Bopie5

I talked to a Michigan PhD student who has friends in the Chicago program and knows some faculty, and she said that her impression (granted, this is an outsider's impression, mediated to all of you by me, so take this with a grain of salt) is that while the program used to be incredibly intense and internally competitive, that the department is trying to move away from that kind of culture. Apparently the way they used to do the PhD program was that they'd accept a decent amount of people into the program, but then have most of them leave after completing the MA. Haven't backed up her claim with any research of my own, but I can see how that level of intensity and competition for spots would lead to a "masochistic" program. But the Michigan grad student I talked to said that they've moved away from that model, and are working to have a somewhat more collaborative environment. Again, all of this is hearsay, but at least it's heartening hearsay!

Ah, I feel you there--the lingering effects of the dominance of New Criticism amiright?? I'll send you a message to swap research! ☺️ Thank you! I'm trying to be haha. That's been one of the harder parts of the process for me too--everything about myself becomes something to work into a CV! I literally had a small modeling job for a local business yesterday and my first thought once I finished the shoot was "Could I put this on my CV" lmao. So it's not even just my academic pursuits, but also literally everything that I do...trying to resist commodifying all of my experiences, and trying to separate my valuation of myself and my experiences from their potential relation to my academic career.

^^^ I second this. I took both the free full length practice tests, supplemented them with a free 1000 word+ deck of vocab that I found online to prep for the verbal, and ended up with a 168V / 159Q / 6.0AW on my first try of the test. I actually did better on the actual GRE than I did on either of the two practice tests. And reading ETS's free material on the AW section carefully and repeatedly helped me a lot!

Eeek. I can see how anxiety and frustration and insecurity could cause those kinds of movements toward the chaotic. Also, at this point in the process we're largely powerless, so I could see how someone could want to feel like they had control over something, even if that something is the anxiety of others. I think it's important for all of us to keep in mind that what will be, will be. Not to get too esoteric/New Age-y, but if we let go of the need to see time as linear, you could also say that in some sense, what will be already is. Even without that, at this point, we've done all we can. Whether or not we get accepted, all of us are thoughtful, intelligent, gifted people who can do good in the world and for ourselves whether or not we go to grad school. It feels so all-important but also ultimately grad school isn't the only path to a meaningful and fulfilling happy life. Trying to keep all of these things in mind as decisions start to roll in. Just gotta keep deliberately reminding myself that I'm a whole human who isn't only defined by their research and academic pursuits haha.

Be careful--this page can be a major stress-inducing rabbit hole...one night I was awake until like 3am looking at every result from each of my schools for the past like seven years, trying to determine if I'm competitive and when I can expect to hear back.

It seems too early for that...but maybe they just really got on it? Will have to see if any more come in over the next few days to know for sure.

Yes, I'd love to swap research! Two years ago I wrote an analysis of Frankenstein that plays on dynamics of motherhood and birth-giving in the text, but I wasn't familiar with Kristeva at that point, and I'm really intrigued by your extrapolation to the autobiographical! PM me and let's swap work!

@mandelbulb I ALSO had a stress dream about grad school last night! I dreamed that I was trapped in an escape room and the only way I could get out was by getting an acceptance letter. I went into another sub-room of the escape room to try to get a letter of rec, and when I came back to the main room everyone was gone and I was still trapped ?

I've never seen powerpuff girls ? Might have to look some episodes up for research! Urghhhh I guess I'm going to have to wait until it's available on DVD or to rent bc they didn't screen it where I live. Jealous af!

@dilby AH! The Favourite is incredibly excellent. I sat silently in the theatre for like ten minutes after it ended because I didn’t know what to do with myself. Seeing Beale Street this Friday, really excited about it. Where/how did you watch Burning? I’ve been looking for it everywhere and I can’t find it.

omg! What if we made like a workshopping group? @kendalldinniene you down?

@mandelbulb Oooh that sounds so cool! Melancholy as a mood/tone or as an affective experience for the characters within the films? @kendalldinniene SO down. PM me!

What films are on your watchlist? I'm trying to do the same rn! Ah, so so cool. Your Oedipus project sounds fascinating! I'm doing some creative writing too, mostly poetry. Working on getting more publications rn. Damn that sounds INCREDIBLY stressful. I'd probably briefly lose consciousness if I got an email like that...totally get the overanalyzing though, I'd be doing the exact same thing.

Ugh I've read some of that conspiracy literature. I remember talking with someone once about that, and I said "Do you really think that there's like some super secret council of gay plotting to influence children toward "the liberal agenda" through cartoons?" and they were like "You're a fool if you don't." ?Would be cool if I could somehow get this published to start the conversation going the other direction...maybe I'm leaning too conspiracy theorist myself here, but it's hard for me to not see a megacorporation as either propping up either hegemonic ideals, or deploying justice rhetoric and imagery for profit... Definitely agree! I haven't seen God's Own Country yet, but it's on my list for sure. What was your take on the two films?

Currently working on a senior research thesis exploring the positioning of bodies in the moral universes of the films of the Disney Renaissance! Basically, investigating what kinds of bodies are depicted as "good" or "evil," and patterns of associations of "evil bodies" with marginalized identities (read: the villains' bodies often deviate from a white cisheteropatriarchal ideal, while the heroes' bodies prop up that ideal). Second main line of inquiry is the difference between antagonists and villains in the films, and whether such patterns of intersectional marginality also crop up in characters who are antagonists without being "evil." It's a lot, but I'm having a ton of fun, and it's always nice to go home and be like, yeah, tonight I'm watching The Little Mermaid for research haha!

Wow, that's so interesting! I like the layering going on with the mechanics of the creation of film, as well as the depiction of climate disasters in film, and the creation/controlling of climates in film. Sounds fascinating!

I also didn't get an email, and I echo @Sav's question!!! What did it say!? @pdh12 I see in your bio that you're Comp Lit, was the email specifically Comp Lit related?

Ooo, I have a fun question (well, to me it's fun...) What's everyone researching right now? What thesis/paper/article are you currently writing?

I broke up with my boyfriend last night, and I know it was the right choice for me, but I'm still sad. Also feeling really down about my admissions prospects today.

REAL. Tbh, since we've all been spending more time talking on here, I've gotten increasingly invested in all of your decisions as well as mine! I can't wait to see where all of you end up, and it's fun to think that maybe some of us would end up in the same programs!

I've gotten this vibe too. My advisors told me to highlight my teaching experience more in my CV and then mention it briefly in my SoP.

re: advisors trying to talk us all out of going into academia... I had a really encouraging conversation with a prof of mine about this. I was talking to her about trying to go to grad school (she's a recent-ish (like last ten years) UMich PhD grad), and she basically said "Have you read the "don't go to grad school" literature? Have you read the literature and statistics on the job market? Do you know about the potential psychoemotional drain? Do you know about limited job prospects, especially in academia?" I said yes to all of the above, and she said "And you still want to go?" I said yes, and she said "Then that means you should go. I think you can do it." It felt really encouraging for her to simultaneously inform me of the realities without ever telling me that I shouldn't go for it. To have her tell me TO try to go, despite everything, felt really good actually.

This is kind of what I'm banking on. I'm nervous though, because I know lots of visit dates are in March, and I'm going to a conference on the 22-24. My friends want to take a vacation together the next weekend (March 29-31), but I'm afraid to say yes to them and then miss the chance for visits since two weekends in March would be booked for me.

Dang, I wish I had that! I do have a pretty good English department, and because I'm from a smaller school I've gotten a lot of personalized advice and help. One prof (not even one of my recommenders!) went over my WS with a fine toothed comb, and another prof (a recommender) proofread it for me without me asking. Another prof looked at my CV for me, and my advisor allowed me to essentially write a junior research thesis (which became my WS) and set up a senior research thesis pathway as well. So I have gotten a lot of help and care in my process. However, my department doesn't offer any TA opportunities, doesn't really help students get to conferences, and doesn't have many resources holistically for help applying to grad school. Because my school is an undergrad-only liberal arts college, there aren't many connected research opportunities either. Although being from a small school means that I got a lot of help and that my LORs are very specific from profs who know me very well both personally and academically, I'm also worried that being from a small school might call my high GPA into question for the adcomms, and that my lack of conference and TA experience will be a big hit against my application.

I'm also straight from undergrad, partially because with the way my loans are structured, I don't have to start paying my loans if I'm still in school (so effectively I put this off for another five years, haha). And, I feel like MA/PhD sequential programs are a better fit for me than just getting my MA first. Like @jadeisokay, funding was a big thing for me, and the idea of moving somewhere for just a year or two seemed not ideal.