Pretty_Penny

Pretty_Penny, 
 
I'm glad to hear that you have sought help both from a therapist and from your school. I have two thoughts regarding the conversation you need to have with your advisor. 
 
(1) Only talk about your needs, your feelings, etc. It's very difficult to argue with someone about what they feel or think, but it's much easier to object if someone tells you what (they think) is best for you. Tell your advisor you are leaving because you feel that's what is best for you. Don't tell her it's better for her as well, and don't apologize for the situation that you are leaving her in, at least not initially. She may get upset and bring it up herself, in which case you can say you're sorry about that but you have to do what's right for you. If she is (perhaps unexpectedly) supportive of your decision, then you can tell her that you feel bad about it but -- again -- you need to take care of yourself first, and you think that this is a necessary step. If she asks you what the problem is, you can say that your interests have shifted and are no longer aligned with hers, or (if that's hard to pull off) that you feel that her advising style is not right for you. Try and keep the conversation blame free, regardless of how you might truly feel. It'll help her save face and keep your relationship as intact as possible. It's best for you not to make an enemy out of her, even if you plan on never interacting with her again. 
 
(2) Practice the conversation with someone you trust, a therapist or a friend. Plan and rehearse the first couple of sentences you want to say--it's possible that they will be the only ones that go according to the script, but either way it'll help you get started with the conversation and get the most important things off your chest right at the start. Also practice your reactions to things you anticipate she might say, or questions she might ask. If you need to, write these things down. I think it's totally legit to take out notes for such an important conversation and tell her that you want to make sure you say what's on your mind, and you find this to be a difficult conversation. 
 
Please keep us posted about your situation. I hope things continue to improve! 

Hi everyone,
 
Thanks for all the responses. You all make really good points. I think you all hit the nail on the head - I feel guilty about wanting to switch and so I've been trying to make it work. I think the guilt stems from my advisor telling me that the problem is me. And when I'm feeling clear-headed I know that's not true, and I get a lot of external validation telling me that's not true. But when I'm down I'm internalizing everything she says and it's really affecting me.
 
I know my health comes first. I think what's holding me back now is just sheer terror at initiating the process of leaving. The thought of having that conversation with her is scary. I know she'll consider me a failure and probably guilt trip me. But the thing is, I know I don't owe her, or anyone at this school, anything. It's too bad I lose sight of that as soon as I enter a meeting with her. I would consider simply switching labs... When I originally applied there were a lot of professors I could see myself working with... But the experience has been so bad I almost want to just leave. Unfortunately, if I did leave, I have no idea what I would do.
 
As for the psychiatrist, the university I am at only provides short-term counseling so I have been looking for psychiatric services within the community, so maybe that is the problem. I am going to email the psychologist who runs my grad student group and see what he can do about helping me get the services I need. My advisor has been out of town (and I'm still panicking - sad, I know), and I really wanted to get in to see a psychiatrist before she returns next week. Thanks everyone for the concern and kind words! I will continue to update as anything changes.

"It's not a contest, but if it were I would win"

You've received some good advice here. Try not to lose your sense of perspective in the midst of all of this. This is one chapter of your life; it is not your entire life. You are bright and have a lot of potential in life. I encourage you to continue talking to your therapist and other people in your life, like family and/or friends, who can help you figure out what it is you want to do. Whether you decide to continue, find a new advisor, or quit, remember that you always have options in this situation and it is temporary. There are many different paths you can choose from to be happy and successful. I wish you well in choosing the right path to achieve your dreams.

I'm really sorry to read this!
 
I second both responses: your health comes first. Do not quit counselling, remember it is a process and it needs time. You need to think about several things and you need someone to guide you in doing that and not lose it. From what you've said, you have to answer big questions and make big decisions, like what do you want? Do you want to stay? Then switch advisors. do you want to leave? Then, what type of work do you want?
 
You have gone through these questions because you applied to grad school and you wrote a SOP. So go back to that and re read it. Do you still want it? 
 
Grad school is not about abuses and horrible life. Life is about being happy and doing what you love. It turns my stomach when I read in these forums that people and miserable and "well, this is what I signed up for". NO!!!! You did not signed up for being mistreated. If a professor does not want to teach you, then bye bye, pick another one. You cannot sustain this mental situation for five years. No one can, and no one should. 
 
All my strength from here, hope you get better and you can solve these problems, honestly! Mwaaaa

Hi, your health comes first. You really need to be mentally and physically healthy in a PhD program. Sometimes it's better to leave if its not a good fit, you need a good mentor that you get along with and that fits with you. If it's making you ill to keep going, I wouldn't advise it. You don't want to kill yourself for a PhD. I'm sorry if this is not the news you wanted but I'm telling you the truth. On my campus 4 people have already committed suicide this semester alone. Please at least try to find a adviser that fits with you research wise and personality wise.
Best

I know how you feel a little all too well, and kudos to you for seeking counseling.  Let's start by putting the stats class in perspective.  Based on your tagline, I'm guessing this is your second semester into your first year.  Unless you're planning on applying to additional education after this (e.g. med school, law school), or your department has very strict policies, just focus on getting the B and moving on.  When you are further along in the program, those classes will be a blurred memory, and that they're really only there for credit requirements.  This experience is about the research and dissertation, not a letter grade for a first-year class.
 
If this is your first year, I would strongly suggest switching advisors while you're still fresh in the program.  Clearly she's not a good fit for you, and this program is about YOU, and it is preparation for YOUR career.  If you're feeling like this now, it is hard to believe that nothing will improve over the next few years.  You're not the first person to switch advisors/departments/universities (I personally know plenty!), and do not overworry about politics.  We're mere grad students, we are not worthy of academic political horror yet  You should feel comfortable, appropriately guided and supported while you go through this occasionally very discouraging process.
 
Take some me time to really think about what you want from all of this, here and your career afterwards.  There is nothing wrong with leaving if that's what is best for you.  Take care of yourself, and I wish you the best.

I totally disagree that the first year is the worst.  For me, the first year was one of the BEST.  Everything was new and shiny and I was still pretty excited.

Here are some thoughts: While my first two years of grad school were okay, towards the end of my second year I started to feel "done" and burned out, and I had a miserable third year and a pretty bad fourth year.  I still loved my field and wanted to do research, but I realized that I probably could've done most of what I wanted with a master's in my field or a related one.  I was tired of being on a grad student stipend, tired of a lot of politics of academia.  I contemplated dropping out.  Ultimately I decided to stay for a variety of reasons.

When I was seriously thinking about dropping out, I learned a few things:

-Everyone feels shame upon leaving academia, whether it's done leaving after the first year of grad school or leaving after having achieved tenure.  The academic system brainwashes you into thinking it's a vocation, a calling, a higher state of being that defines your identity and establishes the base of your worth as a person.  IT'S NOT.  It's just a field, just like any other - it's not really that different, inherently, from business administration or nursing or accounting or nonprofit work.  People move in and out of it all the time, much more than senior professors make it out to be.  The primary goal for anyone who has sincerely decided that they want to leave is to overcome that feeling of shame.

-So here's the tip to it: For me, there were three primary sources of shame:
--The internal.  Deal with this first.  There's the idea that you "worked so hard" and that if you just spend a little more time, you'll get the PhD.  F THAT.  Life is too short to be miserable and the time you've already spent is a sunk cost.  Regardless of whether you finish or not, you're never going to get it back.  So if you feel like you will be miserable, don't extend the misery for 4-5+ more years just because you've already spent a few months there.

--Perceived shame from friends and family.  I found that this was largely nonexistent.  My family of non-academics didn't really care what I chose to do to make money, and didn't value academia the same way I did.  They were nothing but supportive no matter WHAT I wanted to do, and were very sympathetic to not wanting to be a student anymore.  Same with friends.  I had friends who listened to my rants, volunteered job search help and offered to make connections.  Your real friends and family just want you to be happy; most of them do not have the hang-ups academics do about the line between a PhD and an MA or BA.  Venture out - talk to someone you feel really close to about your feelings, just one person.  You'll probably be surprised by what you find.

--Perceived shame from the department.  There are two ways this can go.  There are some departments that genuinely won't care - and I mean that in a good way.  They want all of their doctoral students to be happy, and they are made up of sane people who realize that academia is not for everyone and that it is completely healthy and normal for some students to choose to leave.  Although they won't be happy to see you leave, they will support you and be understanding.  Bless these departments.
Then there are the ones filled with egos who believe the party line about academia being a measure of self-worth, people who don't finish as being "lesser" beings who just "couldn't cut it," and will try to shame or guilt you into staying.  F THEM.  Seriously.  Forget what they think - you won't need them.  Just be polite and keep pushing.  Who cares what a bunch of old senior professors think of you when you're off having a fabulous career doing something else?  In 3 years you won't care.

-I also suggest seeing a psychologist.  For me, the psychologist helped me in two ways.  One, she helped me realize that there was no reason for me to feel ashamed or put so much pressure on myself for not liking academia the same way my colleagues and cohort mates did.  Two, she made me realize that I wasn't "trapped" in academia, and honestly that made ALL the difference.  Once I started looking for jobs and realizing that there were PLENTY of things I could do without a PhD, ironically, I felt happier.  No more was I a doctoral student simply because I couldn't do anything else; instead, I was making an active choice to be here, and I could leave whenever I wanted to.

You have no idea how much that improved my self-esteem and happiness.  I started treating graduate school as a regular job/career choice rather than the hallowed realm of austere scholars, and to be perfectly frank it is not my first priority in my life.  I am now, as is my husband and my friends and personal and mental health.  Strikingly, this has made me MORE productive rather than less.  I look forward to working on my dissertation (sometimes) because I give myself permission to NOT do it sometimes.  I like discussing the finer points of theory in my field and am passionate about my work because I give myself permission to not think about it when I don't feel like it.  Once I did that, I realized how often it comes to mind unbidden, and realized that I do have a true passion - I just needed to put it in the right perspective.

Also, realize that identity confusion is really common in the mid-20s.  It's not just because you're in grad school; the mid-20s are a prime identity establishing time in the work world these days.  I have lots of friends in that age range and most of us are going through it or have went through it.  I only have one friend who knew exactly what she wanted to do from college through grad school and into her career, and even she had a tough time in grad school.

The point from that is - I'm not saying that you should quit, and I'm not staying that you should stay.  That's a highly personal decision and there's no right or wrong answer.  What I'm saying is that you can probably be happy either way.  You're not trapped; you can figure out what to do if you're not in grad school, as you are a smart and talented individual.  Don't worry about that just yet.  Worry about figuring out whether staying where you are, or doing something else, is the best fit for your personal needs and goals.

Some people choose to go the lower-risk route of taking a leave of absence and getting a job doing something else for a year, just to test the waters.  For some, the break recharges them and they return refreshed and finish up.  I suspect most, however, wanted to leave all along and the full-time job helped them ease out and realize that yes, there really is a world out there besides academia.
 
[i want to write a book about getting through graduate school, and your post amongst others has inspired me to write a chapter on deciding whether to leave in the book.  So many students ask the question, many more probably wonder without outright asking, and I've found that most books about getting through grad school don't address it.  It gives the illusion that everyone slides through easily.  Ha!)

Honestly, if a 3 equates to "good/meets expectations", then what Professor 2 said to you about being "perfectly happy" with your work matches up with that score. Your TAing abilities didn't blow him out of the water...but you met his expectations and were consistently good. I'd say that 3/5 is a positive rating and nothing to stress about. 
 
Some people are just harder to squeeze marks out of, even if they are pleased. Other people are overly generous with their marks. All the professors probably have different internal criteria for judging their TAs - getting marking in on time might not be important to some (if say the marking is graded thoroughly and fairly) but explaining stuff clearly & helpfully to students counts for a lot. 

I agree with St. Andrews Lynx, but I also think that there should be a standardized evaluation scheme across the department and I sympathize with your frustrations! I think that TA evaluation and feedback is very important and a system like the one described here (arbitrary criteria, no real feedback) is not ideal at all.

Right now I'm all the full-emo stage.
 
"Don't dream too far, don't lose sight of who you are. Don't remember that rush of joy."
 
"Every so often we long to steal to Land-of-what-might-have-been.. but that doesn't soften the ache we feel when reality sets back in."

That's ballsy to push a Skype talk, kdavid. It's not surprising that a majority backed away from it. What made you think that it would help you? After an acceptance, I think a video chat would be appropriate but during the application process, I don't think it is a good move.

Explaining is good, but what you've written there is too weaselly. It sounds like you did something wrong and you're trying to convert up. It also sounds like you're making excuses.

First your note should state that you are including the explanation because the transcript does not include a legend.

Take out the line about "not satisfactory" - NS could stand for many things, and you don't need to explain what it doesn't stand for.

Don't tell them what to think about it, they won't take kindly to that. Explain factually, without making excuses what it means, why you got it, and that it isn't factored into GPA. Then describe your amazing work and achievement after that in a brief factual way, and ask them to consider you based on your record of achievement.

I just read through this entire thread and wow. I sympathize but if I were in your shoes I would've gotten a new advisor about 2-3 weeks in. I know we're on a PhD forum, but I don't think it's acceptable that working on weekends is taken for granted even if we do pull an all-nighter or work the odd weekend when there's a deadline. You're a human being with rights and not a slave. Personality clashes are one thing but it's another when she asks you to work every single weekend when you've already put in all your weekdays, let alone telling you that you shouldn't be sleeping. What kind of person even says that!!!
 
You've gotten some good advice on this thread. I don't know what field you're in so I'm not sure how it works, but in my field especially in the first year, no one expects that your first advisor is going to be "the one." It's pretty common for students to switch. You just have to find a professor willing to work with you, and then politely inform your current advisor that it's not working out and you are going to switch. I switched advisors and all I had to do was email our graduate secretary the name of my new advisor and let my old one know that I was switching.
 
I feel like the power dynamic between you two is all tilted to her side. Maybe it's because I worked prior to starting a PhD but my advice is that you need to take some of that power back. I feel the only way to do that is to become more independent and develop an inner meter of how well you are progressing and what needs to be done, and care less about what she thinks. I think this is exactly what she's pushing you to do. It's hard but as long as you are looking for external approval from her, she's going to be the bogeyman. My second piece of advice is don't be available all the time. I can't stress enough how important this is in a power dynamic especially in a work/academic environment. If she emails you, you don't need to drop everything and respond. In fact, if she emails you on the weekend, unless there's a Monday deadline don't respond till Monday morning. You should really make this into an absolute rule.
 
And for goodness sake, take the weekends off and get some rest. I go nuts and get depressed if I don't get enough sleep and at least a day per week where I can decompress!

I don't think this is a good idea.
 
If, at some point, the professor had acknowledged your request and AGREED to write you a letter, I'd give you a green-light to step up your pestering game, but that's not the case here.
 
A lot of what the you, OP, describes above is a self-assessment presuming the prof's support: you say that there was good interaction and that you were memorably motivated in class. You mention a meeting pertaining to your grad school aspirations. Don't get me wrong, those are encouraging signs. However, not once do you say that the prof himself told you that he thought you were a good candidate, and that coupled with the fact that he was not responsive to your request does not bode well for you. This doesn't mean that you aren't a good student, or that the prof doesn't think that you have potential to be a good grad student, but there hasn't been any affirmation on the prof's part that they are able to support you in this pursuit by providing a letter.
 
Let me preface this by saying: he should have addressed the request and told you "no", it's bad form to leave you hanging and I appreciate that that sucks. That being said, profs do not "owe" you letters because you are a good and keen student. Most profs I know set aside a full day or two in the semester to write all of their letters and they try to only commit to the number that they can accomplish in those days. This is time that they are taking away from other tasks. The lack of response isn't necessarily about you. They could have over-committed to letters already. There could be other factors at work (when applying to grad school, I had a prof whom I thought would be PERFECT as a letter writer because her course was emblematic of the program I was applying for and I did quite well in it; but she initially dodged my request and then admitted that she had an ongoing professional dispute with someone who was probably going to be on the admissions committee for the program I was interested in, so it might be in my interests to pursue someone else). So think of it this way, even though you're feeling a little desperate becuase your research rec letter couldn't commit, you don't want someone to write for you who is not keen to do so. I would cease pursuing this prof as a prospective letter-writer. If you absolutely must try for some closure, you could contact his secretary just to see what she says; if (s)he mentions that the prof has already committed to a full stable of students for letters, or if (s)he says that he usually responds quickly in the affirmative for letter requests, then you might want to drop it. His secretary will know how he works, so it's possible that you may find out that he is TYPICALLY evasive about letter requests, in which case you can ask the secretary how (s)he thinks you should proceed (does the prof respond better to phone calls, for example? or does the secretary think that he will just find this irritating?).
 
Depending on your deadline, I would recommend touching base with your research prof who could not commit (if they are still in a space where they can respond to e-mails) and talk through some of your options with them. They know your work and they know their colleagues, so they should be able to help you identify some potential candidates. As well, I'm getting the impression that you're a bit keen, so I'm assuming that you may have some acquaintence with your departmental chair or coordinator. You might consider sending them an e-mail or making a phone call to ask what they might recommend.
 
Good luck.

Your therapist's suggestion that you email her with this information is a good one. Email it to her, so she can read it and have her fit over the information where you don't have to see her react. But since you know she prefers to speak with you in person, at the end of the email, let her know that you'll be by her office at whatever time to speak with her about it. She really has no right to dictate what you do during your weekends and holidays. Now, she does have some say in what you do with the first two days of the week, since school is in session and you're skipping town anyway. You can expect her to throw her weight around about that, and she'll likely get snippy about the work you're not doing over the break. Sending her the email first gives you some peace of mind. She knows about it before hand, so you can practice what to say to her when you see her Monday rather than tell her and then wait for her to react.
 
I think you have a power-struggle issue. Not that you're involved in a power struggle, but the fact that a power imbalance exists, and neither of you are doing a good job in communicating across the power divide. She doesn't seem to realize that most people need to be praised by the person that hold their future in his/her hands, at least once in a while. The "this is what you're doing right" thing is critical to build or shore up confidence, to keep the student motivated and challenged, and to give the student permission (though the accuracy of that word depends on individual students) to do things on their own. A few, genuine words of praise can do wonders. Most people involved in evaluating large numbers of people over an extended period of time tend to get very focused on the things that need to be fixed to the point of excluding what's going well. It saves time and, in the mind of the evaluator, it should be obvious to the evaluatee that some things are going well because they weren't mentioned. The ol' "no news is good news" thing. It tends to come across to the students as hyper-critical, rather than time-saving. So, here she is, either unaware or uncaring that students need some nurturing. You are colleagues, to the extent that you're doing independent scholarship, but you're not colleagues. She's not thinking about things from your perspective. You, on the other hand, aren't communicating with her, either. It's not because you're not trying (you very obviously are), but because you're not speaking a language she's parsing. You say: this isn't clear, what needs to be clarified; she hears: validate me! Obviously, this does not work.
 
It doesn't help that she's got a brusque demeanor or an inability to adapt to the teaching style a student requires. Perhaps you need to toughen up a bit, and learn to deal with the eat or be eaten way of the academic world, but beating you down doesn't teach that. It just teaches you to be afraid of and not trust the teacher. But, you can't change her. You've done what you can by trying to speak with her about the relationship, and then talking to the DGS when that failed. The trick is to adapt yourself.
 
You're afraid of her (to an extent). You do not trust her. You're to the point where you think an undergraduate is capable of threatening you with her. It's making you miserable. You can't change her, right? But you can change you. Defang the beast, as it were. This means working around her. When you hand over your work for critique, make note of the problems she wants you to fix, and then go elsewhere for more detailed feedback. She says that something is unclear, thank her, and then go elsewhere. Have a fellow student help out, a different professor, the local writing center, whatever. Form a sort of study group with your cohort, where you help each other with your work. One of the problems many grad students face is a lack of a support system. We're usually in a new school, in a new city, and surrounded by people we don't know. The deep friendships that got us through high school, and even undergrad, aren't there any more. Make a support system out of your cohort. You're not the only one flailing around in the deep end, hoping you don't drown. When the people you should be able to rely on (your adviser) fails you, find others to rely on.
 
The other trick is to hear her differently. When she says, "did you even think about it?!" Don't hear: "i think you're stupid and a waste of time." Hear this: "I do not know that I have the people skills of a rattlesnake and I think I'm doing my best to help you out, so I'm asking you to think about what you read by spitting venom." Do not internalize her personality defects as personal criticism. They come across that way, but just because she implies it, that doesn't mean you have to listen to it that way. Look for the helpful and important things in what she says and discard everything else. When you need a shot of praise, start with yourself. Every evening, before you go to bed, look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself one good thing you did academically. Every once in a while, drop by the office hours of other professors that are more likely to brighten your day and have a brief conversation. Ask them how the conference went, or if they think you should go to that conference, or tell them how helpful their class has been in such a such thing. Spending a few minutes with an authority figure that's going to smile when they speak with you can boost you a great deal.
 
Lastly, your therapist can help you figure out how to talk with your adviser. You can't get couples counseling (and if any relationships are in dire need of couples counseling, it's the grad student/adviser relationships), but you can get some tips, and you can have the therapist walk you through or role play scenarios to help you deal with her. You need some things from her, on the emotional front, that you just aren't going to get. So how can you replace her for those things? She's not the almightiest academic in the world, so while you do have to pay attention to her criticisms, you don't have to take them as gospel truth. If she says something is wrong, that doesn't mean you have to fix it her way to please her. You have to fix it, but you can fix it your way. Find  someone you can spend some time with talking about what's happening in your field, and will do so seriously and collegially.

I agree with this- this is sorta what I was getting to.
 
Look, at this point, the relationship isn't great. Obviously continuing in the way you have been isn't going to impress her or do anything. Even if you work all weekend, it sounds like she will still make a comment that upsets you. Email her, tell her you're taking the weekend off- tell her you're going somewhere where you wont' have access to the internet if you have to- and you will respond to emails early Monday morning. Then take two days for yourself. Do whatever you want to do, see your friends, and have a drink (or three or four).
 
At some point, you need to decide it's not you. Relax, loosen up, and be yourself. If she says that you should know something, ask her for some good reference or review articles on the topic. Bring up things you've been thinking about- after doing some lit review- and if she says it's stupid, keep it in your back pocket in case you move labs. I feel like she is sorta trying to encourage you but has no idea how. So again, repeat to yourself: you're trying really hard, and it's not working. Consider this rock bottom. So just relax- can't get worse. Don't take every comment she says internally, don't be afraid of what you say- you already think she thinks you're stupid anyway, so what does it matter?- and just start speaking what is on your mind. Trust me- it's a hard process, but I went through it myself. And while you're working on this approach, shop around for your other options in case things don't get better. People switch advisors and programs all the time. This one woman does not determine your life, your career, or anything else about you.

Hi callista,
 
Thanks for the concern! Things aren't really any better. My advisor constantly questions whether I'm excited about/happy with my project. When I tell her it's not the project but the situation she doesn't seem to get it. I tried to explain to her that constant criticism without positive reinforcement doesn't work for me (particularly because I was in an abusive relationship in the past) and that it is really demotivating and she tells me that's just the way it is. I understand you get a lot of criticism in grad school, but all of my friend's advisors have been very supportive and understanding. She also told me I need therapy, which I think is not her place to say.
 
She also expects an unreasonable amount of work from me. In a recent meeting she told me I shouldn't be sleeping, all because she was disappointed in one draft I turned in (which I had to do between Monday and Tuesday morning with several classes in between and administering two exams for a class I TA for). I work more than any other first-year in the program and it's never good enough. She is also contradictory - telling me my grant should be my sole focus and then, when I don't have time to run analyses in the lab because I have 45 5-7 page papers to grade, regular coursework, and several drafts of my grant due, she lashes out at me about that. I talked with the DGS and, as she pointed out, if my advisor wanted me to be working so much in the lab she should be funding me off of her grant.
 
This whole thing is particularly concerning because I'm internalizing everything she's saying and starting to feel like maybe it is me, maybe I'm just not working hard enough, maybe I'm not passionate enough, etc. I dread my meetings with her and am constantly scared to check my email. I know I can't make it through 5 years like this. The DGS, of course, wants me to try and work things out with her. The next step is to talk to my area coordinator. I think I might just end up quitting!

I am sending happy vibes your way.

Good luck to you, and I hope you come back to report how your meeting went. Overall it sounds like your current relationship with your advisor is not working for you, so I'm glad you're taking the necessary steps to fix it. Your advisor might be surprised, but if she is a good advisor she will try to learn and improve from this. If she is indeed just "being the way she is," which generally sounds like a very likely option, then it depends on her personality whether or noth she can seek to make changes in how she behaves around you and adapt her mentoring style to your needs. If she's just upset at you but nothing changes, it would be one more sign that you should be seeking another advisor. 

It might not be a bad idea to talk to a university counsellor/therapist, though. If it's getting to the stage where you're internalising a lot of poisonous sentiments, are scared to check emails and dread meetings, then something drastic needs to change. That doesn't mean your advisor is "right" and you're "wrong", it just means looking after your mental health and trying to avert anything worse.
 
I'd also take steps to look for a new advisor. Be polite but firm to the DGS about how your are a bad fit with your current PI. If necessary start collecting documentation - email conversations, notes of incidents/remarks. 

I second both of the suggestions here but I would like to point out that there doesn't need to be anything outrageously wrong with your advisor and even if you have nothing to document, it's still completely legitimate to feel that you two don't get along. That happens sometimes and it doesn't need to be anybody's fault. I think you should make a decision for yourself whether you can fix something in your relationship with your advisor (and it's worth investing the time in it) or you want to switch. Then tell the DGS and insist on finding other solutions if they keep telling you to try and make it work with your advisor. I would maybe also start thinking about who might replace your advisor, because the DGS may ask you for your opinion. Maybe even start talking to potential advisors to get a feel for the probability that they will take you on as a student.

pleasant update:
 
after making this thread I emailed the DGS at south florida about why I was a shitty candidate etc etc, she replied back today saying that the admissions committee fucked up and that they've decided to admit me!
 
thanks all those who replied, i appreciate all the advice but thankfully it looks like I might not be needing it lulz

@Select - I wasn't "simply roll(ing) the dice," FYI. I have spent the last couple YEARS in the application process/deliberating my options. Like I said, there are very few schools that have this program in the country. Learn how to be more polite! To quote "Sideways," I really don't need your neg-head bullshit. People are here for POSITIVE support and respectful constructive criticism.

@Selectext: Your reply is not very polite or helpful at all. It took me a long time to write this and I would appreciate it if someone would be a little less rude .
I stated that I have multiple career goals within this industry. There are only 5 or 6 programs for this field in the entire country. I don't have many options as far as where to attend school. Also, I wasn't expecting each program to be so drastically different. Just don't even reply at all if you are going to be so curt!