Severe Social Anxiety

[pearspears]

I am considering a low-res program because of social anxiety. I'm afraid I may regret this in the future b/c I want have any TAing or the typical "grad school experience". Is this something you have noticed going away by just DOING it....like baptism by hellfire. Should I try taking medicine and just going through with it?

[fuzzylogician]

As someone who used to get anxious from merely thinking about saying something in class (in undergrad and before) and who now easily gets up in front of a room full of people to teach or present my work, I can guarantee you that it does get better. The only way to get over the anxiety is by doing. You can start small and work your way from there. There are resources for teachers on campus and there are groups dedicated to learning to present - e.g. (non-competitive) debate groups, drama clubs, etc. For me it was easier to start by learning a new language (I'm a linguist, after all) where I didn't know anyone in the group and I realized that the only way I would ever learn the language is by speaking it, even if I make mistakes. Beside, who cares if I do -- everybody does, and besides I didn't know anyone in the group and wasn't interested in making friends with them, to keep the distance I needed in order not to care.  For me it was like "baptism by hellfire," as you so eloquently put it, but in small steps. I started with more protected environments where I wasn't judged on my ability to speak in front of a crowd and only after I gained confidence in doing that did I move on, first to lecturing environments where it was important that I deliver my talk right but where I thought bombing would mostly affect me and not so much my audience. Later on I started teaching, once I was confident that I could do it. It's a learning experience and I wasn't great the first time around, but if you put conscious effort into it, you can learn. I've never tried taking medicine and I would not recommend starting without attempting to make things work without it, but either way it's something to consult with your doctor about. If that's what it takes to get you out there, it might be worth considering. 

 

For me it was important to become good at presenting and teaching because those skills are vital to being a good professor. You need to teach and you need to be able to communicate your ideas if you want to be successful. You may want a career where that's not important so you might be able to avoid going through this process, but honestly I think it's worth it either way because it'll create opportunities for you in the future. You need to communicate your ideas not only in a teaching-type position but also e.g. if you would ever want to be in management, or if you would like to share your art, music, etc. with others. Avoiding opportunities because you're scared is really a shame, and the longer it lasts the harder it is to resolve. 

[nugget]

Get some counselling. After 12 weeks of cognitive behavioural therapy you WILL see an improvement. Social anxiety is one of the most treatment disorders around with very high success rates.

[pears]

unrelated: OP's username is freakin' me out, man.

related: i, too, have severe anxiety. i minimize my caffeine intake & practice progressive muscle relaxation as much as i can!

[Guest Gnome Chomsky]

I see you're going for an MFA and I assume you do creative writing because I believe those are the only MFAs that offer low-res. I might be wrong though. Anyway, if you do do (I said do do) creative writing, have you ever attempted to "perform" it? Not necessarily flamboyant spoken word but even like a small informal reading. I'm not anxious when it comes to just normal conversation or speaking up in class, but I was always uneasy about doing things that were "artistic" in front of people (acting, music, poetry, etc). Anyway, I took 4 creative writing classes (2 strictly poetry and 2 poetry/fiction/non-fiction) in college just for fun. I'd never written creatively before but it was just something I wanted to try. Me and my professor (my bad... my professor and me) hit it off and he really liked my poetry. We had our final class of the semester at a spoken word/bar/bistro and he ended up pulling me on stage and basically put me on the spot to perform a poem. After the first 2-3 lines something came over me and I just got into this poetry slam zone. People really liked it and I even surprised myself. After that, I and my professor did spoken word 5-6 more times over the next few months. Things came up in life and I stopped writing and performing, but I'm glad I did it. I surprised myself and it's something I'll always remember. Anyway, I guess my point is, just throw yourself in to something and see what happens. You might surprise yourself. 

[teethwax]

Everybody's anxiety is different, so your mileage may vary, but when I applied to grad school I was recovering from PTSD and dealing with a lot of anxiety and depression.  This year (I started my MFA in the fall) is the first year in a while where I've interacted with people normally -- making friends, hanging out -- and it's been really good for me.  Getting a fresh start somewhere was a big help, and everyone's so busy that it's easy to say "Oh man, sorry, I can't tonight" when I need to be alone.  I also don't know what kind of treatment you might be doing (and it's not my business), but getting therapy or medication through school can be very affordable, and any therapist you talk to also has a lot of experience helping people through high-stress academic situations.  

 

So what I'm saying is that it can be scary, but a residential program could also be more helpful than you expect.  Good luck, whatever you decide.

[danieleWrites]

Here's kind of where you have to do a cost/benefit analysis.

 

What do you plan to do with your MFA when you get it? The vast majority of low-res MFA grads want a job in a university because, frankly, non-teaching jobs for MFAs are few. If you are considering a teaching position, particularly in creative writing, it's better to get in grad school when you have a department supporting and training you than as an adjunct or professor, when you're expected to do it on your own.

 

If your social anxiety is so severe that you can't do public speaking, and you can't get past it, you should think hard about your goals with an MFA. What do you want to do with it when you graduate? How much will it cost you to get an MFA? Particularly if you don't have a TAship to cover tuition and basic expenses? If social anxiety is a significant problem, how can you get help to solve it so you can make use of your MFA? One of the things about a regular program is that you have access to the university counseling center at low or no cost, so you can have sessions with a therapist to deal with your anxiety. Low-res won't cover that.

 

JoeyBoy has an excellent idea. You've, presumably, got work. Find something in your area that will allow you to present your work in some way. If it's art, put together a charity show if one isn't available, or volunteer to teach little kids in some program. Do a reading. Go do karaoke.

[Henry Hudson]

pearspears,

I was very nervous when I began TAing, and even the next few years, after a summer off, I would be nervous again in September. But it does get easier with practice.

 

Remember, your students understand you are not a full prof or even adjunct/sessional; they won't be holding you to the same standard. They will be looking to you for guidance and consistency. 

 

The profs will be looking at you as a colleague-in-training. They know there will be screw-ups along the way; many of them did them too (even if they don't talk about them).

 

Set a few foundational rules, spell out necessary criteria on grading and deadlines, and be firm and fair but approachable.

 

I found a way to get my bearings by reassuring them that I had once been an undergrad, too, and not as long ago as they might guess. I positioned myself as a guide, an asset to help them build skills in school to improve their writing and analytic skills so they can better impress profs when they reach upper-year courses. And I reminded them that I, too, was a student with my own coursework, and thus my office hours and email reply times are not arbitrary but a necessary part of my strucute so I can get my own work done, too. 

 

Don't pretend to be the all-knowing almost-prof; be upfront with your own status, be clear and firm on directions, don't be afraid to say "I don't know, but [i'll find out/let's all look into it/you should ask the professor/etc]" when you really do not know, and don't let the student use the prof as 'going over your head.' The profs will stand by your decisions, so long as you are following their directions and apprising them of any necessary variation.

 

If you are nervous in front of a group, start out with PowerPoint and let that be the focus of the room onto which you are adding commentary; it will let you and them both focus on the visuals. 

 

Look into any training/advising opportunities your school offers TAs. And if that includes counselling, so be it - better early and proactive than in a potential crisis.

 

Again, this is worth repeating: they are not looking to shoot you down, they are looking for guidance from you. They will have enough headaches and drama in their own lives; they are not looking to make you into an enemy. The more you an make it *not* about you but about them, the better. 

[ArtHistoryandMuseum]

You never know if you do not try. If you have nothing to lose (and likely everything to gain), why not?

 

 

 

If you are nervous in front of a group, start out with PowerPoint and let that be the focus of the room onto which you are adding commentary; it will let you and them both focus on the visuals. 

 

 

I second this. In a museum setting, I loved it when I had an object with me (or beside me) -- the eyes from the group went to the object, I focused on what I had to share. It took the pressure off from worrying that they were scrutinizing me for whatever reason. 

 

In addition to PowerPoint (as a way to divert attention from yourself), Prezi may be another option. Also, consider using a whiteboard (or a large pad of paper) during class. On these, you can put an agenda, or notes about what you are teaching on, for them for all to read. Again, this would help take the focus off you and/or your behavior. Plus, if you write an agenda, it reminds you to keep going. For, even if you blank out or get stressed, the class can still follow along.

[Mamahope]

I have SERIOUS anxiety issues, but I am also a college lecturer and a part time lecturer at a university. I third (fourth?) the "baptism by hellfire" scenario because that was the only way I could do it. Once I had some experience it wasn't so bad but I still get nervous if it's a new group or the first day of class. Incidentally, I'm no longer nervous in my seminars thanks to just jumping in.

 

I also find it helpful (particularly when I don't know anyone in the class) to "act". I'm not being someone else, I'm just acting like me, but if I wasn't such an introvert with social anxiety. It's all about putting on a performance and if I can get my mind wrapped around "how I look in front of the class is not a direct reflection of who I am as a person" I can get through it. By the end of term I'm very comfortable around my students but it comes with practice and time.

 

edited to add - I once told a professor who I greatly admired about my anxiety and he confessed to me that he still had, after 25 years, butterflies in his stomach on the first day of class every term. I don't know why, but that made me feel a lot better, because to watch him work a room is like watching magic happen.

Edited December 19, 2013 by Mamahope

[miss sisyphus]

I was so nervous about teaching that I thought about wearing a big gaudy necklace (like Flavor Flav's clock) or a rhinestone bracelet just to take the focus off of me! I didn't, but I DID take anti-anxiety medicine. There are also over-the-counter aids like the drink Purple Stuff (I've seen it in Quick Trip gas stations) and Calming Drops (found in health food stores like Sprouts). I've also tried tapping pressure points (look up EFT on Youtube).  You can use visual aids to distract them, or give them hand-outs or give them back their graded papers at the beginning of class. In fact, speakers suggest that if you want people to pay attention to you, you should NOT give them a hand out. So, just do the opposite. This is silly, but I don't correct students when they call me "professor" if it works in my favor. Some students will respect you more if they think you're a professor. Finally, just think about how you can best help your students learn. Let them know you value them. One of my students told me that I was the first "professor" to ask him if he preferred to go by a nickname. Another told me that he felt like I was the only one "in his corner." Oh, and try to have a sense of humor, too. It's hard for people to be mean when they're in a good mood. Good luck!

[overworkedta]

I'm late to the party since I just discovered all the fun stuff on this particular topic, but I agree with a lot of the suggestions here.  My anxiety isn't attached to social situations like you describe but I have PTSD and OCD which can mean if things don't go to plan, I can be teetering on meltdown.  What has helped me deal with this in regards to life, school and teaching?  CBT.  It's been an effing life-changer.  I'm not only meds that directly address the OCD anymore because they also made me manic (yay Bipolar II) but I get a lot of bang for my buck with therapy.  I do take Valium to sleep at night as-needed and Seroquel for mania.  Neither do I take regularly anymore.  I did for about 2 years, though.  I am just doing so well I don't need them as often as I used to.

 

Best advice in regards to teaching: be yourself.  If you're a bit of a nerd, that's okay.  They will respect you for it.  They may think you're nerdy but, ultimately, that will endear them to you.  I live in an area dominated by the Cards and announce when starting to teach any course that I am a Cubs fan in the "about me" thing I do on syllabus day.  It's self deprecating, gets a laugh, and I can take a deep breath.  Self-deprecating humor can relax the entire room.  I don't get nervous about public speaking per-se but I do get nervous about saying the wrong thing or getting out of my own preferred order.  It really bothers me and I worried about ritualizing a lot when I started lecturing years back.  However, no one has ever commented on it.  I used to do things like sort out my lecturn repeatedly or be anal retentive about handing out assignments, but it's gotten much better.  And, it's never come up in a review!

[vityaz]

One of my teachers in highschool had really bad social anxiety as well. He said he threw up every morning during his first year teaching, and even after 15 years he still gets nervous. He was one of my favourite teachers and did an excellent job. It's perfectly natural to be nervous and I'm sure you'll do a great job.

[seeingeyeduck]

When do you have to decide? Maybe you can work on it a little before you go to school?

I'd also recommend using grad school as an opportunity to improve social skills rather than shy away from it out of fear. Low res is good for people with families or jobs that don't allow them to be a full or part time student, but if you're doing it just because of this fear, you'll be missing out on training and networking, both of which might affect your prospects. Like others have said, schools can have very good free counseling services and there are clubs to practice without professional consequences.

I hated getting up in front of people too, but now I'm quite comfortable with it. Yes, it's still normal to be nervous, but I'm no longer afraid of it. I think part of what helped was taking a group singing class. Everyone warms up together, then you take turns getting up there alone. It's terrifying at first. If there's one thing worse than public speaking, it is public singing! But it was good. Your peers can give you feedback and for me it surprisingly help alleviate my nerves because it became clear that most people are trying to help you and are rooting for you. Everyone is a beginner so we were all in the same boat. By the time I got through a couple of quarters of that, nothing seemed terribly intimidating. In the beginning I never volunteered until I was made to take my turn but by the end I really wanted to get up there and get some guidance. I thought it was better than debate club as some people in debate club are really hardcore or have had a lot of practice. Maybe you can start with an instrument class where you don't have to use your voice but can just get used to being in front of people.

I think CBT is a good idea, but you can work on this yourself too. The key is to realize that you're operating under the spotlight effect - you care about your performance way more than others do. Everyone is mostly focused on themselves! It's also important to not confuse your social skill with your character or identity. It's not a permanent character trait, just a skill you can learn! I don't know if totally applies, but in think this video really makes a good case for going through life with the mentality of learning and improving rather than evaluating yourself as good or bad:

http://99u.com/videos/22655/heidi-grant-halvorson-the-incredible-benefits-of-a-get-better-mindset

It also helps if you are just upfront with it and defuse the atmosphere by telling people that you are not used to being in front of people or that you are a little tentative in social situations. Most people respond well and will sometimes try to make things more comfortable for you when it's said rather than figuring it out by watching you be nervous and awkward.