What you think the adcoms are saying about your application

[Athenrein]

Bad day: "One year of Spanish, one year of Chinese, one semester of Latin, a bunch of photography classes, a bunch of religion classes... she can't figure out what she wants! She should just go work in a library with her silly little MLIS degree."

Good day: "This one is unusual - she created a language for her thesis, and got a Master's in library science. She sounds creative and unique. Let's see what she can do."

Weird day: "hahahahahaha! I know, let's put all these people who have no business applying here in a hat, and draw one of them out at random and let them come, just for the fun of it. We can mock them while they struggle through!"

[gellert]

Oh god it IS time for this thread again, isn't it? D:

Bad day: Ahahahaha, look at this, this person thinks that medical hospitalization is a good excuse for all those W's? WRONG. There is never an excuse. Also, wtf @ research experience being only half-salient to our own? The rest of it is all so...ugh...clinical. Why is this person applying to social programs again? Just for kicks? I'm not even reading this SOP; I already don't care. NEXT. (With a total of 12 seconds spent looking at my app.)

Perfect Good day: Well, they have a really high GRE score and four years of domestic and international research experience. That first-author pub with Famous Professor isn't half bad, either! Let's see here, this person wants to work with ... ah, yes, Professor X. And they're interested in studying powered mutation within an evolutionary context, with emphasis on telepathy -- a very good fit with X! They've only studied metallokinesis in a genetic context before, but that's okay, they still seems to understand everything we're about and have tons of experience with our methodology. Designed all their studies themself, so won't need to be micromanaged. ACCEPT NOW, QUICK, BEFORE SOMEONE ELSE DOES!

Weird day: All right, now for this other application -- oh, it's time for lunch? F this mess, I'm out of here. (And when adcom returns, my application has been eaten by the under-desk troll, never to be seen again.)

Edited January 5, 2012 by gellert

[Pitangus]

Sigh. I'm very much in this thread today. My final deadline passes today, which means all of my applications should either be in or heading to review now.

Biggest fear #1 (ad comm): Oh look, another valedictorian from some SLAC I've never heard of. Must be grade inflation. Verbal GRE is 99%? A little strange, but doesn't hurt as long as .... wait, Quant isn't even 80%? And this thesis project was completed almost entirely independently? Must not have been very sophisticated. Cut. Moving on...

Biggest fear #2 (POI): This applicant has not worked with my lab previously, and I am not friends with these recommenders, so I'll pass.

Biggest hope: Excellent GPA, and GRE clears the cutoff. Previous experience shows clear progression towards current research interests, and is a good fit with Dr. so and so. Recommendations are all glowing and, more importantly, specifically tailored and helpful. Some good conference presentations. Hmm, only one publication submitted, but wait, this applicant designed a thesis project with little support and traveled alone to <foreign country> to conduct the fieldwork? Clearly won't need any hand-holding. I say yes.

I imagine I'll get a mix of the above. Just hoping it'll be a good enough mix to get me an acceptance...

[pheonixx]

I like looking at old posts on this thread and seeing people with like 10 acceptances.

[wintergirl]

I like looking at old posts on this thread and seeing people with like 10 acceptances.

This. But then the ones that never completed their list of acceptances/attending left me feeling distressed: I'm invested in your story now, okay? I need to know what happened!!!

Here's my imagined adcomm conversation (all are cranky because they didn't get the good coffee and/or lunch that day):

"Okay, up next.... some old fogey who's bounced around a lot and thinks she can parlay that into a PhD."

"Well, she did get a fully funded ride to her MA program."

"Yeah, but, they'll take ANYONE. This girl just got lucky that year."

"Hmmm, what's this on her UG transcript? Looks like an F!"

"What! OMG! How dare she apply here!"

"You guys, you guys. I think that was from the 1990s. Look at her current graduate school grades--they're much better."

"Harrumph. I think an F at Very Prestigious Ivy League School trumps some overinflated MA GPA from Is-That-Even-A-State School."

"True. And did you see her subject test score? BWAHAHAHA."

"And don't even get me started about her SOP. Who even thinks this stuff is interesting or relevant? We just care about Current Hip Lit Theory De Jour here."

"Heidegger, Heidegger, Heidegger, Lacan."

"Don't forget Derrida! This girl's obviously never even heard of him."

"No wonder that employer fired her a few years ago. Thank god they called to warn us about her."

"Sheesh. What a waste of paper."

*toss*

"Next?"

[Ameonna]

"Hm, I guess she's okay... but what about this OTHER applicant who saves babies from burning buildings as a hobby, has ten publications and thirty conference presentations, AND has promised upon their admission that every member of the university will receive free pizza and donuts for the rest of the university's natural existence? I mean, the choice is obvious here..."

The pizza and donuts always win in my nightmares.

Edited January 5, 2012 by Ameonna

[Loimographia]

"Hm, I guess she's okay... but what about this OTHER applicant who saves babies from burning buildings as a hobby, has ten publications and thirty conference presentations, AND has promised upon their admission that every member of the university will receive free pizza and donuts for the rest of the university's natural existence? I mean, the choice is obvious here..."

The pizza and donuts always win in my nightmares.

This is very much mine. -__- I imagine them looking at mine and saying "almost-good gpa, almost-good gre, almost-good writing sample/SOP, but just not good ENOUGH. Applicant B, however, IS AMAZEBALLS" Which, sadly, is a very real chance.

[Pitangus]

"Hm, I guess she's okay... but what about this OTHER applicant who saves babies from burning buildings as a hobby, has ten publications and thirty conference presentations, AND has promised upon their admission that every member of the university will receive free pizza and donuts for the rest of the university's natural existence? I mean, the choice is obvious here..."

The pizza and donuts always win in my nightmares.

And don't forget that OTHER applicant's letter writers are well-liked international powerhouses who have fostered successful collaborations with members of the ad comm (all of them) and did their undergrads/PhDs/postdocs at this university!

[A Finicky Bean]

"Wow, this girl is amazing. What can we offer her to make sure she accepts this offer? Tuition waver, stipend, moving coverage? We need to make sure we get her before anyone else!"

*wakes up*

Oh...what I *think* they are saying...not what I *dream* they are saying. ;0)

Who knows what they are thinking. :0)

[veele]

Bad dayssss:

"Why did this student submit her application so early? Must be a careless person who just wants to get over with applying asap, and therefore not a very serious candidate. Indeed I see mistakes here and there. Waste of time. Next!"

"Girl do you think this many publications of yours can compensate for your not so stellar GPA? What? Look at her AW score! Are you kidding me? Can't comprehend why she could even think of applying here in the first place! Next!"

"Unbelievable! Look at the list of schools she is applying to! She is asking for the moon! Next!"

"Still code in the obsolete language X? Doesn't even know C++ and she wants to work with our Professor Y? I bet he won't even care looking at her pubs and LORs. I'd rather save his precious time. Next!"

Better days:

"Her profile is not so bad! Good GPA, though not stellar. Look at how many papers she has published, that's pretty impressive! The recommenders think pretty highly of her. Hmm, but still her GRE scores aren't that great. I guess I should put her in the middle pile for consideration later. There are so many other applicants with perfect grades, perfect scores, and plenty of research experience. Next!"

Good days:

I cannot think of anything promising atm, esp when so many people but I, have heard back from the schools . And look at their profiles only further diminish my hope...

[jjw017]

"Why the f*** did she use LaTeX to format her SOP?" *reject*

[contretemps]

"Pfff. As if. *rolls eyes* NEXT!"

[veele]

"Why the f*** did she use LaTeX to format her SOP?" *reject*

I should add this to my list. And not just her SOP but all her documents .

[altruist]

"Errm... should we put a GPA cutoff from now on ?"

[NeurosciNerd]

I imagine something along the lines of that scene with the Harvard Law adcom in "Legally Blonde" only with scientists. People did suggest that I do a video SoP.

[wlkwih2]

I wanted to go and get tested for a a personality disorder or sth like that and upload the test results instead of GRE scores (or @ "additional test results" section)

One day, when linguistics makes me rich , I think I'll be up for some trolling. I could imagine their "what the hell " faces.

[gellert]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OmwVMDZJUOY

Edited January 6, 2012 by gellert

[Athenrein]

One day, when linguistics makes me rich

Ah, the "Get rich with linguistics" plan. That's my plan too. Good luck!

[wlkwih2]

It's where the big money is. :D Good luck to you too.

Edited January 6, 2012 by wlkwih2

[kgumps2012]

Why are the undergrad GPA scores so low? (couldnt be that I was originally a biochem major and realized I love microbes and molecular)

Why am I wasting my time?

She is getting a masters, what more does she want? Its not like she really NEEDS a phd anyway.... (I WANT ONE BADLY! I need one if I want to do research then be a professor!)

[che psyra psyra]

"Hm, I guess she's okay... but what about this OTHER applicant who saves babies from burning buildings as a hobby, has ten publications and thirty conference presentations, AND has promised upon their admission that every member of the university will receive free pizza and donuts for the rest of the university's natural existence? I mean, the choice is obvious here..."

This. This is seriously my nightmare.

[snes]

"Oh! I remember this one, she emailed around in September. Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh she's not ready."

[Chrysanthemum]

Hmm, good GREs, great rec letters, mediocre GPA...wait, what is this on her transcript--THREE Cs?? She must be one of those lazy smart people. She'll never survive our prestigious program. But put her at the bottom of the waitlist just to mess with her.

[LLajax]

"Hm, I guess she's okay... but what about this OTHER applicant who saves babies from burning buildings as a hobby, has ten publications and thirty conference presentations, AND has promised upon their admission that every member of the university will receive free pizza and donuts for the rest of the university's natural existence? I mean, the choice is obvious here..."

Argh. THOSE PEOPLE. I'm convinced that my field is so tiny that if just one of these people exists, they're the person getting the ONE spot. On the other hand, there might be a clerical error and they might accidentaly give me the amazing person's spot. It could happen right?

[panasic]

So... when people say "decent GPA", what do they mean? What's a decent GPA? What's a good GPA?

I had my first admissions nightmare last night. Had a dream that my POI told me that some of the sentences on my application were incomplete. I flipped through my application and discovered that I did leave many sentences unfinished and, for some reason, formatted certain words an letters to be size 56 in the application. I was still an optimist in my dream, though... my POI told me: "We sometimes forgive people who leave sentences unfinished... it's a stressful process."