Big age differences within cohort?

[schoolpsycher]

I'm 24 and going to start my grad program in about a month (eek!), but I recently found out the majority of my 12-person cohort is older than me. It looks like there's a couple people around my age, but everyone else is in their 30s/40s. The director of the program also told us that 7 out of 12 of us already have a masters degree, which along with the age difference, is already intimidating me! I was one of the youngest at my job the past 2 years and got along great with my co-workers, but I feel like it will be different in a classroom setting. I know I can learn a lot from people that are already so experienced in the field, but I'm really starting to worry that I'll feel left out and won't feel like I can contribute as much. I'm also worried social-wise, but I do already live in the city of my program so I'll have friends outside of it as well. Anyone been in a similar situation? Getting nervous about whether I made the right decision.

[GeoDUDE!]

You won't be able to contribute as much; you are just starting out. Why would you think you are expected to contribute as much as people who are already in grad school? 

 

There might be some social differences, but, the people in your cohort wont be the only people you can make friends with; branch out like you said. 

 

stop worrying. 

[fuzzylogician]

The youngest person in my cohort was 21, straight out of college. The oldest was 35ish and had just finished a PhD in another field. Others are sprinkled in the middle (there were 8 of us), and some but not all had MAs. We're all good friends, even now 5 years later, when we're all graduating and leaving our program. Everybody has a unique perspective they can offer to class discussions, so there is no reason why you can't be heard or make meaningful contributions. You could also choose to view your situation as an advantage, since there will be many people who you interact with on a regular basis who have interesting experiences and perspectives you could learn from. That aside, there will be students from other cohorts or even other programs you could become friends with, since it is possible that the older people who have families will be less interested in making new friends (but please don't just assume that about anyone!). And, of course, it's possible to make friends outside of academia altogether (gasp!), by joining groups or activities that interest you outside of school.

[bsharpe269]

I am a MS student currently but the MS and PhD students at my schools vary quite a bit in age. I don't think that age has anything to do with which people I end up close to. Most of the other students in my program are in their 30s and a few are in their 40s as well. There are also a handful straight out of undergrad. I don't really feel like there is a noticable difference in maturity or interests between people in their 20s and 30s... I am 25 and the ages of the people who I am closest to in my program are 23, 24, 31, 33,  and 41. I wouldnt worry about or focus on age... Just talk to people and get to know them and try to learn from their experience.

[TakeruK]

I also wouldn't worry about it. You might see lots of posts here about older people feeling worried about fitting in. In my opinion, the truth is that grad school is a new and scary experience for most people, no matter their age or experience, and I think it would help to remember that most of your cohort will share similar anxieties--they are probably as worried as you are!

[geographyrocks]

I've made friends with classmates anywhere from 18 to 60 (I'm 31). Don't worry! You'll be fine!

[Taeyers]

My cohort is 4 people, and I'm the only one who doesn't have a master's degree. I also have just under 2 years of research experience, while everyone else obviously has much more. Here's the kicker: the admission committee gave me the 3-year fellowship and told me I was their first choice for admission. Point of the story being that having less experience does not necessarily mean that you're viewed as having less potential to contribute. If you believe that you can measure up and act on that belief, others probably won't be difficult to convince. 

 

And to address your other concern, some of my easiest and most enjoyable social relationships have been with people 10-25 years older than me (I'm 25 now, but this has been true for years). Don't form any opinions or expectations until you give it a try

[rising_star]

My cohort varied widely in age and experience (from fresh out of undergrad in the MA program to returning after 15 years working to get a PhD and all sorts of things in between). In a cohort of 12, you may find that you aren't friends with everyone and that is okay. I'm not friends with more than half of the cohort I started grad school with. Some of my friends are from the cohorts before and after mine, some from mine, and some from all over the university. While it's great if you have an instant bond with everyone, it's also unlikely. Just like at work, you'll find you make a few close friends and hang out with those people. For me, those people were my age, 2 years older, 4 years older, 8 years older, and 10 years older.

 

As for the rest, that's just imposted syndrome. Just because they got a master's and you haven't (yet!) doesn't necessarily mean that you have less experience. Ask them questions if you want to know more about something. Explaining things to you will help them just like it helps you.

[lewin]

 I know I can learn a lot from people that are already so experienced in the field, but I'm really starting to worry that I'll feel left out and won't feel like I can contribute as much.

 

Good to learn from their experience but experience isn't a guarantee of academic competence so don't be too intimidated. People with work experience can be a mixed bag; I've known some who think they know better than everybody just because they have a little work or life experience, but academically it didn't help them squat. Maybe that's just coming from a social science background, but older students seem especially likely to insist that their personal anecdotes that contradict a study's findings are a cogent rebuttal to controlled experimental data.

[TakeruK]

Maybe that's just coming from a social science background, but older students seem especially likely to insist that their personal anecdotes that contradict a study's findings are a cogent rebuttal to controlled experimental data.

 

I just imagined someone saying "Well, the last time *I* visited a supergiant star, it wasn't blue at all!" and cracked up. Or maybe because all the deadlines are this week for me ahhhhhh

 

Back on track--I just want to agree with/highlight lewin's point that extra life/work experience doesn't translate to academic advantage!

[CageFree]

As one of those "older" people in my cohort (when we started, our ages ranged from 23 to 37), I want to echo that many of these fears will work themselves out. Even if you don't have "life" or "work" experience, or you don't have a MA, you have much to contribute to any class. Getting to know people on a personal level will help you overcome some of those fears.

 

I would say that my being on the older end hasn't been as much an academic advantage (though my work experience was, since I was a secondary school teacher), but it HAS been helpful in my relationships with professors and my dealings with the administration. I stand up for myself and don't really have the "hero worship" that some people have when they come straight from undergrad. I guess you get to your mid-30s and realize there's only so much BS you're willing to swallow.

 

As for friendships, most of my friends are younger because my field skews younger. I'm a decade older than most of my friends and it's fine. I think that where you are in life and what your values/hobbies are tends to be more important... grad students who are parents tend to gravitate toward each other because they have much  in common, for example. Others bond playing sports, going to church, etc.. Those are some of the things that define who is friends with whom, not the number of years you've been on this planet

Edited July 22, 2014 by CageFree

[Sigaba]

 

I would say that my being on the older end hasn't been as much an academic advantage (though my work experience was, since I was a secondary school teacher), but it HAS been helpful in my relationships with professors and my dealings with the administration. I stand up for myself and don't really have the "hero worship" that some people have when they come straight from undergrad. I guess you get to your mid-30s and realize there's only so much BS you're willing to swallow.

 

 

@schoolpsycherThe above statement is a dynamic that may prove a double edged knife when interacting with the older students. That is, they may not be able to empathize with you when relationships get rocky with professors even as they give you outstanding tactical guidance.

Edited July 22, 2014 by Sigaba

[RunnerGrad]

My second undergraduate cohort had students of all ages, from traditional-aged students right up to students in their 40s.  Sure, there were some younger students who didn't want to interact with the older students (I heard them say that they thought us older students were "weird") but others were more mature in their outlook and were happy to hang out with those of us who were non-trads.

 

In contrast with lewin's experience, I find it is the younger students who are more likely to claim that their personal experiences outweigh scientific evidence.  However, we are in different fields, so maybe that accounts for the difference.  For example, I find that the traditional-aged students are more likely to blame individuals for their weight, whereas the older students recognize that numerous factors contribute to an individual's weight, many of which are outside of an individual's control.  I have found that the younger students also tend to think "well, eating healthy is so easy for me, so if people aren't eating healthy, it's because they don't want to or are too lazy to make the effort."  The older students realize that life isn't quite so simple, and that what applies to them, or works for them, doesn't necessarily work for anyone else!  I find that younger students tend to rely on anecdotes far more often than the older students, who are more likely to look for scientific data.  Of course, these are just generalizations, based on my experiences.  There are certainly some younger students who don't act like the majority of their peers.

[ProfLorax]

@schoolpsycherThe above statement is a dynamic that may prove a double edged knife when interacting with the older students. That is, they may not be able to empathize with you when relationships get rocky with professors even as they give you outstanding tactical guidance.

I haven't found this to be the case in the least. Just because we're older, doesn't mean we lose all patience and empathy! At least I haven't. I thoroughly enjoy listening to my younger cohort member's concerns and issues, and I love drinking their blood to stay youthful soaking up their energy and enthusiasm.

 

To the OP: I wouldn't worry about it. I may not be that much older than some of my cohort (I'm not even the oldest!), but I sometimes feel like I am. I came into the program a married home-owner with savings and plans on starting a family. Now, we're expecting our first kid in December. There are days I feel so old! Fortunately, my program is friendly and welcoming. I listen to my younger classmate's rants about her roommate and give her rides, and she asks about the pregnancy and offers to help babysit in the future. Even though we are in such different stages of life, we have grad school, values, and a similar sense of humor in common. Temperament, values, and goals are more likely to be the big factors in creating an inclusive, friendly, and welcoming cohort. I will say that sometimes, a cohort just needs a leader, someone to organize social outings and unify the group. That may be you! 

[CageFree]

@schoolpsycherThe above statement is a dynamic that may prove a double edged knife when interacting with the older students. That is, they may not be able to empathize with you when relationships get rocky with professors even as they give you outstanding tactical guidance.

 

Having confidence and/or life experience does not mean lacking empathy for others. Color me confused?

[Sigaba]

Having confidence and/or life experience does not mean lacking empathy for others. Color me confused?

The operative word was "may."

[CageFree]

The operative word was "may."

 

Point taken. It was just weird that it came out of my statement... I can be a lot of things, but lacking in empathy isn't one of them.   I hope, anyway. 

 

(Though drinking the blood of the young ones seems like a good idea. Gotta keep my youth somehow!)

Edited July 23, 2014 by CageFree

[lyrehc]

I'm 44 and in my 2nd year of a PhD program.  I've found that people tend to connect more based upon similar research interests than based upon age.  In fact, the person I'm closest to in my cohort has a mother who is only 1 year older than me, but we tend to take the same classes and focus on the same topics in the studies we conduct.  

 

Honestly, don't worry about it.  I would be annoyed if someone young was to come in and tell me how to raise my kids but that hasn't happened.  And if you're aware enough to have concerns the I think you'll probably be just fine.