harrisonfjord

Thank you all for your responses! They are very kind and helpful. I have been taking medication to cope under the guidance of a doctor and I have tried therapy with very little results. So my go-to is yoga and reading instead. I guess my struggle is not really with time management (I work 20 hours as a research assistant and 20 hours at an internship. Ive finished my coursework and I'm starting the dissertation process now). Its more so the constant criticism and rejection from peers, professors, journals, conferences, etc. I have unfortunately not encountered anyone supportive apart from my advisor and I do not have a cohort. So my question is more so how do you build up a resilient self esteem in the face of constant competition and rejection?

I used to be calm and collected but I feel like a ball of stress and anxiety 99% of the time. Ive fallen into a depression where I barely recognize myself anymore. Has anyone else gone through this? What did you do to cope and get your life back?

I have an MS already, and three years of job experience so I would not be completely out of luck. Unfortunately I cannot take medical leave because I would have no insurance and would lose half my income.

After a lot of thought and reflection I realized I am absolutely miserable in my program. Has anyone here quit their program early? I am in the process of finishing my QE, already completed classes. But I have no self worth anymore and feel hopeless. Therapy has not helped.

I am the first person in my immediate family to get a bachelor's/master's. I am the only person in my immediate and extended family to pursue a PhD. I feel like imposter syndrome hits me extra hard because it's always something I am self conscious of. I work extremely hard but deep down I feel like it's tough to be accepted into the academic world without a mentor. Thankfully I have a great advisor, but I still feel like I don't really *belong.*

This question seems pretty lame, because I feel like by my mid twenties, I should already have my group of friends. I have friends in my program and in other grad programs, but frankly, I am SO tired of the constant complaining, talking about, discussing, competing, humble bragging (whatever it is that arrogant grad students/members of the cohort do) that it's wearing on me and draining me. Any ideas for finding friends that aren't obsessed with academia? I'm just tired of work and school being my life 24/7 and never really escaping it. I've thought about trying meet ups, but I just feel awkward. I'm also too old to be on campus doing the undergrad meeting people thing.

Thank you all for these suggestions/your input. This is really helpful advice. After reading this I think a lot of my stress comes from social isolation, so I'm definitely going to make an effort to focus on that. I appreciate you all taking the time to respond. It's always nice to have some outside input because at times, I just feel like I'm going crazy. I tend to feel guilty whenever I'm not working, but working all the time is a recipe for disaster. I need to take more time to recharge.

I have a hard time writing at certain times in the week and based on some productivity research I've been reading, some sources suggest to tackle some of the more taxing writing sessions when you are in the mood to write rather than when you schedule them. My question is--generally, do you schedule time to write, if so, when do you find you write most effectively? 2) do you have any strategies for making the most of your writing time?

First of all, congrats on finishing your thesis! That is a major milestone, so celebrate that victory. Second, you have to view them separately. The purpose of the thesis is to introduce you to managing your own independent project and to start becoming an independent thinker and scholar, you succeeded there. I don't think anyone is ever truly happy with their "finished" theses or dissertations--after all, we are always trained to be critical and to view things through a critical lens. You pointed out that you realized that writing a theoretical paper was a lot more challenging than you originally planned--that information right there demonstrates that you have already grown because you are able to recognize and learn from the process. And now that you recognize this--you can move into your dissertation knowing that you are even more informed and prepared than you were before. I would talk to your advisor or a trusted faculty member and ask for their input. Generally, since they are in the field, they have knowledge and experience in applying to journals that are related to your topic(s) of interest and can point you in the right direction. And, even if you do submit and your paper is rejected, the worst thing that happens is you get feedback from reviewers and you can evaluate it and either resubmit, or submit to another journal. In the meantime, I am unsure of how it works in your field, but generally conference proceedings are less pressure in my field. You could submit some of your work to a conference for initial feedback and then use that to help scaffold a longer, more detailed journal article. Unfortunately that iterative process is just part of life as a researcher, and while it can be disheartening to get negative feedback, it's always a chance to learn and improve the process for next time. Hope this helps, even just a little.

I am done with my PhD coursework but still have the major milestones to go. I have worked two jobs and have not taken care of myself. I can feel myself hitting the "burn out" wall and I don't really have any outside hobbies outside of school/work. I am trying to get back into an exercise routine, but is there anything you find helpful to prevent yourself from burning out? Are there any things that help you keep your motivation up?

Thank you all for your input, I withdrew and feel so relieved!

The problem is the current PI of the lab is so busy that I don't ever see him. I've seen him once since I started working there in January, no exaggeration. Another PhD student and a student who just graduated with their bachelor's both run the projects I am working on, but the PhD student moved out of state, and is running the projects over skype/email so as you can imagine, it is chaotic and disorganized. I honestly cannot look them in the face and tell them it's been a pleasure working with them. I could do it over email, but I am so upset about my ideas being continually stolen that it's a complete lie. The reason I don't want to say I'm switching labs is because there are some politics between my new lab and the old one. I also just really don't want them to know my business. One of the guys, which I have mentioned in a previous post, continually steals my ideas and I'd just rather keep it a secret from him as long as possible. I've had a lot of family problems this semester and my job schedule is really crazy, so those are also two valid excuses that wouldn't be lies. Also, the two labs are run out of different programs, it may come across them via departmental gossip, but I personally would not have to see them again. I'm not suggesting lying, i just think that in this case it may be beneficial for me to cite my job and family as reasons why I am unable to continue over the summer. It's a complicated mess, and I mean I could tell them, I just don't really want to continue having a relationship with them.

Thank you all for your input. It has all been really valuable. This isn't just a general idea that we discussed. The case is more of what TakeruK stated, this individual is taking my ideas that we discuss in the lab for the design of a study, and is parroting them to the PI rest of the lab. Then from there, because he is the lab manager, he "removed" me from that project and tasked me with something else to do. I am also 5th author on a paper that I wrote the entire discussion for, despite the fact that when we had the authorship conversation, I was originally going to be third author. I am getting really fed up with this abuse of authority essentially. I was going to talk to my PI, but since I have no email or written records to prove the conversations we had, and the already existing designs I developed, there is no way for me to "prove" that these were my ideas. The worst part is that I'm a master's student and this student recently graduated with his undergraduate degree, and will not officially be working as a graduate student until fall. It's like he seems to find pleasure in the fact that he can order me around and take my ideas with no repercussions. He's a shady person.

I currently volunteer in a lab since I do not have a funded research position. I recently came upon a funded research opportunity and decided to take it. Since I do not get paid for my volunteering position, and I do not have time to do both, I need to "quit" my current lab. How do you go about handling this? I thought about lying and saying that I have an internship I will be completing or some other obligation that makes it no longer possible for me to work with the lab. I don't want to burn a bridge, but I also don't want to tell the people in the lab where I am going. They will figure it out eventually, but since it's the end of the semester, I think another excuse might be more beneficial. Any ideas?

Have you ever had a colleague who tried to take your ideas and pass them off as their own? How did you handle it? One of my lab colleagues completely stole one of my ideas and now he is receiving credit for it. I realize now I made a huge mistake because I never sent him emails indiciating that this was my idea in the first place. How do you deal with shady people like this? I sort of want to confront him about it but he's also the "lab manager" and I don't want to make the rest of my time in the lab miserable. This is sadly not the first time it has happened.