doobiebrothers

I'm sorry you've had such a tough learning experience. Anybody who is looking to lead "a life of the mind" is going to be in for a brutal wake up call. I recommend reading "The Professor is In" to help evaluate if one wants to pursue a PhD (it goes into great deal about the precarious job market) and really consider if you want to play this "game" (so to speak). 
The truth is, a job outside academia can be great. They can pay well and you often have time to pick up various hobbies/spend time with friends and family. If you can find anything else that you want to do outside academia, go pursue it. For me, I don't really love what I do currently and I want to try the PhD route. FWIW, I don't love the various politics of academia either (I have two Master's degrees...and a "fancy" resume too). But if anyone is feeling lonely or defeated, I hope they seek safe and supportive channels to help them overcome that and readjust their own personal/emotional boundaries--in academia or outside of it.

To those who did not get in this year, and who are mourning: you are the lucky ones. Go be with your friends and families, enjoy the sunshine, if you have an alternative path that excites you TAKE IT. Doing this PhD has been a nightmare.  I currently have a 4.0 in one of the top programs in the world, I'm a graduate of a few 'big name' universities and my resume is a fancy piece of shit that looks good to committees, but if I had to do it all over again--knowing then what I know now--I would tell myself to get out of the game, and do literally anything else. I'd rather be cleaning bathrooms at Starbucks (I did it for five years, it is good, honest, physical work.) Academia is a dirty, disgusting game when played at the high (Ivy/flagship) levels; grad school life is beyond isolated, cut-throat, and competitive, and worst of all, what nobody tells you, or they tell you so much but you refuse to believe it: THERE. ARE. NO. JOBS. And the jobs that are there go to one of three types of people: geniuses (which few of us are), the well-connected in academia (ditto), the absurdly lucky (double ditto). Every single friend who is in a PhD (from schools like Yale, Princeton, Harvard, etc) told me that the first year of their PhD was the worst year of their lives. Yup. It is. Please, I beg of you, if you were not accepted this year really take a second look at your job options, your passions, your priorities, and rethink this path. See this website if you want more confirmation, or feel free to pm me--I'm very happy to do for you guys what nobody did for me last year. http://100rsns.blogspot.com/
If you want to know why I'm sticking with it, its because I'm genuinely in love with the work, and I get to do it on a high level where I'm at. But my life is fading daily, and all that there is now is the work. And honestly, I think that's what academia wants from you--a brain free of soul and bodily distractions. Its a good way to be an academic, but a bad way to be human.

Hey! so I wrote the post last night in a REALLY bad place, so first of all, apologies to those who found it condescending. I guess what I was trying to say, but said it in a really bad way, was that I'm not some stupid, unqualified hack (which is honestly how this makes me feel most of the time, and how I'm afraid people will think of me, or already do think of me). Before I started this program, I was a more or less happy, healthy, sane individual, with a lot of love and friendship and support. Like many of you, I honestly believed that this was my passion, and that my dedication to my field would mean something once I entered a PhD program. What I think I said really badly, but still truly believe, is that you do not have to be a martyr to this career choice. This is not the only thing in the world you can do. If you have not yet started, really walk into this with open eyes: it is the dirtiest game I, or anyone I know, has ever played. Perhaps we are the unlucky ones--hence the title of the post. Listen, I'm looking at a group of people who was where I was last year. And if anyone had told me last year how bad things would be now, I hope I would have believed them, and looked for other opportunities. Maybe all of you on this thread are truly cut out for the loneliness, precariousness, pretensions, and vicious competition that this life requires. You have my full admiration. I was very idealistic, and now I had a tough learning experience, and I think last night I wanted to share some of the lessons of the last year. Again, apologies if I did it in a clumsy way.

Hey! so I wrote the post last night in a REALLY bad place, so first of all, apologies to those who found it condescending. I guess what I was trying to say, but said it in a really bad way, was that I'm not some stupid, unqualified hack (which is honestly how this makes me feel most of the time, and how I'm afraid people will think of me, or already do think of me). Before I started this program, I was a more or less happy, healthy, sane individual, with a lot of love and friendship and support. Like many of you, I honestly believed that this was my passion, and that my dedication to my field would mean something once I entered a PhD program. What I think I said really badly, but still truly believe, is that you do not have to be a martyr to this career choice. This is not the only thing in the world you can do. If you have not yet started, really walk into this with open eyes: it is the dirtiest game I, or anyone I know, has ever played. Perhaps we are the unlucky ones--hence the title of the post. Listen, I'm looking at a group of people who was where I was last year. And if anyone had told me last year how bad things would be now, I hope I would have believed them, and looked for other opportunities. Maybe all of you on this thread are truly cut out for the loneliness, precariousness, pretensions, and vicious competition that this life requires. You have my full admiration. I was very idealistic, and now I had a tough learning experience, and I think last night I wanted to share some of the lessons of the last year. Again, apologies if I did it in a clumsy way.

Hey! so I wrote the post last night in a REALLY bad place, so first of all, apologies to those who found it condescending. I guess what I was trying to say, but said it in a really bad way, was that I'm not some stupid, unqualified hack (which is honestly how this makes me feel most of the time, and how I'm afraid people will think of me, or already do think of me). Before I started this program, I was a more or less happy, healthy, sane individual, with a lot of love and friendship and support. Like many of you, I honestly believed that this was my passion, and that my dedication to my field would mean something once I entered a PhD program. What I think I said really badly, but still truly believe, is that you do not have to be a martyr to this career choice. This is not the only thing in the world you can do. If you have not yet started, really walk into this with open eyes: it is the dirtiest game I, or anyone I know, has ever played. Perhaps we are the unlucky ones--hence the title of the post. Listen, I'm looking at a group of people who was where I was last year. And if anyone had told me last year how bad things would be now, I hope I would have believed them, and looked for other opportunities. Maybe all of you on this thread are truly cut out for the loneliness, precariousness, pretensions, and vicious competition that this life requires. You have my full admiration. I was very idealistic, and now I had a tough learning experience, and I think last night I wanted to share some of the lessons of the last year. Again, apologies if I did it in a clumsy way.

Go further here - is the only thing you are able to do?  If so, you've probably committed enough to it, but if not, go do whatever else you are able to do.  Imagination and prognostication are perfectly good skills to have if you want to be a fortune teller, but not a future academic.  I don't say this to be brutal or insensitive, but rather to push the envelope on the common maxim that "if you can imagine/see yourself doing something else, do that."  I think that its excessive subjectivity has worked too much mischief and produced too many PhDs.  So, if the former is indeed true, a third round it is, because what else are you going to do?
This is another sticking point for me - the job market in either of these fields, and in general is nowhere close to the academic job market, and further the humanities job market level of difficulty.  People who complain about law/medicine jobs might be having a hard time getting the job they want, but if it is a job they need, and they are a reasonably qualified candidate, they'll likely work something out.  For instance, do a search of law firms, medical offices, and hospitals in a city of your choice on google maps.  Count them up - certainly they aren't all hiring, but some probably are, and say that number is even pretty low, like 5% of them are hiring a couple of people, and you might have 50-60 jobs in a medium-sized city.  Now search for institutions of higher education, narrow it to ones that are not Capella/U of Phoenix, cut out CCs (not because they are not worthwhile, but because you don't really need a PhD to teach at them), and then look into the ones that have a religion department, and unless it is a large research university, you might have 2 profs in that department, and neither is close to retirement or considering leaving.  Further, if either of them are, the college is probably going to just fold the full-time position and hire an adjunct or two to cover the courses, because they only have 13 students enroll in them each semester anyhow.   So, there is probably a really good chance that for the same medium city there may be exactly 0 jobs.  Maybe 1 visiting lecturer, and that is probably like winning $10,000 from a scratch-off ticket odds, and if there is one regular old full-time, tenure track job in religion, that is more like winning the actual lottery odds (however, this position might be for Asian religions, or American religious history, or sociology of religion - none of which you might be able to teach).  So, while people will keep getting sick, and keep needing doctors; and keep buying houses, slipping on puddles of water in the grocery store, and trying to set up LLCs and needing lawyers - the sad truth is that no one really needs a religion professor (you may claim otherwise in an abstract sense, but I don't think you can make a utilitarian argument in the same manner).  Also, there are thousands of different jobs that a person with a B* and M* could do, and probably do well, and do anywhere!  If you take a year to learn RoR or Python, guess what - you can pick where you would like to live, get paid a lot more than even a mid-career academic, and have a trajectory that could in a year or two and with some certification have you doing pretty handsomely for yourself.  Then you can buy all Harrassowitz editions of the North Semitic languages of the Levant that you want and read them in your spare time, which you'll probably have a lot of.
I'm not trying to dissuade anyone from pursuing their vocation here, but rather suggest that the web of possibility spreads itself much wider and stronger than its gossamer strands might otherwise indicate. 

To those who did not get in this year, and who are mourning: you are the lucky ones. Go be with your friends and families, enjoy the sunshine, if you have an alternative path that excites you TAKE IT. Doing this PhD has been a nightmare.  I currently have a 4.0 in one of the top programs in the world, I'm a graduate of a few 'big name' universities and my resume is a fancy piece of shit that looks good to committees, but if I had to do it all over again--knowing then what I know now--I would tell myself to get out of the game, and do literally anything else. I'd rather be cleaning bathrooms at Starbucks (I did it for five years, it is good, honest, physical work.) Academia is a dirty, disgusting game when played at the high (Ivy/flagship) levels; grad school life is beyond isolated, cut-throat, and competitive, and worst of all, what nobody tells you, or they tell you so much but you refuse to believe it: THERE. ARE. NO. JOBS. And the jobs that are there go to one of three types of people: geniuses (which few of us are), the well-connected in academia (ditto), the absurdly lucky (double ditto). Every single friend who is in a PhD (from schools like Yale, Princeton, Harvard, etc) told me that the first year of their PhD was the worst year of their lives. Yup. It is. Please, I beg of you, if you were not accepted this year really take a second look at your job options, your passions, your priorities, and rethink this path. See this website if you want more confirmation, or feel free to pm me--I'm very happy to do for you guys what nobody did for me last year. http://100rsns.blogspot.com/
If you want to know why I'm sticking with it, its because I'm genuinely in love with the work, and I get to do it on a high level where I'm at. But my life is fading daily, and all that there is now is the work. And honestly, I think that's what academia wants from you--a brain free of soul and bodily distractions. Its a good way to be an academic, but a bad way to be human.

To those who did not get in this year, and who are mourning: you are the lucky ones. Go be with your friends and families, enjoy the sunshine, if you have an alternative path that excites you TAKE IT. Doing this PhD has been a nightmare.  I currently have a 4.0 in one of the top programs in the world, I'm a graduate of a few 'big name' universities and my resume is a fancy piece of shit that looks good to committees, but if I had to do it all over again--knowing then what I know now--I would tell myself to get out of the game, and do literally anything else. I'd rather be cleaning bathrooms at Starbucks (I did it for five years, it is good, honest, physical work.) Academia is a dirty, disgusting game when played at the high (Ivy/flagship) levels; grad school life is beyond isolated, cut-throat, and competitive, and worst of all, what nobody tells you, or they tell you so much but you refuse to believe it: THERE. ARE. NO. JOBS. And the jobs that are there go to one of three types of people: geniuses (which few of us are), the well-connected in academia (ditto), the absurdly lucky (double ditto). Every single friend who is in a PhD (from schools like Yale, Princeton, Harvard, etc) told me that the first year of their PhD was the worst year of their lives. Yup. It is. Please, I beg of you, if you were not accepted this year really take a second look at your job options, your passions, your priorities, and rethink this path. See this website if you want more confirmation, or feel free to pm me--I'm very happy to do for you guys what nobody did for me last year. http://100rsns.blogspot.com/
If you want to know why I'm sticking with it, its because I'm genuinely in love with the work, and I get to do it on a high level where I'm at. But my life is fading daily, and all that there is now is the work. And honestly, I think that's what academia wants from you--a brain free of soul and bodily distractions. Its a good way to be an academic, but a bad way to be human.

To those who did not get in this year, and who are mourning: you are the lucky ones. Go be with your friends and families, enjoy the sunshine, if you have an alternative path that excites you TAKE IT. Doing this PhD has been a nightmare.  I currently have a 4.0 in one of the top programs in the world, I'm a graduate of a few 'big name' universities and my resume is a fancy piece of shit that looks good to committees, but if I had to do it all over again--knowing then what I know now--I would tell myself to get out of the game, and do literally anything else. I'd rather be cleaning bathrooms at Starbucks (I did it for five years, it is good, honest, physical work.) Academia is a dirty, disgusting game when played at the high (Ivy/flagship) levels; grad school life is beyond isolated, cut-throat, and competitive, and worst of all, what nobody tells you, or they tell you so much but you refuse to believe it: THERE. ARE. NO. JOBS. And the jobs that are there go to one of three types of people: geniuses (which few of us are), the well-connected in academia (ditto), the absurdly lucky (double ditto). Every single friend who is in a PhD (from schools like Yale, Princeton, Harvard, etc) told me that the first year of their PhD was the worst year of their lives. Yup. It is. Please, I beg of you, if you were not accepted this year really take a second look at your job options, your passions, your priorities, and rethink this path. See this website if you want more confirmation, or feel free to pm me--I'm very happy to do for you guys what nobody did for me last year. http://100rsns.blogspot.com/
If you want to know why I'm sticking with it, its because I'm genuinely in love with the work, and I get to do it on a high level where I'm at. But my life is fading daily, and all that there is now is the work. And honestly, I think that's what academia wants from you--a brain free of soul and bodily distractions. Its a good way to be an academic, but a bad way to be human.

To those who did not get in this year, and who are mourning: you are the lucky ones. Go be with your friends and families, enjoy the sunshine, if you have an alternative path that excites you TAKE IT. Doing this PhD has been a nightmare.  I currently have a 4.0 in one of the top programs in the world, I'm a graduate of a few 'big name' universities and my resume is a fancy piece of shit that looks good to committees, but if I had to do it all over again--knowing then what I know now--I would tell myself to get out of the game, and do literally anything else. I'd rather be cleaning bathrooms at Starbucks (I did it for five years, it is good, honest, physical work.) Academia is a dirty, disgusting game when played at the high (Ivy/flagship) levels; grad school life is beyond isolated, cut-throat, and competitive, and worst of all, what nobody tells you, or they tell you so much but you refuse to believe it: THERE. ARE. NO. JOBS. And the jobs that are there go to one of three types of people: geniuses (which few of us are), the well-connected in academia (ditto), the absurdly lucky (double ditto). Every single friend who is in a PhD (from schools like Yale, Princeton, Harvard, etc) told me that the first year of their PhD was the worst year of their lives. Yup. It is. Please, I beg of you, if you were not accepted this year really take a second look at your job options, your passions, your priorities, and rethink this path. See this website if you want more confirmation, or feel free to pm me--I'm very happy to do for you guys what nobody did for me last year. http://100rsns.blogspot.com/
If you want to know why I'm sticking with it, its because I'm genuinely in love with the work, and I get to do it on a high level where I'm at. But my life is fading daily, and all that there is now is the work. And honestly, I think that's what academia wants from you--a brain free of soul and bodily distractions. Its a good way to be an academic, but a bad way to be human.

Sounds like CP played you a bit. This, well, it happens a lot in academia. It happens a lot everywhere. Take it as a lesson and learn to play the game.
Seratim:
1) This isn't going to be the last time your colleague gets a thing that you want. First, get over it. Then, confront the awkwardness head on, e.g. "Hey, things have felt a bit awkward ever since you got [job] that we were both trying for, and I just want to let you know that I'm really excited for you!" followed by grabbing a beer and talking about literally anything else. Seriously, don't bring it up ever again, even to a third party.
2) You were misled. You're still in a great program. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get on with it.
3 & 4) Look, people talk a lot about how a PhD really narrows your focus, but if we're perfectly honest, that only really applies to the three years you're writing your diss. Professors' interests grow and adapt, and they teach themselves new things all the time. You're at a good school; take a look at the CVs of the professors around you. You'll find that many of them have strayed over time. Cultivate your mental flexibility.

HDS graduate with two close friends who were on the committee over the last four years: you have a great chance! I'm now a very well funded PhD candidate at a top school in my field, so from HDS sky is the limit.
good luck!

You're a competitive candidate to be sure. Don't worry too much: for Masters, Divinity Schools with impressive names like Harvard, Yale, Duke etc. aren't as competitive to get into as the names sound. Master's programs at such schools generally have admission rates in the 30%-50% range (with Mdiv admission being higher than MTS/MA). If you've done well in undergrad or in smoother career and can articulate at least a general direction you want to go, then don't worry too much (but apply to more than one school).
For what its worth, I was rejected from Harvard Divinity's MTS program but accepted at several of HDS's peer schools (Yale, Chicago, Princeton Seminary) for similar programs. Like you (and most students at said schools) I did not go to an Ivy League undergrad and was active in scholarship, student life, extracurriculars etc. I don't know what HDS is looking for exactly, hopefully an HDS student can weigh in on that.

Hey, all!

Has anyone experienced social exclusion (either on the giving or receiving end) in grad school? I've been trying too hard to be everyone's friend, and can see now that it hasn't done a bit of good. At the same time, these will be my "coworkers" for years, and collaboration is important. What is a good balance, particularly with cohort members? I feel ostracized for being a happy, bubbly person, overly kind person, and don't know what to do about it. How have your social lives been within the program?

I've been friends with this guy I met at college for about a year now. He's a graduate student, 29, and I'm a 19 year old undergrad. He's incredibly caring and kind. We see each other at the gym several days a week, which was where we met. About a month ago, we made plans to hang out, and ended up hooking up, just making out, touching, etc. He continued to text me and talk to me after this, but did not make plans to see me again.    So I decided to take the initiative, and asked if he wanted to hang out again. He said yes, and we ended up having sex. That was my first time, and he was aware of it. After it happened, he would text me and ask how I'm doing and stuff but still would not try to see me again, except for at the gym.    So a week later I asked if he wanted to have dinner, and that I would bring a type of food that he really likes. I wanted to do this because both times we hooked up, I would sleep over and he would make me breakfast, so I wanted to return the favor. On the night we were supposed to have dinner, I texted him asking what time, and he replied with, "Thanks so much for thinking of me and the food, you can drop by my place to drop it off, but I won't be able to hang out because I'm really busy with writing" That really shocked and hurt me, because I felt so unimportant to him. I get he's busy, but asking me to bring him food without him wanting to spend time with me was so hurtful. What should I do? Should I ask him how he feels about me?

I am going to devote all my resources to getting A's in my coureses and doing well in my assistantship duties, sure I'll interact with the other students at times but I think everything else will be less priority. People say grades are not important but you need to have high grades to maintain your funding
 
Also I am glad I have no other responsibilities e.g. Pets, relationship, children, etc. if you have those they will just be a big distraction to your studies. I'm also giving up all the pleasures I used to do like video games during my doctoral studies, I'm just treating it like a professional job now which it is.

hi! PhD in Islamic Studies, nice to meet you all

Hi everyone,
 
I accepted the PhD offer to my most favorite program of all I applied to a month ago. The program gave me around $19/year with tuition remission. I was pretty naive about the financial situation that I was in and had accepted the offer. Now after talking to several current students there, they said that usually my advisor will fund me at least until I attain my candidacy, but it's very uncertain after that. I talked to my potential advisor and he said he'll try his best to fund me with his grants (if they are approved of course) but there's no guarantee. And now I'm very worried about what I had got myself into.
 
I have other offers from programs of lower ranks but guarantee me full funding for my entire degree that are still waiting for my decision. I know backing out an accepted offer is very very bad but I'm so depressed thinking about not being able to finish my PhD because of funding cut short and I don't have any saving aside to cover tuition for 3-4 years.
 
Do you have any advice for me in this situation? Thanks a lot.

That's really exciting. Congrats!

About your dog: I think that depends entirely on you and your program. I am in a social science program where the majority of my analysis and writing can be done from home, and I prefer to work from home or from a library (as opposed to my cube in the windowless cube farm). When I was taking classes I was generally there from 9-6 or so, but now that my coursework is finished I am rarely at the school itself. I go for meetings, seminars, interesting kinds of things and I do most of my work remotely. My time is verrry flexible, and if my building didn't prohibit it I would get a dog in a heartbeat. Another thing to keep in mind: a dog can be a great comfort when you're all stressed out over graduate school.

Advice?

Age:
-Don't feel like you have nothing to offer just because you are younger. I was 22 when I started graduate school. You got accepted to the program for a reason, and chances are you are just as equipped as any older students are to successfully complete the program, just in a different way.

-Your older classmates may be just as terrified as you. Talk to them. You have a lot in common. You are, after all, in the same place.

-You will feel like an imposter, like you don't belong, or like you are constantly behind. Or all three. It's normal. It will pass. (Well, sort of.) People of all ages go through this.

Adviser related:
-If you are lucky enough to get both research interest fit and personality fit perfect, congratulations! But sometimes, personality fit is more important than research interest fit as long as the research isn't too different. A great adviser is interested in your career development, likes you as a person, advocates for you, and wants to hear your ideas. Even if his or her research is quite different from yours, they may give you the autonomy to work on your own projects and just supervise you. A bad personality fit will drive you nuts, even if you love his or her research. Consider that when evaluating your adviser fit. (This will vary by field: research fit may be less important in the humanities, more important in the natural and physical sciences. Social sciences are somewhere in-between.)

-Don't be afraid to be straight up blunt with your adviser when it comes to asking about your progress. Ask if you are where you should be both academic program wise and getting-a-job-after-this-mess-wise.

-Be proactive. Advisers love when you draw up an agenda for your one-on-one meetings, come with talking points and progress to share, have concrete questions to ask, and have overall shown that you have been thoughtful and taken control of your own program. Of course, this won't immediately come easily to you, but in time you will work up to it. Every semester I type up my semester goals, and at the beginning of the year I type up annual goals. I show them to my adviser and we talk about whether they are too ambitious, or whether I need to revise them, and how I can meet them.

-Don't expect your adviser to actually know what courses you have to take to graduate. They will know about comprehensive exams and the dissertation, but a lot of professors don't really keep up with the course requirements, especially if their program is in flux. Get you a student handbook, and find out what you need to take. Map it out in a grid, and check off things when you finish them. Show this to your adviser every semester. You may have to explain how such and such class fills a requirement.

-Nobody loves you as much as you, except your mother. Keep this in mind as you take in advice from all sources, including your adviser. Your adviser is there to guide you, but that doesn't mean you have to do everything he says.

Studying:
-You will have to read more than you ever did before, in less time than you ever have before, and you will be expected to retain more than you ever have before. The way that you studied in undergrad may need some tweaking. Be prepared for this.

-Corollary: you may find that your methods change with age or interests or time. I preferred to study alone in college, but in grad school, I prefer to study in groups. It keeps me on task and the socialization keeps me motivated. You may find that you shift from being a more auditory learner to a visual learner or whatever.

-You will feel behind at first. This is normal.

-At some point you will realize that your professors don't actually expect you to read everything they assign you. This, of course, will vary by program, but there will be at least one class where the reading is actually impossible to do in one week. The point is to read enough that you know the major themes and can talk intelligently about them, and then pick some of the readings to really dig into and think more deeply about.

-For most programs, don't worry so much about grades. If you stay on top of your work and do what you're supposed to, you will probably get an A. How much grades matter varies from program to program. In some programs, a B is a signal that you are not up to par, and more than a few Bs will warrant a discussion with your adviser or the DGS. My program isn't like that - A, B, it's all meaningless. My adviser doesn't even know what my grades are. But at almost all programs, a C means you need to retake the course, and two Cs means you have to convince the DGS not to kick you out.

Extracurricular activity: What's that? No, seriously:
-A lot of your time will be unstructured. You will have coursework, but most grad classes meet once a week for two hours and you may have three classes. You may have meetings with your adviser every so often and some seminars or things to catch (like we have grand rounds and colloquia that are required), but a lot of time will be unstructured. However, since you have so much more work than you had in undergrad, you actually will have less free time than you had in undergrad. This may initially cause you great anxiety. It did for me. Some people love unstructured time, though. (I don't.)

-Because of this, you'll have to be planful about your non-grad school related stuff.

-TAKE TIME OFF. DO it. It's important for your mental health. However you do it doesn't matter. Some people work it like a 9-5 job. Some people take a day off per week (me) and maybe a few hours spread across the week. Some people work half days 7 days a week. However you do it, there needs to be a time when you say "f this, I'm going to the movies."

-Find your happy place, something that keeps you the you you were when you came in. I love working out. It gives me energy and I feel good. I stay healthy. I also love reading fiction, so sometimes I just curl up with a good book, work be damned. You have to give yourself permission to not think about work, at least for a couple of hours a week. You may also discover new hobbies! (I never worked out before I came to graduate school.)

-Your work will creep into all aspects of your life, if you let it. This is why I hate unstructured time. You will feel guilty for not doing something, because in graduate school, there is ALWAYS something you can do. ALWAYS. But since there will always be more work, there's no harm in putting it aside for tomorrow, as long as you don't have a deadline.

-You may need to reach outside of your cohort for a social life. None of my close friends are in my doctoral cohort. I've met master's students in my program, master's students in other programs, and I know a few non-graduate students I hang out with, too. Go to graduate student mixers. (If your university doesn't have any, organize some, if you like planning parties.) Join a student group that doesn't take up too much time. I had a doctoral acquaintance who kinda laughed at me because I joined some student groups other than the doctoral student one, and I was usually the only doctoral student in those groups, but I met some close friends (and future job contacts) and had a good time.

-DO NOT FEEL GUILTY FOR WANTING A LIFE OUTSIDE OF GRADUATE SCHOOL. This is paramount. This is important. You are a well-rounded, complex, multifaceted human being. NEVER feel bad for this. Everybody wants some kind of life outside of work. Yes, you may loooove your field, but that doesn't mean you want to do it all day long. Some other doctoral students, and perhaps professors, may make you feel bad about this. Don't let them. Just smile and nod. Then disappear when you need to.

Career:
-This is job preparation. Remember that from Day One. Always be looking for ways to enhance your skills. Read job ads and find out what's hot in your field, what's necessary, what's in demand. For example, in my field statistics and methods are a hot commodity, and they're not a passing fad. I happen to really like statistics and methods, so I have pursued that as a concentration of mine.

-Don't be afraid to take on volunteer work and part-time gigs that will give you skills that will be useful both inside academia and out, as long as it's not against your contract. Your adviser may be against it, but he doesn't have to know as long as it doesn't interfere with your work.

-If you want to work outside of academia - if you are even *considering* the possibility - please please definitely do the above. Even if you aren't considering it, consider the possibility that you won't get a tenure-track job out the box and that you may need to support yourself doing something else for a while. You will have to prove to employers that you have developed usable, useful skills and this is one of the easiest ways to do it. But don't overdo it - get the degree done.

-For more academic related ones - always look for opportunities to present and publish. Presentations look good on your CV. Publications look better. When you write seminar papers, wonder if you can publish them with some revision. Write your seminar papers on what you maybe think you may want to do your dissertation on. Even if you look at them three years later and think "these suck," you can at least glean some useful references and pieces from them. Discuss publication with your adviser early and often, and if you have the time and desire, seek out publication options with other professors and researchers. But if you commit to a project, COMMIT. You don't want to leave a bad impression.

-If you can afford it, occasionally go to conferences even if you aren't presenting. You can network, and you can hear some interesting talks, and you may think about new directions for your own research. You can also meet people who may tell you about jobs, money, opportunities, etc.

-Always try to get someone else to pay for conference travel before you come out of pocket. Including your adviser. Do not be shy about asking if he or she can pay. If he can't, he'll just say no. Usually the department has a travel fund for students, but often it's only if you are presenting.

-If you are interested in academia, you should get some teaching experience. There are two traditional ways to do this: TAing a course, and teaching as a sole instructor. If you can help it, I wouldn't recommend doing a sole instructor position until you are finished with coursework. Teaching takes a LOT of time to do right. You should definitely TA at least one course, and probably a few different ones. But don't overdo it, if you can help it, because again, it takes a LOT of time. More than you expect at the outset. If you are in the humanities, I think sole instructor positions are very important for nabbing jobs so when you are in the exam/ABD phase, you may want to try at least one. If your own university has none, look at adjuncting for nearby colleges, including community colleges. (I would wager that the majority of natural science/physical science students, and most social science students, have never sole taught a class before they get an assistant professor job. At least, it's not that common n my field, which straddles the social and natural sciences.)

-Always look for money. Money is awesome. If you can fund yourself you can do what you want, within reason. Your university will be thrilled, your adviser will be happy, and you can put it on your CV. It's win-win-win! Don't put yourself out of the running before anyone else has a chance to. Apply even if you think you won't get it or the odds are against you (they always are), as long as you are eligible. Apply often. Apply even if it's only $500. (That's conference travel!) Money begets money. The more awards you get, the more awards you will get. They will get bigger over time. If you are in the sciences and social sciences, you should get practice writing at least one grant. You don't have to write the whole thing, but at least get in on the process so that you can see how it's done. Grant-writing is very valuable both in and outside of graduate school.

-Revise your CV every so often. Then look and decide what you want to add to it. Then go get that thing, so you can add it.

-The career office at big universities is often not just for undergrads. I was surprised to learn that my career center offers help on CV organization and the academic job search, as well as alternative/non-academic career searches for doctoral students. In fact, there are two people whose sole purpose it is to help PhD students find nonacademic careers, and they both have PhDs. This will vary by university - some universities will have very little for grad students. Find out before you write the office off.

-It's never too early to go to seminars/workshops like "the academic job search inside and out", "creating the perfect CV," "getting the job," etc. NEVER. Often the leader will share tips that are more aimed towards early graduate students, or tidbits that are kind of too late for more advanced students to take care of. This will also help you keep a pulse on what's hot in your field. It'll help you know what lines you need to add to your CV. And they're interesting.

Other:

-Decide ahead of time what you are NOT willing to sacrifice on the altar of academia. Then stick to it.
I'm serious. If you decide that you do NOT want to sacrifice your relationship, don't. If it's your geographical mobility, don't. I mean, be realistic, and realize that there will always be trade-offs. But you have to think about what's important to you for your quality of life, and realize that there is always more to you than graduate school.

-If you don't want to be a professor, do not feel guilty about this. At all. Zero. However, you will have to do things differently than most doctoral students. Your adviser will probably never have worked outside of the academy (although this may vary depending on the field) so he may or may not be able to help you. But you have a special mission to seek out the kinds of experiences that will help you find a non-academic job. Test the waters with your adviser before you tell him this. My adviser was quite amenable to it, but that's because I told him that my goal was to still do research and policy work in my field just not at a university, AND because it's quite common in my field for doctoral students to do non-academic work. If you're in a field where it's not common (or where your professors refuse to believe it's common, or it's not supposed to be common)…well, you may be a little more on your own.

-Every so often, you will need to reflect on the reasons you came to graduate school. Sometimes, just sit and think quietly. Why are you doing this to yourself? Do you love your field? Do you need this degree to do what you want to do? Usually the answer is yes and yes, and usually you'll keep on trucking. But sometimes when the chips are down you will need to reevaluate why you put yourself through this in the first place.

-To my great dismay, depression is quite common in doctoral students. Graduate work can be isolating and stressful. Luckily your health insurance usually includes counseling sessions. TAKE THEM if you need them. Do not be ashamed. You may be surprised with who else is getting them. (I found out that everyone in my cohort, including me, was getting mental health counseling at a certain point.) Exercise can help, as can taking that mental health day once a week and just chilling. Don't be surprised if you get the blues…

-…but be self-aware and able to recognize when the depression is clouding your ability to function. Doctoral programs have a 50% attrition rate, and this is rarely because that 50% is less intelligent than, less motivated than, less driven than, or less ambitious than the other 50% that stays. Often they realize that they are ridiculously unhappy in the field, or that they don't need the degree anymore, or that they'd rather focus on other things in life, or their interests have changed. All of this is okay!

-You will, at some point, be like "eff this, I'm leaving." I think almost every doctoral student has thought about dropping out and just kicking this all to the curb. You need to listen to yourself, and find out whether it is idle thought (nothing to worry about, very normal) or whether you are truly unhappy to the point that you need to leave. Counseling can help you figure this out.

-Don't be afraid to take a semester or a year off if you need to. That's what leaves of absence are for.

Lastly, and positively…

…graduate school is great! Seriously, when else will you ever have the time to study what you want for hours on end, talk to just as interested others about it, and live in an intellectual community of scholars and intellectuals? And occasionally wake up at 11 am and go to the bank at 2 pm? Sometimes you will want to pull out all of your hair but most of the time, you will feel fulfilled and wonderfully encouraged and edified. So enjoy this time!

I've said it before another thread, but if you applied to the school something must have appealed to you about it. Take the opportunity to try it there, and if you don't like it you can always transfer. You may be a stronger candidate after you've got some more experience under your belt for those top choices. Or you may find that those schools you weren't as keen on were a great fit in the end. Just remember, you aren't ever really stuck anywhere.

yes, I accepted the offer and I"m getting ready for the move 

Georgetown Theology is out. I'm in! Their very nice letter takes the sting off the Chicago rejection a bit.

thank you guys so much! I'm over the moon!

Not notifying post-interview is trashy.