dat_nerd

No, waiving your right only waives your legal right to view an educational document pertaining to you. You did not promise to never see the letter, but that you wouldn't require your recommenders to let you read their letters. If the recommender offered, I see no issue with you reading the letter.

My mother was adopted, so my whole live I have wanted to adopt. It makes me sick that people find it too "complicated" and believe the child is not their "own." If you want to open your heart and your life to a child and you choose to have that child, yes, have not "take in," that is your child without a doubt. I admit some people are better equipped to deal with the potentially gut wrenching situation of their child wanting to seek out their biological parents, but that doesn't mean your child loves you any less just because they are curious. It may even bring your children closer to you when they see the kind of life you were able to provide. In fact, I am very close with my biological family, but that doesn't downgrade the status of my adoptive family. I only wish my grandmother had been more receptive toward my biological family-- she's always seemed a bit bitter about it, although my mom calls her father by his first name because he is not her dad i.e. the man who raised her and who she will always see as dad. I wish people would stop thinking about it as some sort of last resort, second choice scenario. I never have, and I will never marry a man who will not adopt a child with me. Admittedly, I will probably give birth as well, but adoption has always been something I have planned to do without reservation. I can only hope that we one day live in a society where adoption is seen as a first choice option instead of a last resort. I love children unreservedly regardless of DNA.

I like to sign with "kind regards". It's friendly, simple, and professional.

It's a classic behavior modification technique. Need someone at an event at 7pm? Know they are always an hour late? Tell them the party is at 6pm.
 
The same concept applies to reccomenders. They have solidified notions in their heads that they can turn in their letter late.. because some places allow it.. but it's not like they research if the school you're applying to allows it. So while they're doing what they do.. you could end up thoroughly screwed over.
 
So you lie... you lie for the greater good. You tell them YOUR deadlines for the LOR and set your benchmarks to check in and see how progress is going, to touch base, to see if there's any questions you can answer and if there's more information you can provided.
 
And then, 2-3 weeks before the actual deadline you'll get your letter - minimal stress. Still, a week after the faux-deadline you set up, but well before the school deadline.
 
This is the practical and pragmatic way to approach get a LOR. Asking, waiting, replying on a prof to be professional and do what they say they will.. is an effort in futility most of the time. This forum exists as nothing more than a constant reminder of the stress, panic, and anxiety the "old way" has caused.
 
Save yourself the heartbreak and do it the new way.

I had an internship during the summer at a small software company. I LOVED the environment there -- the people I worked with were fantastic, smart, and really enjoyed what they were doing.
 
At the same time, I was working on an undergraduate thesis research project with a faculty advisor at the university. It was difficult and required an extra 2 hours per day of work on top of my full-time internship.
 
The big "aha!" moment for me was when I'd work a full day at the company, and then find that the highlight of my day was my afternoon advising meeting where I discussed research ideas and progress. I enjoyed the industry work, but I didn't see myself enjoying it as much as the people around me did. I am using my skills most effectively when doing work in which I am personally invested, and working in industry did not allow me to be personally invested in my work.
 
Finally, I read the following professor "job description" (from the CMU "grad school talk" document):
"If you choose to be a professor at a research university, your life will consist of the following tasks: (i) doing research on anything you like, (ii) working with graduate students, (iii) teaching classes, (iv) applying for grants, (v) flying around to work with other researchers and to give talks on your research, (vi) doing service for your department and school (like giving this talk). Note that I say “your life” rather than your job, because for new faculty, your life becomes your job. It’s a fantastic job/life for me because I love these activities, so I’m happy to work hard at all of them, but it’s not right for everyone. "
 
This sounded absolutely perfect to me. I could imagine going without a PhD, but I would never have the chance to work as a professor and have a job/life like this. 

No, waiving your right only waives your legal right to view an educational document pertaining to you. You did not promise to never see the letter, but that you wouldn't require your recommenders to let you read their letters. If the recommender offered, I see no issue with you reading the letter.

No, waiving your right only waives your legal right to view an educational document pertaining to you. You did not promise to never see the letter, but that you wouldn't require your recommenders to let you read their letters. If the recommender offered, I see no issue with you reading the letter.

i think yall need to get off her ass she say she wanna educate herself and have a career but above all else she wanna dedicate herself to a family and ain't nothin wrong with that. she prolly just a lovin nurturer and thas what make her happy. every woman don't need to be aspirin to be michelle obama or some shit to be livin right. and i dono why loric is up in here like 'what make you good enough to be a wife'. nobody should be subjected to that douchey ass backwards question, you don't gotta answer to that girl
 
that said, i think you need to just do you in the mean time girl. make sure you always lookin right but not to please some dude, just so you always know you hella bomb. you seem anxious. you just need to work on ya own confidence and do you these next few years and the niggas will come to YOU trust me. look at beyonce. she always just been like work work im hot gotta stay focused and all the dudes still up on her dick and she prolly bouta hit menopause soon

Sorry, that wasn't a comment about you, and probably sounded worse than I meant it to sound. I just thought it was funny that the thread has been going in circles for like 8 pages.

Yep. 
 
I'll give you a guy's perspective for a change. When a guy sees a desperate girl, he sees someone who will put up with anything. You want to know why you only date assholes? Because you're desperate.
 
Relationships are about making sacrifices for each other. Any respectable girl will have things she will and won't tolerate. A guy is willing to do these things for the girl he loves. I don't mean completely changing who he is. (That's a controlling relationship where the girl only loves herself.)  I mean making small changes. But lots of them.  It might not be easy. It might take time. But he'll do it. That might mean cleaning up after himself, that might mean putting on a clean shirt now and again, that might mean not cursing at the dinner table.
 
Now, I used the word respectable. A respectable guy is willing to make changes for the girl he loves. An asshole isn't. That's why assholes go for desperate girls. You can sense it. It's really not hard. This entire board can tell you're desperate. An asshole knows a desperate girl will put up with anything. He can leave the house trashed, he can wear the same clothes for a week, he can rifle off 4-letter words at the dinner table--hell, he can fuck your best friend--and you're not gonna do a thing. Because you're desperate. Because you need him. Because you'll have a panic attack if he even mentions breakup. 

False. A lot of people who posted (myself included) were NOT in "a relationship at 23." People have given you PLENTY of great advice on this thread (and the other one that you've been posting in), and you keep finding excuses to disregard it because bottom line is, PEOPLE ARE NOT TELLING YOU WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR.
 
I'm just going to be blunt, because sugarcoating obviously isn't working. You're very, VERY naive. You're naive about grad school, about relationships, about friends, about marriage, about children, and about the job market. You're also incredibly judgmental of anyone who would not make the same decisions as you. The comments you wrote about your aunt, who seems to be living a great life on her own terms, are despicable. You have NO reason to feel sorry for her... she is a grown up who is living the life SHE wants to live. She is accomplished. You are not. She is happy. You are not. She has different priorities, as do many other people. That doesn't make her deserving of pity... in fact, she deserves your admiration and respect, neither of which she appears to have. What a shame.   Contrary to what you keep claiming, people CAN and DO find happiness after the age of 30. Also, marrying BEFORE 30 does not guarantee happiness. In fact, marriage doesn't guarantee happiness, period. I thought I married a good guy at 28. I was wrong. I had to get divorced at 33. No kids. By your standards, I should have just jumped off a bridge. Instead, I rebuilt my life. I met someone new, remarried, quit my job and started grad school. IN MY 30s. WITH GRAYING HAIR. I wasn't quite ready to go sit on the rocking hair to which your sexist and ageist standard would have confined me. My parents got divorced just a few years ago. You think my mom is sitting at home knitting baby socks? No. She is living her life, and is HAPPY.  
You want people on here to tell you that within the next year you will meet a great guy through people in finishing school grad school, you'll plan your wedding, and when you graduate you will settle down to play housewife for the next couple of decades with this great guy who will be paying all your bills, at which point you will be available to work as a way to ease your empty nest syndrome with skills and knowledge that you picked up a generation before. 
 
You've also said you expect that your friends/roommates/classmates will play the role of potential matchmakers and set you up with great guys who are marriage material. Do you even care about these people as anything other than tools to get what you REALLY want? You say you don't even like to talk to people who are married because "all they talk about is their relationships." You don't want advice from people who are married, or in relationships... even though we are the ones who have been successful in getting what you claim to want.   You keep talking about how great it's going to be to "be an adult" once you start grad school. Guess what? You have been an adult for almost 5 years, and yet you still think like a teenager. That's not going to change simply because you start a graduate program or move to a new town. Being an adult means, among other things, being responsible for crafting your own happiness, being independent and self-sufficient.  It means not relying on others to make you happy. It means learning to be comfortable with yourself.    I asked you a while back about your priorities and you said it was school. I still see no evidence of that. You want to get married, you want kids, and you want to be with a guy who is wealthy enough to be able to support you while you stay at home. You're not likely to find that in graduate school, I'm afraid. That's simply not what it's for. Guys who are in grad school at the same time as you are going to be starting their careers, and you are very likely to have to work for a while, at least. In fact, the "traditional" marriage you speak of has become very, vary rare... most couples simply cannot afford to have only one working parent.

Agreed. OP, if you're going to take only one piece of advice from the past seven pages of responses, I hope you'll heed this one. 

Agreed. OP, if you're going to take only one piece of advice from the past seven pages of responses, I hope you'll heed this one. 

Agreed. OP, if you're going to take only one piece of advice from the past seven pages of responses, I hope you'll heed this one. 

Just a couple things:
 
1.) I don't think you actually read what I wrote. I think you're stuck in this alternative universe and you refuse to take a look out the window.
 
2.) It's extremely offensive for you to project your view of what constitutes happiness onto others (like saying you don't know why your aunt is happy, and that it's sad to you that her successful career is in itself fulfilling). We all have different paths and goals in our lives. A past boss made a great point (in response to some people teasing a gay friend about not yet having found "the one" in his mid thirties): "Some people just see one path for happiness and fulfillment and feel bad for anyone who hasn't taken their path. But the fact is that not everyone may need or want the same things." He's right, and it's extremely rude and ignorant to do that. 
 
3.) First, you clearly DO have prospects for a relationship, otherwise you wouldn't be open to one. Simple as that. Second, why do you have to meet someone in the next year or two in order to be married by 30? That's silly and rather immature, because chances are you're going to need to find someone with a similar vision for the future as you, and that probably means a short relationship and a short engagement. Who knows, maybe when you're 29 you'll meet someone, fall in love, get engaged and get married within those 365 days. It's possible - and the very fact that you believe otherwise is itself a limitation of the chances for success in potential future relationships. You are choosing only to see one possible way for this all to work out the way you want it to, and short of that you've failed and are going to live a long, miserable life alone. The problem is, that's not at all how reality works. 
 
You really need to start looking to empower yourself. I truly believe that the people best suited for relationships, are the people who are comfortable with themselves outside of a relationship. You ought to consider reading The Feminine Mystique, or at least reading the synopsis on Wikipedia... In some ways, I'm hopeful that graduate school and living in a new city will provide you the opportunity to open your eyes and not see so narrowly.

Okay, I guess I'm compelled to up my contribution to $0.03...
 
There is nothing wrong with wanting to start a family. Absolutely nothing. But I think you need to get a better idea about who you are independently. For all you know, you could meet and fall in love with the perfect future husband - but he may not be ready for marriage for years. That happens. It happened to my brother - he was dating a woman who was older than him and as each year passed she was getting more and more nervous (that internal baby clock, you know), and he didn't propose until they had been dating for five years. But, they're great together, and they will make a great husband and wife (and parents, when that time comes).
 
But see, even though she really really wanted to be a wife and mother, she was (is!) also a strong, independent woman with a lot going for her otherwise. That's what made her 1.) worth dating and 2.) worth getting engaged with. Her first goal was not to give up all her goals and her personality in order to find a man who could take care of her and pay off the loans she insisted she needed to take out for a degree she really would rather not need to use if only she could find a rich guy.
 
I think the problem here is that you're presenting us with a paradox: you really want to go to grad school and get into social work, but you're willing to give it all up for a man.
 
Hey look, I hope you find what you're looking for, and I hope it's amazing. 
 
The problem is, I think you need to take a long, hard look in the mirror and really take the time to evaluate your priorities. The time between May and December is not very long, and I'm not surprised that after only seven interviews you don't have a job. That's the nature of the current market. On the other hand, it's not a bad thing that you're applying for grad school now - but you should continue looking for other opportunities in the mean time. Who knows, maybe you'll find a nice job where a lot of men work by this upcoming May and decide that you'd rather put off grad school for a while. If for you personally finding a husband is more important than beginning a grad program and career, then great! But that means you'll have to give yourself every opportunity to achieve that, and that means keeping an open mind right up until you start your grad program.
 
On the other hand, I'm going to reiterate: I would personally be much more attracted to a woman who is well on her way to establishing herself professionally, has a solid, logical head on her shoulders, and knows what she wants in life (other than just me!). In fact, I have that, and it's amazing. Three years strong and we're looking to move in together when I start (hopefully) my own grad program this year (she will be done with hers). But if she had given off the same vibes that you seem to, I'd have run the other way and missed out on an amazing relationship.

Given the time of year and the amount of anxiety many members of this BB are displaying, I'm bumping this thread so that some may find a diversion from their cares.

I like biscuits. I eat them. I was eating one when I registered. It was delicious.

So, my understanding is that you're going to grad school.. to get a job.. to pay back grad school debt.. so that you can meet someone.. so that you can stop using your degree? I must be missing something here. If the primary goal is to meet someone, there are many ways to do that without involving massive amounts of student debt.

So, my understanding is that you're going to grad school.. to get a job.. to pay back grad school debt.. so that you can meet someone.. so that you can stop using your degree? I must be missing something here. If the primary goal is to meet someone, there are many ways to do that without involving massive amounts of student debt.

So, my understanding is that you're going to grad school.. to get a job.. to pay back grad school debt.. so that you can meet someone.. so that you can stop using your degree? I must be missing something here. If the primary goal is to meet someone, there are many ways to do that without involving massive amounts of student debt.

With grad school, you also have a non-trivial amount of grad school debt for a degree that (from what I understand) you aren't sure you'll use. I don't understand how this is an appealing option. Have you considered taking a year off to work in a city, and then applying to grad schools if you are still interested?

I call this "happy singles land". It's a wonderful place to be. 
 
Some of the best advice I've received is to focus on building strong friendships instead of looking for dates. You're more likely to see someone's true colors by being a friend first, rather than be tricked by a be-on-best-behavior date.
 
Seriously, enjoy grad school for what it is. It's already busy and stressful enough without trying to find your soulmate at the same time. 

Man!!! I always type off my cellphone on this place. You really think im seriously caring about text grammar or proofreadijg which button i pushed on my cellphone? Heck yes i was an english major and i speaks ebonics past tense wut it says omg and all that cal! Who cares? Im not insecure enuf where i feel the need to look over everyhing i type when making a post. I know what I can and cannot do. I know my writing talent level. But more importantly, GRE scores aside, graduate school is a job more than anything, a profession. And the quality of ones character matters a hell of a lot more to admissions commitees than a meaningless math score that has no relevancy to ones study. And you, my friend, have quite the character issue. You have the audacity to come into a place and drop some line saying you cannot add, in a threat where a girl got a 130. You seem like a great guy. Furthermore, i question ur ability to succeed not only in grad school but in life if some meaningless joke such as, fuck math, irritates you so much. Ill say it again, fuck math. And i feel sorry for u.

Out.

Boom.

Look bro. Chill da FUCKKK out. The girl already is bummed about her score. Dont come up in here talking crap implying she cant even add. Jeez.