Anyone else regretting their school choice?

[Soup]

I'm a couple weeks into a science PhD at a highly ranked dept at a large R1 university, which also happens to be the place that I got my B.S. a few years ago. Six months ago my choice between this school and a highly ranked Ivy League dept was the hardest decision I've ever faced. Ultimately I decided to come back to my alma mater based primarily on adivser and project, along with proximity to some family and friends.

However, what has seemed like the reasonable choice over the summer seems clearly wrong now that I'm back in my college town. Despite the fact that my adviser is great and I'm excited about the work I will do, I feel utterly trapped being back in my home state. I cannot shake the feeling that, while this is a great opportunity, I am not living up to my full potential and have robbed myself of the opportunity to get a fresh start in a new place. Its gotten to the point that I find myself daydreaming and scheming about ways to go back on my decision instead of focusing on the work at hand.

So, has anyone else been in a predicament like this? Any ideas on how to deal with it?

[robot_hamster]

I often regret coming to grad school, but I didn't really have a choice on what school to attend. I couldn't simply go anywhere. I had to stay at the location I am right now. Sorry, I suppose that isn't much help.

I can certainly relate to the "what-if" dilemma though. So many times have I tortured myself with the what-ifs. So many missed opportunities. I suppose it is only natural to wonder if things truly could have been greener.

[ktel]

I can relate to the "what-if" dilemma because I had offers from a variety of professors at a variety of schools. I often struggle with whether I made the right decision, as certain things like location, my relationship with my advisor and even my subject area are not ideal. But I have to remember that I would have struggles anywhere and the grass is not greener on the other side. My degree is 2 years and I'm halfway through, so I will just stick it out.

[OldGrad2012]

Maybe I am in the same boat as you'all because I made a choice to stay in California and go to UCR in SoCAL. I am from Northern CAlifornia. Although it is still a new area and environment for me, I thought the other program at Washington State University that I got accepted into was more interesting in terms of research. WSU is heavily focused on mammalian system as a study model. However UCR is heavily focused on plant model. It is also too hot here as well.

[wildviolet]

It's complicated. I think you're lucky to be close to family and friends. However, I understand your need to get away and have a fresh start. I chose the latter--fresh start in a brand new place, and I wish I could be closer to family and friends, if only for the convenience of easy visits during holidays and weekends. If grad school isn't your fresh start, perhaps your post-doc or first academic position can be your fresh start. It's very easy to think the grass is greener on the other side, to wonder what-if, and to second guess yourself and the hardest decision you've ever made. If there's no going back now, then I suggest making the best of things.

Edited September 11, 2012 by wildviolet

[BrokenRecord]

I chose the latter--fresh start in a brand new place, and I wish I could be closer to family and friends, if only for the convenience of easy visits during holidays and weekends.

Ditto. That's the only thing that crosses my mind when pondering if I am making the correct decision to move from coast to coast.

[wildviolet]

BrokenRecord--the other thing I should add is that, in their words, my family makes "bomb-ass" food! When we get together, we like to EAT.

[Soup]

Thanks for sharing. I think trying to make a "transfer" would be so messy (and time consuming) its not worth it- I'll keep working at giving my current situation my best shot. Its especially frustrating since, if I never got into that other school, I think I'd be very happy with where I am. ugh.

[rising_star]

I think everyone has some regret when they initially begin their program. It's buyer's remorse or the grass is always greener. But in reality, you made a choice and you should try to honor it, at least for a year. If things really don't work out in terms of research, then that's a good reason to transfer elsewhere.

[prettyuff1]

I moved from chicago to louisville... ugh. I love the program and the department, but as far as where i live and raise my child i am really not too thrilled about Ky... I'm a pretty free spirited BIG WILD NATURAL african american woman and that doesnt always go well in KY either.. It's not the culture I'm used to here, the large city with lots to offer like Chicago.. i know im here to learn, but i am miserable when i am not in lab...

SIgh

[ajeclizm]

I'm so glad to find other people with the same thoughts as me. I also am in a new PhD program right now, but I am now thinking that my interests really might be in a different department (i.e. Religion instead of Classics). How awful would it be to switch to an MA instead and then reapply to PhD programs in Religion? Just fyi, I received a two-year fellowship here and TA funding for the remainder.

[crazygirl2012]

I was only accepted at one, so there was no decision to be made, and I still sometimes have my doubts. I wonder if I should have taken a year off and tried again, hoping to have more options. But really I know that I'm in the right place, and you probably are too. It sounds like you were choosing between two great programs, and that must be tough! Just keep in mind that no place is perfect. The other one would have its downsides as well.

[prettyuff1]

i agre with you crazygirl.. what part of Illinois are you in?.. I am from illinois and would love a program there. I think my issue is the mindset here.. it is not very progressive and i cannot imagine living here long term.. the culture scene here is terrible in comparison to chicago and other cities that are the same size, like Cincinnati. It is interesting that there isnt really a scene for the 25-35 profesional set. I can find the artsy crowd but not a strong set of working professionals in louisville..

[TMP]

I talked with my POI who I turned down for my current program about 6 weeks after I made my decision. Trust me, I was second-guessing. I said to him, "I just wanted to say in person how I'm sorry to have to do this, it was hard saying no to you." He looked at me in the eye and said, "Don't even give it a second... no third thought to this, I will be very upset with you!"

While it's not quite related to your situation but his point was, I had two great offers and I couldn't really go wrong with either, and I now had to live with my decision and what my program has to offer. I can say that the more I'm settled in my new program and with my adviser, I can hardly imagine making these second-guesses (erm, third). Just dive in and you'll stop thinking twice.

[rising_star]

It is interesting that there isnt really a scene for the 25-35 profesional set. I can find the artsy crowd but not a strong set of working professionals in louisville..

Are you sure? Louisville is a decent-sized city and I'd imagine there is a scene for working professionals but it might not be where you think. Check LinkedIn, Facebook, and Meetup to see if you can find relevant happenings and connect with other young professionals that way.

[prettyuff1]

Are you sure? Louisville is a decent-sized city and I'd imagine there is a scene for working professionals but it might not be where you think. Check LinkedIn, Facebook, and Meetup to see if you can find relevant happenings and connect with other young professionals that way.

nope.. I have been to a few networking events.. the bulk of the questions i was asked had to deal with " what high school i went to". I went to some meet up events " new in louisville" was one of them. I think it is a mindset problem here. I am pretty progressive living in one of the least integrated states in the union.

[phonology_rocks]

I only had one real choice. I got a fresh start in undergrad, and didn't want another one, but low and behold here I am....I am struggeling too, but I know there is an upside to having to fit in again....I think its hard not wonder ....but your there so as I and everyone else who has wondered what if should do....try to make the most of it....as someone already said its easy to think the grass is always greener on the other side...