grad_wannabe

I'm a little embarrassed to admit that I've had an admission fairy tale. 
 
There was one school I was looking at that only accepts four students a year. FOUR. It was SO competitive and the current students seemed SO ridiculously accomplished ... I thought the program was amazing but that I had a snowball's chance in hell of getting in. Didn't apply. 
 
After the deadline came and went, I became filled with regret that I hadn't at least TRIED. In a bout of anxiety over Christmas break (nearly a month after the deadline), I went to look at the website one last time, and bemoan "what could have been."
 
Lo and behold, I saw that the deadline had been extended. ... to one week after I happened to check the website. I still had time. 
 
I whipped together one last application and fired it off. It came together in an oddly beautiful and easy fashion.
 
"Surely my rec letter writers won't get my request in time ... it's Christmas, they're not checking their email!" To my surprise all three of my writers responded to my late "one last upload?" request on the same day.
 
"Of course my GRE scores won't get there in time! Those take weeks!" Bizarrely, this time they got there in just a few days, in fact the exact DAY of the new deadline. 
 
Still, I thought there was no chance. I hadn't contacted any POIs or established any relationship, I'd never visited campus, I'd named only one POI in my SOP. BUT at least I tried, right?
 
Imagine my shock when I got a phone call a few months later. Admitted with full funding. 
 
Fairy tales do come true. 

Getting into a grad program is like dating -- it's not about who's BEST, it's about who's the best MATCH. 
 
Same thing for rejections. If they don't want you, there's no point to appealing. It could have been any tiny little thing. It doesn't matter. They felt other applicants were a better match. 
 
Best to just move on. Do not expend any more energy on this. 

I had just finished a meeting and checked my phone, I literally said, almost dejectedly even, "shit, I got another acceptance." I don't know why I wasn't super excited, but I think I felt bad because a few of my friends didn't get funding and/or offers, so I didn't want to make a big deal about it.
 
I should probably add, I screamed like Oprah gave me a car when I got my first acceptance. I was VERY excited. I couldn't even form words.

>I am 99% sure that I know which school I want to go but this hasn't stopped me from seeking advice from every single person I can on what they think I should do. It's pointless though because when they say something in favor of a school Other than the one I want to go to, then I just argue with them. 
 
Exactly the same here. I KNOW which program I'm attending, but that doesn't stop me from consulting with other people and then arguing with them when they disagree with my decision!

I've been a mess. I am 99% sure that I know which school I want to go but this hasn't stopped me from seeking advice from every single person I can on what they think I should do. It's pointless though because when they say something in favor of a school Other than the one I want to go to, then I just argue with them. Sometimes I feel so happy that my dreams are coming true and other times, it hits me that I am leaving all of my friends and family (including my 2 year old niece). Sometimes I feel motivated to crank out the publications that I am super close to asap and other times I just stop caring. I'm a mess!

Well, I have decided to go to FSU. Before and during my application, at least three professors in J School (2 of which works in my area) left. Where the school is heading to is unknown to me, and even the students there don't really know. Whereas FSU recently just hired two new faculty members who works in my area, there's a lot of growth and potential there. I think going to FSU is a safer choice.

The work you produce will have more of an impact on job prospects than the school you come from. If you're publishing and attend Podunk Hills University that will be better than not publishing and attending Prestigious University. 
 
It sounds to me like your heart has already decided and you want someone to tell you it is okay to follow your desires. It is. What you make of your education will have the longest-lasting impact.

what a horrid nightmare, walter. man, between this and the CMU switcheroo debacle, it's been one hell of a decision season. 

I'm a little embarrassed to admit that I've had an admission fairy tale. 
 
There was one school I was looking at that only accepts four students a year. FOUR. It was SO competitive and the current students seemed SO ridiculously accomplished ... I thought the program was amazing but that I had a snowball's chance in hell of getting in. Didn't apply. 
 
After the deadline came and went, I became filled with regret that I hadn't at least TRIED. In a bout of anxiety over Christmas break (nearly a month after the deadline), I went to look at the website one last time, and bemoan "what could have been."
 
Lo and behold, I saw that the deadline had been extended. ... to one week after I happened to check the website. I still had time. 
 
I whipped together one last application and fired it off. It came together in an oddly beautiful and easy fashion.
 
"Surely my rec letter writers won't get my request in time ... it's Christmas, they're not checking their email!" To my surprise all three of my writers responded to my late "one last upload?" request on the same day.
 
"Of course my GRE scores won't get there in time! Those take weeks!" Bizarrely, this time they got there in just a few days, in fact the exact DAY of the new deadline. 
 
Still, I thought there was no chance. I hadn't contacted any POIs or established any relationship, I'd never visited campus, I'd named only one POI in my SOP. BUT at least I tried, right?
 
Imagine my shock when I got a phone call a few months later. Admitted with full funding. 
 
Fairy tales do come true. 

I wish I could just be put in cryogenic refrigeration until April. 

I called my mom and told her. In a blase fashion she said "of course you got in, dear. I had a dream that you would."
 
All rejections have just been texts to them though.

The department committee makes decisions on who to admit and then sends the acceptance information to the graduate studies office for approval.
 
Don't worry. I am sure the graduate studies office will get to your application soon.

I've been bowled over at the number of people telling me they "don't believe in school" and that "the school of life is enough!" and my favorite, "when are you going to stop stalling, and start growing up and having a family?" As though I'm moving to NYC to begin a doctorate at one of the best universities in the country just to get out of having babies. 

July for a September lease is too early. Start looking in August. Because the market in NYC is so competitive, most places are rented within days of being posted (especially no-fee/no-broker ones). For this reason, do not start looking for a place more than a month in advance because most places in NYC are only posted a month before the prior owner's lease is up. If you see a place that is posted two or more months ahead of the move-in date, something is probably wrong with it, or the price is too high.
 
I've lived in NYC for 6 years and moved twice during that time (plus had to find housing when I first moved there). I found great places every time (only reason I decided to move at the end of each 2-year lease is because NYC has so many great neighborhoods and I wanted to experience living in different locations). My first place was a large 1-bedroom in Jackson Heights (Queens--20 minutes subway ride to Manhattan, and said to be the most diverse neighborhood in the US) for $1,300, my second place was a 1-bedroom on Roosevelt Island (unique place where you might find a good deal since not many people know about it--my boyfriend and I got a 12 months + 3 months free deal, the rent came to about $1,500 for a very large 1-bedroom 5 minutes from the subway), and my third place was a studio in one of the most coveted areas in Brooklyn Heights, which is one of the nicest neighborhoods in Brooklyn (one stop to Manhattan) where it is next to impossible to find anything under $2,000 (my studio was $1,600 in a fantastic location, townhouse tree-lined street, 5 minutes from the subway and with access to all subway lines).
 
Here is the strategy I used. Never had to hire a broker either.
 
Start looking for a place as late as possible, ideally no more than 4 weeks before you want to move. Check the Craigslist no-fee section a few times a day, you will quickly get a feel for things. Look at posts with pictures, but do not ignore posts without pictures either (since many people filter them out, you might find a great deal--I found my studio in Brooklyn Heights this way). When you see a place you like, immediately set up a time to visit. Some places will have open houses and will not allow you to visit separately.
 
As you select places you like, be aware of the NYC trade-off factors that rent price is a function of: space vs. location/subway access (these two go together). Keep in mind that until you become a millionaire, you CANNOT get both a great location/subway access AND a decently large space. The better the location/subway access, the higher the price. The bigger the space, the higher the price. Also, keep in mind that qualifies as "big" in NYC would qualify as "medium/small" in many other places, so adjust your expectations accordingly. In conclusion: decide what your absolute limit is for location and space, keeping in mind you will have to trade one off for the other if you want a decent price. Personally I prefer proximity to the subway (no more than a 10-minute walk and preferably access to more than one line because in NYC there is always subway construction work going on) and can make do with a smaller space. Proximity to the subway means the whole city is my living room (or library), hence I am okay with a smaller space. And in the winter you will hate your life if you have to walk more than 10 minutes to the subway. In my view, your quality of life in NYC will be a lot higher if you are close to the subway vs. having a larger space but being far from the subway.
 
The other thing is actual distance from Manhattan/your school--I don't really think this matters as much, as long as you are close to the subway it doesn't really matter if your subway ride is 15 minutes or 20. Get the Kindle app and use the time to read, the subway ride can be your personal time to think/read/meditate. Or, as many NYers do, you can take a quick nap and catch up on sleep--for some reason I never fall asleep as fast as I do on the subway! It's much better than living in a city where you have to drive everywhere.
 
Now for the most important part: when you visit a place that you like and that is in line with your location/space trade-off, i.e. the big factors match up with what you want, put in an application right away, i.e. be ready to sign the dotted line right then and there if they want you to (most places will want to review your credit score first though). Bring whatever paperwork you need such as employment or University co-signing paperwork. Do not assume the apartment will be available the next day or even a few hours later.
 
Following this strategy, I had to view fewer than 3 places to get a lease each time I moved. So it only took me 1-2 days to find a place, and I started searching about 3-4 weeks before my move-in date, as described above. And for the Brooklyn Heights place, it was literally the first place I checked out. So remember, if you are prepared and follow this strategy NYC moving does not need to be as stressful as it is made out to be. Frankly I am much more apprehensive about finding a place in Boston since I hear there is no way to get around the broker fee there...
 
Good luck!

Gosh...... I thought graduate students / young adults who are considering a career in academia would be mature, respectful people.
 
Mods please delete or lock this thread.

@aberrant Well, I am on the lookout for a serious relationship but as I really just haven't met anyone that I would like to date, I am also basically just seeking to expand my network. Most people meet potential partners through friends-of-friends, after all.
 
Thank you for clarifying about OKCupid. I'll think about giving it a try again sometime, but it is Sunday afternoon now and I haven't finished the reading I wanted to do.
 
 
@LittleDarlings Thank you. I feel less... irrelevant now, haha.

@abberant -- I looked at the Wired link you posted and I am not sure if you are playing a joke on me or not. You can't be literally suggesting that I do what that person did.
 
 
I was sincere when I wrote my opening post.
 
The criteria are stringent because as a woman I do not have a lot of time to waste. Men can wait until they're 35 to look for love, but women just don't have that many years where they are fertile. So I have thought very carefully about what I want, and this was just an attempt to get the message out there.
 
I am sorry if my post somehow annoyed or offended you in any way.

I concur what others have said -- I know people who got their masters/PhDs/DPhils at UK schools (including LSE, Oxford, and UCL) and had a VERY tough time transitioning to the academic job market in the states. I was also strongly advised against pursuing a DPhil at Oxford (but applied anyway because I love the program there). 
 
If you want to build a career in the US, go to UPenn. 

I'm a little embarrassed to admit that I've had an admission fairy tale. 
 
There was one school I was looking at that only accepts four students a year. FOUR. It was SO competitive and the current students seemed SO ridiculously accomplished ... I thought the program was amazing but that I had a snowball's chance in hell of getting in. Didn't apply. 
 
After the deadline came and went, I became filled with regret that I hadn't at least TRIED. In a bout of anxiety over Christmas break (nearly a month after the deadline), I went to look at the website one last time, and bemoan "what could have been."
 
Lo and behold, I saw that the deadline had been extended. ... to one week after I happened to check the website. I still had time. 
 
I whipped together one last application and fired it off. It came together in an oddly beautiful and easy fashion.
 
"Surely my rec letter writers won't get my request in time ... it's Christmas, they're not checking their email!" To my surprise all three of my writers responded to my late "one last upload?" request on the same day.
 
"Of course my GRE scores won't get there in time! Those take weeks!" Bizarrely, this time they got there in just a few days, in fact the exact DAY of the new deadline. 
 
Still, I thought there was no chance. I hadn't contacted any POIs or established any relationship, I'd never visited campus, I'd named only one POI in my SOP. BUT at least I tried, right?
 
Imagine my shock when I got a phone call a few months later. Admitted with full funding. 
 
Fairy tales do come true. 

I'm a little embarrassed to admit that I've had an admission fairy tale. 
 
There was one school I was looking at that only accepts four students a year. FOUR. It was SO competitive and the current students seemed SO ridiculously accomplished ... I thought the program was amazing but that I had a snowball's chance in hell of getting in. Didn't apply. 
 
After the deadline came and went, I became filled with regret that I hadn't at least TRIED. In a bout of anxiety over Christmas break (nearly a month after the deadline), I went to look at the website one last time, and bemoan "what could have been."
 
Lo and behold, I saw that the deadline had been extended. ... to one week after I happened to check the website. I still had time. 
 
I whipped together one last application and fired it off. It came together in an oddly beautiful and easy fashion.
 
"Surely my rec letter writers won't get my request in time ... it's Christmas, they're not checking their email!" To my surprise all three of my writers responded to my late "one last upload?" request on the same day.
 
"Of course my GRE scores won't get there in time! Those take weeks!" Bizarrely, this time they got there in just a few days, in fact the exact DAY of the new deadline. 
 
Still, I thought there was no chance. I hadn't contacted any POIs or established any relationship, I'd never visited campus, I'd named only one POI in my SOP. BUT at least I tried, right?
 
Imagine my shock when I got a phone call a few months later. Admitted with full funding. 
 
Fairy tales do come true. 

I'm a little embarrassed to admit that I've had an admission fairy tale. 
 
There was one school I was looking at that only accepts four students a year. FOUR. It was SO competitive and the current students seemed SO ridiculously accomplished ... I thought the program was amazing but that I had a snowball's chance in hell of getting in. Didn't apply. 
 
After the deadline came and went, I became filled with regret that I hadn't at least TRIED. In a bout of anxiety over Christmas break (nearly a month after the deadline), I went to look at the website one last time, and bemoan "what could have been."
 
Lo and behold, I saw that the deadline had been extended. ... to one week after I happened to check the website. I still had time. 
 
I whipped together one last application and fired it off. It came together in an oddly beautiful and easy fashion.
 
"Surely my rec letter writers won't get my request in time ... it's Christmas, they're not checking their email!" To my surprise all three of my writers responded to my late "one last upload?" request on the same day.
 
"Of course my GRE scores won't get there in time! Those take weeks!" Bizarrely, this time they got there in just a few days, in fact the exact DAY of the new deadline. 
 
Still, I thought there was no chance. I hadn't contacted any POIs or established any relationship, I'd never visited campus, I'd named only one POI in my SOP. BUT at least I tried, right?
 
Imagine my shock when I got a phone call a few months later. Admitted with full funding. 
 
Fairy tales do come true. 

I'm a little embarrassed to admit that I've had an admission fairy tale. 
 
There was one school I was looking at that only accepts four students a year. FOUR. It was SO competitive and the current students seemed SO ridiculously accomplished ... I thought the program was amazing but that I had a snowball's chance in hell of getting in. Didn't apply. 
 
After the deadline came and went, I became filled with regret that I hadn't at least TRIED. In a bout of anxiety over Christmas break (nearly a month after the deadline), I went to look at the website one last time, and bemoan "what could have been."
 
Lo and behold, I saw that the deadline had been extended. ... to one week after I happened to check the website. I still had time. 
 
I whipped together one last application and fired it off. It came together in an oddly beautiful and easy fashion.
 
"Surely my rec letter writers won't get my request in time ... it's Christmas, they're not checking their email!" To my surprise all three of my writers responded to my late "one last upload?" request on the same day.
 
"Of course my GRE scores won't get there in time! Those take weeks!" Bizarrely, this time they got there in just a few days, in fact the exact DAY of the new deadline. 
 
Still, I thought there was no chance. I hadn't contacted any POIs or established any relationship, I'd never visited campus, I'd named only one POI in my SOP. BUT at least I tried, right?
 
Imagine my shock when I got a phone call a few months later. Admitted with full funding. 
 
Fairy tales do come true. 

I concur what others have said -- I know people who got their masters/PhDs/DPhils at UK schools (including LSE, Oxford, and UCL) and had a VERY tough time transitioning to the academic job market in the states. I was also strongly advised against pursuing a DPhil at Oxford (but applied anyway because I love the program there). 
 
If you want to build a career in the US, go to UPenn. 

> I dropped about $400 in Bloomington between the visits and application, no more, because I also took off work. The director made it seem like there would be no problem with me getting in
 
Man I feel your pain on that one. For one of my schools I visited campus a bunch of times, including a prospective applicants' open house and a public discussion group. I also met in person with two POIs, BOTH of whom said incredibly encouraging things ("i can imagine quite a few people on our faculty who would be really interested in your application" and "it just so happens I'm on the admissions committee, and this is exactly the kind of application we look for") only to get rejected. 
 
It stings. Heart goes out to you. 

Can I ask you both how you worded your negotiations? I've had two offers that are almost precisely the same except for length (three years v. five) and I'd like to see if I can get the three-year offer extended. I'm reticent, however, to garner a reputation as money-grubbing.