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Dark Chocolate Mocha

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    Psychology

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  1. Hello all, I am an old-ish member of this forum. I have been fretting here slightly more than 2 years ago, biting my nails, refreshing my page to see if a new email had arrived in my inbox, and going through the terrible anxiety of applying to grad school as you are all familiar with right now. So why am I even telling you about that? Let me tell you about what happened then. I actually got accepted into one of my top choices and started my PhD in Fall 2018. (Yay, happy ending! But the continuation of that hasn't exactly been like a fairy tale.) I have had quite a bit of difficulty working with my advisor since then, which actually became apparent right in the first couple of months of grad school. She is a very smart person, who has a frightening reputation for asking mind-boggling questions to researchers at the end of their talks, for being quick-thinking and very demanding. Of course, given how "great" she is, she also seems to have high expectations of her students. You may expect that this reputation would have been terrifying for me. But no. Having been a straight-A student all my life, I thought I had what it takes to succeed in a demanding program, under the supervision of a very demanding advisor. But things haven't been going as planned. In my first year, I was constantly frustrated because I had a hard time getting my advisor excited about my proposed experiments. (The structure of my program is such that the students need to have a research project at the end of their first year, however humble its goals and results may be). Sometimes she thought my proposed idea was ill-conceived entirely, and sometimes it wasn't the idea that was flawed, but we "wouldn't find anything interesting" even if we ran that study. Our dialogues often ended with her saying "OK, suppose we do this and find X. What does that tell us about the big picture? Nothing. We'll have a hard time making a case for that and I don't see this going to publication, do you?" It was, of course, soul-crushing. Before that, I had been a relatively independent junior researcher in a master's program in a related area, actually pursued my own ideas and even gotten a few publications based on that (conference publications, not peer-reviewed journal articles, but I was still proud of those because I had conceived and executed a research idea primarily with my own initiative, with only some theoretical help and moral support from my then-advisor). Dejected, I asked my advisor if she had an idea that I could work on, because we were running out of time and she didn't like any of my ideas. She suggested an idea - which I wasn't super enthusiastic about. But I started working on it, half-heartedly. (The end of the story is that, yes, we ran that study; but it didn't exactly work. No worries. That happens in research. It is science, after all.) Flash forward to my second year. I started a new research project, after we basically replayed the same scenes from last year. Me presenting ideas, my advisor dismissing them all, and us finally settling on a question that my advisor finds worthwhile and I find boring and unimportant, but I have nothing else to replace it with that my advisor would like. It is in my second and current year, actually, that I also started noticing some signs that my advisor was growing fed up with me. These signs are subtle, but there is no way you cannot notice them. Sometimes it is a comment like "I know you are struggling, but don't compare yourself to X and Y (star students in my lab), because they have worked in my lab as research assistants before coming here as PhD students, it is normal that they are ahead of you." This might sound supportive at first, but keep in mind that I had not even mentioned the students X and Y or said or done anything to indicate that I was comparing myself to them and was worried that I was falling behind compared to them. Given that, it was quite a blow to me that SHE mentioned these names and suddenly introduced an interpersonal/competitive aspect to my struggles that wasn't interpersonal at all. (Also, for context, I am an international student from a relatively poor country and the only international student in my advisor's lab AND I did my undergraduate and master's work in a related - but ultimately different - field. So I am trying to be compassionate towards myself and tell myself that there may be aspects of the PhD program that hit me harder because I am less familiar with this field and less familiar with the expectations from a PhD student in the US in general. But being an "outlier" in this sense is already hard and exacerbates one's impostor syndrome. So being compared to others certainly didn't help with that.) Sometimes the sign that disturbs me can be something like "Dark Chocolate Mocha, I have the feeling that you still don't know what you want to do [with respect to research or career plans], is that true? I think you are still wandering around." She also dropped this at the end of a dreaded weekly meeting, after I provided updates on my ongoing research. I remember stammering "no" but in fact, thanks to her, I am also asking myself if this is really what I want, to be honest. I certainly didn't expect a working environment like this when I started grad school, where my ideas would be discarded one after another and I would be working on my advisor's questions instead of my own. Why am I writing this post NOW? Because of the recent changes that have been happening in my life due to COVID-19. The thing is, ever since we have been quarantined, I have been less motivated to work on my project than before. I have been slacking off quite a bit, and cancelled two consecutive weekly meetings with my advisor, as I didn't have anything to update her on. She is clearly upset with that. She sent an email telling me that she would like to have an "open-ended conservation" with me about "what I am thinking about graduate school." I wonder if you would agree with me, or if I am being paranoid, but I am worried about the part where she says she would like to talk to me about graduate school. Because I feel like she may use this conversation to drop a hint or perhaps even more openly suggest that I am not cut out to be an academic and should drop out of the program. I could see how dissatisfied she has been with me from the beginning, and this couldn't continue forever I suppose, so maybe this shouldn't come as a surprise but I still find it heart-breaking. I can never exactly find out what is going on in her mind until we actually have a meeting and talk things out, of course. But this just added another anxiety to my life. I am definitely not very happy in my program, I'll be honest. So you might think dropping out should make me happy. The problem is, I have received my previous degrees in fields that do not exactly make me "employable". (Don't judge me. I was a romantic and didn't choose the most marketable major and then foolishly topped it off with another useless master's.) This PhD program is a great gift for me, and not only as a stepping stone into an academic career. I thought, even if I cannot stay in academia, I can use my PhD degree to find an industry job. (My current field is more marketable than my previous fields.) I don't see any job prospects for myself if I drop out now, but I have a disturbing feeling that this is the direction I am heading towards, if I am correctly interpreting the signs my advisor has been sending throughout my second year. And it is devastating. So I was wondering if there is anyone here who went through a similar phase. A phase when you felt like you were at the bottom of the "achievement pyramid" in your lab, your ideas were belittled by your advisor, you felt underappreciated despite working harder than you ever did before grad school? Or a phase when your advisor explicitly told you that s/he was unhappy with your academic progress (or lack thereof) and maybe even finally popped the question and asked you to leave the program because you weren't a good fit? (the dreaded question which I fear I might have to answer fairly soon.) Misery loves company, so I guess I would like to hear some stories and commiserate with you, the wonderful community that supported me through the dark times of grad school application 2 years ago. Any advice would also be appreciated. I hope you are all healthy and safe, and thank you so much ❤️ (And apologies if my description of things was too disorganized or confusing. I am stressed out due to the pandemic + academic concerns so I may have some concentration problems.)
  2. 160 dollars? Was it new or used? It sounds affordable, actually. Computers or other electronic appliances that are imported from other countries are very expensive in my country due to the taxes
  3. Ditto. I will also study in Boston, and after checking out the prices, I decided to stay in the residence hall for the first year. It seems the only way of finding an affordable place is to rent an apartment with at least 3 other roommates - because the per capita rent decreases then. But apartments for 1 person or 2 people are simply way beyond my budget. And being an international student, it is hard for me to find roommates, and I can't easily trust anyone who happens to send me a roommate request online. So I thought I would stay in the dorms first and meet some people, and then maybe - hopefully - some of those connections I've made could help me find roommates to share an apartment in my second year. Good luck to all those who are still looking for an apartment, though :))
  4. Hello fellow grad students! About 6 weeks later, I will be moving to the US for graduate study, and I have a few questions about some practical issues that I need to take care of upon arrival, so I thought I'd request help from the people who live in the US and are knowledgeable about these subjects. My first set of questions is about BANKS. I will have to open a bank account upon arrival, so my stipends can be deposited there. My questions concerning American banks are: Which bank(s) do you think is/are the best according to their quality of service? What are the requirements for a foreign national to open a bank account in the US? Is it straightforward, or do I need to deal with some legal issues that U.S. citizens are exempt from? Do you pay annual fees for credit cards in the US? I might consider getting a credit card from the bank where I will have an account, as I find having a credit card handy for making online transactions. That being said, I will be on a tight budget as a grad student, and if getting a credit card means that I will have to pay some kind of annual fee for it, I'd rather not have one. Finally, I am asking these questions assuming that I will have freedom to choose my bank, but do schools sometimes force you to open your account in a certain bank because they have a deal with them or something? My second set of questions is about GSM Operators. Since I will mostly communicate with my friends and family members in my home country via Skype, Hangouts, and similar apps, I will not be using my old phone number. I will switch to an American GSM operator and get a new number to communicate with my new contacts in the US. Which GSM operator would you recommend based on your personal experiences? And before you make a suggestion, here are some important points to keep in mind: I'm not a talkative person, and prefer messaging (via Whatsapp or Viber) to talking on the phone. Thus my data package need not have many minutes and messages, etc. I will mostly be dependent on internet - and considering that the campus and other public places often have Wi-Fi, even my internet package may be modest. In addition, I'm not a very outdoorsy person, and I am sure that I will be spending most of my time in urban areas, where my university is also located. Therefore coverage may not be a big issue for me. (Though I admit that I might be grievously mistaken about this. Maybe there are some GSM operators that have poor coverage even in cities?) In short, what I care most about is to have a GSM operator that will give me a modest data package for a reasonable sum of money. I really don't want to be ripped off :(( Which GSM operator would you recommend under these circumstances? My third set of questions is about Hair Dressers. Yeah, I know - what a shallow and superficial question, right? But please hear me out. I have actually been cutting and dyeing my hair all by myself for the last 5 years or so - so I would save time and money. And it really worked! But as I will be living in a residence hall once I start my PhD program, I am guessing that it will be very hard for me to keep up this regimen in the US. The Handbook clearly says that "hair cutting, shampooing and similar activities should be restricted to the bathroom" - which is fine. I guess I could just cover a sink with a stretch foil, cut my hair, and clean up the mess easily. The real problem is dyeing. My natural hair color is black, but I have some gray hairs here and there, which I like to cover up with black dye. One problem with black dye is rinsing, however. It makes the water turn purple and might risk staining the white bathroom tiles with purple patches. I could clean it up, of course, but I really don't wanna go into trouble over such an issue. So I guess I may have to go to a hair salon once per month or so, in order to have my hair dyed. Now, I will be living in Boston and I checked the prices at some hair salons, and they sounded terrifying! Even the "cheapest" hair salons (those with a single dollar sign next to their names) could charge $75 for a simple haircut. I don't know how much a hair-dying procedure costs, but I anticipate that it will be expensive as well. So I need a life hack for that. How do I get a cheap hair dye in the Boston area? Is there a good way of doing that? And my final questions concern the issue of Home textiles. The residence hall will not be providing me with linens, pillows, blankets, and suchlike, so I have to buy them myself. I know IKEA is probably an affordable option for purchasing such things, but is there any other place that you could recommend? ------------------------------- Many thanks in advance to everyone for reading my questions and providing answers. Thank you very much!
  5. It's a great relief to hear that! I might still get rejected at the end, of course, but it is wonderful to know that I can still hope to be admitted! I am also happy for you. I hope you'll have a great interview with MUSC!
  6. Oh, that's nice to hear. Let's keep each other informed, then! I can DM you if I ever hear from Maryland (if you want). You could also DM me if you hear from them (again, if you want to). It's great to hear I am not completely alone in this. What was your subfield, by the way?
  7. I wish you good luck! I hope you get into the program that will be best for you :)) Thanks for mentioning the concept of an "internal waiting list." I had never heard of such a thing, but you may be right. It seems Maryland NACS has traditionally never sent waitlisting notifications, so maybe they do have an internal waiting list. I hope I'm on that list, then. Because this program is one of my top choices and I believe I actually have a good match of research interests with my two POIs. Fingers crossed!
  8. Thank you for your support! The really weird thing about Maryland NACS is that they have also already sent out several rejections. They did this quite early, in fact: around January 22 or so. I cannot realistically expect a positive outcome, as I know it would be very awkward to get a "first" interview request this late. At the same time, I cannot help but wonder why it should take them a month (and this at the very least) to notify me of a rejection. Weird.
  9. Question: If you are waitlisted, does the program notify you about your ranking on the waitlist? It seems that some waitlisted students from different fields have been informed that they are "high alternates" or "mid-rank alternates" on those lists, so they can guess how likely it is that they will be admitted. I was just wondering how this works in linguistics.
  10. It seems someone got admitted to the Neuroscience and Cognitive Science (NACS) program at Maryland. I posted a message on the Results section, asking them about their subfield, and if and when they had had an interview. I don't know whether they will see the message, though. So I wanted to repeat it here. Also, if there is anyone else who applied to this program (regardless of whether you got a rejection or acceptance), could you please DM me? It's February 21, I still got nothing. No acceptance whatsoever, but curiously enough, no rejection either. It's confusing. I would really appreciate some feedback from a fellow applicant about how the process worked for them. Cheers, DCM
  11. Thank you for your reply! Yes, I am an international applicant. Does that mean that I would be contacted a bit later than domestic applicants (if at all)? To be honest, it would have been a bit costly for me to travel there for the Open House even if they invited me, and they might not have wanted to reimburse me for that. So maybe that's why they did not hurry up to contact me before the Open House. But then, some other schools invited me to their Open House meetings and also offered me some money for that - so I can't be sure whether or not I should totally give up hope because no invitation arrived... I really hope there is a different timeline for international students!
  12. Hello! I am another UCLA applicant who did NOT get an admission notice on Feb 6. But I still didn't get a notification of waitlisting or rejection either. I find this a bit weird, because looking back at previous years' results, I see that waitlisting / rejection messages have traditionally been sent out only a couple of days after the acceptance messages, so I think we should have received them by now. Did you get a waitlisting or rejection message in the meantime, by any chance? Thanks!
  13. Hello folks! It's me again. I know I have asked about the Neuroscience and Cognitive Science program of University of Maryland before, and someone has kindly replied that they were having their Open House in 8-9 February. As a matter of fact, I knew about the date of the Open House. I am asking about Maryland, because I find the entire application & admissions process a bit weird. Let me briefly tell you what happened so far: I have read in the Results section of this forum that several people received emails with instructions to check the portal and then they saw rejection messages. (This was around January 20-25.) I hadn't received an email, but after seeing those posts in the forum, I logged in to the application portal to check my status - and it said "Submitted. Under departmental/program review." Then I waited for about one week - and still got no notification whatsoever. So I contacted the department via the contact form on their website to ask whether all interview invitations had been sent out. I got a reply from the department secretary confirming that my application was (STILL!) under review, and she told me that she was hoping to "get back to me this week." This was around two weeks ago. I still have nothing. My application status is the same on the application portal - under review. Since I got no interview requests, I am inclined to believe that it is very unlikely that I will get a positive response at the end. But at the same time I cannot understand why there is this delay. Is there anyone else who is in the same situation? Also, if anyone has been rejected by this program, could they perhaps give us the initials of their POIs? Thanks!
  14. What would you recommend for those who have been accepted and then invited to an Open House event? (This is how it works in some schools.) Can we afford to dress more casually in that case?
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