How to deal with this anxiety?

[avflinsch]

11 hours ago, PhDorBUST said:

To deal, try to find what works for you. Some people like adult coloring books (not like coloring in porn LOL but coloring mandalas and stuff), cleaning, organizing something, etc. I'm trying to teach myself how to crochet. Whenever I feel a panic attack coming I get down on the floor and let my dogs lick my face and make me feel like no matter what I still have them so its fine  

I love those adult coloring books, and I plan on doing a few pages over the next few weeks, along with breaking out my sketch pad and such. I haven't played with either of them for about a year now. As for coloring in porn - I did see an 'adult' adult coloring book a while ago, but did not get it.

I have a week and a half off from work starting on Friday, and then another 2 weeks before the final semester in the masters program. Other than checking if my LORs were submitted, I don't plan on checking the admissions site anytime before mid February. I am not going to stress myself out about things that I have no control over.

 

[DBear]

9 minutes ago, avflinsch said:

I am not going to stress myself out about things that I have no control over.

hehe, this made me giggle because constantly checking my application is one of those things I seem to have no control over. It's like a nervous tick. 

In my defense one of my LOR writers has yet to upload his letter so I actually do need to check at least once a day to send reminders etc. 

[eternalwait]

Everyday I check the Search section, and I get really happy for the people accepted. It helps.

[PhDorBUST]

2 hours ago, DBear said:

hehe, this made me giggle because constantly checking my application is one of those things I seem to have no control over. It's like a nervous tick. 

In my defense one of my LOR writers has yet to upload his letter so I actually do need to check at least once a day to send reminders etc. 

Omg yes one of my LOR writers still hasn't submitted any of mine and it sucks cuz I had her first semester for sw research, I'm her gra, and she's like who I want to be when I grow up. I asked for her to write an LOR like back in August/September to which she was like of course!! and now everything is submitted except for THAT. She said she'd do it after finals (that was 2 weeks ago) still nothing. I did everything she asked to make it as easy as possible and idk how to politely remind her now while also conveying the urgency. Her LOR is just so important to me I learned a lot about spss from her and helped a bunch with her huge SAMHSA grant....gaaaaah

[PhDorBUST]

11 minutes ago, eternalwait said:

Everyday I check the Search section, and I get really happy for the people accepted. It helps.

That is amazingly kind and big-hearted of you. I can't do it or else I start idk making up dark voodoo spells or something.

[DBear]

3 minutes ago, PhDorBUST said:

That is amazingly kind and big-hearted of you. I can't do it or else I start idk making up dark voodoo spells or something.

lol lol lol lol lol thank you! That just killed a couple of stress cells! 

Gaaaaah is right abt the LOR writer!! The one who's causing me trouble is also my most important LOR. He's the only one of my LOR writers who's known me since undergrad and since I have a big gap in my academic career doing completely non-academic work that has absolutely nothing to do with research or what I want to do for my phd, I really need him to say "y'all, it's not completely random she's wanting to do a phd, trust me" 

I've sent him all the reminders on a daily basis and texted him almost daily leading up to the first set of deadlines. On the day of the deadline, he finally texted back saying he'd do it that night (that was nearly a week ago) so I left it for a couple of days and texted him twice today saying it's been a week... He said he'd do it tonight. It's currently 1 am here in the boonies outside Seoul and he still hasn't uploaded any! He even wrote me a lor a few months ago for a fellowship and I've been doing everything I can to make it easy for him, just like you... Only thing left in my bag of tricks is to call him, crying and not hang up til he uploads the letters. Please don't let it come to that..... Gaaah!

[PhDorBUST]

3 minutes ago, DBear said:

lol lol lol lol lol thank you! That just killed a couple of stress cells! 

Gaaaaah is right abt the LOR writer!! The one who's causing me trouble is also my most important LOR. He's the only one of my LOR writers who's known me since undergrad and since I have a big gap in my academic career doing completely non-academic work that has absolutely nothing to do with research or what I want to do for my phd, I really need him to say "y'all, it's not completely random she's wanting to do a phd, trust me" 

I've sent him all the reminders on a daily basis and texted him almost daily leading up to the first set of deadlines. On the day of the deadline, he finally texted back saying he'd do it that night (that was nearly a week ago) so I left it for a couple of days and texted him twice today saying it's been a week... He said he'd do it tonight. It's currently 1 am here in the boonies outside Seoul and he still hasn't uploaded any! He even wrote me a lor a few months ago for a fellowship and I've been doing everything I can to make it easy for him, just like you... Only thing left in my bag of tricks is to call him, crying and not hang up til he uploads the letters. Please don't let it come to that..... Gaaah!

 

Glad to be of service lol I regularly and inadvertently provide the comic relief for my cohort so yeah. Maybe they should start paying me. Anyway.

I started an email to this writer yesterday, wrote like half of the first sentence, stared at it, deleted it, stared at it, wrote it again basically verbatim....Umm I don't want to sound plaintive, accusatory, whiny, ungrateful, selfish, etc etc. but dear LAWD I keep sounding in these emails like a completely different person! "Umm hi yes, would you mind, I mean, you said you would write a LOR, but like, I know you're busy, research and grants and grades and everything, oh happy holidays!, but umm...could you maybe, umm, maybe start the letters cuz like, umm they're kinda due like soonish..." I resent her for turning me into my complete opposite!! GAAAAH!

[DBear]

8 minutes ago, PhDorBUST said:

Glad to be of service lol I regularly and inadvertently provide the comic relief for my cohort so yeah. Maybe they should start paying me. Anyway.

I started an email to this writer yesterday, wrote like half of the first sentence, stared at it, deleted it, stared at it, wrote it again basically verbatim....Umm I don't want to sound plaintive, accusatory, whiny, ungrateful, selfish, etc etc. but dear LAWD I keep sounding in these emails like a completely different person! "Umm hi yes, would you mind, I mean, you said you would write a LOR, but like, I know you're busy, research and grants and grades and everything, oh happy holidays!, but umm...could you maybe, umm, maybe start the letters cuz like, umm they're kinda due like soonish..." I resent her for turning me into my complete opposite!! GAAAAH!

I point blank just said Hi Please note the deadlines are coming up (insert neatly organized table)

Thank you so much for taking time out of your busy schedule. 

 

>> Didn't have the heart to say YO deadline is yesterday!! You're late! 

Hey, but my strategy obviously isn't working....

[PhDorBUST]

1 minute ago, DBear said:

I point blank just said Hi Please note the deadlines are coming up (insert neatly organized table)

Thank you so much for taking time out of your busy schedule. 

 

>> Didn't have the heart to say YO deadline is yesterday!! You're late! 

Hey, but my strategy obviously isn't working....

 

Hmm...okay I'm gonna try that

[fadedfigures]

I have the anxiety as well. I've already applied, been accepted to, and attended a different PhD program. I've had years of experience in working with students in preparing their grad school applications...yet I still feel fearful about the outcome. I actually bookmarked the GradCafe Admission page because I check it so damn often.

How have I been dealing with the wait? Not well. I've started sleeping in until noon, since it makes the day go by so much faster. I've also been wasting the time with video games and a lot of Overwatch. Is any of it healthy or productive? Not really. But it is the holiday season. As much as I like the time off, there will be more winter breaks. What matters now is getting into graduate school. 

[eternalwait]

This LOR deadline issue happened to me once. It was veeeeryyy stressful, but he sent the letter just before the deadline

I wish I had some videogames, that would truly help!

Finding this forum also helps, honestly. As someone mentioned before, my friends usually say: "Don't worry, you'll get in", but they have no idea how competitive this is! :S

Edited December 23, 2016 by eternalwait

[PhDorBUST]

1 hour ago, eternalwait said:

This LOR deadline issue happened to me once. It was veeeeryyy stressful, but he sent the letter just before the deadline

I wish I had some videogames, that would truly help!

Finding this forum also helps, honestly. As someone mentioned before, my friends usually say: "Don't worry, you'll get in", but they have no idea how competitive this is! :S

 

So I wrote the LOR for my last prof for her edits, let's she if she sends it....

Oh yeah, the whole "don't worry, you'll get in" is really starting to piss me off. Like, some of them are social workers!! They should know that one is the professional on his/her own feelings, and the use of that phrase does nothing to comfort, but serves to invalidate my very valid anxiety!!

Just be in the suck with me. Join me in the suck. 

Thanks for being around guys

[Yanaka]

Yup, I'm with you on that one too. "Don't worry you'll be fine!!" is probably all they have to say because they don't know what else to say to make me feel better--but it's super frustrating. It diminishes what you're going through, and entertains dumb positivity  I think I just want people to ask me about alternative options, and it actually really helps when I am reminded that not getting in won't mean that I'm stupid or worthless. 

Honestly, I'm very worried about the effect it would have on me if I were to be rejected from everywhere. It's dumb to say, but I feel like I'm "running out of time" (I'm 26 and finishing my B.A.), and for that reason as well as for a few others, it would be a huge disappointment not to get into a program. I feel like I don't want to keep waiting for the next step anymore...

Edited December 23, 2016 by Yanaka

[CoffeeFueledAnxiety]

"Don't worry you'll be fine" or "Don't worry you'll get it" is currently second in my list of things I don't want to hear at all from anyone right now. It comes right after "So, which school again are you going to grad school next year?" 

Being international applicant the frustration is real and making me crazy. People keep telling me they don't understand why am I applying to so many different schools. My anxiety is up to the roof and it does not help at all when people try to dismiss or invalidate my worries just because they don't understand my position. 

[stereopticons]

1 hour ago, Yanaka said:

 

Honestly, I'm very worried about the effect it would have on me if I were to be rejected from everywhere. It's dumb to say, but I feel like I'm "running out of time" (I'm 26 and finishing my B.A.), and for that reason as well as for a few others, it would be a huge disappointment not to get into a program. I feel like I don't want to keep waiting for the next step anymore...

This. I've been through this before. I know what it feels like to be rejected from every single program. But I'm 28 now. It seems like everyone around me has their lives together and I'm just treading water. I'm tired of waiting to start my career. 

[Yanaka]

49 minutes ago, stereopticons said:

This. I've been through this before. I know what it feels like to be rejected from every single program. But I'm 28 now. It seems like everyone around me has their lives together and I'm just treading water. I'm tired of waiting to start my career. 

<3 They call us "late bloomers". 

[Quickmick]

2 hours ago, Yanaka said:

Honestly, I'm very worried about the effect it would have on me if I were to be rejected from everywhere. It's dumb to say, but I feel like I'm "running out of time" (I'm 26 and finishing my B.A.), and for that reason as well as for a few others, it would be a huge disappointment not to get into a program. I feel like I don't want to keep waiting for the next step anymore...

I tend to try and look at this process as involving business decisions, not personal decisions. If you sent out your best packet that is all you can do. If I don't get in anywhere it would sting, but if 8 adcoms are telling me I don't belong...well maybe I don't.

[stereopticons]

34 minutes ago, Quickmick said:

I tend to try and look at this process as involving business decisions, not personal decisions. If you sent out your best packet that is all you can do. If I don't get in anywhere it would sting, but if 8 adcoms are telling me I don't belong...well maybe I don't.

I don't know, I don't think I agree. There's so much other stuff that goes into admissions (e.g., who you know) that it isn't just my package. A rejection isn't saying you don't belong, it's just that someone belongs "better". 

[GeorgeC07]

51 minutes ago, Yanaka said:

<3 They call us "late bloomers". 

I saw a post in the search section that said the guy was 51 and was starting his phd. I guess it's never too late to do what you want, and if you feel it's too late, then maybe you don't want it that much.  Anyway, I don't think anyone will be rejected everywhere, it's just whether the result is satisfying. Keep up with a positive attitude eh, it's all gonna be fine.

[GeorgeC07]

2 hours ago, IndoGenic said:

"Don't worry you'll be fine" or "Don't worry you'll get it" is currently second in my list of things I don't want to hear at all from anyone right now. It comes right after "So, which school again are you going to grad school next year?" 

Being international applicant the frustration is real and making me crazy. People keep telling me they don't understand why am I applying to so many different schools. My anxiety is up to the roof and it does not help at all when people try to dismiss or invalidate my worries just because they don't understand my position. 

Hey dude, I'm also an international applicant and have applied to nine schools. Till now I've got nothing and I feel the same. But my friend who's also applying this year applied to 18 schools and also got no news. I don't think anything's gonna happen soon so I go on to finish my research project. I just start to divert myself from it. Hope this'll help with your anxiety coz talking with guys here really helps.

[Yanaka]

It's not that I think it's too late for me, but I need to move on and stop waiting for "it" to happen. However, I also am a pluri-disciplinary character, which might be why I feel the need to "move on" to something else if the first thing fails. I don't know how to explain the feeling without giving the wrong impression--I'm not a quitter and I'm very passionate, but I can't suppress this need I have to find a path and "do something" asap. 

Moreover, even if the 6 adcoms decide I don't belong, I'd probably interpret that as: you're not ready for the commitment yet, you're not ready for the work yet, do an M.A. first.  Or maybe I'll have to decide that yeah, I don't belong and it's a sign that another, more adequate career is waiting for me.

[GeorgeC07]

2 minutes ago, Yanaka said:

It's not that I think it's too late for me, but I need to move on and stop waiting for "it" to happen. However, I also am a pluri-disciplinary character, which might be why I feel the need to "move on" to something else if the first thing fails. I don't know how to explain the feeling without giving the wrong impression--I'm not a quitter and I'm very passionate, but I can't suppress this need I have to find a path and "do something" asap. 

Moreover, even if the 6 adcoms decide I don't belong, I'd probably interpret that as: you're not ready for the commitment yet, you're not ready for the work yet, do an M.A. first.  Or maybe I'll have to decide that yeah, I don't belong and it's a sign that another, more adequate career is waiting for me.

Okay, I'm starting to get what you mean. So you are thinking more from the angle of your career. I for myself simply put aside the applications and continue my research project, although the project turned out not what I really anticipated. I usually feel rather guilty for doing nothing at all. Yeah as professionals we ought to have some plans for the future, but when my friends ask me what I want to do after phd, I don't really have an answer. I reckon I'll hammer out my plan as I move forward then. Not sure if this is what you mean. 

BTW, I met a Parisian guy from MIT who was doing an internship here this summer. He's the main reason that I applied to MIT but I'm pretty sure I'll be rejected. It won't hurt to try though. 

[eternalwait]

3 hours ago, IndoGenic said:

Being international applicant the frustration is real and making me crazy. People keep telling me they don't understand why am I applying to so many different schools. 

So true!!! They just don't understand how hard to get accepted is. 

There's no correct age for a Ph.D. I even think a Ph.D. student 28 years old would be so much more mature than a 22-year-old one, and that is something positive.

[CoffeeFueledAnxiety]

7 hours ago, GeorgeC07 said:

Hey dude, I'm also an international applicant and have applied to nine schools. Till now I've got nothing and I feel the same. But my friend who's also applying this year applied to 18 schools and also got no news. I don't think anything's gonna happen soon so I go on to finish my research project. I just start to divert myself from it. Hope this'll help with your anxiety coz talking with guys here really helps.

Same here! I am applying to 9 schools and have heard nothing yet. I know some of my programs just haven't send out any invites yet, but still.. Fortunately I am currently working as an RA and that keeps me busy during the day. The worries and anxiety catches up during he nights, the weekends, and the holidays though

[GeorgeC07]

3 hours ago, IndoGenic said:

Same here! I am applying to 9 schools and have heard nothing yet. I know some of my programs just haven't send out any invites yet, but still.. Fortunately I am currently working as an RA and that keeps me busy during the day. The worries and anxiety catches up during he nights, the weekends, and the holidays though

I'm already a graduate student and also work as a RA. Been watching cute kitties and dogs videos if I feel anxious. If this does not help I usually go watch a movie, anything that takes my mind off. It's good to be busy eh.