What you think the adcoms are saying about your application

[especially]

Much too weak. Who does she think she's kidding? Next.

[Seeking]

This is a brilliant thread - shows how creative everyone around here is!

"This is the most weird application I ever came across. Is this supposed to be a joke, or is she crazy?"

(I'm not crazy, nor is this is a joke. I'm serious.)

[hyperjulie]

Oh, here are some of my fears:

"What, this girl has four undergraduate transcripts and three different majors? Let's take someone more focused. No point in accepting someone who is just going to transfer."

"No psychology subject GRE? Either she forgot to take them or she was too lazy to study for them. Either way, NEXT."

"Undergraduate degree from Cortland? Where the hell is that?"

"What is up with this personal statement? How boring is this girl?"

"Psh, only 2-3 semesters of undergraduate research, and no internships? Who does she think she's kidding?"

"She's 22 and just getting her bachelor's? Let's take someone more mature and experienced. GRE and GPA aren't everything. The rest just isn't good enough."

[gellert]

"No psychology subject GRE? Either she forgot to take them or she was too lazy to study for them. Either way, NEXT."

If it makes you feel better, I didn't take the subject GRE either. It was only "strongly recommended" at one of my schools (and not even requested at all at the rest), and I decided my 4.00 major GPA and research experience more than spoke for themselves.

If you have a good GPA in your major and took a breadth of challenging classes therein, I don't see the point in taking the subject GRE (in psychology) unless it's required. All the subj GRE tests is your ability to memorize random experiments, results, and psychologists. It's rote memorization -- not indicative of graduate work. I think it is more important to take for non-psych majors or those with low psychGPAs.

Adcomms will note you didn't take it and think, "Oh, she didn't take the subject GRE. What's her major GPA? Oh, it's above 3.75? Noooot a problem. Let's look at the rest of her app!"

Edited January 8, 2012 by gellert

[axc]

"GPA too low compared to other applicants." *Toss application

(If the first school gets to my personal statement which was optional) "Do we really want an applicant who faced so many struggles? No. This looks like Lifetime."

(First school again) "So... Why so vague on who you want to work with? We have at least 15 mentors you could do that with. List some names."

"Not enough experience," *Toss application (Second school) "Don't care you had a catch-22 getting research experience as a transfer."

(Second school) "One of your LoRs is written by a mere post doc! We don't care how shiny it is."

"Two schools? Are you kidding? Two schools? That's one risk taking applicant. That's not cool."

"What fool wants to app for a MS along with PhDs? That's the long route and not very bright."

"Ha Ha! Ha! Oh... my sides hurt. I want to interview this one just to see the stupid that created this mess of an app."

"What? Those PoIs got funding cuts at the last moment/died and are no longer at our school. Reject time."

[veele]

Sending updates to schools. Results:

School 1: Hmm... Should we tell her that we already rejected her? Nah. Tell her to send her updates via post. By the time they reach us she should have got her rejection letter. Don't wanna deal with a cry baby, not now.

School 2: Poor kid. Should have told her to stop waiting when she emailed to enquire about the completion of her app. She doesn't know that her file has already been deleted from the system... Telling her now is too cruel, so let her wish be granted. (Then email to tell me that my folder has been updated.)

School 3 and 4: (Look at my email extension) This country... Hmm... I don't think anyone has ever made it. (Then delete my email.)

Edited January 8, 2012 by veele

[Pitangus]

If it makes you feel better, I didn't take the subject GRE either. It was only "strongly recommended" at one of my schools (and not even requested at all at the rest), and I decided my 4.00 major GPA and research experience more than spoke for themselves.

If you have a good GPA in your major and took a breadth of challenging classes therein, I don't see the point in taking the subject GRE (in psychology) unless it's required. All the subj GRE tests is your ability to memorize random experiments, results, and psychologists. It's rote memorization -- not indicative of graduate work. I think it is more important to take for non-psych majors or those with low psychGPAs.

Adcomms will note you didn't take it and think, "Oh, she didn't take the subject GRE. What's her major GPA? Oh, it's above 3.75? Noooot a problem. Let's look at the rest of her app!"

Although I am applying within the life sciences, I generally agree that if a subject test isn't required, then it won't make much of a difference if your background in your field is already strong (though of course it wouldn't hurt to take it and do well, since adcomms will either be happy with it or will just ignore it).

Then again I say this even though I took the GRE in Biology anyways because my undergrad institution is not well known, and I was paranoid that my GPA would not be taken seriously (see my own "worst scenario" previously =P).

[coffeeplease]

I love this thread!

My scenario goes something like this:

"Well, she's got a solid GPA and GRE scores, but this SOP is the most boring thing I've ever read."

"Seriously, I want to curl up and take a nap after reading that. And she only took three classes during her last semester -- is she lazy or is there something wrong with her?"

"She doesn't really have the background we're looking for."

"Yeah, she's definitely not good enough for this program."

*toss*

[contretemps]

Sending updates to schools. Results:

School 1: Hmm... Should we tell her that we already rejected her? Nah. Tell her to send her updates via post. By the time they reach us she should have got her rejection letter. Don't wanna deal with a cry baby, not now.

School 2: Poor kid. Should have told her to stop waiting when she emailed to enquire about the completion of her app. She doesn't know that her file has already been deleted from the system... Telling her now is too cruel, so let her wish be granted. (Then email to tell me that my folder has been updated.)

School 3 and 4: (Look at my email extension) This country... Hmm... I don't think anyone has ever made it. (Then delete my email.)

OMG, yes to the third one.

I should add:

1. "This kid is applying to inorganic chemistry and all of his research experience is Biochemistry and Genetics? He must be crazy."

2. "OK, good GRE scores but this other international student has a 99% GRE subject test, and a 170 in Quant"

3. "Oh look, no publications." *TOSS application*

4. And lastly: "Well, that was an easy $100!"

[wlkwih2]

4. And lastly: "Well, that was an easy $100!"

Ahahahahah, this one's precious. Feel ya.

[gradapp2012]

Why would her current manager recommend her in such glowing terms? Does he actually want to get rid of her?

Edited January 8, 2012 by gradapp2012

[OnceAndFutureGrad]

Good day: Wait, she knows half a dozen dead languages and a bunch of modern ones too? She's presented at conferences, done all kinds of undergraduate and graduate research, and volunteered at multiple museums for years? She does archaeology and emergency medical services in her spare time, for free? And now she wants to get everyone else excited about medieval studies? Get her into the curatorial track PhD, STAT!!!

Bad day: Oh God, we've got a play-Viking.

Edited January 8, 2012 by OnceAndFutureGrad

[LLajax]

Good day: Wait, she knows half a dozen dead languages and a bunch of modern ones too? She's presented at conferences, done all kinds of undergraduate and graduate research, and volunteered at multiple museums for years? She does archaeology and emergency medical services in her spare time, for free? And now she wants to get everyone else excited about medieval studies? Get her into the curatorial track PhD, STAT!!!

Bad day: Oh God, we've got a play-Viking.

Medieval archaeologists unite! There need to be more of us. Of course, then if there were more of us, we'd have to systematically kidnap them all and lock them away during application season to lessen the competition.

[LLajax]

Medieval archaeologists unite! There need to be more of us. Of course, then if there were more of us, we'd have to systematically kidnap them all and lock them away during application season to lessen the competition.

I'm really warming to this idea. We round them up, then find a nice tower in middling stages of ruination and lock them in it, and proceed to convince them that they are doing some kind of reenactment. Mary Bruce imprisoned in Roxburgh? Any number of folks in the Tower of London? We'll even give them period clothes! Woolen hose should keep them happy until all the deadlines are over and we let them go free.

[domnulsl]

Adcom 1: Wellll, he should have sent a 4 by 4 picture of his face, it would probably be more interesting than his application

Adcom 2: " I'MMMM RICHHHHHHHH, Biatchhhhhhhh"

It gonna be a long three months....

[OnceAndFutureGrad]

Medieval archaeologists unite! There need to be more of us. Of course, then if there were more of us, we'd have to systematically kidnap them all and lock them away during application season to lessen the competition.

It's so damn awkward to run into other early medieval art historians. First you're all excited, then you're all...there are only twelve jobs in the world available to us. Quick! To the Thunderdome!

[A Finicky Bean]

It's so damn awkward to run into other early medieval art historians. First you're all excited, then you're all...there are only twelve jobs in the world available to us. Quick! To the Thunderdome!

This made me spit out my icecream. And I'm not even an early medieval art historian.

[hyperjulie]

Gellert and Pitangus: Thanks! That does make me feel a lot better.

[wlkwih2]

"She mispelled her POI's surname. TOSS IT"

[isobel_a]

On a bad day:

"No publications, probably because her degrees are not from R1 universities! Pffff, we've got applications from 20 MIT grads who are already published in Science and Nature. As if!"

"Why didn't she take the subject test, it's not even that hard..."

"Why would she want to leave a decent career? Does she realize how hard it is to get by in academia right now...?"

On a good day:

"Bwahaha, cheap, well-educated intellectual slave labor! With solid stats. You're in. Now sign on the dotted line..."

In my wildest dreams:

"She clearly loves research and is fully committed and ready for the challenge. Fellowship time!"

[wlkwih2]

Once upon a midnight query, while I posted weak and weary,

Over many a quaint and curious volume of grad citations,

While my face was white and pale, suddenly I got some mail

As if I found the Holy Grail, the bale of applications

`'Tis some undergrad,' POI muttered, `with her purpose and her tale -

Only interview, CV is stale '

Ah, distinctly I remember - it was in the bleak December:

I started my applications, parallel with medications

My GRE scores came to town, my face was nothing but a frown

From my books I studied more, more for PhD damnation!

For the rare and radiant POI - I'm ready for our confrontation!

I'll wait here, in frustration...

In the process of media meshing, I'm refreshing, I'm refreshing!

My inbox and POI's page, just below my address bar,

And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,

And the lamp-light o'er him streaming tells me I won't be a star.

And he is saying it out loud - why did she try to get this far?

No admittance! That's bizarre...

Edited January 10, 2012 by wlkwih2

[kgumps2012]

Once upon a midnight query, while I posted weak and weary,

Over many a quaint and curious volume of grad citations,

While my face was white and pale, suddenly I got some mail

As if I found the Holy Grail, the bale of applications

`'Tis some undergrad,' POI muttered, `with her purpose and her tale -

Only interview, CV is stale '

Ah, distinctly I remember - it was in the bleak December:

I started my applications, parallel with medications

My GRE scores came to town, my face was nothing but a frown

From my books I studied more, more for PhD damnation!

For the rare and radiant POI - I'm ready for our confrontation!

I'll wait here, in frustration...

In the process of media meshing, I'm refreshing, I'm refreshing!

My inbox and POI's page, just below my address bar,

And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,

And the lamp-light o'er him streaming tells me I won't be a star.

And he is saying it out loud - why did she try to get this far?

No admittance! That's bizarre...

That is nothing short of amazing! It sums up this entire experience perfectly.

[tendaysleft]

"Guys listen up. Jeez Janice, is that your fifth cup of coffee? It's been a long day Bill, back off. Yes it has, It's been quite long. We've gone over at least a hundred applications...I'M HUNGRY CAN WE GO? Hold on Bartholomew, please don't interrupt. BUT I'M...As I was saying ...hungry AS I WAS SAYING, we've gone over at least a hundred applications but we've this last one for the day. Sesquipedale, hmm, ha. What is, haha, what is he, hahaha. What is he saying? Janice read this.We better save this and post it online as an example. This is brilliant, just what we needed. Call him and ask if we may. The web page will read: how NOT to apply to grad school. See if he will waive the rights to his application so we can post it online as a scarecrow to deter other silly applicants from wasting our time."

Ahahahaha yes!! I would be the worst member of an adcom. When I'm really hungry I get so cranky. They would need to continuously feed me all day or I would just throw some apps away for no reason

[tendaysleft]

But my worst nightmare would probably be this:

POI: "Psh! Look at this SOP. She knows nothing of my work! Totally misinterpreting everything. She might as well have copied and pasted my research interests from the website."

[rainy_day]

I tend to think I'll make it to the top 20% at some of my schools....and then fail to make the 4% acceptance at any of them.