students, but mature undergrads are welcome too... I don't know; haven't thought that far yet.

 

It's Craiglist. Be grateful with a similar species.

 

No need for the hyperbole... 

[Guest Gnome Chomsky]

No need for the hyperbole... 

 

Thanks for the life advice. 

[LittleDarlings]

Ok how does this situation sound. I might have found a roommate, I met this girl in a class of 2013 group for my under grad school on fb years ago. She lives in Cbus with her family and she's in beauty school right now I don't know where she works but she said she's looking for a second job. I think this is promising. Only issue is her budget is 400 a month plus utilities. It has been nearly impossible finding a place in a good area that is 800 a month, 2 beds and 2 bath. I need my own bathroom like its a must for me. Also who will sign the lease? And it was brought to my attention you have to pay first month and last month and a security deposit! That's so much money! I mean I know we would split it but still. Someone told me I should just try to rent a room in a place but then what do I do about her? I feel bad just being like "sorry bye now!" You know? If I can find a room in an apartment that has another girl (I don't know how I feel about living with guys) and 2 bathrooms for Aug then great most people are like looking for Feb and March not Aug yet. I'm getting so annoyed with this process part me wants just be like screw it and live alone. Reading on this website I've seen some roommate horror stories, at the same time I really want someone to help offset the costs.

[overworkedta]

Do you prefer living alone or with a roommate? I am so stuck on one hand I don't want to live alone, I get scared I would love another person to workout with and go out with on occasion and to just feel safe with. I mean I feel safer with someone in the house besides me and offsetting the costs is nice.  On the other hand I like being alone, I can clean when I want and have total silence when I want, I know that I will always pay my bills on time.  I am freaking out (I need to take deep breaths and calm down) I just don't know which would be better for me. I like my privacy I also kind of want a 2 bed 2 bath if I had a roommate 

 

Don't move in with someone with the intention that they will A. always be around for these things and B. you are going to be friends.  The best roommates sometimes are quiet ships passing in the night that really aren't around that much.  You may find a friend to room with but it also may ruin your friendship.  I am having that problem with my current roommate.  She expects me to always be around.  I've got a boyfriend and another set of friends, so I am not around much right now.  She has made the situation really awkward and now it's hard to change that dynamic, so I spend even less time there.  I love her to pieces but it's just so rough right now.  I wish that we hadn't stressed our friendship with it and that her expectations were different.

 

A roommate is not a friend or your mom or a protector.  It could be the case that they are around a lot.  It could be the case that they aren't.  Just be aware of that.

 

As for this girl you've met, I don't think you owe her anything.  If you piss her off, so what?  What's going to happen in the long run.  No lease is signed and she still has plenty of time to find another person to room with.  It seems like you have different budgets.  You can't feel obligated to her if she isn't as flexible as you can be.  It sucks.  Don't be mean about it, just sit her down and explain how it is like an adult.  If she gets upset or feels entitled to something, that's her problem.

 

FWIW, I lived alone my first year and it was probably the best decision.  I could afford it, so I did.  Last year, my relationship with my BFF (and roommate) got really stressed because of something that happened in her life and I regretted signing the lease ever since.  I can't help but think if I had moved out, she would have been mad in the short run but we could have salvaged it in the long run.  Living with people can be good and bad.

[LittleDarlings]

I'm starting to lean more towards being alone or finding a room in CL... But having a roommate in a relationship would be so annoying especially if they were constantly there. Blah I'm annoyed thinking about it lol

[overworkedta]

It could happen!  I'm never around to bother my roommate.  But if she was less opposed to anyone else using the kitchen or living room (or any common space), I probably would be around more often (often with the BF).  Not every night.  We both have lives elsewhere but at least a couple per week.  That's pretty normal for most couples.  So, that's something you need to consider.  If you aren't completely honest (brutally so) now, you could end up with hurt feelings.  It's better to live alone and have to exert more effort being social than to have to worry about your roommate all the time.

[LittleDarlings]

Yeah I would get annoyed with a roommate having their SO over all the time. I hate that lol so maybe living alone is something I should consider

[TakeruK]

Yeah I would get annoyed with a roommate having their SO over all the time. I hate that lol so maybe living alone is something I should consider

 

You can have "house rules" or "roommate agreements". Many of my friends with roommates have some kind of arrangement. For example, you might agree that no one can ever have guests stay overnight (SOs or otherwise). And/or set a "curfew" where guests on weeknights have to leave by a certain time, unless you get prior agreement from the roommate(s). Sure, people can still break rules etc. but if you bring up these ideas when you are considering someone for a roommate, you can avoid people that you won't enjoy living with!

[rising_star]

CorruptedInnocence, you're probably just looking to early. Most grad students don't make a commitment to attend until April 15, so I'd wait until then to start looking for a roommate. When I've moved into the houses of other people, I've often found them in mid-to late July for an Aug 1 or Aug 15 move-in date. So, just chill out. Think seriously about what you want and what you can and cannot live with but, chill on the search for a little while.

[LittleDarlings]

I really think I might live alone I don't want to have roommates in relationships and I have specific things I want in a roommate. I want them to be like me basically. It's too hard to find someone like that.

[Guest Gnome Chomsky]

I really think I might live alone I don't want to have roommates in relationships and I have specific things I want in a roommate. I want them to be like me basically. It's too hard to find someone like that.

A house full of Pinksters!?

[LittleDarlings]

A house full of Pinksters!?

A house full of pretty girls who like going out but work hard in school and are single and want to meet guys. Not someone who brings random men home. I won't deal with that lol that's what I want and I don't want someone in a relationship because i don't like people in relationships unless I am in one too lol

Edited February 7, 2014 by CorruptedInnocence

[obaka]

But what will you do if you find a girl exactly like you who is single at first but she actually meets a guy and is suddenly IN A RELATIONSHIP AND YOU'RE NOT?????? WHAT WILL YOU DO????

[LittleDarlings]

But what will you do if you find a girl exactly like you who is single at first but she actually meets a guy and is suddenly IN A RELATIONSHIP AND YOU'RE NOT?????? WHAT WILL YOU DO????

I really hope that I find a relationship too I would just try hard to find someone too, or occupy myself with dates. And I wouldn't want her bf to like stay over or be over TOO much and if he did I would call them out on it because I can.

[LittleDarlings]

Hopefully it doesn't come to that. I used to live in Columbus and my roommate was my friend and she was seeing a guy and it wasn't a huge deal she spent most time at his place so I was alone a lot which was awful at first because I was bored all the time but I got over it, joined a dating website and went on dates to keep me busy. He came over rarely and I went to high school with him so we had friendly exchanges.. I didn't hate him. Now I do but that's a different story.

[overworkedta]

My two cents: it's really unlikely you are going to find someone who 100% meets all of your criteria and I hope you're just being silly not serious on the "I don't want anyone to be in a relationship if I'm not" thing because a. that's really hard to deal with and b. it's kind of immature.  Adulthood doesn't even out always - your friends will sometimes be in relationships and you won't.  It's just life.  I would say also to wait a couple of months.  You will have more luck in April or May with people post on craigslist.

 

I like the idea of a roommate agreement.  We have one where no more than half of the nights can an SO stay over.  That hasn't been an issue.  My boyfriend is a grownup, has his place, and we're honestly there more often than not.  Why bother my roommate if we have a place to ourselves?  However, even with that, there are still hard feelings.  My current roommate is not in a relationship and currently seems uphappy with me being happy.  She is quite seriously in the vain of "I don't want you to be in a relationship if I am not".  It sucks to be on the other side of that coin flip and it's a recipe for disaster.  Life doesn't work like that.  And, depending how old you are, within a year, you will find out a many of your friends are married, are getting married, or are having kids.  And, in your program, a lot of them will be like this.

 

You say you've tried online dating and to keep occupied and I think that's a great way to approach it - be active, meet people, stay entertained.  The dating game can suck in grad school.  And dating people in your program is often not the answer.

[LittleDarlings]

My two cents: it's really unlikely you are going to find someone who 100% meets all of your criteria and I hope you're just being silly not serious on the "I don't want anyone to be in a relationship if I'm not" thing because a. that's really hard to deal with and b. it's kind of immature.  Adulthood doesn't even out always - your friends will sometimes be in relationships and you won't.  It's just life.  I would say also to wait a couple of months.  You will have more luck in April or May with people post on craigslist.

 

I like the idea of a roommate agreement.  We have one where no more than half of the nights can an SO stay over.  That hasn't been an issue.  My boyfriend is a grownup, has his place, and we're honestly there more often than not.  Why bother my roommate if we have a place to ourselves?  However, even with that, there are still hard feelings.  My current roommate is not in a relationship and currently seems uphappy with me being happy.  She is quite seriously in the vain of "I don't want you to be in a relationship if I am not".  It sucks to be on the other side of that coin flip and it's a recipe for disaster.  Life doesn't work like that.  And, depending how old you are, within a year, you will find out a many of your friends are married, are getting married, or are having kids.  And, in your program, a lot of them will be like this.

 

You say you've tried online dating and to keep occupied and I think that's a great way to approach it - be active, meet people, stay entertained.  The dating game can suck in grad school.  And dating people in your program is often not the answer.

Ok well you definitely didn't help ease my mind of any of the stress I'm having lol I feel like finding a SO in grad school shouldn't be THAT hard lol anyways no I'm very very serious about not wanting a roommate in a relationship. I don't want some random person hanging out taking up space in my house (well ours but if my name is on the lease...) and eating up my food or anything. So it makes me more inclined to live alone that way I don't have to deal with people I don't want to deal with and I can still meet people in my program and on campus and stuff like that. People in relationships aren't fun and I don't want to have to deal with them regularly. They only care about their SO and I feel like when you have a roommate whose your friend that's just inconsiderate.

[legan]

Ok well you definitely didn't help ease my mind of any of the stress I'm having lol I feel like finding a SO in grad school shouldn't be THAT hard lol anyways no I'm very very serious about not wanting a roommate in a relationship. I don't want some random person hanging out taking up space in my house (well ours but if my name is on the lease...) and eating up my food or anything. So it makes me more inclined to live alone that way I don't have to deal with people I don't want to deal with and I can still meet people in my program and on campus and stuff like that. People in relationships aren't fun and I don't want to have to deal with them regularly. They only care about their SO and I feel like when you have a roommate whose your friend that's just inconsiderate.

 

In your other thread, you express your desire to be married, like, yesterday, and your desperation for finding a partner in grad school. And here you make sweeping generalizations about just how awful people who are in relationships are.

 

So are you going to be the exception to the rule, and be the only person in a relationship ever to be a decent human being who maintains relationships with your friends and roommates? Or are you going to be proud to join the ranks of all the other jerkfaces who only care about their boyfriends and girlfriends?

 

After reading both of the big threads you started (from beginning to end, no less! Really good stuff!), I can't figure out if you're either the most brilliant troll ever, or someone in desperate need of perspective.

[LittleDarlings]

In your other thread, you express your desire to be married, like, yesterday, and your desperation for finding a partner in grad school. And here you make sweeping generalizations about just how awful people who are in relationships are.

So are you going to be the exception to the rule, and be the only person in a relationship ever to be a decent human being who maintains relationships with your friends and roommates? Or are you going to be proud to join the ranks of all the other jerkfaces who only care about their boyfriends and girlfriends?

After reading both of the big threads you started (from beginning to end, no less! Really good stuff!), I can't figure out if you're either the most brilliant troll ever, or someone in desperate need of perspective.

I think when I am in a relationship I can manage to keep my friends and boyfriend. I'm sure people can do it (I had a bf at one point and I still made time for my friends) but the people I know in relationships only talk about their boyfriends and never want to go out to bars or clubs because they have boyfriends... On one hand I can kind of understsnd but on the other hand I think you should want to do things with your single friends and do things that your single friends would like and don't being your boyfriend along or talk about them nonstop when your single friend isn't really caring its rude and inconsiderate.

Sitting here eating and watching SATC, I want friends like Sex and the City.

Edited February 7, 2014 by CorruptedInnocence

[legan]

Why? They continuously irritate one another with their relationships. Carrie constantly ditches her friends for her boyfriends, Miranda hates hearing everyone whine about their man problems, and Charlotte is always repulsed by and judges Samantha's relationships. This is basically the antithesis of what you're looking for. 

[LittleDarlings]

Why? They continuously irritate one another with their relationships. Carrie constantly ditches her friends for her boyfriends, Miranda hates hearing everyone whine about their man problems, and Charlotte is always repulsed by and judges Samantha's relationships. This is basically the antithesis of what you're looking for.

The episode I was just watching they were all single (I know they don't stay that way) but they looked like they had fun as single women in a big city. They went to bars and clubs regularly, they met people and went to dinner with those people. It just seems so easy to make friends like they are walking home from work and meet someone or meet someone in a cab. It just looks easy. They are so happy and friendly and meet guys so easily. I mean in the end I don't want to be alone I want to be social in grad school I want to meet guys to date and girls to hang out with and go to bars. I want SATC life as a grad student... But without all the sex because that's only for relationships for me:)

[legan]

I am laughing so hard at the meeting people in cabs idea. I got into an argument with a man last night over trying to hail the same cab. Cabs make enemies, not friends.