We Interrupt your regularly scheduled dreading for this public service announcement

[misswace]

Hello there, all. This is my first post! Just a warning, there are a few poor quality puns/analogies peppered about. Please take this opportunity to exercise forgiveness, as I come in peace.

I recently joined the cafe to satiate my impulse to do something other than refresh my application statuses every few hours, or minutes. I've read several posts expressing the anxiousness and uneasiness of the waiting process, and I completely empathize. My own experience of this process has been mostly good, but a roller coaster ride no less. 

There are just so many ******* feelings!! For goodness sake. Like most of you, I'm weathering the gamut. One moment I'm fantasizing about my dreams coming true, imagining the apartment I'll live in, or what new cafes I'll seek out for long studying/work sessions. About how freakin' awesome it would feel to see that "We are pleased to inform you...", or that fat envelope in the post. I feel the excitement and giddiness in my chest. It feels like a wave of energy pouring over and through me!--Then, a bit later, I'm feeling that bowling ball in my stomach. I'm meticulously fine-tooth combing my (already submitted) applications in my head, looking for areas of weakness, while brushing past areas of fortitude and grace. Even if I don't find anything to corroborate my dread, my insides are still an abyss.

Now, with that said, for most of us the aforementioned are not uncommon occurrences or feelings. Knowing a little bit about the cognitive-emotional functions and processes of the brain and body, it seems quite natural--and it is. However, I think there can come a point when we step into a territory where we can easily overwhelm ourselves, and even accidentally (or via acts of self-degradation) slip into a hyper or hypo state, and stress out/depress not only our thoughts, or nerves, but our entire self. Our psyches, our subconscious, our biorhythms. We can sometimes take it to a place of what can only be described as temporary psychosis, and I'd like to now get to my point of telling you why none of us deserve to do that to ourselves!

We are freaking out, sizing ourselves up to anything and anyone, building ourselves up and tearing ourselves down, diving down the rabbit holes of what ifs, and am I good enoughs, because we CARE! We care a whole lot. We care parking lots. We care stadiums and amphitheaters. If each "refresh" or "login" or worry, or pang in the gut were an individual, we'd have colonized Mars already. We are here, marinating in our own electric nerves, because we care tremendously about some pretty incredible things. We fear because we care, and not just about getting in to our dream (or any) graduate program/university. We care about learning, and discovery, knowledge, research, and exploration. We care about addressing some of the most pressing issues of our society/country/world/planet, for the better (hopefully). We care about making a difference, solving problems, inventing solutions--people, we are ******* awesome, and I believe that is the bright underbelly of the waiting-and-dreading process. I want to take this moment to simply remind not only all you cool people, but myself as well. I think we deserve to acknowledge just how tremendous we are. If you must succumb to the whirlpool of waiting, what ifs, and borderline mania, at least let the bold text come back to you in the form of a reprieve, or as the eye of the 'hurrycane'. 

I could go on for far longer than anyone would read, about the benefits of acknowledging what a badass you are for getting this far and for giving a **** about something, but I will leave that for another post, should any fancy some brain science talk, strange analogies and metaphors for life, or simply if you'd like me to continue to talk you up. Because I will.

In the meantime, may this serve as a gentle reminder to acknowledge all the greatness you've harvested within and for yourself. Take a second (or 10min every day) to breathe deeply. Breathe in the acknowledgement that you care and can hardly contain yourself, because you're a G. A badass, legit, on fleek... You're positively superb. By pursuing learning, knowledge, reflection, growth and manifestation, we are not only expanding our awareness of ourselves and the immediate world around us, but we are expanding the universe's awareness of itself, and that is ******* incredible, and we really deserve to give ourselves more credit for it. 

I wish the very best of luck and good fortune to you all during this process/these times. And, no matter where you think/feel you are in your own progress of self, please know that you as you are right now is enough and is valid, and has no more or less worth than the you who you perhaps are hoping to embody at some future point. If that seems hard to believe, remember, our perceptions are our filters for reality. Therefore, as within so without. 

Edited January 25, 2017 by misswace

[CoyoteBlue]

thank you I am cutting all my anxiety with hiking... I'm hiking the PCT this year and that I know i can do. Just got my permit.

[Triangular]

After a day of total panic feelings, this was really good to hear. Thank you. 

[ishouldbeworking]

I love this so much!!!!!!! Thank you for posting. You totally just made my day!!!! Sending you positive and encouraging thoughts your way ❤️

[phdthoughts]

Loved this. Thank you. 

[Plane_Jane]

 

On 1/25/2017 at 4:13 PM, misswace said:

We are here, marinating in our own electric nerves, because we care tremendously about some pretty incredible things.

thanks misswace! this is exactly right!

 

[guitarHeroAn]

This was beautiful! Thanks a lot @misswace!! I could sense my anxiety levels go down as I read your post..This was magic.

I think sometimes to save ourselves from the disappointment of rejection after a hopeful run we try to keep a low profile - not hoping too much, not being optimistic or over-confident (or even confident). Atleast I do that, I don't know, maybe I am raised that way. But in the past couple of years, in the quest of staying modest, I started to give less and less credit to myself, my work, my hard work and struggles. I started looking at them and said - yeah, anybody could do that...chill out son, you ain't special. But guess it's time to change. I gave up optimism in the journey of giving up over-confidence and ended up on the other end of the spectrum.  

[misswace]

@trane293 firstly, thank you for your kind words!

Secondly, you are soooo not alone! I think many of us attempt to defend ourselves from the worst case scenario by knocking ourselves down to a place where, if we are rejected, it is not so surprising and possibly not as disappointing (we 'think'). Given our intentions for being here (applying to graduate school), I just think--bottom line--we could benefit from acknowledging more what it is in our hearts that has brought us here, and appreciate them/ourselves more for it. It can be hard to do, but if we mindfully practice just a little bit, there is the potential to lay down new pathways of thought patterns in the brain, and eventually you've trained your brain to literally think happier thoughts. It won't solve everything, but there are so many wonderfully intelligent, creative, scientific, and artistic minds out there trying to be a part of this process who I believe deserve to see themselves so wonderfully, regardless of whether or not they're/we're rejected.

[guitarHeroAn]

9 hours ago, misswace said:

@trane293 firstly, thank you for your kind words!

Secondly, you are soooo not alone! I think many of us attempt to defend ourselves from the worst case scenario by knocking ourselves down to a place where, if we are rejected, it is not so surprising and possibly not as disappointing (we 'think'). Given our intentions for being here (applying to graduate school), I just think--bottom line--we could benefit from acknowledging more what it is in our hearts that has brought us here, and appreciate them/ourselves more for it. It can be hard to do, but if we mindfully practice just a little bit, there is the potential to lay down new pathways of thought patterns in the brain, and eventually you've trained your brain to literally think happier thoughts. It won't solve everything, but there are so many wonderfully intelligent, creative, scientific, and artistic minds out there trying to be a part of this process who I believe deserve to see themselves so wonderfully, regardless of whether or not they're/we're rejected.

Thank you @misswace  

[pdh12]

OMFG THANK YOUUUUUUUU

(and...curious about the further brain science you're referring to ;p )

[johnallen]

This post was the bomb dot com?. Finished my interview and it went well. While on the tour, I received an acceptance to a masters program, so that was a total surprise