Is it normal to feel dumb?

[LadyL]

For the first time in my life I am genuinely overwhelmed by the content of the field I've chosen. I went from a standard neuroimaging lab to a highly interdisciplinary one that incorporates machine learning, computer science, multivariate statistics, and cognitive psychology. My understanding of machine learning is sub-101, computer science is maybe 200 level, multivariate stats maybe 300 level, and cog. psych is the only one where I feel I think at the graduate level. I am really flummoxed at how I am going to get up to speed on all these disciplines enough to integrate them.

I am reading two books over winter break that my adviser suggested as background material, and probably 60% of the content just flies over my head. I am definitely learning *something* from the books but I feel like my understanding is woefully over simplified. I can't take classes in any of these areas until my second year as I have to fulfill requirement classes that are only offered next semester, so that isn't an immediate option.

Basically, it is mentally painful to be struggling so much just for basic comprehension. At the same time, I like that it is rigorous and that I can't BS my way through anything. I also think that almost any student who would join my lab would have deficient understanding of at least one of our influencing fields, simply because there is no way to master knowledge of all of them unless you quadruple majored in undergrad and did a masters, which I haven't done.

My question is: has anyone else started out this confused and eventually had an "a ha!" moment where it clicked and made sense? Is it normal to feel totally in over your head? Other students in my program have said that the work my lab does is confusing to them and they don't feel smart enough to understand it. Part of me enjoys that challenge and part of me feels like a total masochist for doing this.

Edited January 13, 2011 by LadyL

[Eigen]

I wouldn't call it an "aha!" moment so much as realizing one day that after several months of slogging through hundreds of papers, I felt like I actually knew what I was talking about.

I came from a very synthetic chemistry background, and then got thrown into a bioorganic lab working with DNA, Proteins and cell studies- it took a lot of catching up, but after 3 semesters I feel like I'm starting to have a pretty good grasp.

[waddle]

I came across this article a while back. Feeling stupid apparently gets you pretty far in science.

[MoJingly]

Waddle, that is a fantastic essay. Thanks!

[ScreamingHairyArmadillo]

I often feel like I have some mental deficiency, but then I get positive feedback.

But yeah, I've never felt dumber in my life. I enjoy it though, knowing that it'll pay off.

[redread]

I started a really hard Old English course last semester and knew that it'd take quite a bit of work, but still underestimated the amount of work that I could feasibly get done. Then I realized that I needed to know minute linguistic details...needless to say, I nearly shot myself in the foot. I know where you're coming from, and the only advice that I can give is to continue to ask questions and keep at it. Good luck!

Edited January 14, 2011 by redread

[natsteel]

http://www.impostersyndrome.com/

[robot_hamster]

I'm just starting my second semester and there has certainly be no "ah ha" moments here. I feel dumb practically constantly and I am afraid to speak out during class for fear I will appear dumb to others as well. It seems like other people know so much more than I do. I am taking a lot of classes that involve applying techniques though, so it's all new territory for me. My undergraduate career was spent studying theory with very little thought being given to how people actually get stuff done.

[Archaeo_Anon]

I've definitely fallen into a pattern where I'll start out each term feeling positively moronic, unable to fully grasp even the most basic course material, and incompetent since I can never seem to find the time to study enough to bring my comprehension level up to where I feel like it should be (not that this is even necessarily an achievable goal on a week-to-week basis), but then by the end of the term I'll suddenly realize that I've gradually accrued enough knowledge that looking back over the course materials from early on I can understand it all fairly easily. It's frustrating and stressful every start of term, but it's a relief to know that eventually it will pass.

I actually find it somewhat encouraging that I'm completely intellectually intimidated by everyone else in my program at all times. It means that I've really made it into a high-quality program with the brightest and the best (though admittedly it's tough to deal with sometimes after having been one of the strongest students in my peer group all through my undergrad, and never having needed to be intellectually intimidated before), and it means that I can really get a glimpse of the kind of scholar I'll become if I can stick it out. It helps that all of the students in my program are amazingly open about how tough things are, and how well or badly they coped with the same transition when they first arrived. Knowing that they were all once in my shoes (or in the case of my cohort, currently in my shoes) and that even though they clearly have more knowledge than I do they don't consider themselves any smarter than anyone else in the program definitely helps me keep it all in perspective when I'm having a particularly rotten day.

None of us would be in the programs we're in if we didn't deserve to be there. The rest of it is just work, work, work.

[M. Swann]

That sounds very familiar, LadyL – right down to the point where I seem to be working in quite a similar field to you. My experience was that I would learn things without even noticing I'd learnt them; all of a sudden, when I read back over something that had been totally confusing to me the first time around, it was noticeably less so. I didn't seem to have an "ah-ha" moment, but rather gradually built a foundation of the broader themes upon which I could construct a better understanding of the nuances (though there were moments when a piece of the puzzle suddenly "clicked"). So my message is: don't become disheartened if you don't get it all at once. Think of it as a challenge!

Edited January 14, 2011 by M. Swann

[psycholinguist]

Yes. Just keep at it. Enthusiasm and motivation are what professors tend to notice, so even if you appear to be struggling with the material itself, hang in there.

[starmaker]

I went from a standard neuroimaging lab to a highly interdisciplinary one that incorporates machine learning, computer science, multivariate statistics, and cognitive psychology.

Sweet, now I want to know what lab you are in, so that I can keep it in mind for my PhD applications this fall.

Imposter syndrome is a common plague of grad students as people have said.

In your case, you're right that most students coming into a program like what you're describing are going to be deficient in some area. But, I bet that which area that is depends on the student. Why don't you find a couple of other students from different backgrounds, and do some mutual free tutoring? For instance, you could tutor someone from a CS background in cog psych, in return for their tutoring you in CS.

[LadyL]

Sweet, now I want to know what lab you are in, so that I can keep it in mind for my PhD applications this fall.

Imposter syndrome is a common plague of grad students as people have said.

In your case, you're right that most students coming into a program like what you're describing are going to be deficient in some area. But, I bet that which area that is depends on the student. Why don't you find a couple of other students from different backgrounds, and do some mutual free tutoring? For instance, you could tutor someone from a CS background in cog psych, in return for their tutoring you in CS.

PM me if you want info on the lab. I think we are looking to take a student at some point in the future.

I am familiar with imposter syndrome but I don't feel like I am actually unintelligent - just that I am out of my element and therefore challenged differently than I expected. Even in the hard classes I took in undergrad I mastered the material with enough practice. But the definition of "enough practice" then versus now is quite different! I can see that it will take months for some of this to absorb and that's an unfamiliar timeline for me. But I'm glad to hear this sounds normal to others.

[MoJingly]

I just wanted to add this. There are always going to be people smarter than you, but rest assured they are battling their own demons.

http://www.npr.org/2011/01/23/132737060/meet-william-james-sidis-the-smartest-guy-ever