Dontuse Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 me? well i used to be: [*] confident [i doubt when i answer 2 to "what is 1+1?"] [*] beautiful [shower versus refresh my email. guess who wins this battle?] [*] scheduled [my life is on HOLD until i know all the decisions. it's a stalemate & im dying] [*] fun [ive turned into a nervous wreck] [*] gregarious [i won't talk about any of my acceptances/rejections with anyone in person. no one in my actual life knows im applying. seriously] [*] easygoing [why won't this flipping page F5 faster?!?!?!?!?! even the computer is rejecting my advances] & [*] a good person [i'm not sure i qualify as a 'person' right now] i swear... i've never been so aware of the date in my life... never... as in Not Ever. who were you before this application season? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ec86 Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 I was a bit less stressed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunshine6 Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 sane Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GirlattheHelm Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 Patient - I've seen this dwindle a lot. Empathetic - I really, seriously, cannot empathize with anyone else but those within the graduate admissions process right now. Not with the homeless, not with cute showcase kids who are dying of terminal illnesses, not anybody. I know that sounds awful but, christ, at least if you have a terminal illness you know the most likely freakin' outcome. Collected - I have never cried like a fucking big ole baby since I was one. It's really quite unbelievable how weepy I am when I'm alone. Motivated - I could get work done well. Now I just get some work done. Who am I to care, really? If this leads nowhere I suppose nobody is holding me accountable. Super Sweet & Compassionate - Right now I'm SUPER BITCH and quite a grouch to add. My friend is always mocking me when I snap at her and she'll respond, "That was a really crabby thing to say, I'm not gonna lie" or "Whoa! I'm the one who wakes up in the morning and plans on being an asshole; when did you take my job?" A Mild Marlboro Girl - Two and a half packs of Marlboro Red 100's later I'm more like the tough, well ridden roadhouse broad. Oh, and I used to eat food - rather than get butterflies and run around trying to avoid sustenance for fear of hurling. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dontuse Posted March 12, 2009 Author Share Posted March 12, 2009 Empathetic - I really, seriously, cannot empathize with anyone else but those within the graduate admissions process right now. Not with the homeless, not with cute showcase kids who are dying of terminal illnesses, not anybody. I know that sounds awful but, christ, at least if you have a terminal illness you know the most likely freakin' outcome. i can't clap loudly enough... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pikatopia Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 Patient - I've seen this dwindle a lot. two thumbs up, sixty bazillion cheers and 110% agreed with you on this one!! it's come to me screaming at the computer/email program/the air/imaginary grad comm - "JUST TELL ME SOMETHING!! ANYTHING!!!" i have callouses from hitting "send/receive"... now, in all honesty, i'm only waiting on my last two (and already have my top two in the bag - yay!)...but I just want this exhaustipating process to be OVER...and I can't really consider it "over" until I have all the results. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whateverneveram3n Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 Empathetic - I really, seriously, cannot empathize with anyone else but those within the graduate admissions process right now. Not with the homeless, not with cute showcase kids who are dying of terminal illnesses, not anybody. I know that sounds awful but, christ, at least if you have a terminal illness you know the most likely freakin' outcome. I can't even empathize with those in the process who at least have one admit. I really don't understand why anybody would be freaking out after receiving an offer of admission. At least you know you going SOMEWHERE. Try not having any idea what you're doing with the next five years of your life; none at all. Honest to god, the second I get (if I get) an admit, I'm going to be sleeping like a baby. Won't even notice I haven't heard from the other remaining school yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pikatopia Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 I can't even empathize with those in the process who at least have one admit. I really don't understand why anybody would be freaking out after receiving an offer of admission. At least you know you going SOMEWHERE. Try not having any idea what you're doing with the next five years of your life; none at all. I'm really sorry - I wasn't meaning to offend at all (if I did)... :oops: I'm just kind of OCD and need all loose ends tied up before something feels *done*. And I will agree - it does feel good to know that at least I have somewhere to go... Sending you good luck and positive energy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whateverneveram3n Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 I'm really sorry - I wasn't meaning to offend at all (if I did)... :oops: I'm just kind of OCD and need all loose ends tied up before something feels *done*. And I will agree - it does feel good to know that at least I have somewhere to go... Sending you good luck and positive energy! No, not offended; no worries. (I didn't even really read your post as freaking out, and wasn't really talking about you--I've read/heard more a lot more angsty things from lots of other people who already have admits somewhere.) I'm only saying: I can't empathize. My rational brain can put two-and-two together and deduce that humans like having all ends tied up, but in my completely self-absorbed current state, a rational admission that you have a right to feel how you feel is about all I'm capable of right now. I hope that's still worth something anyway... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whateverneveram3n Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 Sending you good luck and positive energy! ...and right back at you. I hope your schools hurry the eff up and give you some (hopefully positive, of course) resolution asap! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
psychdork Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 I can't even empathize with those in the process who at least have one admit. I really don't understand why anybody would be freaking out after receiving an offer of admission. At least you know you going SOMEWHERE. Try not having any idea what you're doing with the next five years of your life; none at all. Exactly!!! They are wondering if they got in anywhere else...I'm wondering if I got in at all! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emilee Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 I used to be ten pounds lighter. .....currently drowning my application heartaches with a bag of chips. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GirlattheHelm Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 I used to be ten pounds lighter. .....currently drowning my application heartaches with a bag of chips. Hey, Emilee, I'm not eating hardly anything... though I'll wager I'll put on twenty before I force myself to sweat it off. Hell, if I get unanimously rejected I swear to god I'm going to buy a sheet cake, come home, and eat it myself. :shock: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
riss287 Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 I used to be the same, but now all my bad qualities have just been 10x magnified: impatience, bitchiness, and OCD email checking. Oh, and I'm desperately trying to become an alcoholic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whateverneveram3n Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 I used to be the same, but now all my bad qualities have just been 10x magnified: impatience, bitchiness, and OCD email checking. Oh, and I'm desperately trying to become an alcoholic. I'm currently downing a beer in hopes it will actually help keep me from tossing and turning for three solid hours before falling asleep tonight. ... Only now that I see that written before me do I realize how honestly off-kilter I am right now...eek. :| Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
riss287 Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 I'm currently downing a beer in hopes it will actually help keep me from tossing and turning for three solid hours before falling asleep tonight. ... Only now that I see that written before me do I realize how honestly off-kilter I am right now...eek. :| Yeah, sleep isn't easy, even though I'm incredibly tired. I actually plan an imaginary budget for every city that I might end up living in.... hence, more OCDness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wishful112 Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 I, too, have been planning out how I will live in different cities. Then I remember how small a chance I have of actually moving to any of these cities and the panic starts all over again... Breathing has never been so difficult. I literally feel every minute pass and I try to rationalize the million times I check my email and this website. I'm subhuman right now... and while it's comforting to know everyone else is losing their sanity, I don't know what I'm going to do if I come out of this process with nothing to show for it. How the hell do people do this several years in a row??? How do you tell your family and friends you struck out, when they have no idea what this process actually is and how hard it's been? I don't think I've ever been this insecure, weepy, bitchy, and OCD all wrapped into one miserable package. And to think I started this process enthusiastically. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whateverneveram3n Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 How do you tell your family and friends you struck out, when they have no idea what this process actually is and how hard it's been? It's easier than you think. (This is my second year applying.) You're ridiculously depressed, but also very happy it's just finally over. However, I do understand what you're saying. How am I going to tell people I struck out AGAIN? eff, I hope it doesn't come to that. Because then it's like, well...you're obviously a moron, then. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice...that whole thing. *deep breaths...* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
miratrix Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 I know this isn't really in the spirit of the thread, but I'm a little more sad about losing who I've become over this app season...at the time I started working on applications, I moved to a new city after being really rootless for a year and a half after college, and in the months since I've made friends with new roommates and co-workers and become part of a church community. I'm really going to miss the roots and routines I've just started to form, grad school seemed more attractive when I had nothing worth staying put for. However, it'd be more interesting than my work, and my financial situation is unstable and bad enough that I can't really afford NOT to go to grad school, so I'm very grateful to have gotten a couple acceptances out of all this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
was1984 Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 Here is mine: Employed - I lost my job in a layoff because my manager knew I was going back to school. Productive - I spend my whole life at my computer now. Granted, I did the same thing at my job, but still... Empathetic - Ok, so I was never that empathetic (sorry, I wish I were!), but I'm even less so now! Living Alone - See employed. Now living with my parents again for the next 6 months. Sane - Just like everybody else... Oh, and I had a car wreck today... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
limeinthecoconut Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 Here is mine: Employed - I lost my job in a layoff because my manager knew I was going back to school. Oh, and I had a car wreck today... Gee, I am really sorry to hear that. Here's mine: Then I was a free human Now I am just a slave to my computer/e-mail and all those schools which are twiddling their thumbs while I wither away in my chains. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mentalyoga Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 Who was I before this? Hmm... 1) A confident (perhaps too much so) student. 2) A person who managed to get good sleep even in the midst of thesis work, coursework, and everything else. 3) An open, rather than secretive, alcoholic! 4) Sane. Just kidding...mostly. But I have to say, dealing with this and seeing others (mostly on here) cope, this process really puts a person through the shredder! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reinventing Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 -sane -able to focus on work -hopeful ("it's gonna happen!") -less chip-on-shoulder-y, distracted, dark-circled, occasionally grumpy -wealthier -not addicted to Twizzlers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jakrabite Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 I was confident in general and happy about the life choices I had made. I had graduated with top grades in my Master's program and was enthusiastic about a PhD. Now I increasingly feel paranoid and indecisive. I sleep at odd hours. Wake up dreading another day awaiting updates from universities. It's hard seeing your aspirations die a slow and painful death. On a positive note, I quit smoking during this period. So I guess it's not all bad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
habu987 Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 -sane -able to focus on work -hopeful ("it's gonna happen!") -less chip-on-shoulder-y, distracted, dark-circled, occasionally grumpy -wealthier Rural--right on! This whole process, combined with a very large dosage of senioritis, really does not make my academic work this semester and summer any easier.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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