Optimistic or Pessimistic?

[tomorrows verse]

As admissions and rejections begin to roll in, how are you going to approach the next few weeks? I've been trying hard not to think about how great it would be if I get accepted to either of my top two choices, as I really don't want to set myself up for (probable) rejection. I keep telling myself to expect only one acceptance (expecting zero would defeat the purpose of applying entirely), that way the rejections won't seem so bad.

This is not to say that I don't hold out some hope, for without hope and something to strive for, what would be the purpose of living? I just try to squelch my hope with reality.

[NEPA]

I think I alternate between optimistic and pessimistic. I keep remembering the great interactions I had with my potential adviser/grad director at my top choice program and keep imagining getting the acceptance letter, opening it, etc. But then I start thinking, "Why would they want me?" and get a bit pessimistic, remembering how small cohorts are, how tough the competition is, and how much of a crap shoot the process can be.

I agree with your idea - hope tempered by reality. We all really want to go to grad school, but I also keep thinking back to an exercise cpaige talked about that's designed to remind yourself how much good you can do in so many different ways. I try to remember that if I don't get into grad school this year, I still have tons of options for the future. (Still, getting this process over with will be a huge relief!)

Edited January 30, 2010 by rwfan88

[anxiousapplicant]

I've basically come to terms with not being accepted to any grad school. I know this will change when I actually see that first rejection letter, but I'll get over it. I finally realized that I will never get into grad school, so I plan to enjoy myself after I graduate. Read books for my own enjoyment and enrichment, stop worrying about getting graded, take some art classes, get a job and a car... Life won't end in other words.

[curufinwe]

i look at the number of people applying and number of people getting in... and i get really pessimistic. i mean, to gwu, around 400 people apply and around 10-15 people get in. what are all those 385 people gonna do?? then i imagine that there are many people from different countries that are as good as i am, and if by chance they apply to the same schools i applied to, theres not much that'll make me look like a better candidate.

then, i check out the current grad students of the schools i applied to and feel that my chaces are pretty good. i mean, i dont have work experience or didnt publish anything as of now, but those people dont really have "-initiated french revolution" sorta items on their CVs as well.

the fact that i dont have ANY plans as to what i'd do if i got rejected by all, i am freaking out as well. so i'm really closer to the pessimistic end of the continuum.

[alexis]

I'm trying my best not to think about it. Although I got over my first rejection surprisingly fast (perhaps because I realized I wouldn't have been happy at that program anyway), I'm more seriously realizing the possibility that I might not get in anywhere.

I feel like on the forum, there are the "cool kids" who've been accepted somewhere and the "not popular at getting picked for dodgeball kids." I am avoiding the cool kids (though congrats to those who have gotten acceptances and yada yada). I hope we ALL cross over to the cool kids side...but in the meantime...it's hard to be optimistic.

[far_to_go]

I applied to seven schools, and I'm just hoping to get accepted and funded at one- any one of the seven will do! This helps me to feel like maybe I have a realistic chance. But who knows? With the number of highly qualified people competing for the few spots, maybe just hoping for one will prove to be too optimistic.

I think at this point, I'd describe my mood as hopeful but realistic. Of course, mood has been fluctuating rather wildly lately

Oh, and curufinwe, LOVE your username! The Silmarillion is awesome, and far too often overlooked by those who consider themselves Tolkien fans.

[iWILLgetin]

I applied to nine schools, three of which are safety schools (or at least I'm hoping that my app is strong enough for them to be considered safety schools for me). I was confident I could get in anywhere at the beginning of this process, but somehow over the past month or so I have managed to convince myself that nobody would want me since I go to a small liberal arts university nobody has ever heard of (and applying to engineering) and all my research is not related in any way whatsoever to what I am going to grad school for. Every now and then I try to put positive thoughts in my head, but it doesn't work, so I have been concentrating extra hard on my courses and research to take my mind off things. I suppose that is a good thing.

If anybody here has the mindset that they are accepted until notified otherwise, please let me know your secret. I have been having headaches and lost lots of weight over the past month, and cannot imagine I look very healthy.

best of luck to everyone out there, sorry to bring you down.

[Infinite Monkeys]

I'm terrified. Last year, I applied and got rejected by all of the programs. This year, I applied again (to more than twice as many programs), and I'm still panicking. I mean, I think I've done everything right. I mean, I could give a laundry list of positives, including research, grad assistant experience, service to campus and community, GRE scores in verbal and writing, and GPA.

But all I can think of are all the negatives. Most of my conferences have been rather small scale, I haven't published yet, my math GRE was terrible, and I come from a state school rather than something more prestigious. And I think of the fact that the odds are against me at every school I applied to, and maybe I was too ambitious (two are Ivies--what the hell was I thinking?), and do I really have the chops for any of this?

It doesn't help that my advisor, the one who's been behind me the whole way, who's been able to balance a realistic perspective with encouragement and wrote eight separate letters of recommendation for me, is now talking like I'm not going to get in at all. That when I don't get in, I shouldn't try again right away. Not "if," "when." I spent last week either very angry or very depressed. I know the odds are slim, but don't count me out before the results are even in. And I don't even know when they're going to come in.

I wish, I hope, I pray, but inside, I'm petrified. I think about what I'll have to do if I'm rejected, but then I don't want to tempt fate by planning the backups too thoroughly. Stupid, I know, but rational thought left the building as soon as the postal clerk took my last app.

[Golgotha]

Pessimistic. That way I won't be disappointed.

[LifeIsGood]

Before results started coming in, I was anxiously waiting to see if I would get in. Now I'm anxiously waiting to see where I won't get in.

[anxiousapplicant]

I went back and read old posts of mine where I was loudly proclaiming that I would try over and over to get into grad school. Then I read the one in this thread and realized how pessimistic I've become. It's ruining every aspect of my life. I'm irritable and paranoid, my family hates me, my relationship with my boyfriend is strained almost to the breaking point, I can't muster the will to care about my school work, and now recently my professor whom I work for as research assistant hired two new work study students. In a department as tiny as ours (4 faculty) that's a big deal. I myself had started out as a work study student and was quickly promoted to research assistant. Apparently I failed at that if he needed to hire two new people to do simple tasks for me. He should have just told me I was fucking up. And he was the one who told me to shoot for the top schools when I didn't even want to in the first place. This development has really crushed me and made me question my ability to even finish college, let alone get into grad school.

[iWILLgetin]

I went back and read old posts of mine where I was loudly proclaiming that I would try over and over to get into grad school. Then I read the one in this thread and realized how pessimistic I've become. It's ruining every aspect of my life. I'm irritable and paranoid, my family hates me, my relationship with my boyfriend is strained almost to the breaking point, I can't muster the will to care about my school work, and now recently my professor whom I work for as research assistant hired two new work study students. In a department as tiny as ours (4 faculty) that's a big deal. I myself had started out as a work study student and was quickly promoted to research assistant. Apparently I failed at that if he needed to hire two new people to do simple tasks for me. He should have just told me I was fucking up. And he was the one who told me to shoot for the top schools when I didn't even want to in the first place. This development has really crushed me and made me question my ability to even finish college, let alone get into grad school.

It could be that your professor hired the new work study students because you are so good, he felt they would be best trained by you before you left for graduate school. You never know.

[anxiousapplicant]

It could be that your professor hired the new work study students because you are so good, he felt they would be best trained by you before you left for graduate school. You never know.

No, one of them is a senior too. The truth is that my professor never really seemed to like me much despite my working for him. One time he yelled at me for being negative about something and I started crying, so he's been leery of saying anything to my face ever since then. But thanks for the vote of confidence.

Edited January 31, 2010 by anxiousapplicant

[profound_g]

iWILLgetin, anxiousapplicant

I really have to respond to you two first. Obviously, many people are anxious etc.. but what you're writing about is like in a category of its own. Think about it - nothing has really changed about you in since you finished the applications, and I'm guessing you weren't at this state back then. You're winding yourselves up and with some terrible effects. At the very least try to find a way not to dwell on it all the time. Checking your e-mail/online application once a day only won't mean that an offer would be rescinded because you didn't replay to it in an hour. Perhaps even get away from these forums (The horror!). It's like there's some anxiety contagion here.

Best of luck.

As for me, I'm feeling ridiculously (yes, irrationally) confident, but also expect answers within two weeks and running out of patience.

[whereiscarmen]

Realistic. Honestly, I can't really predict what will happen by April 15. Graduate school admissions are like a game of luck. It's almost like they do ene mene mini mo and chose who will get in or not. You can be the most perfect applicant, and get rejected. And though this is taboo here, the applicant with the lowest stats can get admitted. So I applied to a range of reach, "match", and "safety" schools, scholarships and have back up plans (MS programs with later deadlines, applied for internships, jobs). It keeps me sane.

[coffeeandtoast]

I was optimistic until the admissions started pouring in for one of the schools I applied to. Now I'm very pessimistic. Oh well.

[melusine]

I used to be fairly optimistic.. But now that I keep seeing people freak out about being admitted to a place that accepts 10 apps out of 400, and I'm applying to places that have 4 spots for 600-700, I'm starting to wonder what possessed me to even bother applying.

[Moonrose]

Oh so pessimistic. To the point where I'm trying to figure out if I have any useful skills that will aid me in getting a job. (Answer: not really). But I knew that going in, so it's not really a huge disappointment or anything.

[socnerd]

I agree in that I am very pessimistic, I don't really think of it as seeing where I'll get in, more of just waiting for the rejections to come in. I realize that my $200K undergraduate education is now worth nothing because I didn't work hard enough and with a BA in my field I might as well go work at WalMart. I've applied to 14 places with 3 on backup that have later deadlines. I don't even care if its not a good school or I don't get any funding, the truth is my parents have moved away and if I don't have somewhere to be next year when I graduate I don't know what's going to happen to me. Its a terrifying prospect and I just try not to think about it, but I won't be surprised if I end up screwed at the end of this process. My grades just aren't good enough, which means that I'm just not good enough, but I think I knew that already. Oh well. Good luck to everyone

[JackieW]

Yeah, I agree.... I'm pretty pessimistic. Sometimes, I'm optimistic about my chances: good GPA, not horrible GRE scores, LORs from professors who I know SO well, and what I think turned out to be a pretty good SoP... but then I remember I've never published anything and I went to a school that's known for Physical Therapy, and not much else. I applied to four schools last year and didn't get in anywhere, and this time I applied to 11. I just want to get into ONE of those 11 and I will be ecstatic.

[anxiousapplicant]

Yeah, I agree.... I'm pretty pessimistic. Sometimes, I'm optimistic about my chances: good GPA, not horrible GRE scores, LORs from professors who I know SO well, and what I think turned out to be a pretty good SoP... but then I remember I've never published anything and I went to a school that's known for Physical Therapy, and not much else. I applied to four schools last year and didn't get in anywhere, and this time I applied to 11. I just want to get into ONE of those 11 and I will be ecstatic.

Ha, I'm going to a school that is unknown which does physical therapy too, except we're probably not even good at that, either... So I know your pain!

[cleisthenes]

considering my two top programs have apparently already given their first round of admits and i didn't receive one... extremely pessimistic.

...spending a great deal of time beating myself up about what i could have done better on my application...

...actually physically ill at the idea i just spent upwards of 1 grand on applications and will probably have nothing but a pile of rejection letters to show for it.

the sad part is that i feel grad school, while wonderful, it's really *necessary* for what it is that i want to do, in a strict intellectual sense. what's necessary is the professional affiliation with a university and the credibility one's ideas are given by virtue of belonging to an academic department. it's very difficult to conduct the kind of research i want to do and be taken seriously without such an affiliation, no matter the quality of one's work.

bleh.

[Piwi]

I started off outwardly pessimistic. Most of the schools I applied to are ranked fairly high, and I have no idea what my chances are (explanation below). I was driving friends crazy towards the end of December and beginning of January, convinced I was going to be rejected from every school I applied to. Thankfully, in early January I received interview invitations from two (well regarded) universities. This has stopped me from freaking out so much, but now I'm worried I've become too confident. However, I'm trying to prepare myself for the rejection I expect to receive from the top dept in my area of study.

[When I was compiling the list of schools to apply to I sought the advice of my recommenders, asking where they felt I had a good shot to get in. Every single one of them responded "Well, I'm not really sure what your chances are. It depends on who is on the admissions committee and how much weight they put on your past research in another field." This was not too useful, but I mostly applied to schools that are reasonably high in the NRC or USNews Rankings (as long as they had professors doing research I'm interested in and are located somewhere I could see myself living). ]

[ecg1810]

A word from my mentor that might help all of us: There's nothing to lose from being optimistic before you receive news; it shortens the length of time you might be miserable, should you be rejected. In other words, why lose faith before the race is completely over?

Makes sense to me. . .

[Timothy Vallier]

I was optimistic until I got my first rejection. Now, I am pessimistic.