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Life altering event(s)?


modernity

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Has anyone had any major life altering events occur while they were in the process of applying/waiting for a response? I know this sounds a little cryptic... but I've recently had some things happen that have certainly increased my stress level. I'm halfway through the app process (half in, half still to go) and I don't know how to feel. It's almost ruining my drive to continue through the app process as I am so distracted, even though I know that I want grad school very badly. If you don't feel like sharing with the entire board, feel free to PM me. I'm just looking for anyone who has/is going through something similar, and how they got through it/are getting through it.

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My grandfather died at the end of November as I was starting to wrap up my applications and gather my LOR's. Granted, he'd been sick since the summer (and was also 88 years old) so it wasn't a shock, but it still put quite a damper on things. Oddly, the day after he died I found out I was picked to go on a service trip to Ecuador that my university sponsors. One very sad event followed by a happy event. Life goes on despite grad school applications!

I'm sorry you have an ongoing stressful situation. I'm honestly not sure what advice to give, but I'd suggest taking some time for yourself every day, if you have that luxury. Remind yourself what your strengths are, why you love to study what you study, and why you want to go to grad school. Remind yourself that the whole process will be over in just a few months and that you're bound to have some good news that will give you confidence in your difficult situation. Talk to friends and loved ones you trust for good advice. Take some quiet time to walk, think, and maybe talk with others as a way to reduce your stress.

Edited by rwfan88
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Aw, just keep swimming! My mom had kidney cancer about 3 years ago and had her kidney removed, and it recently came back within the past year stage 4. She's fine but the side effects of the chemo pills are obnoxious as heck of course so it definitely puts a big rain cloud over my day sometimes. I just have to think though, that at least she got this kind of cancer now and not ten years ago because the outcome would've been not so great. So I'm just happy she is doing great with the medicine and should be just fine and that the side effects will pass eventually (we're starting a new kind of medicine soon).

It sucks lemons having to go through hard things when you're applying to grad school and you're so wrapped up in yourself but don't worry it's doable...just compartmentalize...when it's grad school time, it's grad school time, don't burden your mind with the other things distracting you. And when you're done thinking/stressing/filling out applications/reading emails/whatever then open your mind up to other things. That seems to help me though, just focusing on the task at hand at the time. Hope that makes sense, and keep swimming! smile.gif

Edited by siamesecat
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I know I went through a period of one week during the end of my junior year in college where my father died after going in for a routine knee operation, a friend died of leukemia and a friend's mother whom we loved died due to breast cancer. I've discovered that each person is going to have his/her own reaction to these types of things. It took me a long while to come to grips with all this and, at 26, I'm just starting the grad school process now.

As horrible as it sounds, use this experience. Talk to people around you about how you're feeling and how it's affecting you. Take some time and try to discover why you feel vulnerable and where your priorities in life are due to this. I should add that one huge reason I was able to cope and adapt so well is because I've been able to throw myself into love and learning about God and His plan in my life. Knowing that if I'm following Him (even if EVERYTHING seems to be crumbling around me), I'll be fine because it's part of His perfect plan.

I guess lastly I'd say use this because it will harden you. My family has faced a number of different tragedies afterward - sister has meningitis and looked like she was going to die; lost both grandparents within a month or so - but I've been able to grieve while allowing my life to continue. Horrible things are going to happen, it's just the nature of life, but use this time, praise God you are alive and keep in mind what is important for you to achieve in this lifetime.

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Well, I had 3 relatives (2 grandparents and an aunt) pass away in the course of 6 weeks during my first semester of grad school. During that time, I also had a niece (who I helped raise until she was about 4 years old) get arrested and get pregnant (unrelated events) at the ripe old age of 15. Stress happens, all you can do is keep swimming.

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Thank you for sharing your experiences. Hearing others' stories makes me realize I am not the only one out there struggling, and if all of you can make it through so can I. I really appreciate it.

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I don't know if it counts, but; over the last 6 months I have transitioned to living on my own without being in school for the first time since 03 (this includes paying all my bills--which I was only somewhat used to), working at a couple different community colleges and being responsible for young minds, a few friends passed away well before their time, and i've lost 160lbs. Not the most stressful stuff, and kind of spread out but I feel some of the pain described here.

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I had a terrible period of (repeatedly misdiagnosed) illness two years ago that nearly derailed my life, so I know how you feel! Keep working towards your goals; look after yourself; and remember that your past and your future are both strong and ready to hold you up if you need a bit of support. Good luck!

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It's not exactly a life-altering event, but having to basically go completely broke in order to complete my apps has definitely been a huge source of stress this time around. I'm talking literally choosing between grocery money and application fees. My bank account has a negative balance and I have a ton of medical bills to pay, and I was just denied my unemployment benefits and told I will have to pay all the money back, which I obviously don't have. So if I don't get in this time around, it's going to be a pretty crushing blow. I really hope all the money was worth it...

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Like others have been saying: keep swimmin (i think we should re-title this topic -- but then it wouldn't make sense. Funny thing: this year started with me literally swimming :)

Anyway, I'm an international student and my legal documents expire in 2 weeks...after that I've like 2-3 months to get into ANY school (grad school) or go back home. Last year while applying to three schools (none of which i got into), i lost my job while waiting for my employment authorization from the immigration office...this changed me from the model student (or geek) to someone without options: school(no $,and admit), job(lost the only one i was offered, haven't had anything since summer internship), no graduation ceremony (i was supposed to use the $ i got from the job to pay the school, but because i lost the job, i could not pay the school, and could not attend the ceremony)

TONIGHT, i had my cellphone cut off (which was expensive by the way!), and my girlfriend for whom i kept my cellphone on in order to keep in touch with, just told me that we should: TAKE TIME OFF.

its like something crazy bad happens everytime i apply to grad schools....but like the rest of you, I'm just going to do what i can do...getting strength from the fact that somehow, we are all in this grad school application process together

i wish you all the best :)

Ps.

As of right now, I'm choosing between bad credit (which I may not need if i get kicked out of the US, back to africa) by not paying my cellphone and creditcard bill, my prescriptions for TB exposure, and application fee for another safety school.

Edited by martizzle
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Wow, good luck, guys. There are some sad stories here, and I really hope that things work out for the best for EVERYONE.

I've been trying to figure out some health mysteries for the past 6-7 months. Some things have developed over the course of a few years, and while none of them are dire, together they're starting to impact my life. Of course, SOME of the impact is from spending way too much time going to doctors trying to pinpoint what's going on. A lot of the stress lately is coming from unhelpful doctors, trying out treatments, etc, that cause days of side effects and/or mood swings.

I've made the decision this week to stop a lot of the doctor visits, at least until I know where I'll be next year. Knowing what school I'll be at will give me an idea of what insurance coverage I'll have and what my money situation will be, which will help me decide what kind of medical treatment makes sense. It will also give me more time to do things I KNOW make me feel better, both physically and emotionally.

This pales in comparison to what some people are dealing with, so again: good luck, all!!

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Well done, Early! 160 pounds is fantastic. How's your health now?

My father passed away two weeks ago, and I missed the first week of classes. I had a seizure last Friday which has resulted in the discovery of congenital abnormalities in my right frontal lobe; a diagnosis of epilepsy followed. This explains quite a few things about my "learning style" and it's actually comforting, although we will have to wait to see how it presents. And here I had thought that I was just anti-authority :)

My question is whether I should contact the schools that I applied to and update them on the situation? My form of epilepsy -- based as it is on a fucked up brain -- seems to carry with it learning disabilities. I think that I can make a pretty cogent argument. Could it possibly score me a more compassionate review? Perhaps it's already too late?

Cheers, mates. It sucks to take on way too many projects and for something catastrophic to happen to those that we love.

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  • 2 weeks later...

So sorry to Modernity and all who are going through tough times. I've been dealing with issues similar to some on this thread. About a month after relocating to the Boston area to pursue my *dream job* (upon completing my MPH), my dad was diagnosed with stage IV duodenal cancer. I tried the back-and-forth thing for another eight or nine months, but the Boston-to-Philly-to-Boston drive every weekend was too much (and I kept wanting to be in Philly while I was at work), so I left my job to take a temporary (year-long) position with an agency close to home. Since the position was only for a year, I figured it would be a good time to think about going for the DrPH (doc of public health ~ something I had wanted to do, but envisioned happening at a later stage). Long story short, I ended up working on applications at my dad's bedside while he was in hospice care (he passed away in mid-October). Who knows where my head was during that time.

I had a really difficult time dealing with anticipatory grief/mourning and getting my act together with grad school applications. So much so that I actually only applied to one program (I was invited out for an interview in November, and just fell in love with the faculty). I just couldn't be bothered going through the motions with other schools/programs, so here's hoping that my first choice pans out...and that I can make my dad proud. ^_^ (One of the hardest parts, I imagine, if everything does work out, will be not being able to pick up the phone - or drive to my family's house - to share the great news with my dad.)

Edited by varekai1018
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On the same day I got rejected from dream school (Yale), I found out my grandmother (who was young, and played a large part in raising me) was found unresponsive. The day the NYU admits went out (intimating that I most probably didn't make the cut), I found out she passed away. Today, as I am trying to scrap some cash together to contribute to the funeral I won't be able to attend (due to the exorbitant airfare from here to Russia), I read there had been a Rutgers phone admit in my program, several days ago.

I know this is largely speculation, but I'm just not in the frame of mind to stay positive or hopeful of any admits, at this point.

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Well, when I was obsessively checking my email, I got a high importance message that I thought was from a school. It turns out I am a bone marrow donation match for a young person with leukemia.

It is next to impossible to find matches, so I have to do this, but it will be in the last semester of my Master's and likely during a period in which I am visiting schools and preparing to move.

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Wow, compared to some of the responses here my situation was not horribly bad, but at the time I didn't know how to carry on.

One of my classmates passed away at the end of October. Although I didn't know him personally, my program put me in charge of organizing some things for his parents and helping with the memorial ceremony. Reading and/or translating his essays, blogs, and the letters of his family/friends left me almost as devastated as if he'd been a close friend. It also resulted in me effectively missing a week's worth of class and the final exam, all of which I had to make up.

The day after the memorial service my parents came to visit for a week. Needless to say, between taking them around a foreign city where they didn't speak the language and making up my homework so I wouldn't flunk out of my program, I didn't have much time to work on my apps. When I finally got around to working on my writing sample, my parents would whine: "Do you really HAVE to do that?" . . . Needless to say, I don't exactly come from an academic family.

After my parents had finally left, I thought to myself: ok, crunch time! You can do this! You still have two weeks! All you have to do is edit some things. That's doable, right?

The next day my host mom kicked me out of my house, because she needed the room for her sick mother-in-law. She gave me 2 days to move out. I was so exhausted and stressed, I just cried for three days. In between crying, I went to class, studied for my final exam, and found a place to live. This essentially left me with 1 week to do at least half of my application work.

In the end, it all worked out. The school with the earliest deadline, the one where I had the least time to prepare, has given me a positive response. Before, I contemplated writing to them to explain my horrible situation, but in the end I realized that in life there are probably going to be lots of times like this where unexpected and even tragic things happen. Can I always use them for an excuse to not get my work done well?

Basically, shit happens. But, as many others have pointed out:

"When life gets you down you know what you gotta do? . . . Just keep swimming! Just keep swimming! Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming! What do we do? We swim! Swim!"

I love Finding Nemo.

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  • 2 years later...

I searched the forums for a topic just like this to see if there are other grad students out there going through similar experiences.

In November 2011 (2.5 months into my first term of grad school) I found out that both of my parents were diagnosed with scary diseases...

My dad has stage 3b lung cancer, and my mom was diagnosed with multiple aneurysms in her brain, kidneys and carotid artery.

My mom's condition worsened (heart attack, brain swelling, double/blurry vision, respiratory distress, hallucinations, enlarged liver, ...) and in the past 2 months she's been airlifted to a major research hospital in the city. No one has been able to figure out what she has, they keep calling her bizarre. All they have said is that she definitely has an autoimmune disease, and that it MAY be more than 1 acting at the same time (vascular lupus & wegener's keep being brought up and discussed in her charts).

My dad went through chemo and had his first radiation consultation cancelled due to his lung collapsing again. They bumped up his chemo to a more aggresive kind, and I just found out today (the eve before his radiation consultation) that the oncology chemo nurse called him to ask him how he was breathing because his recent CT scan shows that the tumor is progressing in size.

I have a younger sister (high school drop out, she suffers from bipolar), and she has been very reliable in this all. Since November I have travelled home four times (possible through a compassionate care bursary from the grad studies department). I'm the long distance caregiver, and the at home caregiver. I hate being away from home because my parents need me (my sister doesn't do what she says she will do... when I go home I see that I was the last person to clean the house/get groceries/clean the fridge, etc). But I also hate being there... I'm physically, emotionally and mentally exhausted.

I have no idea how I made it through my first term (with finding all that out before finals). I have been open and honest with my professers. I have dealt with the stress and anger of one of them going behind my back to petition to the department on my behalf (??yes I know, ridiculous) to force me to take a leave of absence or quit because it will be impossible to pass his class, and probably my other classes). Funny as when he did this we were only 2 weeks into class...

I'm trying my best to keep up with my studies, as well as my job (graduate assistantship). I feel I am losing my friends, I am distancing myself from them because I just don't have the time or emotions left to be there for anyone else (sounds so terrible and cruel. I hate this!).

My family has always struggled financially, and my dad made it clear that he does not want to see me walk away from this degree (both parents obtained grade 12- their highest education). I am finished this program in April 2013. I just have to keep it together for 1 more year. It's just so frustrating because the only reason why I decided on going to grad school was to get a better education to set me apart (as in this town the B.A./H.B.A is rather useless), because all I want to do is retire my dad. I'm upset that he was forced to quit work because of cancer (he worked, my mom didn't), and that he won't be returning back to work.

I feel like I am not getting anything accomplished other than adding to my stress. Last summer I was diagnosed with ADHD (after years of just thinking I was a weird, impulsive, procrastinator, with a terrible memory). All of this is distracting me. I have fought with boyfriend a lot during this all (more times than not it's me just losing my shit because I'm on the verge of stressed out tears/mental breakdown). I hate that there's no time for "me" (this hate is exacerbated whenever my sister complains how tired she is and then proceeds to list all of the spa treatments she has booked herself to recooperate from...??). I'm fighting off some kind of bug now too.. i noticed all my lymphnodes in my neck/jawline/hairline/armpits/collarbone are rock solid and painful. A friend scared me into thinking it was mono. Getting sick would be the absolute WORST thing right now (I'd crash out for a week or two... and then wouldn't be able to visit home.. can't bring a bug into a home with a chemo patient!).

These last few weeks of this term are going to be tough. I am behind in my coursework... because instead of focusing on my own work I am flying back and forth to help my parents, or working. I have a 50%, a 40%, & a 10% paper due, as well as a final exam, 40%.

As well as marking all of the exams/papers for the 3 classes I T.A for.

I'm glad I found this forum... I needed to write that all out. Feel free to PM me.

:unsure:

Edited by reachystik
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