Leave of Absence/Dropping Out

[annegirl]

Hi everyone, i'm an international MA in a one year program in Canada. I'm studying history. I'm a research assistant which I love. However that is the only thing I really like about grad school. I've suffered from some form of depression for the past ten years. I tried taking half of the lowest dose of Lexapro for a week before getting painful breakouts on my skin which makes me very reluctant to try other medications. Merely thinking about saying something in class makes me anxious. I tried to figure out a way last semester to set up appointments with counselors but between classes, trying to eat enough, my RA, and the mountain of projects I had. Basically it feels like I would have to either fall behind again on my work or tell either my RA supervisor/professors that I won't be coming to classes. 

 

Because of how depressed I was last semester my grades are really low. I haven't talked to my professors because of how ashamed I am. The only reason I didn't try to drop out last semester is because we had several group projects and I didn't want to leave anyone hanging.

 

 It doesn't help that most of my classmates are very Type A sort of people and excel at group work activities.

 

To make matters worse, I'm supposed to be looking for an internship (which is mandatory to graduate) this summer but that rules out any internship looking for a transcript because my transcripts don't show my GPA (don't ask) and my school's grading system is very strange. 

Plus I can't even think of asking any of my professors for a reference because of how badly I did last semester. 

 

Right now I just feel really low. Not suicidal but on the verge of not going to classes at all this week because I can't deal with it. 

 

If my program was more than a year I would feel better about asking for a leave of absence or dropping out. 

 

I would try counseling/medication if I had the time. There's no after hours services on campus. I don't have a car and the buses can be sketchy at night. 

 

I guess I'm asking if there is good way to ask for a leave of absence (even for a few weeks?). There is no information on how the process is done in my handbook or on the school website besides calling the registrar's office. 

Edited February 2, 2014 by annegirl

[nugget]

Your school should have a department for students with disabilities. I would start by calling them and getting information on how to register with their department and how they will be able to assist you. Depression is considered a disability and they will be able to notify your professors in writing of any special accomodations that you may need (ie: occassional extensions on assignments, etc) without disclosing the details of your medical condition. You can also ask them about taking a leave of absence as I am certain that they have had students in the past who needed to take a leave of absence and they could give you some information on how the process works.

Edited February 3, 2014 by jenste

[Meanyus]

Jenste hit the nail on the head. If I were in your shoes, I would talk with a professor or your RA adviser. Every program is different but I know the people in my program are very cognizant of students who are struggling with depression.

 

I had a student commit suicide last semester, which noticeably shook me. My thesis adviser actually offered to let me take a leave of absence for a few weeks if I needed to get my shit in order. I ultimately declined to take them up on that offer because I wanted to get back to my students, but I know that being honest with my adviser was extremely beneficial when I was going through a pretty difficult time.

[nugget]

If you need to talk to someone about your depression outside of business hours, you can call this help line for students in you live anywhere in Ontario. It's a free service.  http://www.680news.com/2013/10/04/ontario-launches-mental-health-help-line-for-university-college-students/

[annegirl]

Thank you all. I contacted my uni's disabilities department and I have an appointment this week. I have a regular doctor's appointment scheduled as well because my last anxiety attack was physically painful. 

[danieleWrites]

I have epilepsy. It took over a decade and dozens of medications in a variety of combinations to get me seizure-free. Actually, I'd given up completely and had organized my life around the idea that I would always have some seizures with the medication I was on. My neuro hadn't, though, and put me through several cycles of secondary prescriptions and we hit on a combo that actually works. I can drive now. Freaky-deaky. I won't get into the side effects that I've tolerated over the years, but sleeping through a week and half during finals week one year was one of the worst, with the one that was contra-indicated to every OTC cold and flu medication ever a close second.

It is very common for people with conditions that require long-term medication to have to try out several before they find the right one at the right dose for their physiology.

So here's the thing. You have crippling depression. Do not let bad reactions to prescriptions stop you from finding the medical relief that you need. The nice thing about medications is that they come in families. If Lexapro caused a breakout, then your doctor won't prescribe something in the Lexapro family. Call you doctor and let them know how urgent your situation is, that way you can get an appointment sooner. Your doctor will listen to your concerns about medication and you can make choices together.

[McKenna]

Please keep your disability and doctor appointments.  They can help you but only if you follow through.  I speak from personal experience.  And I was able to get some great counseling and medication from the resources available at my uni.  I feel so much better, I can't believe I thought my former existence was in any way normal.

[pears]

So here's the thing. You have crippling depression. Do not let bad reactions to prescriptions stop you from finding the medical relief that you need. The nice thing about medications is that they come in families. If Lexapro caused a breakout, then your doctor won't prescribe something in the Lexapro family. Call you doctor and let them know how urgent your situation is, that way you can get an appointment sooner. Your doctor will listen to your concerns about medication and you can make choices together.

 

Can't emphasize this enough. I've been dealing with severe, crippling depression and moderate anxiety for the last 10 years or so. It took a long time to find the right mixture of medications to relieve my symptoms without side effects. Some of my medications made my symptoms worse — dangerously so — and some just didn't do anything. Turns out I needed an NRI, not an SSRI or MAOI, and at-night anxiety relief; figuring it out took months. Yes, months. Lots of gnarly side effects at times. But, if you have a good therapist and psychiatrist, they'll respond to all your needs ASAP and help you the whole way through.

 

Although my Rx co-pays and the cost of therapy have all added up over the years, they've saved my life in many ways and more than once. We have a tendency (in the US, at least) to treat mental health problems completely differently from physical health problems. You wouldn't skip out on physical therapy that would allow you to walk without pain, or medications that keep your liver up and running — so why skip out on therapy and medication that allow you to live a healthy life without struggle?

 

 

Also,

 

Depression is considered a disability and they will be able to notify your professors in writing of any special accomodations that you may need (ie: occassional extensions on assignments, etc) without disclosing the details of your medical condition.

 

Is this true in the US, too, undergrad and grad programs alike? If so, holy whoa, that would've saved me a lot of grief and terrible grades as an undergrad...

[nugget]

Is this true in the US, too, undergrad and grad programs alike? If so, holy whoa, that would've saved me a lot of grief and terrible grades as an undergrad...

 

I did a quick search on Berkeley's website, as this is one of the schools you'd like to attend, and psychological disorders such as depression are considered a disability.

 

http://dsp.berkeley.edu/verification.html

[annegirl]

I have epilepsy. It took over a decade and dozens of medications in a variety of combinations to get me seizure-free. Actually, I'd given up completely and had organized my life around the idea that I would always have some seizures with the medication I was on. My neuro hadn't, though, and put me through several cycles of secondary prescriptions and we hit on a combo that actually works. I can drive now. Freaky-deaky. I won't get into the side effects that I've tolerated over the years, but sleeping through a week and half during finals week one year was one of the worst, with the one that was contra-indicated to every OTC cold and flu medication ever a close second.

It is very common for people with conditions that require long-term medication to have to try out several before they find the right one at the right dose for their physiology.

So here's the thing. You have crippling depression. Do not let bad reactions to prescriptions stop you from finding the medical relief that you need. The nice thing about medications is that they come in families. If Lexapro caused a breakout, then your doctor won't prescribe something in the Lexapro family. Call you doctor and let them know how urgent your situation is, that way you can get an appointment sooner. Your doctor will listen to your concerns about medication and you can make choices together.

 

Thank you for this. I got a different med this time. I'm still kinda lethargic and my appetite comes and goes but i'm going to try to stick with this one. The doctor I saw was very nice and made sure he didn't give me  anything in the Lexapro family. 

[annegirl]

Please keep your disability and doctor appointments.  They can help you but only if you follow through.  I speak from personal experience.  And I was able to get some great counseling and medication from the resources available at my uni.  I feel so much better, I can't believe I thought my former existence was in any way normal.

 

I'll be honest I almost canceled my disability appointment because I felt silly and pathetic because I can do the bare minimum to be "functional" however its really messing with my grades. It's on monday. Thank you for your encouragement.

[annegirl]

I did a quick search on Berkeley's website, as this is one of the schools you'd like to attend, and psychological disorders such as depression are considered a disability.

 

http://dsp.berkeley.edu/verification.html

 

That's good news. I had no idea anything like was available in the states too. That would have helped me immensely in undergrad. 

[annegirl]

I thought I would give an update in case it would help someone. I saw the doctor and i've been on an anti-depressant for week. My mood and the endless looping thought process of guilt and shame have started to level off. I'm sleeping better. Though I still am dealing with the side effects of this anti-depressant they are manageable and are dissipating as time goes on. I went to see the disabilities counselor and she suggested I ask for extensions on my assignments that I'm having trouble with and let my director know that something is and has been going on. I am hoping I will be able to graduate on time now. 

[Lifesaver]

Hang in there! You can do it!

[knightrunner]

Wow, I didn't know that depression considered a disability here in the states.  I would have so benefited from this as an undergrad.  I can't believe the nursing program I use to be in never suggested or offered this suggestion before.

 

This will be useful for my younger brother.

[nugget]

Yes, unfortunately "invisible disabilities" don't receive the same kind of recognition that physical disabilities receive. Sometimes it's a good thing as people are less likely to be discriminated against if their disability isn't obvious and this gives people the freedom to decide who they want to share this information with. However, when someone needs extra time to meet a deadline or needs to stay at home for a few days for health reasons, sometimes colleagues, friends or family members can be judgmental or think that nothing is wrong with the person because they can't  physically see that there is a problem. This can make it hard for people to speak up about their difficulties because they don't want to be perceived as weak or lazy, not to mention many people don't want to be associated with most stigmas surrounding mental illness. Fortunately these services protect students' privacy and you can still be registered and benefit without having to share your medical condition with faculty.

     

Wow, I didn't know that depression considered a disability here in the states.  I would have so benefited from this as an undergrad.  I can't believe the nursing program I use to be in never suggested or offered this suggestion before.

 

This will be useful for my younger brother.

[annegirl]

well I am officially on a leave of absence. I feel it was the right decision. However with the new changes to immigration I am thoroughly confused. I explicitly asked whether I would be allowed to stay in Canada for the summer (as I have a locked lease until august and my health options were better here than at home for the time being). I wanted to go home for a few days to visit family and come back to finish researching papers from this past semester on my own time, but now I'm worried (paranoid probably) that I won't be allowed to return for some reason? I have emails from my director stating the according to the school of grad studies I would be allowed to stay here for the summer. I have had no issues for the past month while i'm on leave at the moment. I just want to do the right thing. I don't want to lose my possessions or be unable to move out properly for some reason just because I wanted to visit home for a few days? 

[DeleteMePlease]

Well the only question is whether your visa is still valid right? 

 

The only problem you might run into is that as you have taken your leave of absence you most likely will need longer to graduate. Thus, I would check if the visa is valid for the whole duration of the program. But that shouldn't be a problem now...

[annegirl]

I don't have a visa only a study permit as I am a US citizen. My study permit was good until November 2014. When I asked about all this my school said I just needed a new permit/extension for the fall semester so I could be finished with my degree by December. 

[kyjin]

If your study permit is valid till November, then you're fine. Don't worry about going home for a few days. One of my friends took longer for her MA in Canada and also had to put in for a permit extension; apparently it was no big deal at all. 

[annegirl]

Yeah I just double-checked with the international student office. I went home and came back with no problem.