Doubting while waiting it out?

[Circles&Circles]

I'm in my senior year of undergrad, so this will be my first time applying to grad schools; I applied for 7 different MFA Creative Writing (poetry) programs. Now that I'm waiting for admission results, I've begun to doubt myself as a creative writer. Is this normal during the waiting process? Is there any advice for coping with this/preparing yourself for rejection? 

[Lyssa95]

I'm in a creative writing MFA program right now, currently applying to creative PhD programs, and I'm experiencing the exact same thing. Convinced that everything I've written, including my writing sample, is awful.

I'll admit it, I'm scared, but I just keep telling myself that even if I get rejected from all my schools, it's not as if I'll stop writing. The page will always be there. Rejection always sucks, but it's never the end.

So take a deep breath, don't be too tough on yourself, and know that there's another scared writer over here trying to do the same.

[Bayesian1701]

Not a writer but I have been doubting myself since before I even submitted my applications.  A part of me felt like I was going to be rejected everywhere.  I have three acceptances now (two funded, the other hasn’t made funding decisions), and now that I am facing a probable rejection within a couple of days I am doubting myself even more. I think it is common. This is so stressful and I hate it.  I can’t imagine how difficult it will be when I apply for faculty jobs if I graduate.  I have a website blocking service that disables gradcafe and my admissions email for most of the day so I can accomplish something.  

[ProudCatMom]

I felt relatively positive about my applications when I submitted them. Not in a way that was better than anyone, but rather I had something to offer the programs I applied to and that I felt proud of what I was able to accomplish and experience in my master's program. Now I just feel like an imposter and that they'll see right through me. Even beyond that I'm questioning my average AF GRE scores and unergraduate GPA and am now having a lot of anxiety over it. 

[khigh]

As soon as I hit submit, I started to doubt myself as a writer and historian. I think it's pretty normal.

[E-P]

100% normal.  We all deal with varying degrees of imposter syndrome and insecurity.  To a large extent, I think that the only reason we didn't feel it as undergrads (or at least I didn't) was because we knew we'd get in somewhere, or (in my case) we were overconfident.

 

So yeah, it's totally normal.  

[senorbrightside]

I have moments where I'm sure I'll get into one, and then the next moment I'll feel like "I'm a fraud, I don't know Spanish (I've only lived in Spain 10 years haha), I'm a horrible writer, what was I thinking? 

[Tyedyedturtle91]

It is completely normal. I'm a fiction applicant, and I'm doing it now. I vacillate between minimal confidence and utter despair daily. I was counseled my first round of applications in 2013 that I would like get a lot of rejection--not because I'm not good, not because my writing has no merit. But because that is just how steep the competition is. Nonetheless, it didn't soften the blow. I really expected to get into one of my top choices, and when I didn't, it crushed me. I took it very personally. So, be prepared.

This round, I am trying not to get too wrapped up in it. It's cathartic to be a part of this community, and I'm trying not to get my hopes up. I'm trying to just assume the worst and be surprised by some good news, hopefully.

But I know my writing is good. I like the stories I've submitted. I've sent them through rounds of re-writes and workshops. I've shared them with people who give me constructive criticism. So, I'm not looking at or over-analyzing my portfolio anymore. I made the decisions I made. It is what it is. This largely comes down to subjectivity and taste, anyways. Once top candidates are picked, it is splitting hairs. Does the committee like your style, your word choice, your themes, your narratives?

Put the portfolio away. Close your email. Write some new stuff. Take a few deep breaths. Put that away, and write even more stuff. Focus on what you love.

[exvat]

Totally normal. I've doubted myself countless times in the recent weeks. But then I go back and read over my application proofs, and realize I'm a pretty damn good candidate, and that my poetry is actually quite good...

 

(below excerpted from my post here)

"I feel you. It's an extremely stressful, prolonged waiting game.

"This is my first time applying to MFAs, and I only applied to 4 very high-profile schools in places where I'd want to live. One of them is a looming ghost of a rejection (acceptances have already gone out); my top choice started calling the accepted yesterday (no call yet); the other two should start calling any day now. The stress threatens to overwhelm, so I distract myself by going to the gym, hiking, meeting with friends, playing video games, and generally practicing the Parks & Rec motto of 'treat yoself.'

"Oh, and generating new work. I can't stress enough how much I agree with previous posters, that this is the key to success in the arts! Define 'success' how you will, but if practicing your passion while still being able to pay the rent is 'success,' then it should be relatively easy for those who are driven, passionate, and dedicated. Some of my favorite work that I've ever written came out of me within the two months after submitting MFA applications. While those incredible poems didn't make it into the writing samples, they will end up being published somewhere great (he says with zero proof and zero consequences), and if I don't get accepted to any of the 4 programs I applied to this year, they will end up in a truly outstanding writing sample next year. And you know what? I have gained more self-knowledge and craft skill from pouring myself into my work post-applications than I have in a long, long time. Perhaps more so than my last writers' conference."

Good luck with the self-doubts and the stress! If this is what you love, then you will find success and integrity regardless of admissions decisions for Fall 2018. Now, if you'll excuse me, I must hit the recumbent bike at the gym, to keep from freaking out...

Edited February 28, 2018 by exvat
Forgot the intro.

[haspeer]

Impostor Syndrome is in full swing here.  Am I still smart?  Can I be a successful psychologist...or do I just need one at this point??

[abzbabz00]

1 hour ago, haspeer said:

Impostor Syndrome is in full swing here.  Am I still smart?  Can I be a successful psychologist...or do I just need one at this point??

Feeling the same way. 

I am beginning to question my ability with becoming a mental health counselor based on how horrible I am coping with the unknown of all this grad school stuff! 

Was this a test? Because I sure failed as I am about to officially crack.