All the best to whatever you do, waytooold!
Yes, it has been a long and tough ride, and I hope that you will stick it out a little longer. I haven't heard from any of my final four, and I seriously think that I've missed my chance too. I might not be as old as you, but I am nearly there. Was hoping that this would be the year that I get to chart a new direction in my career, but it seems like I'll have to find another way too.
Have you spoken to your boyfriend about this? Ask him for his opinions. I think it will help in the relationship too.
My partner chose to do a PhD in a local institution to be with me, but guess what? The university decided to close the campus (an overseas campus) after admission. That meant moving overseas and the main reason for choosing the school disappeared!
I totally understand what you mean. The suspense is killing all of us. I sometimes wish that they (adcoms) will tell us our status NOW, and yet I'm not sure if I want to hear it.
Actually, with my current expectations, I don't mind all the rest of my schools just telling me that I'm rejected. I need to reclaim my life back.