Undergraduate events/student groups

[Visualizer]

I was wondering how many of you have had success making lasting friendships/relationships by going to events or clubs at your universities with undergraduates. I strongly feel that at this point in my life I desperately need that opportunity to meet younger people, because I missed out on a considerable amount of social and emotional development in high school and undergrad that will be even much MORE awkward to make up once I get to postdoc/faculty level.

Most people I have met at the university where I'm currently studying have been really friendly, and provided I have been somewhere with a "captive audience" (I don't mean literally like people who want to get away but can't, I just mean where people find themselves together one-on-one talking to fill time or whatever, without distractions) I have found that I can really hit it off with people. I'm hoping that if I find a similar situation but with undergrads, they will be just as friendly (of course, I'm not counting any classes I will teach, which are a very inappropriate time to start close friendships or relationships). But, I could really use some encouragement from people who have "been there and done that", to offset the hopelessness I sometimes feel (which will surely lead to burnout if I don't manage it somehow).

[rising_star]

Honestly, I found it difficult to develop lasting friendships with undergrads but that's because we were at different places in our lives (they were gearing up for life after college whereas I'd already done and dealt with that). I lived with undergrads at a few different points in grad school and I'm only still friends with the first roommate I had, who was much more mature than a typical undergrad, already knew what was going to happen post-college, etc. YMMV obviously but I wouldn't view joining an undergrad student group or even meeting younger people as a way to make up for social or emotional development you feel like you missed out on. And plenty of grad students, postdocs, and faculty are a bit awkward or uncomfortable in social settings. 

[Visualizer]

On 9/11/2016 at 4:08 PM, rising_star said:

Honestly, I found it difficult to develop lasting friendships with undergrads but that's because we were at different places in our lives (they were gearing up for life after college whereas I'd already done and dealt with that).

I'd imagine the "gearing up for life after college" applies more to older undergrads (seniors and, maybe, juniors) but much less to freshmen and sophomores, though? I'd imagine as a first-year graduate student (and with my social development being where it is, which is more teenage-ish) that I'd get along more with freshmen and maybe sophomores, because they are also new to a school and looking to make new friends, and most of them are closer to that adolescent stage socially.

In fact, I'd imagine that certain senior undergraduates may actually be considerably MORE mature in life perspective than me, if they are close to entering the "real world". For me, I always just assumed I'd continue in academia.

[rising_star]

2 hours ago, Visualizer said:

I'd imagine the "gearing up for life after college" applies more to older undergrads (seniors and, maybe, juniors) but much less to freshmen and sophomores, though? I'd imagine as a first-year graduate student (and with my social development being where it is, which is more teenage-ish) that I'd get along more with freshmen and maybe sophomores, because they are also new to a school and looking to make new friends, and most of them are closer to that adolescent stage socially.

Freshmen and sophomores are in the phase of enjoying their freedom from home/parents/rules, which is also a different phase of life than a first year grad student. There's also the age gap, which means that there are places where first and second year college students can't go (by which I mean 21+ establishments). 

My guess is that you're underestimating your own social development. But, by all means, give hanging out with freshman a shot if you think it'll work. I doubt they'll welcome and accept you, especially once they realize they could be in your class one day soon. And I'd like to reiterate a suggestion you've been given previously, which is to work with a professional counselor or therapist on your own social development.

[Visualizer]

36 minutes ago, rising_star said:

There's also the age gap, which means that there are places where first and second year college students can't go (by which I mean 21+ establishments). 

That's one of the things that bothers me about graduate school socializing too--how based it is around venues that are 21+. That makes me feel even more cut off from the undergrads.

About the counselor, I have been working with several over the past 6 years or so. They agree that I'm probably emotionally much younger than my chronological age, and that I'd probably do best looking for undergrads or graduate students like myself. The harder part is figuring out how to do this/how to find a group of those people who accept me, as you say.

Let me ask you this--what would you say is the emotional and "non-colleague-social" stage of life of a first year graduate student? It's quite clear what the professional stage is--finding a research adviser, learning how to contribute substantially to an independent research project, etc. But if you remove work from the "equation", what would you say is the "meaning" of graduate school (just like the whole thing of freedom from parents/rules is separate from the fact of taking classes)? Or, do you think that graduate school is completely defined by one professional life, and outside of that there is no real "meaning" (that the graduate students have in common, I mean--of course there are other things in life)?

Edited September 12, 2016 by Visualizer

[knp]

1 hour ago, Visualizer said:

Or, do you think that graduate school is completely defined by one professional life, and outside of that there is no real "meaning" (that the graduate students have in common, I mean--of course there are other things in life)?

Yes, basically this. I would encourage you to meet a lot of people, and I think you're smart to want to be meeting people from a wider range of ages and contexts than your cohort in graduate school might offer. I think the whole categorizing impulse—of stacking everybody into a single 'social maturity' slot on a linear scale—is probably not going to serve you well. People can be naive or mature about different things, you know? Like you say that people's professional maturity and social maturity are different, I'd break down social maturity into a lot of different things. Not just, "romantic" and "friends," either, but regarding finances, or grieving, or ability to not take impersonal things personally, or news, or realizing that people have different sides, or articulating what your own emotional needs, or, or, or. (I'm afraid you may not agree with this example, but I bet if one of your friends developed a chronic illness, you'd have the social maturity not to freak out and in that panic never speak to them again. You might be surprised, based on my reading of your experiences, at how many people—ranging in age from high school freshman to bona fide grown adults past middle age—will do the latter!) Keep up with therapy. (Maybe try to find a therapist who pushes back on the black-and-white thinking? I'm not sure affirming "yes, you have a certain emotional age that is exactly analogous to all people of a different chronological age, despite the fact that people that age certainly also have a range of maturity" is helpful for you.) Join lots of meetups. Hang out with people of all ages, certainly including the younger ones, but don't ignore the older ones. (I feel like the average age of "will I ever find love? I've never had a boyfriend or kissed anybody" letter writers to the advice columns I read is [anecdotally], like, at least 30.) Try two new things a semester, or whatever number feels right to you. Are there support groups for your illness, or young people who've faced similar challenges, on your campus? That could also be a helpful outlet.

Edited September 13, 2016 by knp

[St Andrews Lynx]

20 hours ago, Visualizer said:

 

Or, do you think that graduate school is completely defined by one professional life, and outside of that there is no real "meaning" (that the graduate students have in common, I mean--of course there are other things in life)?

I think that while the undergraduate experience can be thought of as "academic" and "life experience", it's really just "academic/professional" at grad school level. In the sciences, obtaining PhD can be thought of as "your first full-time job". There isn't a lifestyle associated with it to the same extent. 

One big challenge of trying to make undergraduates your main friendship circles (in addition to what has been said on this & another threads) is the question of logistics/schedule alignment. Undergrads typically bond with people who are in their dorms or classes - which is where they do a lot of their "social interacting". The studious ones socialise during hours in the library or in informal study groups. The non-studious ones go to parties. Their schedules are built around classes, internships & work, which means their free time comes at odd intervals. A lot of them will head home on the weekends to stay with their parents. 

As a grad student it isn't easy to fit yourself in to this. You aren't living with them, and you aren't taking the same classes as them. Your schedule isn't going to fit very well over theirs. The socially-inexperienced undergrads are less likely to head out to student groups anyway - they'll spend the evenings in their dorms. The students who get a kick out of meeting new people (i.e. the more socially-adept ones) will be at the student groups interested in talking to new faces. At this point you may as well as try and make friends with fellow graduate students. 

I understand that the idea of tackling "easy" interactions with undergrads is comforting. However, if you want to become an academic you will have to learn how to interact with academics. And I don't think "training" yourself on undergrads alone can adequately prepare you for dealing with 60 year-old distinguished professors or fellow assistant profs. The sooner you can fake being socially-adept (which is what most of us do anyway) with more "advanced" individuals, the easier your academic career will become.  

 

[Visualizer]

knp: I absolutely agree that maturity is not some linear scale. I think, in many ways, that's the problem. Most people never are at a stage where they have the combination of needs and wants that I have, together. I definitely remember how in the period where I was living with parents I tried to get out and socialize, and the only people in my parents' community were the kind of college-dropout, not-knowing-what-to-do-with-their-lives people. There were many times when I thought to myself "Wow, they seem so immature". Like, not only did they not have steady jobs, which didn't bother me, but they had this not-caring attitude about everything that was really annoying. Many of them were also awful with finances, which is an area I am very responsible in (well, not always about remembering to pay bills and whatever, because of executive function issues, but about living within my means, so to speak).

The main areas where I feel younger have to do with, 1) self-centeredness, and 2) everything that requires emotional and/or physical intimacy to learn, and 3) things having to do with reproduction/family. I'm not sure #1 even is an age-related thing--I think it has more to do with being disgruntled and depressed because of my illness. It's hard to be motivated to give to others when you feel there is a major way in which they seem to have things better than you.

Number 2 has to do with intimacy--since I've never been emotionally close to anyone except for parents, the idea of just being close to someone has a kind of "mystique" for me that it doesn't for most others my age. Also, all the issues that come out of being close to someone (potential to be hurt, knowing when to change and not change for a person, etc.) are things I've only thought about in the abstract.

Number 3, I think, is the most important. Many people my age, whether they admit it or show it outwardly or not, are moving toward the stage in life where they could start a family. This is very different from the early teenage years in particular, where people seek a kind of "magical", larger-that-life world in relationships. As people get older, they tend to value security, stability, and the ability to weather life's storms more. Many people also seem to get a kind of "nesting instinct", and a kind of desire to help others grow, which can express itself in mentorship, volunteering, etc.

Now, I actually think that kind of "magical", larger-than-lifeness may be easier to achieve in grad school, provided that you're looking for it (like I am), because teenagers typically are not experts enough in anything that they can have original thoughts about it. Whereas, I have many more ideas per week about things I'm curious about than I could ever actually make into research projects, and that I crave an outlet for. If I were to find another person who is new to being in love, we could share a first romance against the backdrop of all these big musings about the intricacy of the universe, which is far richer than some lyric that a teenager hears in some song and thinks "wow, this is really profound". The problem is, most people are already somewhat jaded to love at this point, and won't fall in love over this--they need a good part of "mature person to help build a stable home" traits.

St Andrew's Lynx: I agree with that thing about mismatched schedules. But, I see this as more a reason that maybe I shouldn't be in graduate school. Although, the way I see it (at least, the way that therapists have tried to convince me to see it) is that in grad school I'm still on a college campus and have a more flexible schedule than I'd probably have in a "real" job. On the other hand, maybe the fact that I'd stay in grad school or not based on my dating prospects itself shows I'm not in the right place to be in grad school.

[knp]

18 hours ago, Visualizer said:

I think, in many ways, that's the problem. Most people never are at a stage where they have the combination of needs and wants that I have, together.

Yep! That's how relationships work. I am, at this point, very friendly, very social, love people. (At least on the academic scale: on the population-of-the-United-States scale, I'm a mild introvert.) I have more in common with you biographically than you might think, although I do not and will not disclose the specifics on this website, whether publicly or over PM. But I'm now at the very friendly and comfortable with basic social interactions stage. I have also never had a relationship, whether a passing friendship, a dating thing, or one of my best friends, where all of those things aligned. People have too many needs and wants! I never expect to find a relationship like that, either. But my human relationships are based on having a lot of things in common, or sometimes just one thing in common. Like, I have a friend whom I don't like all that much, and who I don't think particularly likes me either (we're solidly neutral on the 'how great is this person' evaluations), but we have very compatible habits of how to check in while working on something else. Not a core friendship, but it is a friendship.

So, anyway, yeah. You're trying to skip too many steps in your relationships. You gotta start with casual friendships—which not that bad, so far as these projects go. (I had to start with 'you and the guy working at the coffee shop exchange a single pleasant sentence each about the song on the radio' as something that initially seemed impossible.) I've never been in love. Maybe two-thirds of the people in first-year graduate school haven't, either. I also wouldn't be surprised if I graduate from here in my 30s without having been in love. But even if I don't go on a single date in the next decade, I'll construct a full life anyway. Also, on your whole extremely specific checklist, this is not how to go about this. Unfortunately, a word I use because many of these will be boring, you have to start with casual dates: you do not want to go into a coffee expecting "life partner" or even "brief, life-altering experience on the model of 500 Days of Summer." (Do not model your life on that movie.) You gotta go in hoping for a nice half hour with an interesting human. From this you figure out what types of people are actually compatible with you.

[TakeruK]

19 hours ago, Visualizer said:

The problem is, most people are already somewhat jaded to love at this point, and won't fall in love over this--they need a good part of "mature person to help build a stable home" traits.

I really don't think this is true. Although my experience may not be representative, the majority of people I know in their 20s (even late 20s) aren't dating to look for "life partners" or to find a "mature person to help them build a home". Sure, some of people are, but many others are also looking to fall in love for the first time etc. 

As others have suggested, just start with casual interactions with really low expectations. Through these experiences, you'll eventually find someone that is a good match for you, or you'll find that you'll grow and change what your expectations are. And that's fine---you may never get everything you want on that checklist but maybe your checklist will also change over time. I know that the things I cared about when I was younger / less mature are very different than my priorities now. 

Another thing to keep in mind is that it sounds like you think the whole process of falling in love before becoming "jaded" is a mandatory step in life. It's not. Some people never experience it. We only have one life to live and there are many things that you will never ever experience, even if you want to. It's just part of life and it's important to accept that and live your life despite it. I'm not saying to give up (again, start with small relationships/interactions and see if your own expectations change) but I am saying to be open to the idea that your ability to attain happiness/fulfillment isn't necessarily tied to this one experience.

19 hours ago, Visualizer said:

On the other hand, maybe the fact that I'd stay in grad school or not based on my dating prospects itself shows I'm not in the right place to be in grad school.

I think it's perfectly normal and fine for people to consider personal happiness (e.g. dating prospects) when making a big life decision like attending grad school. Not to scare you away from grad school / relationships, but I know that many grad students find it very frustrating because the academic life can be very nomadic and they feel that this hurts their ability to find a partner and keep relationships going when there are lots of term positions in academia that require moving every few years. There are lots of ways people make it work, and for some people, they decide they would be much happier with their partner in a stable place and leave academia. So, thinking about personal things like this when deciding on grad schools (e.g. whether to attend and where to attend) is important and something you'll have to think about again and again at every step of an academic career. It's important to know what makes you happy in life and what your priorities are. There's no shame and nothing wrong with picking personal priorities over academic ones.

[Visualizer]

I wouldn't doubt my ability to get through graduate school because of it being "nomadic"--it's likely that my first relationships will be on the order of one to a few months rather than years (again, I live in a high-school sort of "mental space" regarding relationships. It's the labor-intensiveness and way that the lives of everyone around you revolves around their work. My mental health is still rather fragile going in, and that could be made worse if I feel cut off from the people I need to achieve non-academic goals.

I agree that I need to start out with just meeting people, it's just hard to feel a connection when the people around you feel is some systematic way quite different. I don't know how much what I'm looking for is similar to the relationship in "500 Days of Summer"--I've never seen that movie. If there's any kind of pattern to the kind of girls I've liked, it was that in some ways they resembled the "manic pixie dream girl" trope. Not in the craziness, but in the way they were hyper in mannerisms and quirky, and a bit "existential". Although it's not commonly cited as an example of this trope, the girl in Ghost World is of the type that I'd be interested in if she were even more outcast and less socially aware--the kind who spends her free time drawing cartoons of imaginary worlds.

[Eigen]

I think you're again significantly overestimating (a) the maturity, and (b) the homogeneity of graduate students. 

For instance, your point 3 above- starting a family. 

I came from a rural area, my wife and I dated in high school and got married in undergraduate. It was common to get married around that age for our high school friends, but was an oddity in college. That said, we still had some other friends from college who did get married within a few years. 

Then we started grad school, and in the last 8 years during and after grad school, I haven't had another friend get married. 

I use this as a counter argument to "graduate students are more likely to be family focused". Maybe more than undergraduates, sure, but a lot less likely than the average person their age, from my anecdotal experiences. 

[Visualizer]

7 hours ago, Eigen said:

Then we started grad school, and in the last 8 years during and after grad school, I haven't had another friend get married. 

I use this as a counter argument to "graduate students are more likely to be family focused". Maybe more than undergraduates, sure, but a lot less likely than the average person their age, from my anecdotal experiences. 

It's possible you're right. To be fair, though, you would need to look at how much they dated vs. how many got married. In other words, it's possible that the lack of marriage has more to do with the lack of having boy/girlfriends, period, than lack of readiness to marry when finding someone. In other words, if you followed a group of graduate students and counted the number of romantic involvements of any kind (even if it's just a few weeks or a month) and looked at a "control" group of undergrads who collectively were romantically involved with an equivalent number of people, how much more likely would the graduate students be to marry? I'm not asking you to answer, because obviously this is a tough "study" to do, I'm just making a point. In other words, does the lack of couples relate more to the smaller social world.

[TakeruK]

11 hours ago, Visualizer said:

It's possible you're right. To be fair, though, you would need to look at how much they dated vs. how many got married. In other words, it's possible that the lack of marriage has more to do with the lack of having boy/girlfriends, period, than lack of readiness to marry when finding someone. In other words, if you followed a group of graduate students and counted the number of romantic involvements of any kind (even if it's just a few weeks or a month) and looked at a "control" group of undergrads who collectively were romantically involved with an equivalent number of people, how much more likely would the graduate students be to marry? I'm not asking you to answer, because obviously this is a tough "study" to do, I'm just making a point. In other words, does the lack of couples relate more to the smaller social world.

I clearly don't have a study myself, but if I were to compare two similar groups of my friends in undergrad and graduate school in the way you describe (that is, comparing two groups that dated about the same amount of people), I would say that grad students are not more likely to be in a married relationship than undergrads. Almost all the married graduate students I know are like Eigen and I---we met our partners before grad school. 

[maelia8]

On 9/16/2016 at 8:07 AM, TakeruK said:

Almost all the married graduate students I know are like Eigen and I---we met our partners before grad school. 

I've noticed as well that there seems to be a bit of a divide between the grad students in my department who came into grad school with a long-term partner/spouse (i.e. in committed LTRs), and the other group, roughly equal in size, which consists of grad students who seem to be perpetually single. Most of the single ones claim that they don't have time or energy to deal with trying to find a partner (and a few say that they have no interest in doing so regardless, as they see it as something to work on once they are more settled and out of grad school). I know only one single grad student in the department who actively goes on dates and is seeking an LTR, and he often admits finding the time commitment of early-relationship dating to be stressful with his schedule. Grad students more often talk about which of the folks in LTRs (most have been together 3-7 years at least) are going to get married next. A lot seem to do it after qualifying exams, or in the last year of dissertation research, as a sort of celebration.

[TakeruK]

2 hours ago, maelia8 said:

I've noticed as well that there seems to be a bit of a divide between the grad students in my department who came into grad school with a long-term partner/spouse (i.e. in committed LTRs), and the other group, roughly equal in size, which consists of grad students who seem to be perpetually single. Most of the single ones claim that they don't have time or energy to deal with trying to find a partner (and a few say that they have no interest in doing so regardless, as they see it as something to work on once they are more settled and out of grad school). I know only one single grad student in the department who actively goes on dates and is seeking an LTR, and he often admits finding the time commitment of early-relationship dating to be stressful with his schedule. Grad students more often talk about which of the folks in LTRs (most have been together 3-7 years at least) are going to get married next. A lot seem to do it after qualifying exams, or in the last year of dissertation research, as a sort of celebration.

I wonder if this is something specific to grad school, or if it's just generally true of most "young professionals" in their mid-20s, regardless of whether or not we're in school. I suspect it may be the latter!

Do you mean a "divide" as in just two classifications of students/relationships, or an actual divide as in different social groups/circles? 

[maelia8]

3 hours ago, TakeruK said:

Do you mean a "divide" as in just two classifications of students/relationships, or an actual divide as in different social groups/circles? 

I mean a divide primarily in the way that the two groups structure their time - although both groups go to departmental events and have overlap in their social and cohort circles, those with partners tend to go home earlier and come to campus earlier in the morning, matching their partner's 9-5, while those who are single will often stay later and keep less regular hours. Also it seems that those in relationships are a bit move likely to bring a bag lunch/go home for dinner rather than eating out 1-2 meals per day (this may also be somewhat gendered). I guess what I'm saying is that the two groups seem to have different rhythms, though they do overlap somewhat.

[TakeruK]

Yep, that describes me pretty well. I keep a 8-5 schedule to match my partner's. I do the cooking at home, so I do not schedule anything past 5pm and let people who request late meetings that I need to be home to do my cooking responsibilities. I do make exceptions when there is no other alternative and there's enough advance notice (so that I can make alternate food arrangements for my partner), such as having dinner with a visitor or a seminar speaker!

[bhr]

Am I the only one a bit concerned about OPs comments irt dating and emotional maturity. It sounds like he (?) is targeting younger students in a way that just doesn't feel healthy to me, and is something that could be highly problematic for a graduate student and future academic. I understand that being a virgin/sexually inexperienced (?) is difficult, but targeting partners who are significantly younger than you because of that is bad.

OP, are you +/- 24? If you are older, you have no business being in places with people who are under 21, and doing so puts you at a lot of risks, both professionally and legally. It's one thing if those groups form over shared interests outside the university (say, a church young adult group or a local gaming club) but if you are just showing up to undergraduate events and clubs, I think you really need to reevaluate your personal decision making process.

While my current cohort is mostly 32+, myself included, my MA group included a couple of students directly out of undergrad. I get along with the younger folks just fine, because we are at the same place in our lives (academically) which makes it easier to connect. While I have good relationships with some of the undergrads I've mentored/supervised/taught, I can't imagine a situation where I would want to participate in their social lives.

OP, try attending graduate events at your university. The people who attend those tend to be younger and unmarried, and will be more likely to share your life stage.

[rising_star]

6 hours ago, bhr said:

Am I the only one a bit concerned about OPs comments irt dating and emotional maturity. It sounds like he (?) is targeting younger students in a way that just doesn't feel healthy to me, and is something that could be highly problematic for a graduate student and future academic. I understand that being a virgin/sexually inexperienced (?) is difficult, but targeting partners who are significantly younger than you because of that is bad.

Nope, you are not the only one concerned. 

[MastersHoping]

I didn't read through the rest of the thread, but if you feel like going to campus events, just go! Have some fun, campus events are generally meant to include everyone in the college community. Last time I checked, graduate students are part of the university community too! If you really want to make friends with undergrads (assuming you're not so old you could be their parents...now that could be awkward), just do it. If you don't make it a weird thing no one else will either. There is a club at my new college I'm in that I just joined in an official capacity for (so not just attending events but actually an active member of the club leadership) that is meant for undergrads - but I feel just fine in it because it is literally directly related to what I'm studying in my Ph.D and something I've been interested in for years. I also go to a lot of culture club events, not least of which because grad school is highly lacking in the social/cultural clubs arena... 

About relationships though, generally it is not a good idea, in my view, to be in a romantic relationship with an undergrad. Not least of which since most grad students have to T.A. at some point. Can you imagine the situation where you have to be a T.A. for your undergrad S.O. or one of their close friends? That's just a conflict of interest/scandal waiting to happen! This is not a hard-and-fast rule though. If you truly have found the love of your life, I wouldn't let an artificial distinction such as "undergrad and grad" keep you apart, but do proceed with caution. 

 

 

Edited October 13, 2016 by MastersHoping

[Visualizer]

On 10/12/2016 at 11:30 PM, MastersHoping said:

About relationships though, generally it is not a good idea, in my view, to be in a romantic relationship with an undergrad. Not least of which since most grad students have to T.A. at some point. Can you imagine the situation where you have to be a T.A. for your undergrad S.O. or one of their close friends? That's just a conflict of interest/scandal waiting to happen!

 

Fortunately at my school, graduate students only need to TA for one semester. And seeing as the girls I'd date are most likely in a different specialization (if not in a totally separate 'kind" of field--e.g. arts/language vs. STEM) I don't see this as being a major problem.

A bigger problem is it seems that most undergrads at my university are highly extraverted. Though I have started a group for people on the autism spectrum, for both undergrads and grad students.

[meep95]

On 9/12/2016 at 2:08 PM, Visualizer said:

I'd imagine the "gearing up for life after college" applies more to older undergrads (seniors and, maybe, juniors) but much less to freshmen and sophomores, though? I'd imagine as a first-year graduate student (and with my social development being where it is, which is more teenage-ish) that I'd get along more with freshmen and maybe sophomores, because they are also new to a school and looking to make new friends, and most of them are closer to that adolescent stage socially.

In fact, I'd imagine that certain senior undergraduates may actually be considerably MORE mature in life perspective than me, if they are close to entering the "real world". For me, I always just assumed I'd continue in academia.

join an undergraduate club in a topic that interests you. When I was in undergrad I was in the Doctor Who Club and the Psychology Club, and made friends in each. 

[MastersHoping]

On 2017. 11. 11. at 5:41 PM, Visualizer said:

Fortunately at my school, graduate students only need to TA for one semester. And seeing as the girls I'd date are most likely in a different specialization (if not in a totally separate 'kind" of field--e.g. arts/language vs. STEM) I don't see this as being a major problem.

A bigger problem is it seems that most undergrads at my university are highly extraverted. Though I have started a group for people on the autism spectrum, for both undergrads and grad students.

If you really find someone you mesh well with and everyone is happy, and everything is consensual, go for it. I just feel a little concerned because your posts sound more like "I want to date an undergrad so badly no matter what it takes!" to me rather than "I'm interested in finding someone special, and if it's an undergrad, so be it." 

In the event that the latter is more applicable to you, then that's fine, but just so you know your posts sound more like the former. Just my $0.02

Edited November 27, 2017 by MastersHoping

[spectastic]

just from personal experience, the options for females in my graduate studies group is ehh... limited... the ratios are fucking horrible. I HAVE to get out of my cohort, otherwise, I'm doing myself a disservice. Whether I'm venturing out to undergrad groups, or just groups outside grad class, I'm not going to restrict myself to ONE social circle because it's socially acceptable to do so. i'll go to bars or clubs, and half the girls i talk to are undergrads at my school. i actually ran into one that i used to TA the other day, and we had a friendly chat. another time, i ran into one of my undergrads in the lab, and he tried to set me up with two of his friends. I just went home. That was kind of weird haha.

As for relationships. OP is not ready for a "love of your life" situation. he needs social reference experience. LOTS of it. And if it means mingling with undergrads, then so be it. Just don't let it interfere with your professional life.