Dealing with rejection

[Timemachines]

So I'm noticing a slew of invites going out from Northwestern to prospective studens this week and am starting to swallow the fact that I'll be getting a notice of rejection. While I recognize that NU was a reach for my stats, I can't help but feel overwhelmingly bummed out. I realize its still early and NU is actually the only school that I applied to that's been in touch thus far....for those of you that have gone through this..what are your tips on dealing with rejection in terms of morale?

Edited January 6, 2016 by Timemachines

[JoePianist]

This is how I'll deal with rejection in a completely healthy way:

[Timemachines]

6 minutes ago, JoePianist said:

This is how I'll deal with rejection in a completely healthy way:

LOL...yes. I may follow suit.

[Gvh]

[namarie]

I've only had one so far (to my top choice), and I was really sad. I did cry a little, but I realized that there were other schools I was still waiting on. After hearing why I was rejected, it helped me come up with a plan to become a stronger applicant in case I have to do this all over again. I think the biggest thing is letting yourself be sad or hurt for a short time. Rejection is never easy, and it is okay to be upset. Just don't dwell on it! Find something that makes you happy, and focus on that. Best of luck to you!! 

[RD]

8 minutes ago, namarie said:

I've only had one so far (to my top choice), and I was really sad. I did cry a little, but I realized that there were other schools I was still waiting on. After hearing why I was rejected, it helped me come up with a plan to become a stronger applicant in case I have to do this all over again. I think the biggest thing is letting yourself be sad or hurt for a short time. Rejection is never easy, and it is okay to be upset. Just don't dwell on it! Find something that makes you happy, and focus on that. Best of luck to you!! 

I totally agree. Rejection hurts! It's OK to be sad about it. But, try to avoid engaging in behavior that leads you to fixate more on it or on the admissions process in general - this is not the time to figure out what you did wrong, or to worry about your other apps. Don't be like me - my first time applying for grad school I basically spent 3-4 months refreshing gradcafe constantly and nearly lost my mind. Go outside, spend time with friends and family, do what makes you happy. Rejection is an unavoidable part of this process. Literally just about every single applicant gets rejected from somewhere (in most cases, most of the programs they apply to). Comfort yourself with the fact that you are far from alone in this, and go do something fun.

[Timemachines]

Thanks folks, very uplifting feedback -Good luck to everyone!

[Applicant 1746]

1 hour ago, namarie said:

I've only had one so far (to my top choice), and I was really sad. I did cry a little, but I realized that there were other schools I was still waiting on. After hearing why I was rejected, it helped me come up with a plan to become a stronger applicant in case I have to do this all over again. I think the biggest thing is letting yourself be sad or hurt for a short time. Rejection is never easy, and it is okay to be upset. Just don't dwell on it! Find something that makes you happy, and focus on that. Best of luck to you!! 

I'm sorry to hear this! But, I like your approach a lot and will definitely do my best to remember this in the coming months. Can I ask how you went about finding out why you were rejected?

[namarie]

6 minutes ago, Applicant 1746 said:

I'm sorry to hear this! But, I like your approach a lot and will definitely do my best to remember this in the coming months. Can I ask how you went about finding out why you were rejected?

I saw people on here who were saying they had received invitations from the program. I emailed the psych department inquiring about my application, and the head of the admissions committee responded saying that I had been rejected. We traded a couple of emails, and she was very nice. Obviously didn't change the sting of rejection, but it was helpful to have someone kindly explain why I was rejected instead of ignoring me or worse. 

I hope you receive good news soon!!

[lola4]

I'm sorry about your rejection. So far, I've got one interview set-up and one rejection. I am thankful my interview offer came before my rejection, otherwise I'm not sure I would have stomached it so well. It was definitely a disappointment since it was from my top choice.

Keep your head up and remember that we will all probably be getting more rejections than interviews! 

 

Good luck  

Edited January 6, 2016 by lola4

[kingslayer]

When I first started this process, I had 1-2 top choices and a couple of safety schools. But then everything changed when the fire nation attacked it finally clicked that all of my programs (even the ones I considered safety) are really competitive. It's going to hurt a lot to be rejected from any school, but just as long as one accepts me I'll be ok.

[haiqtpi]

1. 1 hour ago, highborn said:

   When I first started this process, I had 1-2 top choices and a couple of safety schools. But then everything changed when the fire nation attacked it finally clicked that all of my programs (even the ones I considered safety) are really competitive. It's going to hurt a lot to be rejected from any school, but just as long as one accepts me I'll be ok.

   Yea - SO MUCH THIS!  I am at this point - I thought that I was all but guaranteed interviews at two schools that I apparently got rejected from (No official rejection, but have been contacted by people who have received invite for same mentor/school said that they sent out invites already).  It hurts...BAD.  I had been told what a great candidate I was by the Stony Brook faculty, so I had this like, not arrogance, but confidence that I would get interviews at the very least.  So far, that has proven to be quite a disappointment, and makes me feel either inadequate or like I aimed too high with my school list.  

[kingslayer]

@haiqtpi Same! The overall themes of this application process have been "stuff happens" and that "I am unique (just like everybody else)". There can be a small thing that ruins the entire application. I applied to 15 schools, but it may be that only 12 schools will look at my application due to things that are out of my control. For example, I have a great GPA but one of my schools is going to calculate three F's I received six years ago (even though I retook the courses and got A's). Goodbye 3.5, hello 3.2. I was rereading my PS and I noticed a tiny spelling mistake & remembered things I should have added. I have a LOR that is still lost in holiday mail. If I get past all these hurdles and somehow get an interview, they can look at me and go "wow, she's lazy/ugly/stupid" because I'm fat and reject me right then. Things can just go wrong. There have been multiple times where someone has been rejected from a "lower tiered" college, but accepted into a "higher tiered" college. I went into this confident about my resume, my abilities, little things that made me "stand out," and now I'm realizing that everyone else has that as well

 I now feel like I didn't apply to a safety school--I applied to many schools where I feel like I'd fit in. If I'm lucky enough to get in at all with a choice, I'd rather accept a "lower tiered" school with full funding rather than a "higher tiered" school with no funding. I've come to the conclusion that where you end up with your degree five years from now is what matters, not where you get it from.

[haiqtpi]

Funding is a whole different animal.  While I am not entirely sure of how it all works, I know that I would be totally ok not taking a stipend, but receiving admission, and almost wish that I could have said that or conveyed that in my personal statement, but hindsight is always 20/20 (and I am not sure if that is even appropriate to do).  Though I would want the tuition wiaver haha just sayin'. I just have never really dealt with rejection of importance, so this hurts a lot haha.  I basically had my year set up like, "Ok well in July/Aug I move to X for school and start grad studies."  Now it becomes, "How serious of a job do I begin to look for right now (to prevent myself from being not only jobless but school-less come the end of admissions decisions)..what if I need to apply next year?  Do I just go for masters and then PhD?  Why don't they love me?"

I applied to 9 schools, and I am wondering if that was to few, considering that I had like 3/4 top tier schools on that list.  I have seen other people's lists, and noticed that they have various schools that I would never have even thought of - granted I know that things like specialty, interests, location, etc can be factors, but I feel like my list was kind of loaded from the get-go, with a few "safety" schools, but now I even wonder how safety they are, considering that all I have seen so far is rejection lol

Edited January 7, 2016 by haiqtpi

[kingslayer]

@haiqtpi Same. I enjoy torturing myself so I have the weather of all my potential schools in my phone that I check constantly. I keep looking at apartments, but I should be preparing for Plan B. I think 9 colleges is ok! 12 is supposed to be the aim (or so I've heard) but it just depends. I've seen people applying to 24, 27 colleges in one cycle. I  have a friend who is only applying to 1. This has been scary for me because it's not concrete--you could be applying to your PhD program with a 4.0, awesome GRE scores, multiple publications, ect. but acceptance STILL will not be guaranteed.  I have a friend who is applying to 4 schools. All of them are ~top tier~ schools (UCLA, USC, popular schools that get thousands of applications per cycle) and I am genuinely concerned for her even though she has a 4.0 from an ivy.

[MarineBluePsy]

A good friend of mine said something that I found really helpful which was "you go where you're wanted."  A school that rejects you with or without an interview doesn't want you and there is no point in trying to force yourself into some place where you aren't wanted.  There are other schools and one of them will want you and you're likely better off there anyway.

[mylifeinshambles]

On 1/7/2016 at 11:39 PM, highborn said:

@haiqtpi Same! The overall themes of this application process have been "stuff happens" and that "I am unique (just like everybody else)". There can be a small thing that ruins the entire application. I applied to 15 schools, but it may be that only 12 schools will look at my application due to things that are out of my control. For example, I have a great GPA but one of my schools is going to calculate three F's I received six years ago (even though I retook the courses and got A's). Goodbye 3.5, hello 3.2. I was rereading my PS and I noticed a tiny spelling mistake & remembered things I should have added. I have a LOR that is still lost in holiday mail. If I get past all these hurdles and somehow get an interview, they can look at me and go "wow, she's lazy/ugly/stupid" because I'm fat and reject me right then. Things can just go wrong. There have been multiple times where someone has been rejected from a "lower tiered" college, but accepted into a "higher tiered" college. I went into this confident about my resume, my abilities, little things that made me "stand out," and now I'm realizing that everyone else has that as well

 I now feel like I didn't apply to a safety school--I applied to many schools where I feel like I'd fit in. If I'm lucky enough to get in at all with a choice, I'd rather accept a "lower tiered" school with full funding rather than a "higher tiered" school with no funding. I've come to the conclusion that where you end up with your degree five years from now is what matters, not where you get it from.

I don't know if you're applying to masters or phd programs but at least for phd programs, there is no such thing as a safety school. Even the "lower tiered" schools are highly competitive and it's less about the school name but about who you work with and what you do while you're there. So much of it is about fit and I'm seeing this now. Before this process I was so sure I wouldn't even get a single interview because of my mediocre GREs and sub 3.5 cumulative gpa. A lot of it is networking, finding the PI who you click well with (both personality and research), and your own research experience and the ability to show them you can do great research. I found a typo in my INTRO paragraph of some of my personal statements but still got interviews.( And interviews also don't guarantee acceptance.) At this level, EVERYONE is pretty well stacked and qualified so they really evaluate you based on the whole package. If you don't get in this cycle, you can always try again and make your application much stronger and better. I wish you the best of luck and hopefully you have something positive to look forward to soon! 

[Rigid_Designator]

I think one of the best ways to cope is to try to remember that rejection isn't necessarily a rejection of you as a person. Funding plays a role. Sometimes you've simply applied to the right place at the wrong time, and no funding can accommodate you. Further, the lack of a perfect research match when someone else DOES have that near perfect match can throw you out.

Rejection often feels like a personal rejection towards yourself as an individual. Perhaps it SOMETIMES is, for example if you're a great applicant on paper but screw up interview weekend but getting excessively drunk...well yeah...that'll be an issue. But majority of the time it seems that factors impact us that do not have to do with our character itself. Plus, it is important to remember we are more than just graduate students. It is hard to remember this when day in and day out you're living in a  lab, doing coursework, maybe teaching, working with undergraduates, and surrounded by colleagues doing the same thing as you.