Venting Thread

[majorshake]

I've emailed the last two schools I've heard nothing from; i just can't deal with this. Just fucking reject me already and let me focus on my thesis proposal and publishing two papers out of my thesis.

 

[502845824]

Not a vent so much as an expression of fear (I don't have much to vent about):

I'm just a small-town kid from the south... I've only traveled out of the south twice in my life -- once to go to Hershey Park, and once to go to the 'Creation Museum' (loooong story). The south's all I've ever known. I'm freaked out about leaving it, my family, and my friends behind. Anyone else got the soon-to-be-moving blues?

[jjb919]

Just now, oldhatnewtricks said:

Not a vent so much as an expression of fear (I don't have much to vent about):

I'm just a small-town kid from the south... I've only traveled out of the south twice in my life -- once to go to Hershey Park, and once to go to the 'Creation Museum' (loooong story). The south's all I've ever known. I'm freaked out about leaving it, my family, and my friends behind. Anyone else got the soon-to-be-moving blues?

Hey I hear ya. While I am not faced with the prospect of moving, should I get accepted off the waitlist from Fordham and decide to go I will need to give up the security of a paying job and face the opportunity costs of at least 5 more years of paltry pay and the inability to contribute equally to my family's well-being. Plus my wife and I are planning to try to have a baby soon. All of this is to say I am terrified of the life-change that comes along with starting a grad program. I can't shake the feeling that I will be doing something selfish and irresponsible for my family, despite that fact that my wife supports me in my desire to get my PhD, and that we'd be better off if I just found a better paying job.

As for moving, particularly up north out of the south, there is definitely going to be some culture shock. The first 6-8 months are going to be hard. Staying connected to friends back home is going to be important, as is making new friends who can help you through and make you feel less isolated. Luckily you have a built in opportunity for that with your cohort. Having an activity or hobby that you find comfort in can go a long way toward keeping you centered and can be another avenue for making new friends. Usually the student health insurance schools offer makes it cheap and easy to talk to mental health professionals in counseling centers if you ever feel you need it. As disorienting as moving is, through these (and other) coping mechanisms you will start laying down new roots without realizing it, and and some point the disorientation will be replaced with confidence.

[Chrysippus'Doge]

<vent>

Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck I'm probably gonna get shut out then everyone I told I was applying to grad school will know I failed and everyone who told me it was a waste of time will feel vindicated and my dreams will be crushed and damn I just KNOW I would do well if I got in somewhere but so will everyone else and I've been working so hard for this for years but so has everyone else and now it's all for nothing but it's not for nothing for everyone else damn damn !! oh Jesus, Joseph, Mary, and St. Jude, what am I going to do?

<Coldplay>

Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard

</Coldplay>

</Vent>
 

[matchamatcha]

9 minutes ago, Chrysippus'Doge said:

<vent>

Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck I'm probably gonna get shut out then everyone I told I was applying to grad school will know I failed and everyone who told me it was a waste of time will feel vindicated and my dreams will be crushed and damn I just KNOW I would do well if I got in somewhere but so will everyone else and I've been working so hard for this for years but so has everyone else and now it's all for nothing but it's not for nothing for everyone else damn damn !! oh Jesus, Joseph, Mary, and St. Jude, what am I going to do?

<Coldplay>

Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard

</Coldplay>

</Vent>
 

As another who is likely to get shut out and feeling the same things as you, it seems like all we can do is try again next year.

EDIT: Also, I now hate you for getting that song stuck in my head.  I don't even like Coldplay.

Edited March 1, 2016 by matchamatcha

[MentalEngineer]

2 hours ago, oldhatnewtricks said:

Not a vent so much as an expression of fear (I don't have much to vent about):

I'm just a small-town kid from the south... I've only traveled out of the south twice in my life -- once to go to Hershey Park, and once to go to the 'Creation Museum' (loooong story). The south's all I've ever known. I'm freaked out about leaving it, my family, and my friends behind. Anyone else got the soon-to-be-moving blues?

Oh yeah, but for totally different reasons. The two-going-on-three years I've spent in Milwaukee are the most time I've lived in one place since I graduated high school. I was just starting to get settled in a city it turns out I actually rather like, in housing I could see myself staying in for a good few years, and now I have to move. Not to mention that it looks like my most likely options are all in more conservative areas, so my dating pool will probably drop by about half (That is, from ~20 to ~10. Super encouraging.). And I'm going to have to sell at least half my stuff, especially my bed. I like my bed. Joy all around.

Edited March 1, 2016 by MentalEngineer

[MVSCZAR]

2 hours ago, oldhatnewtricks said:

Not a vent so much as an expression of fear (I don't have much to vent about):

I'm just a small-town kid from the south... I've only traveled out of the south twice in my life -- once to go to Hershey Park, and once to go to the 'Creation Museum' (loooong story). The south's all I've ever known. I'm freaked out about leaving it, my family, and my friends behind. Anyone else got the soon-to-be-moving blues?

Same. I've travelled a bit, but I've never been out of NYC for longer than three months. And I love it here so much and I'm really afraid to leave. I'm afraid to leave my friends and family and the comforts of knowing a place really well. And also, that if I leave, my family might lose the apartment we've lived in forever, because my mom might not be able to work for much longer. But, my CUNY stipend would totally make me able to stay, even though it's not a great fit. It might not even be a good fit, to be honest. 

 

Also, on top of it all, I feel like I'm being used to fill a quota. I'm a double minority, if you will, and I kind of feel as though I'm being used simply for that. 

[bechkafish]

Fun application season game: listen to Simon & Garfunkel's "Cecilia", and mentally replace every mention of Cecilia with Columbia: Oh Coluuuumbia, you're breaking my heart, you're shaking my confidence daily...

[bechkafish]

Also (sorry for double posting, it's just that the Venting Thread is my home on a spiritual level), I had weird nightmare last night that channelled all of my phD application anxiety into old piano anxieties? I dreamt that I got an interview at a program, but they wanted me to play Sibelius' Finlandia without music, just from memory, and I was like, "guys, I haven't owned a piano in years, I haven't practiced forever, I can kind of make it through this Mozart Sonata from memory, but if you want me to play Sibelius, I'm going to need the music" and they all frowned and looked at each other significantly and started writing stuff down.

My poor feeble heart is glad this season's almost over.

[MVSCZAR]

44 minutes ago, bechkafish said:

Fun application season game: listen to Simon & Garfunkel's "Cecilia", and mentally replace every mention of Cecilia with Columbia: Oh Coluuuumbia, you're breaking my heart, you're shaking my confidence daily...

Hey! I was just listening to that a few mins ago!! 

[Siegfried42]

Coming to vent about UCLA. After naïvely generating some false hope when I did not receive a rejection with the others today, it turns out the UC system has huge problems funding internationals, and UCLA is only able to fund one international student this year. So: we pay more than other applicants to be considered and then are not even considered on an equal footing. I know this is true for many Canadian schools too and that I'm not alone in this frustration, but it's frustrating nonetheless. UCLA would be an  almost perfect fit and I was already admitted to their JD program last month.  Kind of whish I had done more research on international student funding before applying now. 

OK, I will go eat a piece of my rejection cake now (lol, baked it yesterday, beats cookies ).

[AmandaEvans]

Okay I know I'm way late on this, but how does one add a signature?! Technology is not my strong suit.

[AmandaEvans]

6 minutes ago, AmandaEvans said:

Okay I know I'm way late on this, but how does one add a signature?! Technology is not my strong suit.

Never mind! It turns out I'm not completely helpless.

[dgswaim]

Don't know if anyone else is waiting on Mizzou, but I have word from the DGS (solicited email) that results should come out next week. I'm guessing I'll be wait-listed...

[samori]

7 hours ago, dgswaim said:

Don't know if anyone else is waiting on Mizzou, but I have word from the DGS (solicited email) that results should come out next week. I'm guessing I'll be wait-listed...

Thanks for that!

[502845824]

Officially in purgatory Hell at UT-Austin and UNC... No news, only tumbleweeds and crickets.

[bechkafish]

@oldhatnewtricks, maybe Columbia will release this week and make it all better.

[MVSCZAR]

Not upset about not getting into amazing schools or anything, but damn, that Continental/Analytic divide is strong, though. I thought people were mostly over it. 

[philosophe]

3 minutes ago, MVSCZAR said:

Not upset about not getting into amazing schools or anything, but damn, that Continental/Analytic divide is strong, though. I thought people were mostly over it. 

Columbia's got a WL. There's hope until there isn't!

[dgswaim]

16 minutes ago, MVSCZAR said:

Not upset about not getting into amazing schools or anything, but damn, that Continental/Analytic divide is strong, though. I thought people were mostly over it. 

Do you mean wrt to Columbia in particular, or in general?

[MVSCZAR]

8 minutes ago, dgswaim said:

Do you mean wrt to Columbia in particular, or in general?

In general. It makes sense for me not to get into the schools I didn't get into, for sure. I'm not at all expecting to get into Columbia, btw. But I think it's funny how differently my application was viewed by different camps, if you will. My results are not necessarily random, and I think there's something to be said about that. Idk what that something is, but probably something. 

Edited March 2, 2016 by MVSCZAR

[bechkafish]

GODDAMMIT COLUMBIA, LOVE ME.

[MVSCZAR]

3 minutes ago, bechkafish said:

GODDAMMIT COLUMBIA, LOVE ME.

Gotta email Axel Honneth. Tell him you love him. He's still there, right?? 

[kantbook]

56 minutes ago, MVSCZAR said:

Not upset about not getting into amazing schools or anything, but damn, that Continental/Analytic divide is strong, though. I thought people were mostly over it. 

What makes you say that? I feel like analytics are oblivious to the divide, continentals hyper-aware of it. Probably has to do with power dynamics  

[MentalEngineer]

10 minutes ago, kantbook said:

What makes you say that? I feel like analytics are oblivious to the divide, continentals hyper-aware of it. Probably has to do with power dynamics  

I think a lot of our generation divides philosophy into "interesting" and "boring," with some people from each side of the former divide in each category.

Tangent: Of the people who give a shit about the distinction, in my experience it's been the analytics who are most aware of it. I'm thinking, obviously, of Leiter, but also of a metaphysics professor of mine. He would never dismiss Foucault (e.g.) as "not a philosopher," but talk Continental at him and all he'll have to say is "What?" delivered in higher and higher register and with redder and redder face. Knowing him, I know this isn't for lack of trying, but it still reflects the split.