dat_nerd

Doing a long distance relationship in school would suck... Just saying.

I'm sure if you really try you could make it work though. Goodluck
 
... Umm so many many down votes for honest.  How familiar. Since I am being fully honest. Long distance relationships hardly last which is why I said it would suck.  Because it would. 

You have a father who cares enough to send you a gift, and you got accepted by every program to which you applied (and, holy whoa, that is an accomplishment worth being proud of). Happiness is a perspective and a state of mind, not a fact or state of being. I'll leave you with this:
 

Use this as motivation to finish your work fast and well. Don't rush things so much that your methods fall apart, but you already have a 6 month head start + probably a lot more a grounding in the literature since it seems obvious this person is poaching from your ideas, not independently thinking things up. Don't say a word to them about your work anymore, but get your stuff done and published.

You definitely don't want him to go wandering around archeology conferences with a Tom Collins in hand telling everyone who'll listen what a disrespectful, thin-skinned whiner you are that enjoys wasting valuable time and resources just to turn traitor at the last moment for someone who'll coddle you. That means addressing the problem.

I have to wonder, after reading your post, how much of the compatibility problems stem from your feelings of being the outsider? Even we prefer-to-work-alones need to feel like we're a welcome part of a group. Humans = social animals (darn it all). I wonder this because you made two mistakes. The first was presenting the team-player, low-maintenance facade by acquiescing to the group. The second was giving your adviser no feedback about the real problem, so he could only make judgments based on the project.

Being assertive is ]i]not being high maintenance. Being submissive is not being low maintenance. So, now you're at a point where you switched advisers, but the old adviser thinks you did so because you couldn't handle the studenting part of it, and your inability to do the work prompted you to have some kind of primadonna moment.

Your task is to change that impression of you, because that's not the way it is. So, yes, you need to speak with him.

The problem with you not asserting yourself is that he likely had little to no idea that you weren't interested enough in the project to make it your thesis, and that you were having difficulties assimilating into the group. One of the major things about team work is that you have to treat yourself as an equally valuable part of the team, too. That means asserting yourself. So, he might have known a student that seemed easy-going and enthusiastic about the group, the program, and the thesis project, until things started going wrong and you started clashing with him. As the semester wore on, the problems he was aware of had to do with your work on the project, and eventually your responses to his criticisms, rather than your dislike of the project from the very beginning. So, when you swapped advisers completely out of the blue, what reasons for your switch did you give him to choose from?

You should not return to your old adviser's project, but you should have enough respect for yourself and for him to tell him what the real problems are. That means meeting with him and explaining how, in your efforts to be a good student and a good part of the team, you never stood up for yourself, and, in retrospect, the only thing that did was cause problems for you, for him, and for the team. If you have the opportunity, practice your conversation (whatever it is for you) with your therapist or with someone else you do trust. That way you can work out what to say, how to say it, and stuff.

I thought I would give an update in case it would help someone. I saw the doctor and i've been on an anti-depressant for week. My mood and the endless looping thought process of guilt and shame have started to level off. I'm sleeping better. Though I still am dealing with the side effects of this anti-depressant they are manageable and are dissipating as time goes on. I went to see the disabilities counselor and she suggested I ask for extensions on my assignments that I'm having trouble with and let my director know that something is and has been going on. I am hoping I will be able to graduate on time now. 

I understand your concern, but I don't think grad schools don't expect you to have the "publishing thing" down yet. That is a lot of what grad school will be about- learning how to be a better researcher and how to publish good papers. Assuming you no longer have opportunities to write a publishable paper, reading papers from your field is something you can do now to be ready to tackle that kind of work.

I'm not going to find a husband. I really want to go to grad school and pursue a career in the field. I do know that in a school setting there are tons of men (definitely not in social work programs though:/) but just around a campus. I know working there are not a lot of men. So I mean it is worth a try to meet someone now so I'm not 26 graduating single and still looking for a husband which can take God knows how long. I'm just exploring all opportunities. I feel like majority of people on here are in relationships so you can't fully get it. Not being in a relationship is not ok especially at 23.. Having NEVER had a serious relationship at 23 is bad and I don't want to go forever like that.
Anyways back to roommates I am starting to thinking living alone might be better for me. I'm just afraid I won't be as social as possible if I don't have a roommate. My therapist said people in grad school aren't as open to making friends as undergrads and that bums me out I just want to make friends.

....
 
i have no idea what just happened on this thread.

You're using the collective "we." Why, did you have the same questions? At least make them a bit concise so you don't overwhelm your reader. I'm assuming you never studied literature.

I might not understand what you mean by "leverage". From my interpretation, I would say I don't think it is a good idea to use other admits as "leverage" on other schools. Few schools are going to care that University XYZ already made their decisions, so they should make their own decision faster. Also, few schools will think "well, this person was accepted by Top University X, so we better accept them too, if Top University X wants them!"
 
I think it's a very terrible idea to just flaunt your acceptances at other schools and hope something good happens to you.
 
Here are instances where I think it would make sense to tell other schools about other offers:
 
1. It just comes up in a conversation between you and the other school. No need to hide your results.
 
2. The school that accepted you (let's call it A) has given you a short deadline and you want to know an estimate of decision timelines from the other schools. Then, you can politely let the other schools know that A has given you a deadline and you want to know approximately when a decision will be ready so that you can ask A for an extension. [i would not do this until about 2 weeks before the deadline though]
 
3. You are visiting School A and you know from the past (or from the website) that another school in the area is having a visit weekend at near the same time. You might want to ask the other school about their decision timeline so you know when to book flights etc.
 
4. You are ready to make a final decision and you like School A the most, however, another school, B, has offered you a better financial package. You can then ask A if they can match or at least increase their offer. However, in my opinion, you should only do this if you will absolutely say yes to A if A agrees to increase your offer. You should not try sending the best offer to all your schools and seeing which one will give you the highest value. The whole argument for an increase in stipend is that "you like A the most, but need more funding", and you can't say this truthfully to all schools.
 
In my opinion, you don't have to keep your offers a secret, but I don't think you should try to use your offers to force other schools into any actions other than ones that are necessary (e.g. to extend a deadline). Don't wave another offer around just so the other schools get back to you a week earlier so that you panic less etc. Calm down and relax! Also, don't just wave other offers around in an attempt to make yourself look better to other schools. I am pretty sure this will not work. Instead, think about what you want (matching offer? finding out about visit days? etc.) and ask for it directly, mentioning your previous offers if relevant.

Got an acceptance from Cornell. Still think this some kind of mixup...just cannot believe this.

If you're in or near a city, try googling "(city's name)" + "makerspace": makerspaces are wonderful! They provide software, "hardware" (tools), a workspace, & knowledgeable staff that can help you from the initial design steps through the finishing touches of a project. My local one apparently offers a 3D printer, a lathe, a laser scanner, a vinyl cutter… among many other things. Your projects will be limited by what they can offer, but joining a makerspace is well worth the money. I've mostly managed to get myself into situations where I either have to learn how to make something, or I'm surrounded by people who are super knowledgeable & friendly. So, besides makerspaces... work for the Forest Service or as an outdoor trip guide? 

I'm in CS, and its pretty much jeans/t-shirt/hoodie for most people.
 
So long as you "match" with the dress level of other students you should be fine.
 
Sweats/yoga pants probably aren't going to cut it.
 
However, IMPORTANT NOTE:
 
Keep some slightly dressier clothes (business causal or better) within easy access at all times.  Or you may find yourself in a super awkward situation. I had to attend the reception for one of my committee members who was receiving an endowed professorship... in jeans and a bright green hoodie.

Then why the panic? You have acceptances! Celebrate!!!!

Then why the panic? You have acceptances! Celebrate!!!!

This recent blog post by GMP: http://xykademiqz.wordpress.com/2014/02/03/musings-on-networking/

This is extremely childish.

You should give her a taste of her own medicine a little. Bolt the door on her one time, I mean if she's a student she has to eventually be out the house right? Or bring your bf over and hog up the mutual living space a little. I mean she deserves to know how it feels.

Was accepted to CMU Machine Learning today. The interesting thing is that they did not contact me at all prior to the email acceptance. I was expecting at least a phone interview since both the professor and I will be stuck with each other for 5 years.

Just got my first official PhD acceptance, from Ohio State! But the letter didn't mention funding at all...

I feel like if Paranoid Parrot and Socially Awkward Penguin had a weird lovechild, then Insanity Wolf and Clueless College Freshman had an even weirder lovechild, the byproduct of those lovechildren producing a meme-baby would be the most accurate depiction of GradCafe forum users.

I have not heard of Linmark, but I'll definitely look him up! 
 
It seems as though the sh*t people say gets more #$%&#ed up the closer I get to hearing the results. That said, I recently stumbled across this article (which compares the academic job market to The Hunger Games), and I just want to make everyone who asks me about my prospects read it: http://m.chronicle.com/article/The-Odds-Are-Never-in-Your/144079?cid=megamenu
 
Recent conversation with my mother:
 
Mom: I know you like all of the programs, but which places do you like more.
 
Me (foolishly deciding that this is a safe-ish question): well, I like the parts of the country that a, b, and c are in, but I'd be really ecstatic to go to any of these schools. Plus, I like adventure.
 
Mom: *puts check marks by schools a, b, and c, AND THEN VIOLENTLY CROSSES THE OTHERS OUT*
 
Me: *tries not to faint* ...don't jinx me.
 
Mom: It's not a jinx, its god's will. You'll end up where you're supposed to.
 
Me: *whimpers*
 
 
...I love how she thinks that I need divine intervention to get into a program (and not-so-secretly hopes that my getting in is not his will). Couldn't be that I'm good at what I do and have worked very, very hard to make it to this point.

A lot of women I know actually find it uncomfortable when men buy them drinks because it puts pressure on them. Can't tell you how many times we have to go in and "rescue" a friend from some guy at a bar who's angry because he bought her a drink or who has the wrong idea because he bought her a drink. Or if she refused the drink altogether and he won't leave her alone.

also funny to see men think women have privilege because men buy them drinks/food. Sorry for centuries of oppression and not paying you equal wages and having an entire society built that objectifies you! But none of that is really that bad compared to HAVING TO BUY DRINKS OR DINNER (a tradition that formed because women weren't allowed to have wealth back in the day, so of course the guy had to pay).

Once you're in a program, it's a good way to procrastinate, especially when you have epic threads like the husband one.

Hi Stellastar,
 
I don't think you need to worry a lot. I actually had a similar GRE score as you are expecting, and my GPA (when converted) falls at 3.0. Although I studied at the best university in my country, my undergraduate major was in Architecture (not Computer Architecture, the building science). But I somehow got interested in Computer Science - was a good programmer - and one thing led to another.
 
Just last week I received my accept from University of Oxford for a MSc in Computer Science.
 
So, do not lose heart. Do apply!