Finding a Bang Buddy in Grad School?

[Loric]

So... What about those of us who realize the time and committment issues that Grad School presents and yet we all know everyone could use a hand once in a while? I also hear it does wonders for stress levels and we all know stress can be detrimental to work and productivity. I have a sneaking suspicion those who suffer breakdowns in grad school are the same ones who haven't constructed the proper "support system" in their social life.

 

But then this brings up all kinds of other questions...  Can you sleep with undergrad students or a professor? I suppose you "can" but will it lead to trouble down the line? What about meeting people online? Craigslist? And what if I became one of those cam models? Could I combine the healthy stress relief aspects of the lifestyle with a chance at making a little extra on the side? I think some schools have policies against this.

 

And how do you establish the right boundaries? What if you can only come across those who want more or less? Do you take what you can get? Is being able to hold a conversation on a topic you don't care about worth it if you know you're gonna get laid?  Come to think of it, do you really have to bother with polite conversation?

 

Just how dangerous is it to post "Come and get it!" on craigslist and then tie yourself up blind folded in the middle of the floor? How does one tie themself up anyways? Maybe just handcuffs.. that seems more practical. What -is- a good safe word..?

 

And I mean, I don't want this to be all about me.. but all my friends at home are getting some left and right and I feel left out. I mean, I don't want to go into grad school and end up old and unflexible and unable to pull off a simple proper eiffel tower anymore once I get out. Maybe I should invest in yoga classes during any obvious dry spells?

Edited December 23, 2013 by Loric

[St Andrews Lynx]

You sir, are a troll. 

[Quantum Buckyball]

oh lord sweet Jeebus!

 

I don't think it's wrong to sleep with undergrads as long as you aren't his/her current TA, a former TA is okay. 

[Guest Gnome Chomsky]

Is this a spoof of Pinkster's thread? 

 

I like it. 

[Guest Gnome Chomsky]

What did your therapist have to say about this? I'm sure he/she had some good info. 

[Loric]

oh lord sweet Jeebus!

 

I don't think it's wrong to sleep with undergrads as long as you aren't his/her current TA, a former TA is okay. 

 

I suppose this makes sense.. but then how do all those undegrads live out their "banging the TA" fantasy..? Lotta disappointments created by keeping it strictly outside the classroom.

Edited December 23, 2013 by Loric

[Loric]

What did your therapist have to say about this? I'm sure he/she had some good info. 

 

Something along the lines of "Do you have to talk when we're doing it!?"

[Guest Gnome Chomsky]

What you can do is create a ratemyprofessors account for yourself and have some "anonymous" young undergrads write reviews saying they've slept with you. Say it's an easy A if you bang the TA. Guaranteed infinite booty. 

[Loric]

What you can do is create a ratemyprofessors account for yourself and have some "anonymous" young undergrads write reviews saying they've slept with you. Say it's an easy A if you bang the TA. Guaranteed infinite booty. 

 

Lol, why do i suspect someone has actually done this..?

[Loric]

you sir have issues and are lucky that you have anonymity here. 

 

I'm pretty sure that's not even remotely true, but ok. Thanks for the input!

[LittleDarlings]

I thought this was real lol I had a total good answer but Nevermind.

[rexzeppelin]

I'm glad gradcafe is finally addressing the really hard-pressing issues that matter to me. 

 

Which departments should I be looking into for potential 'study partners'?

[Eigen]

This is what inter-departmental mixers are for!

 

Lots of people seem to have issues regarding sexual relationships between consenting adults. Not sure why. 

 

I would think most schools will have rules regarding relations with undergrads and faculty in your discipline. I would think it wise to avoid relations with undergrads in general, as well as those people (grad, post-doc, staff, faculty) that you work with or will work with (collaborators, etc). Past that.... Why not? 

 

Presumably, there are other people that are interesting, and interested in more than platonic relationships out there. I know they exist in my department. 

[Guest Gnome Chomsky]

This is what inter-departmental mixers are for!

 

Lots of people seem to have issues regarding sexual relationships between consenting adults. Not sure why. 

 

I would think most schools will have rules regarding relations with undergrads and faculty in your discipline. I would think it wise to avoid relations with undergrads in general, as well as those people (grad, post-doc, staff, faculty) that you work with or will work with (collaborators, etc). Past that.... Why not? 

 

Presumably, there are other people that are interesting, and interested in more than platonic relationships out there. I know they exist in my department. 

Why would you avoid relations with undergrads in general?

 

Undergrads are spunky and like the monkey. 

Edited December 23, 2013 by Gnome Chomsky

[Eigen]

Personally? I've found they talk. Way too much. I think discreet relationships are better, in general, and I know most of the undergrads at my school would tell pretty much everyone. 

 

They also just seem so young. As I tend to say, the freshman get younger every year.... 

 

But then, I haven't really thought so much about it, being married and all, but watching friends that have/haven't tried dating undergrads.... It just doesn't seem to work out. 

[Guest Gnome Chomsky]

They also just seem so young. As I tend to say, the freshman get younger every year.... 

You say it like it's a bad thing. 

[spectastic]

You say it like it's a bad thing. 

it's sure not a good thing, sicko

[Authorization]

LOL'ing at this thread. Wasn't expecting to find such entertainment on grad cafe. 

[i.am.me]

Uhm..ROFL!

 

Well, can't tell where Loric is from, but I sure hope some of the younger stalkers on the forum are Pm-ing (insert appropriate pronoun) with interest. 

 

Just try to refrain from being the object of gossip by being discreet. Gossip about hooking up with another graduate student spreads quite easily. If that matters to you, anyway. If it doesn't ::shrugs::

 

I'd care, personally. I'd really be worried about gossip concerning a student in my TA section!

Edited December 23, 2013 by iampheng

[fuzzylogician]

"Bang buddies," seriously? This whole thread is a joke.

[Sigaba]

You say it like it's a bad thing. 

 

Think before you post.

 

You have identified your location, your discipline, and your preferred schools. You have indicated that you'd consider physical relationships with undergraduates because of their age.

 

Do you think that your frame of mind (joking or serious) makes you a stronger candidate for admission than an applicant who demonstrates a different set of sensibilites towards graduate school? (Or, at least, has the good sense to keep his/her mouth shut on the topic?)

 

Here's the thing. What goes on inside a department is a black box to those who aren't in it (and then there are black boxes within black boxes). Scandals happen and then departments can become hyper sensitive to anything that might reopen that wound.

 

You and other applicants have worked so very hard to get to this point. Why take unnecessary risks now?

[Usmivka]

Whether the thread is a joke or not, the questions raised are more or less reasonable for a grad student to consider, even if this particular forum might not be the best choice for airing them.

 

If you are actually looking for advice, I'd consider reading the last 5-10 years worth of Savage Love, and then maybe writing him a question. I'm pretty sure I saw exactly these questions posed multiple times in the advice column back a few years ago when this was my local paper. It is important to determine what sorts of relationships are best for you in grad school in order to maintain a healthy (and safe) work life balance.

 

Alternately, if you are making fun of Pinkster's thread, well done.

Edited December 24, 2013 by Usmivka

[Guest Gnome Chomsky]

Think before you post.

 

You have identified your location, your discipline, and your preferred schools. You have indicated that you'd consider physical relationships with undergraduates because of their age.

 

Do you think that your frame of mind (joking or serious) makes you a stronger candidate for admission than an applicant who demonstrates a different set of sensibilites towards graduate school? (Or, at least, has the good sense to keep his/her mouth shut on the topic?)

 

Here's the thing. What goes on inside a department is a black box to those who aren't in it (and then there are black boxes within black boxes). Scandals happen and then departments can become hyper sensitive to anything that might reopen that wound.

 

You and other applicants have worked so very hard to get to this point. Why take unnecessary risks now?

Whether I'm joking or not, I didn't say anything illegal. Last time I checked, most undergrads are adults. Just because I don't want to date some 40-year old divorced grad student with three kids doesn't make me a bad guy. Why the stick up your butt? Did a young'n break your heart? Loric made a "bang buddy" thread and you're getting on me because I made one little joke. I hope my future department isn't this uptight. Might as well go back to the military. 

Edited December 24, 2013 by Gnome Chomsky

[Loric]

If we questioned why people around here seem to have so many sticks up their butts.. I think we'd conclude it has a lot to do with the original premise of not having the proper "support system" as mentioned in the start of this thread.

[Loric]

Oy..

 

Fun related story.. I was just offered a "freebie" by a.. what's the word? Whore? That is what we call people who normally make money by selling sex, right? I suppose prostitute is more proper..

 

"Hey. You're kind of gorgeous and it -is- Christmas Eve. I'm feeling pretty charitable. No charge, wanna go back to my place?"

 

Ugh.. that's burned into my psyche forever. Is Walmart still open so I can buy lye soap to scrub myself with?