Ennue

Hello everyone,

Thank you for all of the advice, it is really helpful!

Keeping it a secret for so long was really really hard, if I had to do it over I would probably just tell everyone openly. I will take what everyone said and apply it next time I see them. I will just say i did it on a whim and I wasn't expecting to get in. As long as they don't hate me for life I will be okay

On a side note, everyone on gradcafe is so supportive, kind and quick to reply! I feel like a huge burden has been lifted off my shoulders *sigh of relief*

I think pretty much every grad student gets them at some point or another. Mine seem to come and go, depending on how well my research is going. I think it's more just getting used to them being there, and telling yourself that all you can do is your best.

We used to have a huge thread sticked on Imposter Syndrome over on the PhD Comics graduate forum, but it's since been taken down due to hackers and spam, sadly.

talk about them, not you. and have at least 100 questions ready to ask. most people, being self-centered, will gladly answer questions about themselves and forget to ask you about yourself.

focus on external realities and ideas, not intrapersonal sociability

You want to get into college? Have you tried applying somewhere yet? Would be a good place to start.

Well, the standard is to find one that when you suck in with your nose, it fits tightly to your face without you holding it. I also tighten my mask down a bit more than seems good. With practice you will learn to clear without any problem and that is what the essential skill is. One problem a lot of people have is not so much mask fit as they are nose breathers and exhale through their nose (me being one). This causes the mask to get away from your face and lets water in. I also don't know if you do or not, but facial hair, especially a mustache also messes with the seal. One good way to help that is to get some food grade silicone grease and rub it on your mustache before diving. You want food grade because if you ingest any in the water it's safe and it won't degrade the rubber of your mask.

But work on your skills in clearing your mask while you're in the pool. As long as you don't change depth, you should be ok with only a momentary breathhold (but don't change depth and especially don't ascend). I like to inhale, take a big hit of air, then on my natural exhale, use that to clear my mask. As you dive more, it just gets automatic. Most importantly, never, ever panic. Any diving emergency can be managed if you keep your head.

I don't teach at the college level but I'm jumping into this thread anyway. This is not from an exam but from reviewing a remedial English exercise with some 8th graders (we're in Germany). They got the basic elements of the sentence ("my sister and I -- have -- cat," that kind of thing). I asked one particularly loud student to read her answer for a sentence that was supposed to start out, "My sister and I." She told me she didn't do it, and when I asked why, she said, "I don't have a sister."

I would have been less annoyed if she had at least tried to say *that* in English, but no....

I was wrapping up with another class (6th graders). We had been talking about the simple past tense. I asked if there were any questions before I dismissed them. One boy's hand shot up in the air.

"Yes?"

Kid (in German): "When people do cocaine, why do the go like this?" --and the kid proceeds to rub his nose vigorously while inhaling very dramatically through his nose.

I was speechless for a few seconds before saying, "Uh, I meant questions about English."

Kid (still in German): "OH! Then no."

I've just gotta say that, and I mean this in the nicest way possible cause I have a soft spot for UC peeps, if these are problems that have plagued you for a long time (undergrad, then getting fired), then dropping out won't actually solve your problems at all. It sounds like your problem isn't the intellectual challenges of grad school, it's how you handle stress, and stress isn't ever going to go away completely (though to be fair, it is significantly worse in grad school). I really think that if you struggle with holding jobs, you should consider getting screened for depression/ADD/anxiety disorders/any chem brain imbalances that can impact success. Then, treat it. Therapy, meds, yoga, whatever floats your boat. This isn't about you not being smart enough, cause at the end of the day, grades are more about how you handle a billion other things in addition to your actual ideas. You haven't blown your second chance yet, and if your school thought you were smart enough to accept you *despite* grades, that only means that they were probably so wowed by the rest of your app that they let you in anyways. Remember that, and let it motivate you to keep going.

3) You might find an overly trusting soul who will do your homework for you!

Sigh.

I don't work for you and I don't have to address each of your points individually.

Yes, I "admit" to caring about how arguments are delivered. Are really so naive that you believe that you can say whatever you want, however you want? That you speak The Truth and that you are therefore allowed to be as rude and condescending as you like with no consequence? Or is it not naivete but self-importance? Either way, it's not very appealing. I usually take care to write thoughtful replies to even highly suspicious posts when I believe that other board users could benefit from the conversation. Unfortunately, your accusations and your tone, as well as the very fact that you clearly do not intend to take what any of us write to heart, make this an unproductive endeavor. We are trying to tell you that you give off an unfavorable impression. We address not only direct quotations--and even when we do you find ways to twist what you said around and go back on clear statements--we tell you what we understand from what you write. You may not like it, but the proper reaction is not to deny everything and blame everyone else but to try and think why this is so. If one person tells you you're drunk, she may be wrong. But if ten different people who don't know each other tell you you're drunk, maybe you should go lay down.

Lastly, I doubt it's integrity that makes you step on toes. Your mightier-than-thou attitude is not integrity, it's simply a refusal to play by the very basic social rules of academia and of adult life in general. The only person who will suffer is you.

Just because you say you have integrity doesn't make it so.

Listen, I don't think it's worth my time or energy to reply to each of your points. You're clearly just not getting it.

I will reply to the one place where you said that what I wrote was "untrue" and quote your earlier post (again): "Also, most of the time I knew what I was doing just as well as the TA anyway." I find that, and your general attitudes towards TAs, disrespectful, for the reasons that OH YEAH specified.

One other general point: you now seem to express high(er) opinions of your professors, but still not of your peers. I don't know what kind of program you are in but I, at least, learn the most from my peers. My professors have the perspective and experience but my peers are the ones who I spend the most time with, and they are the ones who have fresh and exciting ideas. It would be a serious loss if I only interacted with my books and my professors and not with my peers. They are the ones who listen to my ideas that go no where, who help me out when I'm stuck, who read my drafts and comment on my (practice-)practice talks. They help me sort things in my head so that I can talk to my professors after having thought through my problems, and that way I can get better-targeted help from my professors. Your attitude is making it impossible for you to make the most out of your graduate school experience, just because you value some people less than others. ---- I assure you: they can tell, and they do not appreciate it.

Consider this, maybe, as my last contribution to this thread: this is not high school. There are no cliques and we are not out to get you, despite your rhetoric. Other posters have expressed opinion similar to your without being down-voted. Since--again--we have nothing against you, maybe it's time you considered that the way you express yourself is offensive to others. Your view that "everyone has to agree" here or that we are being "childish" is both wrong and unhelpful. Read other posts on this board and you'll find plenty of disagreement. But there are acceptable ways of expressing opinions in a society and there are less acceptable ways. If you consistently use less acceptable ways, don't be surprised if you get called out on it.

Let me help, then.
This post:

"Honestly, I never went to pick up graded anything. I felt like it is the TA or professors job to return graded assignments. It actually REALLY pisses me off when they tell us to "go pick it up". In undergrad, I had no clue where their office was, and wasn't about to spend precious study time figuring it out and picking up an old assignment, but I still want to know what grade I got! Usually someone would pick mine up for me though. Also, most of the time I knew what I was doing just as well as the TA anyway. Nevertheless, I personally love comments, as it means whoever graded it actually read it. I know I'm not in kindergarden, but I still like to see the "Good job!" on a 105/100 exam. :-)"

is unhelpful.
- It shows immaturity in that you are making excuses for not knowing thinks that should be obviously clear. I bet the course syllabus lists the professor and TA's office and that they would tell you if you emailed them and asked.
- That you value your time above that of others and that you have your priorities all wrong. If you spend your entire time studying then there is something wrong with your study-techniques. You value your own learning skills more than the comments you might get from more experienced teachers on any assignment. If you can do it all yourself, why go to school in the first place? And if not, you may want to be more respectful of others' time and thoughts. Your attitude towards learning, as it emerges from this post, is completely counterproductive.
- That you have a condescending attitude toward your teachers. You think you know more than they do and you don't have a high opinion of the time they spend reading your work and commenting on it.
- And you unnecessarily bragged about your high grades. That didn't add anything substantive to the comment.

So what have we learned from your post? You can do it all yourself, and the TAs waste your time. No wonder you got down-voted.

So...which is it? Are we on GradCafe a clique, or do we not like getting our buttons pushed? That's the thing, though - this comment shows that you realize some of your statements are designed to get a rise out of people, and then you are surprised when people get annoyed.

Sometimes "recruitment weekends" are informal interview weekends. For one school I received a call from a prof telling me that I was accepted prior to their recruitment weekend. For another, there were over a dozen of us invited to a "recruitment weekend" and the school ended up giving offers to four prospective students. For another, I had a visitation weekend (couldn't make official recruitment) but it seemed more like they intended to give me an offer before I arrived (I withdrew my application before this happened because I heard back from my top choice). Pre-acceptance interviews are becoming more common because there is generally less funding available and a large pool of talented applicants, but they aren't universal.

As a general note, and to put it bluntly, don't be arrogant and don't be an asshole. Everyone or almost everyone who is invited to an interview weekend is highly qualified. My strong impression is that an important part of the interview process is to find out which of the qualified people are assholes who no one wants to work with for 5+ years.

Go for it, Geogeek!! My boyfriend dumped me for pretty much the same reasons you mention, and after nearly a year of bad feelings, he contacted me about a month ago. We were a great pair, and now we both realize it more than ever. We are not where we need to be and are currently in couples counseling to work out any residual stuff that needs to be worked out.

Everything said here is so true, and this may seem strange, but it really clarifies what I need to do. I'm going to man up and lay it all out there for my ex. She was (is?) my best friend, is sweet, funny and we always had a great time together, so what in the hell am I doing sitting here sulking all alone? I broke up with her because I was lazy and pretty scared about making that next level of commitment which after four years we really need to do. I convinced her and myself that she just didn't measure up anymore. What a jerk I am. I totally convinced myself that the grass was greener.

I am going to do what I need to do and take what's coming to me and if she tells me to get lost, then I will follow the advice of all of you. This really helped me figure things out. Thanks.

for what it's worth, i was trying to be rude to tittywriter83. whenever i read/hear someone complaining that they are unfairly graded because they're so brilliant and their peers with higher grades are let off easy, i think they deserve a bit of rudeness. people think too damn highly of themselves. and while i appreciate sigaba sticking up for me, i can also handle myself and any negative recs that may come my way. sometimes delusional people need to be told that they're delusional, and i'm always happy to provide that service.

You should talk to your adviser now. You should also talk to the professor that is teaching the course. Since you are doing well in all your other subjects, they will likely want to do everything possible to help you pass so that you don't get kicked out. Hiding it until you fail is not going to help.

you're a literature student and that is probably one of the most poorly written paragraphs i've read in a while, so i'm guessing you actually earned those Bs and think far too highly of yourself.

in my experience, it's way more common for students to reinterpret criticism as praise. i've been in the room while a student gets told, gently, that everything in their writing needs to change, but "the ideas are there" or "the content looks great," because people need something nice to say other than "this is a train wreck." and those students leave the room thinking, "everyone loved my ideas and content," not "everyone basically told me i need to rewrite this."

http://www.ets.org/gre/revised_general/scores

Percentiles: http://www.ets.org/s/gre/pdf/gre_guide_table1a.pdf

Concordance Tables: http://www.ets.org/s/gre/pdf/concordance_information.pdf

Tonyum--

Hang in there. You can do it!

Remember that your department believes in you, your ability to work hard, and your potential--otherwise they'd not have offered you admission. Your department believes in you. Trust their wisdom. It wasn't by accident that they said "Come, be one of us."

Right now, the learning curve looks steep because you're building upon your previous experiences to build new skill sets. As formidable as the new terrain may seem, you have it within you to figure out ways to navigate it successfully.

Let go of fear. Your legs are shaky now. Yet visualize yourself on that day in the not so distant future when you'll be running, looking over your shoulder, and laughing "Hey, slowpokes, keep up!" You can do it.

Now, in addition to the options outlined above, please consider the utility of the following.

Get to know some of your professors. As they have been there and done that, they know what you're going through. Among them may be a professor or two who can offer words of wisdom, an empathetically appropriate response, and maybe even friendship. (If a friendship does develop, keep the boundaries clear in your own mind. And remember that empathy is different than sympathy.)

Get to know some of the grad students who have been around a while. They may know some tricks of the trade that will benefit you.

Carve out some "me time" in your schedule. As an example, when I was doing my coursework, the interval between the end of my last class of the week and the evening of the following day was mandatory decompression time. Concurrently, I made a commitment to watching most of my favorite team's games--no matter what.

Now and again, these requirements led to some long nights to make a deadline. And maybe I'd have been better off missing a Lakers' game to peck away at a draft. But sometimes you just have to stick it to the man.

If you do designate "me time," consider a counter-programing approach. For instance, if you're going to have a "Friday night" make that night Wednesday. This way, you'll have to deal with less traffic at popular venues.

Carve out some discretionary funds in your budget. I know times are hard and the life of a graduate student can be austere. But designate a certain amount for certain activities and then pursue those activities. As an example, budget fifty bucks a month for music and/or a similar amount for Starbucks. Spend some of your "me time" leisurely spending your money. (Alternatively, you could get some magazine subscriptions at the student rate.)

Then, just before you get ready for another session of hitting the books, put your feet up on a chair, take a sip of your mocha while you listen to your iPod, look around, and take pride that you are on your way to knowing more about chemistry than most people who will ever walk the face of the Earth.

You have to make time for some type of friend outside of your classmates, you know normal folks. They help to keep you grounded and give you a sense of perspective that is lost in the lab grind by the rest of us. For instance, I used to drink beer with the night janitor while getting my MS. When 11pm rolled around, I'd stop what I'd be doing and we would walk the halls drinking Bud Lights in koozies, bullshitting, and I'd help him empty the trash. I'd tell him about my problems, he'd tell me his, I'd explain my project to him, and he would ask me why I was doing something. I still miss our evening constitutionals, where we discussed life, science, why the PI down the hall was such a bitch, and whose turn it was to buy beer.

Moral of the Story: Make some damn time for friends. You are never going to have balance all the time in your graduate career. At some points you will feel like you are spending too much time in the lab or too much time on your personal life. That's fine, just let it balance out in the long run. How many scientists were there 200 years ago? A shit ton son! How many can we name? Not too many. Science is not your life, its something you are passionate about and do to live your life. Enjoy the people around you and let them enjoy you.

Now get your ass out of the lab and make friends. Oh and study too.

No offense, but this is a really underhanded way to go about it. You're a quarter in, and you know you don't want to stay for a PhD, yet you will continue to take funding meant for a PhD student, as well as a spot in a research group that you don't want, but that someone else might.

Not only that, but it's a risky game- you need the job recs from your advisor, but if they find out that you're stringing them along for a free MS, that will not go over well.

I understand the allure of "gaming the system", but it's ethically shaky, as well as potentially risky.

You flew to a foreign country with a 12 hour time difference and rode a BICYCLE to the conference venue? lol. I'm going to provide a supplementary recommendation and say that a taxi is a more appropriate option. Especially when there is typhoon-esque weather.

On a related note - congratulations on your first presentation. It's a great feeling of relief isn't it? I hope your paper was well-received.

I suggest a longer T-shirt:

Friends Don't Let Friends Develop Unreasonable Expectations About the Job Market, No Matter How Much Easier It Is to Pretend That You and Your Friend Are the Exceptions to the Rule and You'll Both Get Jobs Because You're Both Brilliant and The Unemployed People are Just People Who Aren't as Academically-Gifted As You Are. Instead Friends Acknowledge to Each Other the Exceptional Difficulty of Getting an Academic Job, Call Bullshit on Each Other When Appropriate, and Help Each Other to Professionalize Early and Often. Further, Friends Will Also Remind Each Other that While Getting a Funded PhD, You are Actually Getting Paid to Live Your Dream, If Only for a Short While, So While Academic Jobs May Be Few, It Was Still Worth It For the Opportunity You Did Get to Engage With Academic Discourse on a Daily Basis.That Said, Friends Certainly Don't Let Friends Get Unfunded PhD's. Nor Should Enemies For That Matter.