Regret about undergrad school and experience

[omoplata]

I know it is really stupid and petty, but I have been unable to shake this deep-seated regret that I have carried ever since my senior year of college that I went to the wrong school. (That was a couple years ago -- a year has now passed since my graduation.) I turned down more personality-fitting and intellectually rewarding schools for the sake of a single major that was offered at the school I ended up going to, which I ended up losing interest in. Academics aside, I tried to convince myself that I liked the prevailing culture of the school in question, but down the line, it was clear that that was not the case and that I had wasted so much time trying to fit in with vain, vapid peers I did not care for for acceptance's sake. History illusion and whatnot, I did not predict that my interests, my desires would change with experience, and when I finally became confident and informed enough about what I wanted, it obviously was far too late to transfer.

 

I know the phrase, "Wherever you go, there you are." I understand that I would have had similar problems at whichever school I went to. I do not regret the wonderful friends I ended up finding at the tail end of my college time and my advisors I was privileged to interact with. I am just having trouble escaping my regret, knowing that I would have found more intellectual fulfillment, been more prepared for grad school, saved time and led a more efficient path (as opposed to working jobs I did not enjoy before going back for a postbac) had I gone to the schools I turned down.

 

I was just wondering whether anyone else had similar feelings. I usually hear more about immediate, initial regrets on college choice which culminates in transfers or acclimations, rather than gradual disillusionments.

 

Not a big fan of the ever-increasing emphasis that American corporate society has helped push on specializing ever earlier in life.

 

[juilletmercredi]

I don't have regret about where I chose to go to undergrad.  Sometimes I wonder what life would have been like if I hadn't been a first-generation college student and I had known about financial aid - I was an outstanding black student from a financially disadvantaged family, and probably could've gotten heaps of need-based money to attend an elite university or liberal arts college.  I went to a very good SLAC on a merit scholarship instead.  So I wonder sometimes whether I would be taken differently if I had went somewhere more prestigious or well-known - even for something mundane as not having to explain my college to people every time they ask me where I went to undergrad ("I went to X College...it's a small liberal arts college in Y City.  No, it's a women's college..." vs. "I went to Wellesley.")

 

But then I realize that I wouldn't be the me that I am today without having gone to my SLAC, and I like the me I am.  I got a lot of very valuable experiences at my undergrad.  It changed who I am as a person in a very positive way and gave me values that I am proud of.  Plus I need to expend energy on looking forward, as I complete my dissertation and prepare for the next phases of my professional career.  So I don't spend a lot of time dwelling on it.

 

At some point you realize - the things in the past you can't change.  Whether that's your GPA or your GRE scores or that nonmajor class you failed because you skipped one too many times, the fact that you started doing research in your senior year instead of junior, or just something as basic as where you chose to go to undergrad.  You made the best choice for yourself at the time with the available information that you had.  Hindsight is always much clearer than foresight, but when you were 18, you had no way of knowing that you would lose interest in that field.  And I'm sure that you're none worse for the wear for it - is it negatively impacting where you are now?  You seem to be well-adjusted, with lots of friends and experiences to enjoy.

 

Lastly,

 

knowing that I would have found more intellectual fulfillment, been more prepared for grad school, saved time and led a more efficient path (as opposed to working jobs I did not enjoy before going back for a postbac) had I gone to the schools I turned down.

 

You do not know this, because there is literally no way to know this. You cannot go back and time and do a counterfactual experiment - go to the other college as the you you were when you were 17 or 18, and do it all over.  You don't know that you would've found more fulfillment, been better prepared to grad school, or saved time.  Perhaps you would've majored in something close to your old field, decided you hated it and entered a corporate position.  Perhaps your more ambitious friends at the other places would've peer pressured you into trying pre-med or pre-law.  Perhaps you would've struggled and failed a few classes and had to do what you're doing now anyway.  You never know what your outcome would've been had you done things differently.  We as humans just like to imagine that if we selected the other option that things would've been better, but there's simply zero ways of knowing that.

 

Focus on you now, and being the best you that you can be.  Reflect on the experiences at your undergrad that made you who you are.  And if there is somewhere that you want to go and you need extra tools or experiences to get there, figure out how to earn those.

Edited November 15, 2013 by juilletmercredi

[omoplata]

Coincidentally, one of the postdocs I work with just described to me a concept of "betting on your current state" as the way to maximize desired future financial outcomes he gleaned from reading an economics paper. Not immediately related to either the field of focus in the lab I am in now or this topic, but I found that notion transferable

 

It is so funny you know, how the tiniest things, the most fleeting experiences (along with the larger ones, of course) can lead us to where we are today. 

 

Thank you for your prudent comment, juilletmercredi. 

 

(Ironically, I was peer pressured into doing pre-med. Found that it was not for me. Well, now I know.) 

Edited November 15, 2013 by omoplata

[Guest Gnome Chomsky]

I was gonna make a comment saying "quit whining" but I guess I'll play nice. I wouldn't say I really "regret" anything, but I've always kinda known that things would have/could have been a lot different if I had different circumstances. I know a lot of people on here went to good colleges and even Ivy Leagues as undergrads. I view going to a good school as an undergrad differently than going for grad school. For grad school, no matter where you go, you have to earn it. I'm not saying people who went to Harvard for undergrad didn't work hard in high school, but I'm saying they probably have "different" circumstances. Me, I went to multiple high schools and did horribly until I ended up dropping out. Then I got my GED and joined the military. After the military, when I finally decided to take school seriously, I had to start at the bottom. I took a community college placement test and did very well. I did the Honors program at my community college and transferred to a neighboring university after I got my associate's. The university I went to is a low-tier state college. Lots of their departments are way behind, especially the one I was a part of. I did as well as I probably could have (took every class, got all A's, did extraciriccular stuff, etc) but I still feel like I had a very limited college experience compared to other people. Anyway, now I'm applying to pretty well respected master's programs and, who knows, maybe I'll get a PhD from an Ivy League some day (not saying I'd want to). So that's my story. Like I said, I don't regret it. I did a lot of things more priveledged people never had the chance to do. 

Edited November 15, 2013 by JoeyBoy718

[dat_nerd]

I know a lot of people on here went to good colleges and even Ivy Leagues as undergrads.

Maybe, but not necessarily. 

 

I went to a community college. After two years, I transferred to a state college. The college is no longer ranked, and it's certainly no top college or ivy league.

 

College is exactly what you make it -- no more, and no less. Once I realized I wanted to go to grad school, I took every opportunity to make myself a competitive applicant. Those opportunities, such as research assistantships and academic mentors, never appear on their own, even at a "good college". I am now attending a top-10 PhD program in my field, and I can say for certain that my undergraduate advisors and the opportunities I was given (not the name of the college) prepared me very well for a PhD program.

[Cesare]

I regret not going to a different, better school. I feel very bitter because I see what other courses schools offer their undergrads. Courses that would make me a stronger candidate for graduate school, but I was unable to take because it was never offered at my institution. I am irritated because I paid the same amount in tuition, but received less education. Now I am stuck competing against people who had the opportunity to take these courses. If I only new then what I know now...

*I did take advantage of opportunities like research projects, etc., but I still can't help feeling angry. I feel cheated. 

Edited November 15, 2013 by Cesare

[LittleDarlings]

I regret not going to a school away from home. I would be a totally different person (and probably have a boyfriend) if I had that independence. I would know how to do stuff for myself instead of my parents doing everything for me.

The school itself that I went to I have no regrets beyond that. It was a decent school and I had decent grads and I loved it but I wish I personally would have made my experience different

Edited November 15, 2013 by Pinkster12

[browncow]

I also would have chosen very differently if I had gone to university at 18 (instead of early), but at this point I no longer count it as a regret. The fact is your life builds on your choices and your opportunities. I don't believe "everything happens for a reason," but if you make the best of your opportunities any direction, good things do happen -- usually good enough that you would not be willing to give them up if you could start over.

 

At 18, I would have chosen a creative liberal arts college over STEM study at my top-10 university. No joke. It would have been an infinitely better fit and almost certainly led to a smoother career path. On the other hand, the choice I did make brought me closest friends, opened a lot of doors, and put me through a lot of rough but very interesting times that I would not be willing to trade in at this point.

 

I am a decade out of my degree. It took me at least half that time to become reconciled with the way it went down. Hopefully with greater age and maturity it will take you less. But as long as you pursue what you want now, when you are more than a couple years removed from this experience and you've seen what it leads to, I think you will make your peace with it. My advice is not to dwell on it. Tell yourself you will put off judgment another three years and then try to let it go.

 

I really relate to this and wish you the best.

Edited December 16, 2013 by browncow

[socioholic]

I can relate. I secured a good scholarship very early and was able to leave high school early to attend so I went. I didn't even apply other places or consider other scholarships because I was ready to be out in the world. In retrospect, I wish I had thought more about what I really wanted to do and researched different colleges before I jumped right in. I was a math lover on the math team so I just decided math teacher was it, not contemplating anything else. also, I wish I had thought more about the money then. It's much easier to get burnt out from a high paying career and switch than it is to get disillusioned with prospects and go back.

Edited December 18, 2013 by socioholic

[Eigen]

Maybe, but not necessarily. 

 

I went to a community college. After two years, I transferred to a state college. The college is no longer ranked, and it's certainly no top college or ivy league.

 

College is exactly what you make it -- no more, and no less. Once I realized I wanted to go to grad school, I took every opportunity to make myself a competitive applicant. Those opportunities, such as research assistantships and academic mentors, never appear on their own, even at a "good college". I am now attending a top-10 PhD program in my field, and I can say for certain that my undergraduate advisors and the opportunities I was given (not the name of the college) prepared me very well for a PhD program.

 

Barely ranked regional state school here. 

 

About half of the people in my program came from similar institutions. 

[Pitangus]

I attended a relatively unknown college for financial reasons. I know I would have had more research opportunities at a different school and would've been better prepared for applying to graduate schools.  On the other hand, I made my own opportunities while in undergrad, graduated first in my class, and have no student loan debt, so I don't regret my decision.

[spectastic]

I don't really care, not anymore.

 

I was in a bad state in high school. I felt I definitely could've attended a better institution, and so did people around me. But I was limited by resources and opportunities. No green card, no money to pay outstate/private tuition, pretty much impossible to get scholarships, no many options... I was really pissed off about it for a while. But now I realize it doesn't matter. What matters is what you do from this point forward.