does anyone feel like they are putting their lives on hold?

[tiarabun]

i have become this commitment phobe ever since i've decided to apply to PhD. 

i refuse to commit to anything that will last longer than three months or go beyond August because i dont even know where im gonna be

 

i dont want to look for full time work for now just to resign when grad school comes along

i dont want to renew my gym membership because they are impossible to get out of

my love life is completely stale. i dont even want to go on dates and lead someone on if i'm gonna be continents away in a few months (i have the worst of luck when it comes to long distance relationships) 

 

the worst is, i dont even know all these waiting and sacrifices are going to be worth it cuz i havent even received any acceptances so far   

 

its so easy to tell people to stay positive 

but it sucks to be the one agonizing

 

P.S. the only thing that i have committed myself to is to write a novel on topics that im absolutely passionate about (vampire, romance, US history, DC, grad school life), which turns out to be the best way to keep me sane! 

Edited February 13, 2013 by tiarabun

[RiseofthePhoenix]

You're not alone. Everyone feels this way. The only commitment to be made during this time is to oneself and April 15. Everything you feel is normal for someone going thru this phase of the application process.

[sje]

Yeah, I think this is pretty normal. I'm going through the phase now of trying to set up a contingency plan in the event that I don't get in anywhere... Which is depressing me to no end. 

[MPPgal]

I even fell bad taking new projects at work that i know I will not be able to finish

[tiarabun]

I even fell bad taking new projects at work that i know I will not be able to finish

 

i know that feeling. i feel like on one hand i definitely want to get in because this is what i've been waiting for, on the other i just want all my rejections to come in already (if i am to be rejected) so i can get on with my (sad and pathetic) life and move forward

[VBD]

I feel exactly like this. After being unemployed for a job related to my major for almost a year, I finally got two job offers. But they want immediate hiring and they are binding for 1 year. For grad school, I'm waiving the offers, I'm all -in until April 15th at this point. I don't think it's sad and pathetic, it's just the necessary evil of pausing life for grad apps.

[lmt007]

I am in a similar boat. I just returned from living abroad for two years, and am in a holding pattern while I wait for news. The problem is my family lives in a small town, so the economy is particularly rough here. I have applied to dozens of secretary/assistant positions, and keep losing out to people with MA's because the job market here is so crap that people with BA's are having to step down a notch from the types of jobs they'd normally accept. If I don't get in anywhere, my plan is to cast my net nationwide for jobs and move wherever I can find work - but man, it is discouraging to be twiddling my thumbs in the meantime!

[AnonymousAcademic]

I'm in the same boat too - almost every week my spouse and I are discussing the "what ifs"...

 

What if I get accepted...

 

What happens if I get rejected...

 

What if, what if, what if... 

[realestate101]

When do all your find out? I find out beginning of March and mid-march. Applied to two master programs. This waiting is driving me nuts. 

[CP3]

i have become this commitment phobe ever since i've decided to apply to PhD. 

i refuse to commit to anything that will last longer than three months or go beyond August because i dont even know where im gonna be

 

i dont want to look for full time work for now just to resign when grad school comes along

i dont want to renew my gym membership because they are impossible to get out of

my love life is completely stale. i dont even want to go on dates and lead someone on if i'm gonna be continents away in a few months (i have the worst of luck when it comes to long distance relationships) 

 

the worst is, i dont even know all these waiting and sacrifices are going to be worth it cuz i havent even received any acceptances so far   

 

its so easy to tell people to stay positive 

but it sucks to be the one agonizing

 

P.S. the only thing that i have committed myself to is to write a novel on topics that im absolutely passionate about (vampire, romance, US history, DC, grad school life), which turns out to be the best way to keep me sane! 

This is perhaps the BEST thread I have seen posted since I found this website!

 

I was just married 8 months ago to the love of my life. We have been together for nearly 6 years. She HAS her teaching job, I'm working part-time right now in the hopes that I will be accepted to a PhD program. I turn 30 in a few weeks, we want to start a family in a few years. If I don't get accepted, I may have to postpone starting a family, etc.

 

This is a very difficult situation. She is 100% supportive, but women have a limited time to have children, men can reproduce when they are 70!! hahaha. 

 

My whole point is that you should be thankful that you have the opportunity to make choices ON YOUR OWN. You do not have to worry about a significant other in your decision making process.

 

We have all made huge sacrifices, be proud that you have put yourself out there like the rest of us have, GOOD LUCK to you my friend!! 

[tiarabun]

I just got my first rejection on VALENTINE'S DAY

how cruel are you UT Austin!

[CP3]

Hang in there!!!!

[FCP]

I am putting my life on hold. I totally understand how you feel. I am waiting to here back from a program I applied to, and I have decided to move to the city either way. However, my social life is going down the drain, because I know I can't make ties with anyone. 

 

It is bitter sweet. 

[tiarabun]

I have already executed my plan b. I went to an interview for an adjunct position at a US university's satellite school in my city. Will start teaching in June.

[jwu]

i feel ya.

[sansao]

There's not even a "feels like" about it. Everything is on hold until 4/15 at the earliest. I'm taking a couple "booster classes," so I don't have to take them in grad school. My partner's being amazing about everything. That's it for passing the time, though. I can't commit to anything else without decisions.

[SLPjmar]

My entire life is on hold because I have no idea what's going to happen after 5/22. I have no place to live, as my lease is up. I have not been accepted/rejected from any program yet, but all of them are geographically very far from my current location. There's no way to plan my life or have any idea of what the future holds for me right now.

 

It sucks. 

[tiarabun]

truth be told, i actually feel better after getting my first rejection. Despite the initial hurt (I was super sad for a day and forgot an important work commitment, which never happened), i finally feel like i can move my life forward and start committing to things. I know some of you think the chances are still there as long as I've been rejected by all my schools, but i have this really strong feeling I will. Getting rejected by a school which I thought was a perfect fit makes me think there must be something wrong with my application.

[EliWT]

My life IS on hold. After 11 declines last year, I convinced my wife to give me one more app season. Since then, we have both just whittled away the year in the same jobs we hate in a town we hate just for the PhD process. You are definitely not alone.

[sandymad]

I totally understand about getting rejects on Valentine's day. :-/ This was my first ever reject (in my life) last year and all I could think about this Valentine's day was "Unfortunately, we have lot of people applying to our school..." email.

 

In my case, I want to go to Europe from India, but I can't without knowing where I will be in May.  I don't feel like taking the plunge and booking tickets to places I want to visit or apply for a job transfer because I feel that it will somehow jinx my results.

 

The wait is killing me.

[DeMoomin]

An excellent thread. I am supposed to start dissertation writing for my MA and I cannot for the life of me even sit down to read a little. I have assignments I should be working on for the coming week, but instead I'm browsing this forum and others to do with student activities.I know it's totally pointless checking emails fifty times a day and worrying about 'what if I get in here but don't get in there?' I'm not even eating properly at the moment because I just zone out for ages thinking about the million different directions my life could spin into if even just one variable goes wrong.

 

I sometimes wish there was a button in my head where I could temporarily delete all memories of having applied to PhD. I would be such a happier and saner person for it. 

[Enamored]

An excellent thread. I am supposed to start dissertation writing for my MA and I cannot for the life of me even sit down to read a little. I have assignments I should be working on for the coming week, but instead I'm browsing this forum and others to do with student activities.I know it's totally pointless checking emails fifty times a day and worrying about 'what if I get in here but don't get in there?' I'm not even eating properly at the moment because I just zone out for ages thinking about the million different directions my life could spin into if even just one variable goes wrong.

 

I sometimes wish there was a button in my head where I could temporarily delete all memories of having applied to PhD. I would be such a happier and saner person for it. 

I am on a similar boat. I'm working on my MA thesis and it has been increasingly difficult to focus on writing, especially when I know I should be writing almost all the time considering the short time I have before graduation. I check my emails constantly and now I've even started seeing decisions in my dreams. Some days I wake up feeling good just because I saw 'Acceptance with full funding' from some university in my dreams and some days it's just the opposite. It seems like I'm no longer able to get rid of this anxiety. 

 

I'm just hoping for these waiting days to end with a positive outcome and only then will I get some sleep.   

[Comrade_S]

My entire life is on hold because I have no idea what's going to happen after 5/22. I have no place to live, as my lease is up. I have not been accepted/rejected from any program yet, but all of them are geographically very far from my current location. There's no way to plan my life or have any idea of what the future holds for me right now.

 

It sucks. 

 

This!!! So much!! Im in the exact same boat. My lease is also coming up very soon and I havent even heard back from half of the schools I applied to. I cant make any commitments and my life is just in flux. Its so depressing. Im supposed to fill out performance goals for next year at work(due tomorrow, its a huge thing for this company) and im not even sure what to put down cos if eveything goes to plan, Im quitting at the end of the summer to hopefully go to grad school and Im pretty sure no one is going be entertained by me putting down, "Going to quit in 3 months" for my goals.

 

One option Ive been considering is just getting a storage unit for the most of my stuff and then finding a short sublet for the next few months until i figure out whats going on. Storage units arent that expensive(about $50 for a 10x10 unit in the east coast and that can accomodat the belongings of 2 people if you dont have any bulky furniture that will take up a lot of space)

[tiarabun]

This!!! So much!! Im in the exact same boat. My lease is also coming up very soon and I havent even heard back from half of the schools I applied to. I cant make any commitments and my life is just in flux. Its so depressing. Im supposed to fill out performance goals for next year at work(due tomorrow, its a huge thing for this company) and im not even sure what to put down cos if eveything goes to plan, Im quitting at the end of the summer to hopefully go to grad school and Im pretty sure no one is going be entertained by me putting down, "Going to quit in 3 months" for my goals.

One option Ive been considering is just getting a storage unit for the most of my stuff and then finding a short sublet for the next few months until i figure out whats going on. Storage units arent that expensive(about $50 for a 10x10 unit in the east coast and that can accomodat the belongings of 2 people if you dont have any bulky furniture that will take up a lot of space)

Logistic stuff like leases is the hardest to deal with! My gym membership is up today and I didn't pull the trigger to renew it until three days ago! I only renewed it for six months though. I know I said I'm pretty sure I will be rejected by the remaining two programs... But locking down with a big commitment like signing on a year-long contract just feels like giving up Edited February 28, 2013 by tiarabun

[dumpling]

Me too.

I've been insanely waiting like there is no tomorrow.

At weekends, I don't go out, just sitting home reading forum topics.

I want to change job, but I just can't start looking...

Altho I made up my mind to start job hunting next week...Coz I am on a wl and I think ppl got offer from the school won't respond so quickly, and I can't wait until April.