pears

something similar happened to me when i was applying for undergrad many moons ago, and i remember having this exact feeling. i applied ED to an ivy, and 5 days before i was supposed to hear back, they called me to explain they had somehow lost all of my materials, and that i would have to get them all sent again. in the meantime, they had no choice but to defer me. by the time they said "oh, we want you now!" i had put in applications to a bunch of other places, and basically told them good riddance. i ended up at a so-called "baby ivy" and became an all around happier person while i was there. i don't think i would've had an equally positive experience at the ivy, and, admittedly, it was really satisfying to flip a big ol' bird to a school that probably thought i would go crawling back to them after they screwed up majorly, just for the name. now, though, that's pretty much my nightmare, especially since i'm paying out of pocket. you guys are champs for taking it all in stride and not totally freaking out.

congrats platysaurus!! awesome news! i got an answer from texas state about my cryptic limbo: first round of picks have gone out, and i'm in the second round, but the number of slots available depends on how many people accept their offers. i won't know whether i'll be in (or not!) until the start of april, but it's nice to have a definitive date and a clear answer. their deadline was 1/15, so if anyone else is waiting to hear back from any other schools with a 1/15 deadline, this might be what's going on.

i'm sorry for the cruise control/caps lock, but i just needed to say that THIS THREAD IS THE BEST. i put that in bubblegum pink to ensure full understanding of how warm and fuzzy this makes me feel. my admissions process is actually going really smoothly, but as job stress (finishing up my first >50 page primary author report, a few projects, and conferences coming up, plus twiddling my thumbs while i wait to hear about summer jobs that will affect my loans) and decisions are creeping in, seeing lots of cute animals posted by awesome people really helps me continue chugging along. thanks y'all!

haha, i'm glad somebody enjoys them!

Lemon drop

midnight rider (i seem to have a few allman bros posts going now, haha!)

to heck with grants, i'll consider myself lucky if i can find a job this summer just to start covering tuition loans. oof. gee whiz, i'm sure glad my government will protect its ability to give other groups military-grade weaponry to do its dirty work, but couldn't give less of a hoot about its academics..

there are not enough palms in the world for me to sufficiently facepalm a facepalm as hard as that statement deserves. wahhh.

congrats jhc!!

i totally agree! i never realized how spoiled i was at my alma mater until i found myself missing not only its resources (the mountain club was one of the largest and most well funded clubs on campus; we had 5 of everything you could ever want, even kayaks and mountaineering boots), but a pre-fab community of great people with overlapping interests who are all about making friends and getting them to try new things. i can only hope to have such a nice community of dirt/snow/leaf lovers wherever i end up for grad school. you should totally go up to NE to try your hand at ice climbing! if you have friends at any NESCAC schools, particularly tufts or northeastern, get in touch with them. i'm told it's pretty different from climbing, but.. well, obviously, i have no idea, haha! it's pretty exhausting but it's enjoyable. there are a lot of really talented people who hang around in NH when there's ice to be climbed. if you don't know any students who ice climb, there are lots of really great guides, especially out of the lincoln/woodstock, NH, area (which is teeming with all sorts of outdoorsy goodness). i'd be climbing at planet granite, by virtue of it being in my neighborhood. i've heard pretty good things about them, but i'm living on the world's tiniest stipend, so even $129 for a month of learning is a lot right now. sad times. i definitely will find a way to learn how to climb soon, though! it's been on my to-do list long enough that it's just silly now. i've spent a lot of money this year on snowboarding things, since i've always loved it, but never had a local mountain or a setup of my own. totally worth it! also looking forward to extending my passholder benefits into the spring for some hiking and pool time!

WOOHOO RADIOMARS! congratulations!

...you're going to be spending 4 days at a professional conference surrounded by professors from your second-becoming-top choice school (as well as a few professors from a PhD program you're interested in for the not-so-distant future), probably right after you find out whether you got in...

personally, i'd hang tight until tomorrow or friday, but i tend to bank on the cautious side of things. i don't see the harm in calling!

hey there, i'm not a grad student (yet!), so i can't speak to the academic problems out of experience. that said, i've been dealing with crippling depression for years, and all of its equally horrible but constantly changing manifestations (i'm going to keep this trigger-free, but i suspect you probably know what i'm talking about; these things change between age 11 and age 22). i'm always in and out of therapy, on and off medications. most days are great, but there are definitely some days when getting out of bed is a major feat, so i can empathize. the only insight i can really give you, then, is that a chemical imbalance does not necessitate a state of mind. you are not your depression. you are a good, hardworking, dedicated student who pretty much got the short, poop-smeared end of the brain chemistry lottery. for example, i consider myself to be a happy, social person by nature, but letting that shine instead of, say, a "protective" layer of cynicism and self-doubt borne out of insecurities, is a constant uphill battle. hearing people say "just cheer up!" is immensely frustrating, and usually isn't helpful, so i'll try to give you practical advice that i've picked up along the way that has helped me. first, like i said, remember that you are not your depression; a chemical imbalance doesn't have the right to determine what kind of person you are. second, focus on one task at a time, but keep a running schedule -- including as much time as you can feasibly get for things like exercise, social outings, etc. -- so you don't let yourself slip into the inertia of being unable to get the gears turning. it takes some getting used to, but i've found that blocking off my time and sticking to what i've planned is a very successful way to not only get myself up and running, but to keep moving, and keep my mind too busy to occupy itself with negative thoughts. only you can keep yourself busy, and only you know your limits, so don't push yourself too much.. but also, don't push too little. third, reach out to people, especially if you're making a change (be it a change of advisers or a change of scenery). even if you're geographically further from your usual support network, it is absolutely essential to stay in touch. don't hold back about sharing feelings, as long as you're comfortable; it's okay to be scared, nervous, lonely, etc. you're only human. reach out to all possible LoR writers as soon as you can; get in touch with your initial writers, if need be. fourth, be progressive, even when it's hard to be positive. you may feel that you're ensnared in a negative situation, but there's no way to get yourself out if you don't keep moving towards a new goal. don't bite off more than you can chew. set simple, but attainable, goals for each day. one day, talk to you adviser about your plans; another day, meet with potential new advisors or LoR writers; another, submit [X number] of applications to different programs, and so on. reward yourself with simple things when you can, especially if your goal was a particularly emotionally taxing one, e.g., go for a mellow bike ride to clear your head or treat yourself to a nice meal after meeting with your (jerky) adviser. i hope those help. i realize it's hard to put someone else's words into action, but those are the things that have helped me the most. also, don't be too down on yourself: you clearly love what your field of research is, and you wouldn't be in grad school for it if you weren't cut out for it in the first place. don't lose sight of your passion, and keep pressing forward; your dedication, despite this crappy situation, means that you will find a way to do what you love, even while you're fighting against the multi-headed dragon of depression at all times. if anything, the fact that you're fighting depression on top of said crappy situation means that you're definitely not a failure. kudos to you for not giving up! best of luck! ps: feel free to PM me at any time.

i'm not a climber, but an outdoor enthusiast in general, so i totally feel you as far as factoring outdoor resources into my decisions go! my top two choices are surrounded by outdoor playgrounds. my current fixations are fishing, whitewater kayaking, and snowboarding, and i'm learning how to ride a dirt bike this weekend. i'm not particularly good at any of them, but i really enjoy all of them, so that's good enough for me! a friend of mine convinced me to try bouldering with him once tahoe's snow season is over, so here's to hoping i don't totally wreck myself! i tried ice climbing a few times when i was an undergrad, too, since we had a great lodge and mountain club with lots of active, super skilled, generally wonderful members. the east coast isn't always prime for skiing and snowboarding, but dang, our ice was nice. i was pretty terrible but i liked it anyway! i'm actually terrified of open heights, which is exactly why i want to learn how to climb (and skydive, but that's for when i'm not totally broke..). i might invest in that this month, actually- there's a gym with a deal on a month-long beginner course just 10 minutes from me by bike.

hammer time

phigirl: yesterday marked 6 weeks passing from the deadline, which seems to be when most programs say it's okay to contact them. it's actually been more than 6 weeks for another one of my programs, but they apparently keep accepting applications until friday, so that's why i'm holding off on that one. also, i'm admittedly terrified that asking about my status at the second one (my second choice that's turning into my top choice as my current top choice's funding prospects are.. not so great) will somehow affect me negatively, so i might just have to be patient. what a delicate balance! woof.

vicki- i'll probably end up in the same boat as you, but i do agree with what phoenix and linelei have said: money is a major issue, but not the only issue; you don't want to sacrifice fit, in the short and long term, both in and out of school. spend as much time as you can talking to your POIs at both schools, get in touch with some students, and talk to your POI and financial aid folks at school A. basically, double check to make sure that your sense of "fit" is 100% correct, see if school B could work for you, and see if school A can adjust your funding or offer more ideas. besides those questions and job placement, i would also do some quick research (aka snooping around on google) about what kind of salary you can expect. personally, that's going to be a big factor in how i decide; for my top choice program, i'd be getting little to no help, and the maximum amount of loans i'd be taking out for the 2 years is equal to or greater than what i could expect to make in a year if i were hired right away, which kind of spells imminent financial doom. i'm not going directly into a PhD program, though, so i'm in a different situation. just something to consider!

tested the waters this morning and sent my first "sooo.. what's the adcomm's status as far as decisions go right now?" email. brb, spending the rest of the day curled up under my desk like a ball of nerves until i get a response.

prime factor

Silver dollar

+1 to lentils! all things lentil = amazing. i'm a pescatarian with some funky eating habits, so the protein and cost of lentils make them some of my favorite things ever! i cook mine down in a 1:4 mix of white wine to veggie stock, and throw in some saffron or curry powder. mujaddara is the best- i spice my rice with coriander and cumin, caramelize my onions, spin honey into my yogurt, and roast some crushed almonds with brown sugar and sea salt to crumble on top of it all. nommm. i think i know what i'm making for lunch then dinner then lunch again tonight, hah! also, depending on where you live, salmon can be really cheap, too. i broil mine for 12 minutes with light mayo and dill- the mayo sounds gross (i'm not a fan of mayo on anything else), but it keeps the fish soft and moist, and the flavor of the dill makes you forget what your fish is topped with. cheap and easy, especially if you grow your own herbs.

space heater

sour apple